Relaxer Regrets and Transitioning thoughts

[TokyoReina]

I just had my hair relaxed today after lasting through a mere 10 week transition attempt. Due to my many transition attempts (I've had it in my head since last summer) and failed relaxers, My hair is pretty much just a mess. A variation of textures and it broke off quite a bit. I'm just not happy with it.

I keep asking myself where I'm going wrong and wondering why I can't just stick with my want to go natural. I really want to, because I really can't see myself relaxing forever. If I had stuck with my first efforts I'd be over one year post.

I guess I'm just hoping to hear from anyone else who may have had issues transitioning.

 

[beana]

I made half attempts at transitioning for almost 5 years until I finally committed to it last July. I am overjoyed to report I am OFFICIALLY 1 year post and loving it.

After 3 months my hair started to break terribly and i wasn't fond of cutting my almost BSL hair, so I weaved and trimmed for months. When Im not in a weave, i wear my hair back in a bun or ponytail so im not constantly tempted to brush or comb it. My hair is the same length as the weave and no one knows the difference.

My advice is to think of a few styles that will allow you to go days/weeks without combing. Braids using added hair or your own or weaves are my suggestion.

 

[beana]

Also... the only thing that held me back was not wanting to "look a mess" during my transition. I have always loved natural hair and believe its the best thing for the overall health of my body.

what is holding you back? If you're honest with yourself, youll know if you are truly ready to transition. dont rush it because you will keep getting stuck in a vicious cycle of hair damage and no length retention until you fully commit to wear your hair relaxed or natural.

 

[DrC]

I'm sorry OP. but,

I'm about give some tough love:

you made a thread a while back talking about how you had 4 different textures, your hair was breaking off, and you didn't necessarily specify if you were going natural, relaxing etc.

Yet again, I am confused....What is it that you're trying to do to your hair again??

Why would you add a relaxer to previously damaged, underprocessed, bone straight, wavy, kinda straight, texlaxed, (and whatever other textures) hair?

Who relaxed your hair??

If you couldn't even get 4 textures under control, what made you think a relaxer would help? Thats adding insult to an injury.

Do you want to be natural or relaxed??

I'm sorry but you are abusing your hair too much.
I am pretty sure the hair on your head right now is so damaged that it can not be corrected. Like beana stated you can try protective styling ( less manipulation, ends are tucked away). And like the women stated in your previous thread, try to baby it back to health, and trim little by little

IMO, I think your hair is too damaged to be brought back to health. You can try though. I think you should enforce less manipulation *PSing* and/or stop holding onto pieces of hair that are eventually going to fall and break off.
(Hair cut)

Good Luck on your Hair Journey

 

[TokyoReina]

Also... the only thing that held me back was not wanting to "look a mess" during my transition. I have always loved natural hair and believe its the best thing for the overall health of my body.

what is holding you back? If you're honest with yourself, youll know if you are truly ready to transition. dont rush it because you will keep getting stuck in a vicious cycle of hair damage and no length retention until you fully commit to wear your hair relaxed or natural.

The "looking a mess" was really what made me relax every time that I've done so. My family and friends start asking me what's up with my hair. I start looking at old pictures where is was healthy, relaxed, and BSL. And I get emotional and start wishing I was that girl with the nice hair again. Anyway, I know I need to figure something out because I can't keep bounce back and forth.

 

[TokyoReina]

DrC

Well dang.

I was hoping the relaxer would correct some of that uneveness(which it did to a certain degree). I guess I was hoping I could get less textures and just be able to deal with it on a daily basis. I'm not sure how damaged I would say it is. It's not tore up from the floor up. But it's not what it could be had I just stuck to a routine and texture. I may post some pics just to put an image to it.

Thanks for the toughness. I know I need to #SitMyBehindDOWN when it comes to my hair.

 

[havilland]

My advice would be to commit to making better decisions for your hair.

Take some steps and master them in this order:

Start reading blogs of long term transitioners, naturals, and ladies who hve recovered from damage.

Find A better regimen and nail down your products that work best for you.

Slowly Trim away damage.

Find low manipulation styles.

Find a better, more responsible stylist who can help you transition OR LEARN TO DO BETTER SELF CARE AT HOME.

Attempt longer stretches. You did 10 weeks. Next time try 11. Then 12. Before you know it you will be on your way to transitioning.

You can still go natural. You just don't have to do all of it in one day.

Until you master overall care of your hair, any big "project" you take on with your hair is going to be overwhelming.

Sometimes baby steps are better than leaping off a ledge.



Sent from my iPhone while out living my best life!

 

[SqrpioQutie]

another option.... ditch transitioning and just chop... if you want to go natural and don't have the will to stick with transitioning, don't give yourself an out... cut it all off and start over....

extreme, yes i know... but that's the route i took when i did it simply because i knew i wasn't patient enough to do it through transitioning....

