Saying I Love You

[bajanplums1]

In the context of a healthy happy heterosexual relationship. I have honestly never been in love before. But I know I am now. But I wanted to know how most women handle this situation of saying I love you.

When do you say it?
Do you wait for him to say it first?
Do you put a time frame (e.g. 1 year together) on it or do you say it as soon as you feel it?

Thanks!

 

[Chinagem]

I wanted to wait until my bf said it first b/c everybody said to do that (I was 16 at the time). However, no matter how hard I tried to wait, I couldn't. I just felt like i was going to burst if I didn't say it. It was constantly on my mind and one day I just blurted it out. All he could say is, "i know and I love you too". I think whenever the time is right, you'll know it and you'll just say it. I don't believe in waiting until somebody says it first or waiting for a special moment b/c truth is, whenever you say it, it'll be a special moment. What's the point of waiting anyway? What if the guy's waiting for the girl to say it first too?

 

[MzPrince]

Just my opinion, I wouldn't say it first.

 

[kitchen_tician]

Just my opinion, I wouldn't say it first.

ditto my bf said it first after 3 months and then asked if I loved him. I said "yes". Then he asked why I never told him. I just never responded. I just shrugged off the question.

 

[esoterica]

i'd wait till he said it. never say stuff like that first. sometimes its good to let the man be a man and take the lead.

 

[sweetascocoa]

ill never say it first....and i wont be syaing it anytime soon

 

[NeeSee]

I don't think I would ever say it first.

 

[Aubergold]

I said it first cause I loved him and I wanted him to know. He didn't say it back for like 3 weeks to a month and it was fine by me cause when he did say it: whew! It was extra nice cause I knew he really meant it. Plus I knew I wouldn't fall in love with a jackass because I don't like jackasses.

 

[comike]

Life is too short...say what you feel, if it's truly what you feel...leave the game playing out of it. Keep it real.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I said it first cause I loved him and I wanted him to know. He didn't say it back for like 3 weeks to a month and it was fine by me cause when he did say it: whew! It was extra nice cause I knew he really meant it. Plus I knew I wouldn't fall in love with a jackass because I don't like jackasses.

LOL, I like your post and your view on it all. Some women would be hurt by his lack of an immediate response.

 

[dlewis]

I've never said it first but I see nothing wrong with saying it first, if that's how you feel.

 

[Chinagem]

I wonder, what is everybody's reasoning for not saying it first? I always thought (and this isn't directed towards anybody) that that was something that mainly younger girls dealt with. I didn't think that it really mattered to adults. Keep in mind that I was just a girl when I first told my fiance that I love him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wonder, what is everybody's reasoning for not saying it first? I always thought (and this isn't directed towards anybody) that that was something that mainly younger girls dealt with. I didn't think that it really mattered to adults. Keep in mind that I was just a girl when I first told my fiance that I love him.

I don't know if this is a reason for some of the women on this board in particular, but I've read in some "Self-help" or "women empowerment" books that women need to always keep the man "guessing", or else he will get board. Something about the "hunter" blood of men. For some reason, these books feel that if a woman tells a man that she loves him FIRST, then that means that he has an upper hand on her. In other words, he could get scared (if he doesn't feel the same way), or "bored" (feeling like: "I got this...") and may shy away if the woman says "I love you" first.

I don't know how "True" this is (since I've never been in love before), but it makes a little bit of sense. I think one of the books that mentions this is "Why Men Love B****es".

Personally, if you ask me I think it's probably best to wait until the man says "I Love You" first if you can wait. I think that women tend to give their hearts faster, and become emotionally involved in the relationship quicker than men. Unless it was really killing me NOT to tell him, I would hold out. Men may be a step behind women, but they aren't stupid...they know when a woman is really into them. They can sense it. So...I'd let him come forth first if I could help it.

But I do agree with the fact that life is too short, and what if something happened to your SO and you never got the chance to tell him that you loved him?? That would be awful too. I guess it depends on the guy maybe??

