RANDOM THOUGHTS: Divorce Forum

PatDM'T said:
View attachment 486837
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Pamela Anderson's response
to Tommy Lee's
abuse made me
so proud of her.

She never gave
him a chance
to hurt her again
nor did she
risk her kids
being in danger
after that one
time. I get she
misses the good
times and depth
of feelings she
had for the
father or her
kids and seeing
her parents rekindle
their relationship which
was also abusive
makes her nostalgic
and wish things
were different and
good between her
and her baby daddy.

But I hope
she is able
to find ways
to fill whatever
void she feels
and does not
allow FOMO to
cloud her judgment
and end up
in another unhealthy
relationship. :pray:
 
Hi ladies!

I've been so busy and I love it!

Wanted to check in and let everyone know that I'm OFFICIALLY single!!! :toocool: Divorce is over and I'm free!!! That fool hung on and tried to drag it out as long as he could. Even tried calling me to reconcile and "put our family back together". :rolleyes: But when a woman's fed up, it ain't NOTHIN you can do about it! LOL!

I still have some financial paperwork to wrap up with the Ex - but that's what lawyers are for.
 
I was in a lazy mood after work today and ended up taking a long evening nap. Woke up around 10pm. Watched TV. Figured I'd be up for a while, so I showered and cowashed my hair. Now it's after midnight and I'm airdrying and flipping through Netflix.

In peace.

No explanation needed as to why I washed my hair 'so late'. Or why 'I'm sitting up like I don't want to go to bed'. I did it because I felt like it.

The end. Loving this single life!!!
 
Saw a post this morning and I thought about this thread.

The woman posted about when she divorced her alcoholic ex who wanted to play video games all day. Since she was the high earner, the ex got alimony, half of her 401k, and a lot of other stuff. Of course the "men" had to comment that it was about time that women felt what men have been going through, yada, yada, yada... :rolleyes:

I'm calling BS on that! Women already stand to lose so much when we marry. Yes, there's always that story of the woman who stuck it to her ex husband in court. But in reality, most men don't earn that much to "take". Also, laws now pretty much split everything 50/50. You can go to trial to fight for more, but it's costly and you might lose. AND who usually ends up with the kids full time in the divorce?

And men conveniently forget the FACT that the biggest threat to a woman is men! More than likely a man she knows!

The woman who posted actually married again to a guy she said was perfect for her. Hope she got a prenup. :look:

I have more thoughts, but gotta go for now!
 
sunnieb said:
Saw a post this morning and I thought about this thread.

The woman posted about when she divorced her alcoholic ex who wanted to play video games all day. Since she was the high earner, the ex got alimony, half of her 401k, and a lot of other stuff. Of course the "men" had to comment that it was about time that women felt what men have been going through, yada, yada, yada... :rolleyes:

I'm calling BS on that! Women already stand to lose so much when we marry. Yes, there's always that story of the woman who stuck it to her ex husband in court. But in reality, most men don't earn that much to "take". Also, laws now pretty much split everything 50/50. You can go to trial to fight for more, but it's costly and you might lose. AND who usually ends up with the kids full time in the divorce?

And men conveniently forget the FACT that the biggest threat to a woman is men! More than likely a man she knows!

The woman who posted actually married again to a guy she said was perfect for her. Hope she got a prenup. :look:

I have more thoughts, but gotta go for now!
Click to expand...
I don’t think that woman has learned her lesson yet, since she used the word perfect.
 
sunnieb said:
Saw a post this morning and I thought about this thread.

The woman posted about when she divorced her alcoholic ex who wanted to play video games all day. Since she was the high earner, the ex got alimony, half of her 401k, and a lot of other stuff. Of course the "men" had to comment that it was about time that women felt what men have been going through, yada, yada, yada... :rolleyes:

I'm calling BS on that! Women already stand to lose so much when we marry. Yes, there's always that story of the woman who stuck it to her ex husband in court. But in reality, most men don't earn that much to "take". Also, laws now pretty much split everything 50/50. You can go to trial to fight for more, but it's costly and you might lose. AND who usually ends up with the kids full time in the divorce?

And men conveniently forget the FACT that the biggest threat to a woman is men! More than likely a man she knows!

The woman who posted actually married again to a guy she said was perfect for her. Hope she got a prenup. :look:

I have more thoughts, but gotta go for now!
Click to expand...