 

[SherylsTresses]

I've never had transitioning issues but whenever I wanted straight hair, I'd do two things:

1. Roller set my hair and flat iron my roots
2. Caruso rollers on the ends and flat iron the parted area for a straight curly look but with volume

Once I gained a lot of natural roots, I started wearing donut buns so I wouldn't become frustrated with the two textures. HTH

 

[MyInvisibleChyrsalis]

When your ready, you'll persevere through it and keep your eyes on your goal. It'll help you stick to one goal. I began stretching my relaxers for 6 months. After I relaxed, I missed my new growth so I figured I'd stretch some more and see where it went. My ugoal was healthy long hair, but after stretching a second time, I was ready to take the step to transition. It was scary because it was a new thing, but when the going got tough, I gave myself a break with wigs and weaves.

 

[Anonymous1]

I don't know what really happened with me but I just didn't "feel" right on my last relaxer. I just knew it would be my last one. I have always loved natural hair and always wanted it but i wasn't mentally ready. I used to worry about what would people think. Now I don't care. I wear my hair straight everyday and i just had to change that mindset. I'm looking foward to transitioning. I can be your transitioning buddy if you want. I just got my last relaxer June 29th.

 

[Lynnerie]

I've been there before OP. I attempted to transition 6-7 times before I was finally able to go natural.

My advice is to write down the pro's or why you want to be natural.

Visit natural hair sites and blogs and avoid looking at relaxed hair pics because it might tempt you to end your transition if you aren't set on being/staying natural.

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

another option.... ditch transitioning and just chop... if you want to go natural and don't have the will to stick with transitioning, don't give yourself an out... cut it all off and start over....

extreme, yes i know... but that's the route i took when i did it simply because i knew i wasn't patient enough to do it through transitioning....

What she said here^^^^^^^ain't nothin' to it but to do it!.

 

[nsmith30]

I tried to transition several times and always relaxed because my mom would say something negative. Then I made up in my mind that it was my head and my hair and I was gonna do what I wanted to it. I built a support system, I found 4 people who I knew wouldn't let me go back on my decision. If I felt the urge to relax I called them and they talked me off the ledge. If it gets super hard, then cut it.

 

[Prudent1]

Teinci,
For me it was a mind renewal thing. I had to ditch everything I was previously programmed to think equated to pretty hair. I had to think about what I was thinking about. Get to the roots of why I thought what I thought and who told me natural hair was nappy, ugly, needed to be straightened, etc. Then I continued, the folk who were giving me advice, what did their hair look like? Was it healthy or see through, chewed up, and raggedy? How did it compare to the pics on here of women who stuck it out the 2 to 3 years it averages to get swangin beautiful hair? See, there's a ton of reward at the end for those who learn to to delay gratification. I'll give you this next tip for free- that works in all areas of life- those who learn to practice self control win- period. When you look in the mirror and you see those 'naps' what do you think? You cannot accept advice from everyone, only those who have displayed self control and obtained the thing you seek. Don't take weight advice from your overweight, sick, friend as they scarf down a pack of ho-hos. Don't take marital advice from your bitter, man hating, single, neva been married, neva even been asked auntie. Don't take hair advice from those addicted to the creamy crack rocking helmet hair themselves (you know, hair so stiff and dry 'til they bend their heads and their hair sticks up like a hat- doesn't flow or drape at all ) . You get my point. IRL, ppl will likely think you are extreme for being a part of the forum. Time is your best friend. You cannot share your dreams with everyone. Even if and especially of they are related.
P1

 

[rainbowknots]

I told a friend of mine that I was transitioning and she told me to just chop it all off. Her reason being, so many people say they are going to go natural, but the longer they wait to cut, the higher the probability they will relax again. This isn't necessarily true for all cases, but it may be true for you. I'm not telling you to BC, just think about it though. Another friend of mine just BC'd recently and threw some micros in her hair. You could do that too if you're worried about rocking a TWA. I know a TWA isn't for me, so I'm transitioning for a while in box braids (no added hair) until my hair gets to be a comfortable length for me.

 

[DrC]

DrC

Well dang.

I was hoping the relaxer would correct some of that uneveness(which it did to a certain degree). I guess I was hoping I could get less textures and just be able to deal with it on a daily basis. I'm not sure how damaged I would say it is. It's not tore up from the floor up. But it's not what it could be had I just stuck to a routine and texture. I may post some pics just to put an image to it.

Thanks for the toughness. I know I need to #SitMyBehindDOWN when it comes to my hair.

Teinci. Lol, just trying to help.

 

[TokyoReina]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm trying to take it one step at a time. I think I have a lot of work to do mentally as far as transitioning. I want natural hair but I'll admit I'm still stuck in a relaxed state of mind. It's hard for me to manage both textures because I still want to treat it like it's straight when times get hard. So I need to come to terms with the fact that it's going to take time to reach my goal as well as a change in how I handle my hair.

I pray I make it this time. My sister also want to go natural. She told me whenever I chop it off she'd be glad to do the same.

 

[reeko43]

Wow, I am glad that you have the support of your sister. I am transitioning and it has been tough sometimes, tangles, shedding, etc. However, as the days and months go by, I learn more from the forums, other naturals and transitioners. So, after changing some things, I am beginning to adapt and it is not nearly as difficult. I treat my hair like it is natural. It is that hair I want to protect anyway. I found some cute easy styles and made it work. I know when you are ready you will be successful. Deep down you may just not be ready.