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Wait my ***...life is too short. I think you should wait just to be clear on your feelings and to make sure what you are feeling is not 'lust' but true love. But you shouldn't wait on him to say it first. alot of times, we do this because we are so afraid of his response. Don't be afraid, it is what it is. When u say it, you should not make him say it back, nor ask him how he feel. He'd be so surprised he probably wouldn't know how he feels until he's had a week or so to think about it. Just put it out there and say 'i love you', and keep it movin. eventually he will either come around and say it back, or he'll act real figgity and at this point you will know that yall both have different intentions and he is 'just not that into you'.... or he may not be looking for a 'girlfriend' at this time, he might just be looking for a good time. dont be afraid of the answer...go for it....

 

[blueabyss333]

Wait my ***...life is too short. I think you should wait just to be clear on your feelings and to make sure what you are feeling is not 'lust' but true love. But you shouldn't wait on him to say it first. alot of times, we do this because we are so afraid of his response. Don't be afraid, it is what it is. When u say it, you should not make him say it back, nor ask him how he feel. He'd be so surprised he probably wouldn't know how he feels until he's had a week or so to think about it. Just put it out there and say 'i love you', and keep it movin. eventually he will either come around and say it back, or he'll act real figgity and at this point you will know that yall both have different intentions and he is 'just not that into you'.... or he may not be looking for a 'girlfriend' at this time, he might just be looking for a good time. dont be afraid of the answer...go for it....

I don't think we're AFRAID of his answer. ITA with what a lot of posters said on here that you want the man to feel comfortable saying it and taking the lead. It's about keeping him guessing.

 

[miracle]

Wait my ***...life is too short. I think you should wait just to be clear on your feelings and to make sure what you are feeling is not 'lust' but true love. But you shouldn't wait on him to say it first. alot of times, we do this because we are so afraid of his response. Don't be afraid, it is what it is. When u say it, you should not make him say it back, nor ask him how he feel. He'd be so surprised he probably wouldn't know how he feels until he's had a week or so to think about it. Just put it out there and say 'i love you', and keep it movin. eventually he will either come around and say it back, or he'll act real figgity and at this point you will know that yall both have different intentions and he is 'just not that into you'.... or he may not be looking for a 'girlfriend' at this time, he might just be looking for a good time. dont be afraid of the answer...go for it....

Absolutely agree!!!!

 

[miracle]

Life is too short...say what you feel, if it's truly what you feel...leave the game playing out of it. Keep it real.

Definitely agree with this post, too!!! I really don't feel that there is a strict wrong or right way to tell someone that you love them, or a set standard on who should say it first. If the love is real, then there's no need to play the "guessing game" (or any game), because you will have already showed and "told" him that you love him through your every action towards him. Expressing it verbally will just be the "icing on the cake".

 

[Cooyah]

if you're absolutely positively sure that you are in love by your personal definition of the word, to hell with it and tell him

 

[Jas123]

i'd wait till he said it. never say stuff like that first. sometimes its good to let the man be a man and take the lead.

ITA! Men like & need to take the lead..IMO

 

[SkinnyMocah]

The only time I ever said it, I said it first and wish I hadn't. He never did.

 

[B_Phlyy]

I'll say it when I'm ready and when I mean it, whether or not he says it first. My current bf said it first, but I wasn't expecting it, so I just said okay. I didn't say it to him until like 3 weeks later.

 

[isobell]

Just my opinion, I don't see the problem with saying it first. Game playing is childish. If u have a relationship with someone that generates that kind of feeling in you, then it's probably mutual. Of course I don't fall in love easily and the kinds of things that a man would do for me to fall for him would not be done by someone who wasn't serious about me. If u have enough courage to open your heart to really love someone, u have enough to tell them how u feel.

