Share the best and worst relationship advice you have been given...

sidney

sidney

New Member
I saw this idea on another forum. I know you all have collected tidbits from books, friends, men, dating experts, etc. So what's the best and worst dating advice you have been given?

Best:

Before marriage, keep your eyes wide open. After marriage, keep your eyes half closed.

If someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Pay attention to the red flags!

Only get involved with someone if you like the way they are now, you cannot change a man.



Worst:

Can't think of any right now.
 
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Best advice: A man wants you more if you don't seem so desperate, overcompensating or available on his every becking call.

Worst: If you leave things on a bad note, it's best to find out why from him or find out why he left things on a cliffhanger. (For this one, it's just not worth it, it's best to just move on without even knowing why.)
 
Best: He will tell you all you need to know, you just have to open your ears and listen.

Worst: Give him another chance.
 
Best advice: do NOT settle. Wait for the right guy for you.

Worst advice: stop being so picky. Just find a halfway decent guy and marry him, you're not nearly as perfect as you think you are. :pullhair: No, no and NO :wallbash:
 
BEST advice:
*Wait for the gold ring before giving it up.
*Expand your horizon.

WORST quote/advice:
*It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. -No ... loving and losing, HURTS. LOL. (After the pain subsides, I guess one can see this as a good quote.)
*Go for the ugly men; they are much nicer. - Ugly men who don't know they're ugly can be pretty mean. Lol.
 
Best: never let a man put his hands on you then turn around and stay :yep:, LEAVE

Worst: you have the title of Wife therefore, if he cheats, let him :nono: because your number 1 (an older lady said this to me and I just looked at her like, WHAT!!!!)
 
Hi Sidney! :wave: Great thread!

Best Advice:

Never settle, ever!

Don't try to change a man.

Stick with a guy who genuinely respects you and with whom you share similar interests/goals. After all, beauty fades and you'll eventually spend your old age just talking! At least you can enjoy each others company!

"Don't fall in love. Falling is an accident to begin with." - Said in jest by my 86 year old grandfather.

Worst Advice:

"As long as your husband is paying the bills, don't pester him or hold him responsible for his actions. After all, it's not like you can be around him every single second of the day" - A 50 something old acquaintance whose husband has cheated on her on and off for the last two decades. :(

"You should have a baby by the time you're 30, whether you're married or not." - Advice given by a woman who had an out of wedlock child when she was only 16.
 
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best: make sure your potential SO has the same fundamental values that you hold dear

worst: get married asap because everybody is doing it :huh:
 
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foxee said:
Hi Sidney! :wave: Great thread!

Best Advice:

Never settle, ever!

Don't try to change a man.

Stick with a guy who genuinely respects you and with whom you share similar interests/goals. After all, beauty fades and you'll eventually spend your old age just talking! At least you can enjoy each others company!

"Don't fall in love. Falling is an accident to begin with." - Said in jest by my 86 year old grandfather.

Worst Advice:

"As long as your husband is paying the bills, don't pester him or hold him responsible for his actions. After all, it's not like you can be around him every single second of the day" - A 50 something old acquaintance whose husband has cheated on her on and off for the last two decades. :(

"You should have a baby by the time you're 30, whether you're married or not." - Advice given by a woman who had an out of wedlock child when she was only 16.
Click to expand...


Hey Foxee!
Yes, I think about that all the time. Those good looks do not last what...two decades? .:nono: Good point.

That's a good point your grandma made, she's a smart woman!
 
Best..I have not heard any...

Worst
Just take anybody that shows you a little affection-mom
Let the guy take the lead and let him think he thought of the idea-a ex bf mother
Everyone isn't going to have love,good sex,and happiness-self.
 
Fallen Angel said:
Best..I have not heard any...

Worst
Just take anybody that shows you a little affection-mom
Let the guy take the lead and let him think he thought of the idea-a ex bf mother
Everyone isn't going to have love,good sex,and happiness-self.
Click to expand...

Hey lady, weren't you reading some relationship book not to long ago?

