Aww. ((BIG HUG))
You've got some great tips in here! I've only had rough/hurtful/long sessions whenever I leave my hair loose and wet at the same time.
Typically, I fingerdetangle and deshed as I'm styling my hair. My hair typically is styled in braids/cornrows under wigs or in twists/braids for a twistout/braidout if it's loose. I detangle on dry hair.
My hair is rarely left loose. If it's in a twistout/braidout for the day, I either rebraid/retwist at night or band it.
To cut down on tangles/stress, I either wash and DC my hair in the previous style before changing it or wash in the new style. I do not wash it loose! For instance, If I'm going from cornrows to twists I will wash and DC in the cornrows and allow my hair to dry about 85%. Then I'll transform them into twists by taking down 2-3 rows at a time and finger detangle/deshed as I do each twist. My hair is already clean and I can apply whatever product I use to twist.
If I'm going from an "out" style into cornrows or twists, either put my hair into the style and then wash/DC or put my hair into 8-10 celie braids and then wash and DC. I only fingerdetangle/deshed in the smaller sections as I'm putting it into the new style.
I don't experience tangling and no, I don't remove all of the shed hair. I don't believe that's possible to do -- even with a comb/brush.
So to recap, LoL, my tips are:
-Don't let your wet/damp hair dry loose.
-Don't wet your hair while loose.
-Detangle in the smaller sections as you style - on dry hair or dampened with product.
I've found that by doing my hair this way, I cut down on stressful detangling days. I've also been able to go YEARS without using a comb or brush in my hair, which is very coily and loves to shrink.
GL!