 

[madamdot]

if you're absolutely positively sure that you are in love by your personal definition of the word, to hell with it and tell him

Totally agree. I said it first, but I agonized over it for MONTHS cause I wanted to make sure especially since I'd never been in love before. When my answer was "duh, yea of course I love him," then I told him.

No fanfare. Nothing. I went into it thinking a few of things
1) My love is not for sale or exchange. I love him and that's that!
2) I was 85% sure he loved me too and this was not by what he said but by his actions. I always felt loved.
3) If he got scared or thought he had it made, or has the upper hand then he was not the man I thought he was and he should just go his own way anyway.

He didn't say it until a couple months later. Same deal, no fanfare just genuine and intense. When he said it I know he meant it . . . and boy does he love me. Sometimes I get overwelmed.

Good luck!

 

[Caramela]

I wouldn't say it first. He'll say it soon enough. Trust.

 

[Aubergold]

Totally agree. I said it first, but I agonized over it for MONTHS cause I wanted to make sure especially since I'd never been in love before. When my answer was "duh, yea of course I love him," then I told him.

No fanfare. Nothing. I went into it thinking a few of things
1) My love is not for sale or exchange. I love him and that's that!
2) I was 85% sure he loved me too and this was not by what he said but by his actions. I always felt loved.
3) If he got scared or thought he had it made, or has the upper hand then he was not the man I thought he was and he should just go his own way anyway.

He didn't say it until a couple months later. Same deal, no fanfare just genuine and intense. When he said it I know he meant it . . . and boy does he love me. Sometimes I get overwelmed.

Good luck!

EXACTLY my experience to a T

 

[MzTami]

I've never said "I love you" first, but if it's something that's weighing heavy on your heart, then go ahead and express yourself.

 

[karezone]

I have never said it. I don't care if he doesn't say it. I am person that believes in showing love. If you love me, you should show it.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

i respectfully disagree with you...If you weren't afraid of his response, and of him turning you down, or him feeling like you've said it too early then you would have been said it. To me, that is fear. I'm not pointing the finger...i've been there a gazillion times, but now i'm older, to Hail with it!!! I think there is a fear, and of course i can't speak for you or for all women, but i do believe this is the case for alot of women. The same fear that stops a woman from asking a man 'are you cheating on me?, or have u slept with someone else, etc etc.... is because we want to know the truth but we are afraid of the answer.... imho

I don't think we're AFRAID of his answer. ITA with what a lot of posters said on here that you want the man to feel comfortable saying it and taking the lead. It's about keeping him guessing.

 

[Chinagem]

So does the man get bored when he says "i love you" first and then the woman says it afterwards? If that's the case, then the woman better not EVER say "i love you" to the man. To me, that particular reasoning (of the author) makes no sense. Anyway, if you love the man, won't he know it anyway by the way you act around him? I don't know what I'm talking about. This stuff is so confusing. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with this kind of stuff and I hope I never ever will.

 

[blueabyss333]

i respectfully disagree with you...If you weren't afraid of his response, and of him turning you down, or him feeling like you've said it too early then you would have been said it. To me, that is fear. I'm not pointing the finger...i've been there a gazillion times, but now i'm older, to Hail with it!!! I think there is a fear, and of course i can't speak for you or for all women, but i do believe this is the case for alot of women. The same fear that stops a woman from asking a man 'are you cheating on me?, or have u slept with someone else, etc etc.... is because we want to know the truth but we are afraid of the answer.... imho

I respect your thoughts and opinions, too. I don't DISAGREE that some women would be scared. I'm not sure that it's the same fear as asking him if he is cheating, though?

But what I generate/read in these responses and what I believe, is that it's more about being HUMBLE (for a lack of better words). I think as a partner in *this* team, you're playing the game strategically and again, letting the man feel like he's worked for something and letting him take the lead.

Thanks for the healthy discussion.

ETA: Do you think that you (nothing personal) are looking at the glass half empty and not half full? Okay, does that make sense? Maybe not.