Oh and mom...So NOT Good advice! smh
 
Best advice:

  • Never settle for the sake of being in a relationship (from my bff)
  • Never make anyone your everything unless you don't mind the possibility of ending up with nothing (learned this thru experience)

  • If you dislike a guy's personality or habits from the jump, chances are you never love him beyond his faults. Let it go & keep it movin! (another lesson learned)

  • Pay attention to how a man treats his mother; it's a good indication of how he'll treat you. (from my mom)

  • If a dude has never been about anything don't expect him to get it together because he gets with you. As inspirational as you think you are you can't elevate anyone who has no ambition. (from my sis)


Worst Advice:


  • It's okay to date someone simply because you're bored/lonely/would like a free meal. :drunk:

  • If a man is a good catch in general you should date him even if he's not a good match for you. :spinning:

  • Never break up with someone that owes you something; stick around until you get it back. :sad:

  • If you're man won't compromise with you, you should give in to keep peace in the relationship :nono:

 
Creating hypothetical situations/scenarios is the best way to find out information from a guy!!

They never know its coming.

Think of yourself first in a relationship.
 
DivineNapps1728 said:
Best advice:


  • Never settle for the sake of being in a relationship (from my bff)
  • Never make anyone your everything unless you don't mind the possibility of ending up with nothing (learned this thru experience)
  • If you dislike a guy's personality or habits from the jump, chances are you never love him beyond his faults. Let it go & keep it movin! (another lesson learned)
  • Pay attention to how a man treats his mother; it's a good indication of how he'll treat you. (from my mom)
  • If a dude has never been about anything don't expect him to get it together because he gets with you. As inspirational as you think you are you can't elevate anyone who has no ambition. (from my sis)
Worst Advice:



  • It's okay to date someone simply because you're bored/lonely/would like a free meal. :drunk:
  • If a man is a good catch in general you should date him even if he's not a good match for you. :spinning:
  • Never break up with someone that owes you something; stick around until you get it back. :sad:
  • If you're man won't compromise with you, you should give in to keep peace in the relationship :nono:
Click to expand...
I guess Beyonce's song "Upgrade You" only applies to the already ambitious.
 
BEST advice via my relationship guru and female relatives

"If you're a girlfriend, be a girlfriend and NOT a wife or "wifey". Know your role & play it accordingly."

"Men think in consequence, if there are no actual consequences to his actions then he will continue to treat you any kind of way, because HE CAN."

"Make your standards known from the beginning, but not in a "domineering finger waging way".

"Let your actions follow your words."

"When you get married, make a man think you love him with 100 percent of yourself, when in actuality, you love yourself 60 percent and him 40 percent".

"When you're on the first couple of dates let him talk for 70 percent of the time and you 30 percent. A man will tell/show you everything you need to know about him from the beginning if you close your mouth, stay engaging and listen." (This has literally saved me from many crazy & game playing men)

"Reveal yourself slowly to a man but keep certain things to yourself."

"Never let a man know you've always been treated badly in relationships, he should believe you're used to being treated well and if he wants your time he should act accordingly".

Long post but just a few of the life lessons I've learned from other women.
 
Best:

Maintain some type of $$$ stash your so, man, dh does not know about.

It's important to know yourself, your wants and needs, what you will and won't tolerate prior to getting involved with anyone.

Never make someone your priority when you are just an option to them.

The best thing to do for a man is absolutely nothing. He doesn't need to rely on you to get to where he needs to go or what he needs to do. A real man will step up to the plate.

Worst:

You need to go out with guys who ask you out so you can get a free meal. (I've heard this twice since moving and I don't believe in leading someone just for food. Totally ridiculous)

You need to sex a man so you can become closer. (Well, lots of women do it, still don't get married, money, but some are left with stds and a baby)

You can't achieve all of your goals, so just stick with what you're doing and focus on that so you can get your ex back. Don't do anything to upset him. (I'm no longer friends with the person who gave me such asinine advice. She also told me the 2nd worst piece of advice.)
 
