Relaxing a 3year old's hair!!!!

[Guest]

Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I have a grown neice (she's a year younger than I) who has a daughter who is 3 years old. Let's call my grown neice "T" and my great neice "B".... T relaxed B's hair today!!!!!

She said that her hair is "terrible" and that she "can't do anything with it" and that she's "tried everything".Now to make matters worse, she says this in front of B... to let B grow up thinking something is wrong with her hair. Her hair is very thick, and it's cottony, with a super tight curl pattern. I guess like 4B, but I don't believe this. Am I wrong for thinking that she shouldn't by any means be relaxing the baby's hair? I told her my views and she said that it's her daughter and she's the one who has to do her hair. This is so sad to me. It's outrageous

 

[Chipmunk]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I don't think you are wrong for thinking that she shouldn't be relaxing her daughter's hair, and I don't think there's anything wrong with you saying that. I would have said something myself.

3yrs old is way too young to be putting chemicals in her hair.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I believe you are right. And we wonder why so much hair hatred is prevalent in our race today. I have a friend who has 2 daughters, 4 and 1. The 4 year old has hair similar to your great nieces and the 1 year old hair grows in straight and curls at the ends. When the 4 year old was about 2,her father's family put a perm in this baby's hair!! I was so irate,so was her mother. Well,her mother started growing out her perm. One day I was combing this baby's hair and she told me,"my hair is nappy."This angered me and I confronted her mom and told her to stop saying that her hair is nappy and that she could not do anything with it. Now the 4 year old has a perm all over again. I hate to see what is going to happen as the two sisters grow up and hear the talk about their different hair textures. They are going to grow up with the idea that there is "good hair" and "bad hair." They might even begin resenting one another later,since the baby has what some may consider "good hair." I thank God that I had a mother who NEVER complained about fixing my hair! My hair is tremendously thick,but my mother never resorted to pressing or perming to make my hair "manageable." I think some mothers today are just lazy-they don't want to give their child's hair a chance to thrive,so they just slap a perm in it.

 

[BandB2003]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Caramela said:
I have a grown neice (she's a year younger than I) who has a daughter who is 3 years old. Let's call my grown neice "T" and my great neice "B".... T relaxed B's hair today!!!!!

She said that her hair is "terrible" and that she "can't do anything with it" and that she's "tried everything".Now to make matters worse, she says this in front of B... to let B grow up thinking something is wrong with her hair. Her hair is very thick, and it's cottony, with a super tight curl pattern. I guess like 4B, but I don't believe this. Am I wrong for thinking that she shouldn't by any means be relaxing the baby's hair? I told her my views and she said that it's her daughter and she's the one who has to do her hair. This is so sad to me. It's outrageous

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That is awful. I have seen 7 year olds who have weaves, perms and even have their hair colored. Shame on the mother (no offense since it is your relative) for perming a 3 year old childs hair. That is really trifling

 

[karezone]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Way too young she should have waited until the child was at least 12 before relaxing. Hair textures change due to hormones and things. She could really damage that child's hair and the follicles by relaxing so soon.

 

[miss_brown]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I'm too sorry to hear that. 3 years old is wayyyyy to young for a relaxer, not to mention the self-hate she's already instilling by calling the girl's hair nappy and the damage she might do to her young scalp.

 

[joemerald]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Heck no, that is crazy. I have a friend whose daughter has really thick hair and thank god I convinced her no to elax it because she was too young. I will never relax my daughter's hair since Iknow how to take care of it now I will do so and train her to so she won't see the need to relax. I am relaxed but too scared to go natural. The process if frightening for me.

 

[Height]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

That's a darn shame!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
joemerald said:
Heck no, that is crazy. I have a friend whose daughter has really thick hair and thank god I convinced her no to elax it because she was too young. I will never relax my daughter's hair since Iknow how to take care of it now I will do so and train her to so she won't see the need to relax. I am relaxed but too scared to go natural. The process if frightening for me.

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Why is the process of going natural frightening to you? How are you going to explain to your daughter that you relax because you are scared to be natural, when your daughter is natural? Just curious-not trying to convert you to be natural.

 

[asummertyme]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

that is so sad...she should no better than relaxing a 3 yr. old's hair...that is wrong....

 

[joemerald]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I am scared of the process, not of being natural. I cut my hair short years ago and it did not suit my face. I know the alternative is to grow out the relaxer and only cut when it is the length I want. The problem will be what do when it is breaking due to the different textures. Secondly, when it is all natural how to style? Maybe I am just used to the straight hair but I can see myself hotcombing, therefore defeating the purpose of going natural.

 

[cutebajangirl]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

You're from Barbados right? Almost all young people there are natural. If anything it is weird to see a young girl with relaxer. Alot of adults are natural too. Natural styles are there at least 2 years before I start seeing them here. My family down there for the most part is natural. Women down ther seem to interchange frequently.

