Saying I Love You

[blueabyss333]

So does the man get bored when he says "i love you" first and then the woman says it afterwards? If that's the case, then the woman better not EVER say "i love you" to the man. To me, that particular reasoning (of the author) makes no sense. Anyway, if you love the man, won't he know it anyway by the way you act around him? I don't know what I'm talking about. This stuff is so confusing. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff and I hope I never ever will.

That's a good point, and it makes sense. But I think guys are more vulnerable than we are when we first say it, so I don't think they would sincerely say it and then get bored.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

yep i see where u are coming from. hmmm interesting. I'm not sure, to be honest. I'd say no because i think the gist of the advice i gave was positive. Meaning, dont have no fear, tell the guy, so that if he gives you the wrong response or he feeds into this 'I'm in control game', then you know that its time to move on. (unless you are young and dont mind playing this game. I'd consider that to be positive advice. Face the reality, dont be afraid. But i do see your point, calling women afraid maybe a negative connotation....

ok my head hurts, from thinking too much. blueabyss go away....

ETA: Do you think that you (nothing personal) are looking at the glass half empty and not half full? Okay, does that make sense? Maybe not.

 

[blueabyss333]

yep i see where u are coming from. hmmm interesting. I'm not sure, to be honest. I'd say no because i think the gist of the advice i gave was positive. Meaning, dont have no fear, tell the guy, so that if he gives you the wrong response or he feeds into this 'I'm in control game', then you know that its time to move on. (unless you are young and dont mind playing this game. I'd consider that to be positive advice. Face the reality, dont be afraid. But i do see your point, calling women afraid maybe a negative connotation....

ok my head hurts, from thinking too much. blueabyss go away....

HAHAHA! I'm flying away into my Blue Abyss...get it? lol I made a funny! (corny, I know )

 

[sky_blu]

I wonder, what is everybody's reasoning for not saying it first? I always thought (and this isn't directed towards anybody) that that was something that mainly younger girls dealt with. I didn't think that it really mattered to adults. Keep in mind that I was just a girl when I first told my fiance that I love him.

I think its the fear of rejection, the fear of him not saying it back. Though your not suppose to expect it back people do. I remember when my boyfriend (at the time) told me he loved me and I didn't say it back. I kind of change the subject because I didnt have the same feeling at the time. But after he said it the first time, I guess it felt like a weight was lifted off of him because he kept saying it freely. Then eventually when I did fall for him like that I told him. I still can't say it first though Even though I know life is too short.

 

[Taliah]

Interesting post.
IMO There is an advantage to sharing your feelings first. Control in the relationship.
I believe that love is fearless and makes you confident, not unsure and keep you guessing. If you express your love and he becomes distant and no longer interested its because his feelings are not mutual or he doesn't want the responsibility of loving you back.
When we verbally express our love we are essentially holding the other person responsible for our feelings. Love is for the mature audience.

 

[heyfranz]

I say it when i feel it. I even say it to my girlfriends in front of my BF. Yes, i love my friends and i let them know-whether it's a man or woman. Even if that friend happens to be my BF.

 

[Theo]

I say it when I feel it, but I have never said it first.

 

[tiara76]

Interesting post.
IMO There is an advantage to sharing your feelings first. Control in the relationship.
I believe that love is fearless and makes you confident, not unsure and keep you guessing. If you express your love and he becomes distant and no longer interested its because his feelings are not mutual or he doesn't want the responsibility of loving you back.
When we verbally express our love we are essentially holding the other person responsible for our feelings. Love is for the mature audience.

When you truly love somebody you just love them....I have said I love you first on several occasions (even times when I didn't mean it, big big mistake btw, playing with anybody's emotions is no good), but like somebody else said before I know what love feels like based on his actions and I fell in love with him because of all the love generated......he doesn't have to ever say it back....when my feelings are my true feeling I've learned to express them...

I agree with the idea of making somebody else responsible for your feelings....women esp and men do that alot and its the worst thing somebody could do....and all the keep him guessing and on his toes is for those women who fear they can't keep their man being their true selves.....and if that is the case most times than not their true self is not lovable and they KNOW this and whether somebody really loves them or not they will have a hard time letting the other person love them regardless...there is a difference between genuinely loving somebody because you love them and freely expressing and so called loving somebody because you need something back from them or else you feel like you are "wasting" your time or not getting n e thing in return or devastated behind them not "responding" a certain way...its counterfeit and at the deepest level of being people can feel inauthentic from real love

 

[Taliah]

I understand what you are saying, but it's this way because romantic love is conditional, not unconditional.

 

[Vinyl]

I waited for him to say it. My reasoning for that is that I was afraid that if I said it too soon, it would scare him away or make him back off if he wasn't ready to reciprocate. So it was my way of waiting until he was ready to say it.

Also I know he said it of his own accord and didn't feel pressured or anything to say it back.

ETA: No time frame, although I will say that because he said it so soon I struggled with believing that he really loved me and wasn't just saying it because he thought he did.

 

[tiara76]

I understand what you are saying, but it's this way because romantic love is conditional, not unconditional.

the way we are taught to love it is very much so conditional, I agree....thats why we feel the need to make people obligate and promise to always love because people aren't really sure of or secure and confident enough in conditional love....I wouldn't be either if I operated on terms of conditional loving somebody and depending on them to give me love in order to be "whole" and feel "loved"...it can be scary i'm sure

when true unconditional love is felt its not scary at all, its liberating, freeing, filling, and lifting.....to yourself and others

 

[Taliah]

the way we are taught to love it is very much so conditional, I agree....thats why we feel the need to make people obligate and promise to always love because people aren't really sure of or secure and confident enough in conditional love....I wouldn't be either if I operated on terms of conditional loving somebody and depending on them to give me love in order to be "whole" and feel "loved"...it can be scary i'm sure

when true unconditional love is felt its not scary at all, its liberating, freeing, filling, and lifting.....to yourself and others

Hum hmmm, I hear you. The only person I could love this way would be my child.
A romantic love relationship with an ordinary man needs discipline, boundaries and accountability for success. You have to value me to receive my romantic love. It's conditional because we always have an option to find someone else who can do it better and show us love and value us as much as we need and like.
The only relationship I can not do this is with my child so they receive my love unconditionally, by default.