Serial dater forever?

[Prettymetty]

I have a problem. I don't know what the reason for it is (past trauma, watching other's failed relationships, just not being happy, etc.) but no matter who I'm dating or talking to I always seem to be looking for something better. This has to be a mental illness. I've contemplated going to therapy to get to the bottom of this. I'm with a great guy, but after a couple drinks or a bad fight I'm drunk texting other guys. Has anyone else experienced this? I want to be a better person and I know this can't be the norm. Please advise.

 

[GGsKin]

I know you said it's a reoccurring issue, but why did you decide to date this man? Also, do you get bored easily? Do you have a strong desire for attention?

 

[awhyley]

What about the people around you? Do you have non-committal friends?

 

[Prettymetty]

I know you said it's a reoccurring issue, but why did you decide to date this man? Also, do you get bored easily? Do you have a strong desire for attention?

We were really good friends and we have fun together. Easily bored yes. Attention not so much. I don’t really like to be bothered. I’m not very affectionate. I’m working on that too

 

[Prettymetty]

What about the people around you? Do you have non-committal friends?

No. My friendships are solid. This issue only happens when I’m dating. What if I’m afraid to let my guard down? I married young and for the wrong reasons: love, looks money and he came from a great family. Turns out he was an alcoholic with ptsd…

Thanks for responding

 

[Black Ambrosia]

You're first mind is usually right. Find a therapist and work through it. FWIW I don't think you'll get past your fear of letting your guard down without eventually letting your guard down. You need the experience of doing the thing you fear and seeing that the world doesn't come to an end. Obviously you have to feel safe in order to do this but your comments suggest this is about you not the guy. Also, what's up with the drunk texting? How often does this happen?

 

[awhyley]

No. My friendships are solid. This issue only happens when I’m dating. What if I’m afraid to let my guard down? I married young and for the wrong reasons: love, looks money and he came from a great family. Turns out he was an alcoholic with ptsd…

Thanks for responding

Your friendships are solid, but are they in committed relationships? Do you see the kind of relationship you'd like to be in in real life?

Highlighted: Once bitten, twice shy. He was everything good on paper but underneath, he sounded train-wreckish.
You're older and wiser now, so you need to have confidence that you'll be able to spot issues now better than you did in your youth.

 

[frizzy]

I'm team "It's them, not you".

Absolutely get therapy for your general mental health and well being but not about your lack of falling head over heels over these dudes out here.

Are you strictly looking for marriage now?

 

[guudhair]

I don’t understand what the problem is. You’re doing a great job to me.

 

[Prettymetty]

Your friendships are solid, but are they in committed relationships? Do you see the kind of relationship you'd like to be in in real life?

Highlighted: Once bitten, twice shy. He was everything good on paper but underneath, he sounded train-wreckish.
You're older and wiser now, so you need to have confidence that you'll be able to spot issues now better than you did in your youth.

And I do. It’s almost like I have given up on ever finding anyone worthy. So sad :|

 

[Prettymetty]

I'm team "It's them, not you".

Absolutely get therapy for your general mental health and well being but not about your lack of falling head over heels over these dudes out here.

Are you strictly looking for marriage now?

You must know they ain’t shiiiii

 

[Prettymetty]

You're first mind is usually right. Find a therapist and work through it. FWIW I don't think you'll get past your fear of letting your guard down without eventually letting your guard down. You need the experience of doing the thing you fear and seeing that the world doesn't come to an end. Obviously you have to feel safe in order to do this but your comments suggest this is about you not the guy. Also, what's up with the drunk texting? How often does this happen?

It only happens every now and then. I did it with my ex once and he was into it. Next day Im like “don’t call me anymore” lol

 

[NaturalEnigma]

I would definitely seek therapy if you see its a problem. Maybe you're carrying some pain, or trauma from your previous marriage. Also working on yourself, journaling, meditating and reading self help books, can help in addition to therapy.

 

[hopeful]

@Prettymetty
Was your ex abusive? If so, I imagine you promised yourself that you would never put yourself in that situation again. It sounds like you haven’t healed from that marriage and now are not able to move forward. Sometimes we make promises to ourselves that require us to be overly cautious. We don’t get hurt. But we also are not able to receive the love we need and crave.

 

[Prettymetty]

@Prettymetty
Was your ex abusive? If so, I imagine you promised yourself that you would never put yourself in that situation again. It sounds like you haven’t healed from that marriage and now are not able to move forward. Sometimes we make promises to ourselves that require us to be overly cautious. We don’t get hurt. But we also are not able to receive the love we need and crave.

Verbally abusive at times. He was a narcissist too

 

[hopeful]

Verbally abusive at times. He was a narcissist too

I’m sorry you experienced that (((hugs))). I hope your next romantic partner will be kind and loving. You deserve that.

 

[Prettymetty]

I’m sorry you experienced that (((hugs))). I hope your next romantic partner will be kind and loving. You deserve that.

Thank you dear. I just realized that I have trust issues. I texted my partner immediately and told him. Apparently I was high last night and told him I was gonna cheat on him

 

[hopeful]

@Prettymetty I’m glad that you are recognizing the problem. I wish you the best working through everything.

 

[larry3344]

Sorry to hear this…Hope you have gotten a therapist.