 

[silk]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

That irks me soooo much. I mean honestly no offense to your niece or anything but that is sooooo DUMB and irresponsible. For crying out loud, the child is 3!!!!! If she couldn't manage the childs hair she should have just cut it off!!!

Honestly relaxing should be regulated like alcohol and cigarettes. You shouldn't be able to relax your hair if you are younger than 13.

gosh!!!!

 

[Allandra]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Wow, three years old is pretty young for a relaxer imo. I do hope that she'll take good care of her hair though since she's now relaxed.

 

[Kalani]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I'm sorry to hear that!
I remember reading somewhere that its becoming common for white(or caucasion,whatever you fancy) women to dye or highlight their children's hair to match their dyed blonde hair. I believe it was so people will assume the mother's hair color is natural because it matches their kid's.
I thought this was insane but it was features in a beauty magazine(like Allure or Glamour, can't rememeber which one).
I'm sure this is something that started out in Hollywood where vanity rules over any good judgement.
Aren't the chemicals in dye's(and maybe relaxers) like fairly toxic and carcinogenic?
Certainly not something you would want to expose to a child!

 

[pebbles]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Caramela said:
This is so sad to me. It's outrageous

[/ QUOTE ]

It is outrageous!!

 

[KinksnCurlz]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Caramela said:
I have a grown neice (she's a year younger than I) who has a daughter who is 3 years old. Let's call my grown neice "T" and my great neice "B".... T relaxed B's hair today!!!!!

She said that her hair is "terrible" and that she "can't do anything with it" and that she's "tried everything".Now to make matters worse, she says this in front of B... to let B grow up thinking something is wrong with her hair. Her hair is very thick, and it's cottony, with a super tight curl pattern. I guess like 4B, but I don't believe this. Am I wrong for thinking that she shouldn't by any means be relaxing the baby's hair? I told her my views and she said that it's her daughter and she's the one who has to do her hair. This is so sad to me. It's outrageous

[/ QUOTE ]

WOW

a 3 year old with a perm. DIZZAMNNN... but if i were to b truthful, i know how she feels. My 3 year old has ALOT of hair, thick, thick, thick! Sometimes I am very frustrated with it myself and whenever i say something about perming it (jokingly b/c i don't plan on relaxing her hair ever...that'll b a decision that i will let her make when she is 13) and somebody interjects, the first thing out of my mouth is 'YOU don't have to do her hair so until you do, shut that piehole in the middle of your face' .

This is why i thank the Lord that i have a best friend and my daughter's second mom (old babysitter) to braid her hair for me.

This ensures her hair health as well as my getting to work on time

 

[joemerald]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Yes CBG, I am from Bim but not currently living there. When I was home I noticed that they are generally natural. I wonder what caused that?

 

[dwsplaymate]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I agree with you. My cousin relaxed her daughter's hair a year ago when she was 3. Actually, she took her to a hairstylist that did it. My lil cousin's hair has never been the same, it's very, very short in patches and she barely has any hair around the edges. My cousin got her hair relaxed b/c she said that she couldn't do anything with it--well, now she can't do anything with it for real. My lil cousin's hair is a complete mess and everyone is puzzled as what to do about it to make her look decent. Like your neice, she had cottony hair before the perm was put in. I'm against relaxing or perming virgin/baby hair and I wish my cousin had listened but the baby is the one that's paying for it.

 

[mly3e]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

My friends 8 year old has a red rinse. I think its wrong! She should wait until she is a teenager to do that kind of stuff. By then she would have learned how to manage it and may change her mind OR at least she will be old enough to care for it properly.

 

[MissM]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Three years old---she's still a baby!!! I don't plan on relaxing my daughters hair until she is a teenager, which is a long way off!!! Whatever her hair texture is I will work with it.

 

[Vet27]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I also think perming under the age of 12 is wrong. But I do feel for the mothers. I have little cousin's who I get on some weekend age 4 and 5, there hair is like wool. And when I try and comb it they cry like you are beating them. So I can feel for moms. It seems like they could find a good braider and have braided hairstyles(w/o hair added). I also agree that moms are lazy and don't take the time out. Sometimes my cousin's hair looks so bad that I can't take them in public.

Vet

 

[jainygirl]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Ummm...I hate hearing when this happens. My mom stopped pressing my hair and put a curl in it when i was 6 years old because my thick hair was getting to be too much for her to deal with, and to this day she has TOTAL guilt. from there i went to a relaxer and although my hair remained it's thickness, it was in terrible shape for years. This is the main reason why she is glad and supportive that i am growing my hair out. Because she says she still feels bad over putting the chemicals in my hair and taking it from nice length, thick healthy hair to an over processed, damage mess. I think it is cute when i see the little girls getting their hair braided (their natural hair, not weave) at the shop

and hearing how their moms tie down their hair at nightwith a scarf. To me this is a healthy way to start our young girls off. Not putting chemicals in their hair the first time things get too hard.

