Well the **** hit the fan.
Long story short, DH found out about the other man and ish got real. I made up my mind to separate from DH prior to being found out, but I don't think he believed me because I had threatened this many times before. Once he saw that I was literally on my way out the door, he panicked and stumbled across some ish that shouldn't be uncovered by anyone’s husband of their wife.
At first he went into attack mode, I have never seen DH so rageful (understandably so). Things were VERY UGLY for the first few days after him finding out. The man literally snapped and risked losing everything. The bad thing about it was that I didn't care, and I fed his rage with the lack of compassion I showed him.
He was unable to see me without "seeing red" and his actions were causing me to grow hate for him, so I went home while I knew he was away to gather some things I needed.
He came home while I was there so I hid. I hid in a closet for an hour while I listened to my husband cry his heart out. (I have never seen him cry) I listened while he talked on the phone to a friend who read him bible verses to soothe destructive thoughts. (We identify as Christians, but do not actively serve) It was the first time I saw hurt instead of rage, so I felt safe to come out.
He poured his pain out to me and I felt bad for his hurt but not my affair. While trying to comfort him, I couldn't stop myself from bringing up how his actions pushed me to an affair. I almost felt like I was being manipulative by turning the tables on him, but it was how I felt at my core.
We are at a weird place right now, its kind of strange to explain.
Although I cheated, it's as if he is doing the making up. Sometimes I feel bad for this, other times I don't.
I did not want to stop my affair but I have. I don't want to hurt DH anymore and I think he has learned to never again take me for granted. Of course he is now suspicious of my moves and his ego is severely bruised. Because of my career, I have a lot of free time and this aides his insecurities.
Now I know I won't get many people to be candid in this thread, but I was hoping to get advice from other woman whose spouse took them back after adultery. At times, I don't think he will ever really get over the hurt. How were you able to rebuild trust? PM's are welcome too.
Long story short, DH found out about the other man and ish got real. I made up my mind to separate from DH prior to being found out, but I don't think he believed me because I had threatened this many times before. Once he saw that I was literally on my way out the door, he panicked and stumbled across some ish that shouldn't be uncovered by anyone’s husband of their wife.
At first he went into attack mode, I have never seen DH so rageful (understandably so). Things were VERY UGLY for the first few days after him finding out. The man literally snapped and risked losing everything. The bad thing about it was that I didn't care, and I fed his rage with the lack of compassion I showed him.
He was unable to see me without "seeing red" and his actions were causing me to grow hate for him, so I went home while I knew he was away to gather some things I needed.
He came home while I was there so I hid. I hid in a closet for an hour while I listened to my husband cry his heart out. (I have never seen him cry) I listened while he talked on the phone to a friend who read him bible verses to soothe destructive thoughts. (We identify as Christians, but do not actively serve) It was the first time I saw hurt instead of rage, so I felt safe to come out.
He poured his pain out to me and I felt bad for his hurt but not my affair. While trying to comfort him, I couldn't stop myself from bringing up how his actions pushed me to an affair. I almost felt like I was being manipulative by turning the tables on him, but it was how I felt at my core.
We are at a weird place right now, its kind of strange to explain.
Although I cheated, it's as if he is doing the making up. Sometimes I feel bad for this, other times I don't.
I did not want to stop my affair but I have. I don't want to hurt DH anymore and I think he has learned to never again take me for granted. Of course he is now suspicious of my moves and his ego is severely bruised. Because of my career, I have a lot of free time and this aides his insecurities.
Now I know I won't get many people to be candid in this thread, but I was hoping to get advice from other woman whose spouse took them back after adultery. At times, I don't think he will ever really get over the hurt. How were you able to rebuild trust? PM's are welcome too.