kikigirl
Well-Known Member
I an a survivor of childhood sexual abuse around ages 7-9. I shut it down for most of my adult life, but finally, around 25-26 yrs old, God helped me unpack all the repressed stuff and brought forth healing.
I told DF about this before engagement, and we later discussed this and its potential ramifications during pre-marital counseling. We'll be getting married on March 16. I feel restored, and have no fears. However, this is still a sensitive topic, and DF knows this fact. Aside from some Christian mentors, counselors, and a couple of close girlfriends of mine, DF is the only one to know. I haven't even told my parents what happened.
Last year, DF and I visited his sister on Christmas Eve, on the way to see my family. During our conversation, she said something of the effect of "This martial art I practice helps me release some of the darkness and anger I have inside." Nodding in my direction, she said "You must understand, given some of the things in your past". For a second I was like "Huh?" And made a mental note to later ask DF if he'd told her anything. I didn't press in the moment, and she just kept talking.
This is a solid Christian girl too, and a great person that wouldn't blabber about people's stuff. I like her, and have her as one of my bridesmaids. However, we aren't close enough or haven't been in a context where I would have told her about my CSA past.
Recently, the sister wrote an article about how she overcame sexual addiction, on a Christian website, and linked it to her Facebook account. It was a great story, honest, and definitely a challenging topic for Christian teens, young adults, and parents alike.
This reminded me that I hadn't asked DF about what he had told her about me. I feel somewhat upset that he shared something so personal and intimate with an outsider (even though he is very close with his sister and family) without my permission. It's not the "fear of sharing" per se. I've done that in safe contexts, with trusted folks in support groups, to help another struggling survivor, etc... I think this is something so tied up to my personal struggles and journey in the faith that no one should take upon himself/herself to share it without my explicit permission.
I am getting pretty upset at DF, and tomorrow morning, will ask him what exactly was said. An I overreacting?
PS: DF normally does not have a loose mouth. But I want to establish some rules for now, before we get married. Granted this happened before marriage, but some things should be kept to oneself once shared. Or even if disclosed, done so only to an impartial third party like a therapist or pastor, etc...not a relative.
I told DF about this before engagement, and we later discussed this and its potential ramifications during pre-marital counseling. We'll be getting married on March 16. I feel restored, and have no fears. However, this is still a sensitive topic, and DF knows this fact. Aside from some Christian mentors, counselors, and a couple of close girlfriends of mine, DF is the only one to know. I haven't even told my parents what happened.
Last year, DF and I visited his sister on Christmas Eve, on the way to see my family. During our conversation, she said something of the effect of "This martial art I practice helps me release some of the darkness and anger I have inside." Nodding in my direction, she said "You must understand, given some of the things in your past". For a second I was like "Huh?" And made a mental note to later ask DF if he'd told her anything. I didn't press in the moment, and she just kept talking.
This is a solid Christian girl too, and a great person that wouldn't blabber about people's stuff. I like her, and have her as one of my bridesmaids. However, we aren't close enough or haven't been in a context where I would have told her about my CSA past.
Recently, the sister wrote an article about how she overcame sexual addiction, on a Christian website, and linked it to her Facebook account. It was a great story, honest, and definitely a challenging topic for Christian teens, young adults, and parents alike.
This reminded me that I hadn't asked DF about what he had told her about me. I feel somewhat upset that he shared something so personal and intimate with an outsider (even though he is very close with his sister and family) without my permission. It's not the "fear of sharing" per se. I've done that in safe contexts, with trusted folks in support groups, to help another struggling survivor, etc... I think this is something so tied up to my personal struggles and journey in the faith that no one should take upon himself/herself to share it without my explicit permission.
I am getting pretty upset at DF, and tomorrow morning, will ask him what exactly was said. An I overreacting?
PS: DF normally does not have a loose mouth. But I want to establish some rules for now, before we get married. Granted this happened before marriage, but some things should be kept to oneself once shared. Or even if disclosed, done so only to an impartial third party like a therapist or pastor, etc...not a relative.