Oh, I just thought of another one someone shared with me. Never tell a man what you are looking for, because he will try to show you that he is whatever you are looking for. This is major game ladies. Don't tell him! If you say "I like a man that calls me twice as day, takes me to dinner twice a week, etc, etc." And he will be doing it...atleast until he has got you interested. It's like giving the play by play to the opposing team. Wait and see what he is all about before you give him the map to win your heart.
 
sidney said:
Oh, I just thought of another one someone shared with me. Never tell a man what you are looking for, because he will try to show you that he is whatever you are looking for. This is major game ladies. Don't tell him! If you say "I like a man that calls me twice as day, takes me to dinner twice a week, etc, etc." And he will be doing it...atleast until he has got you interested. It's like giving the play by play to the opposing team. Wait and see what he is all about before you give him the map to win your heart.
Click to expand...

On the one hand the slick types will sometimes pull stuff like this, thinking they can always pull the plug on being nice after they have you hooked.

But at the same time, men DO need some guidance. You never know, the last girl they dated may have said "Stop calling me every #$&ing day!!! I don't need you on my phone like that!!!" so if he doesn't hear different from you, he may assume you feel the same way and act accordingly. If he doesn't know HOW to please you, he will get very frustrated by that. Sometimes good guys just want to know how to make you happy so that they can make you happy, no nefarious intent in it.

The BEST advice is to Wait, Watch and Listen. I had one ex brag to me on the phone about a wonderful excuse when you are out cheating on your girl... say you were out at the nude bar and got so drunk you passed out on your homeboy's couch. I just listened and said nothing (really I should have already been out by then, but I digress...) then a few months later he tried to feed me this exact same lie!!! :burnup: If you watch carefully, listen to what he says (and see if it conflicts with what he *does*) and wait for him to feel confident that he's got you, only then will his true self be revealed.
 
Best: You are your best thing, so choose someone deserving of your best.

Worst: Sparks are over-rated.
 
Best: Travel the world and kiss a lot of guys before you choose- my grandfather, probably being disapointed with my mother choosing my father at a too young an age (my father was a lowlife).

Worse: How can you leave your husband? He loves you despite your many faults :look: and is the father of your children, your happiness doesn't matter - my mother (who spent too many years with an abusive man and who didn't really care about the happiness of her children, then or now... but she's getting better:perplexed).
 
LadyPaniolo said:
On the one hand the slick types will sometimes pull stuff like this, thinking they can always pull the plug on being nice after they have you hooked.

But at the same time, men DO need some guidance. You never know, the last girl they dated may have said "Stop calling me every #$&ing day!!! I don't need you on my phone like that!!!" so if he doesn't hear different from you, he may assume you feel the same way and act accordingly. If he doesn't know HOW to please you, he will get very frustrated by that. Sometimes good guys just want to know how to make you happy so that they can make you happy, no nefarious intent in it.

The BEST advice is to Wait, Watch and Listen. I had one ex brag to me on the phone about a wonderful excuse when you are out cheating on your girl... say you were out at the nude bar and got so drunk you passed out on your homeboy's couch. I just listened and said nothing (really I should have already been out by then, but I digress...) then a few months later he tried to feed me this exact same lie!!! :burnup: If you watch carefully, listen to what he says (and see if it conflicts with what he *does*) and wait for him to feel confident that he's got you, only then will his true self be revealed.
Click to expand...

Makes sense, I agree totally. Men do need some guidance, they are definitely not mind-readers. :nono: I guess you just have to use discretion with whom you share it with and when. Don't tell it all to the guy you just gave your phone number to. Like I had one guy ask me what kind of guy I like, and I was like, "You know, I just like really nice guys." So he proceeds to tell me what a nice guy he is...mind you twenty minutes before this he told me women often tell him that he's a jerk. :ohwell: But now magically, he is the nicest guy in the world because that's what I'm looking for.

As for your guy, I can't believe he forgot that he already told you about his little 'cheat alibi.' That would definitely qualify for a red flag. Ladies, I'm seeing this a lot from some of the comments mentioned: keep your ears open and let him tell you what kind of guy he is!
 
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