 

[chewy]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

Well Caramela, since this dastardly deed has been done, advise your niece on how to properly take care of her baby's hair. I've seen pictures of your hair so just tell your niece if she wants her daughter's hair to be like, "Aunty Caramela's" she'd better listen to you. She may not want the advise but she'll need it and will be appreciative.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I feel her pain. My daughter's hair (4 years old) is so very thick and she screams bloody murder when I comb it. But I've learned to deal with it. I'm lazy I must admit, but I just put her hair in a poof after I've moisturized it with either water or a cream moisturizer. Sometimes she has two poofs.

You know, who said that a child's hair has to be combed every day. Put it in a style that requires no combing!!!!!! Man, that seems to be so simple as to be unreal. Is it really that difficult?

And the child will thank the mothers for not subjecting them to abuse every day. As long as my daughter's hair looks presentable, everything's fine. Who said that parts have to be straight? My daughter's aren't. I section off with my fingers and detangle in small sections with my fingers first and then comb if necessary. Less is best for her. But she knows what a deep conditioner under the dryer is.

She's natural and I'm relaxed, but I will explain to her that as an adult I have chosen to have relaxed hair and when she is an adult, she can choose whatever she likes but in the meantime, she can learn how to take care of those natural locks. I didn't even get her ears pierced because I think that's a choice that she should make.

Why would we subject our children to unnecessary processes and procedures? We like to be able to choose what we want done. Why can't we allow our children the same choices?

I'm amazed.

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I'm sure my opinion is very unpopular but....my daughter has a mild relaxer in her hair and she's almost 5. My cousin did it when she was almost 4, and it's been done only once, although she's about to get another one.

My daughter's hair is extrememly thick and unmanageble. I have done everything possible to tame her hair. I even had it hot combed, but that only lasts for a few days. Having her hair braided was like torture. That was the only way her hair would look nice and thrive, however, the process of braiding it would take so long and she would cry and scream so much it was ridiculous. My daughter would scream and cry and I would have to physically get down on the floor with her. I even had a neighbor come to my house one time because she thought I was beating her when I was doing her hair...that's how bad it hurt her. Her hair would break off and split. It was horrible. I would do her hair in the morning and by the afternoon she looked like I never touched it.

Like I said, I had it relaxed once and it has made a big difference. She still cries, but not nearly as much. Her hair isn't as dry, and it doesn't break anymore (although she still gets split ends).

My sister got her first relaxer at 4 and has had one ever since (she's 27 now) and her hair has never suffered and is long and thick.

I don't recommend this for any child, but in the case of mine, she NEEDED it.

Tebby

 

[SoniT]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
mly3e said:
My friends 8 year old has a red rinse. I think its wrong! She should wait until she is a teenager to do that kind of stuff. By then she would have learned how to manage it and may change her mind OR at least she will be old enough to care for it properly.

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LOL...a red rinse???? Lawd, ha'mercy I dun heard it all!

What is going on?? What are people thinking doing this stuff to these poor babies' hair?

 

[goldilocks20]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

That is awful. My boyfriend has a 4 year old and he let her grandmother give her a relaxer when she was three too. As if that wasn't bad enough she had started getting tracks put into her hair since she was 1 ! I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Not to mention that the girl's hair has been manipulated so much that her hairline at her forehead has started to recede.To help the situation I gave advice on how to eliminate bad haircare practices such as eliminating "grease", emphasizing moisture, protecting her ends, and staying away from curling irons (unfortunately the tool of choice) and even went out and bought good ,EXPENSIVE products for her hair (this was not for my health). The last time I saw her the products were being used by her grandmother and my boyfriend's sister and the child's hair was so dry and exposed in a rubber band and had all kinds of dirt and lint in it

! All my money and expertise down the drain !

 

[ms_kenesha]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

I definitely do not think a 3 yr. old should have relaxed hair and I hate when people teach their children that their is something wrong with their hair when it is simply their own laziness or intra-racial bias against certain hairtypes.

I will not be relaxing my daughter's hair until she is past puberty and I will definitely not be instilling the good hair/bad hair bias in her. I also plan on informing the relatives on what terms are not to be used around my children.

 

[Tebby1017]

Re: Relaxing a 3year old\'s hair!!!!

[ QUOTE ]
goldilocks20 said:
That is awful. My boyfriend has a 4 year old and he let her grandmother give her a relaxer when she was three too. As if that wasn't bad enough she had started getting tracks put into her hair since she was 1 ! I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Not to mention that the girl's hair has been manipulated so much that her hairline at her forehead has started to recede.To help the situation I gave advice on how to eliminate bad haircare practices such as eliminating "grease", emphasizing moisture, protecting her ends, and staying away from curling irons (unfortunately the tool of choice) and even went out and bought good ,EXPENSIVE products for her hair (this was not for my health). The last time I saw her the products were being used by her grandmother and my boyfriend's sister and the child's hair was so dry and exposed in a rubber band and had all kinds of dirt and lint in it

! All my money and expertise down the drain !

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Excuse me?!! Did you say TRACKS at the age of ONE??!! You have GOT to be kidding.

Tebby