I try not to read anything men have to say on the internet. There is so much trash, illogical, immature, ill conceived nonsense being spewed that it’s overwhelming. Men as a whole have really become a sad undeveloped class of people…

In my opinion. Lol

ETA: The only reason that tables are turning in this way, and “women are feeling what men have gone through” is because ninjas are BROKE. What a thing to celebrate. :rolleyes:
 
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@Theresamonet ain't that the truth. What's that old song - Nothing from Nothing leaves Nothing? Words to live by.

I'm in a different place though. I'm not trying to build-a-brotha anymore and I already have my children. I have my life built. Why would I get with a broke 50+ year old man??? You gotta have something.

I do worry about the young 20 something ladies. I hope they take their time and find a compatible man who matches their drive and ambition.

Side note: in the year since I left and divorced my ex, my credit score jumped 200 points. Nope, that's not a typo. TWO HUNDRED POINTS y'all!!

And he was constantly telling me that I don't know how to handle money. How sway? I will NEVER entangle myself financially with another man. NEVER!
 
Another thing I wish is thought of early on the divorce process - stop contributing to my retirement savings account.

He's why. Your Ex will likely get HALF. No matter what he did to to you, the law is the law. I wasn't thinking about it until way late. It goes against every fiber of my being since I am big on saving. And he's only supposed to get half of the balance as of the date of our divorce, but mistakes can be made and somebody can press the wrong button. If a mistake IS made, who knows how long it will take to fix. So I won't make anymore contributions until he gets his share.

On the flip side, you can negotiate to leave each other's retirement alone - but I wasn't dealing with a rational man.

No matter. I'm due more money from his account than he's getting from mine. It would have been in his best interest to agree to not touch my account, but he wasn't thinking. Lol!

And in the meantime, I've been contributing to high interest savings accounts and CDs. :cool:
 
PatDM'T said:
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I'm listening to this interview as I'm doing work and he's right when he says couples need to have tough conversations when things are good. That's something I do all the time with DH, mostly because I have anxiety particularly about future events. DH doesn't think about things until they're right in front of him and while I could learn from that, I always tell him "I'm bringing this up now while things are good because if I wait until they're right in front of me, I won't be as nice and diplomatic as I am right now."
 
My friend and I were talking about our legal fees for divorce and I thought about this thread.

Good news - if you are divorcing a reasonable man, you can get divorced for under $1,500. That's a bargain!

For me divorcing a narcissist, my cost was around $16,000!!! Yep, these fools will cost you money so get ready. It's not any one thing. They just don't go away. They delay. File bogus paperwork with the court and you have to respond. Just on and on!

Even now, I've been divorced from that idiot for months and I'm STILL paying for legal representation on issues from our divorce decree. Nothing overly major, but minor things that my ex is just not doing. So guess what? I have to do them. Just like in our marriage.

He's just sitting on his behind.

But let me tell y'all something. Being divorced from him is worth EVERY PENNY!!!
 
PatDM'T said:
It didn’t look
like we have
one of these
threads for this
forum so I
am starting one.

I was not sure
where to post
this but thought
it might work here.

"Ppl don't really
have relationship problems.
They have problems
that they bring
into the relationship".

Judge Faith is preachin'! :walking:

I want to read
her book now.

Click to expand...

So true.
 
Just got off the phone trying to handle another loose end with my divorce. I wasn't able to resolve it. :mad: Already in contact with my lawyer about another issue and she is moving slow as molasses. I even consulted with another lawyer (paid $100 for the privilege), but the issues are relatively small and my original lawyer has started the process. Ugh!

BUT....no worries. I. Am. Good.

I'm sitting on my couch. Fuzzy socks on. Comfy blanket wrapped. Coffee next to me and looking out my big window at all the rain happening today. Peace. Quiet. Tranquility.

Divorced life is awesome. :cool:
 
Random thought -

I was reading that Matthew Perry died at the age of 54. Fifty-four!!! I never really watched Friends, but I knew who he was.

I kept reading 54. That's only 3 years older than me. What if I was still married to the Jerk simply trying to 'survive' each day instead of living each day? What would I be doing right now if I were still married????? My brain can't even process that thought. I certainly wouldn't be chilling on my couch with a cup of coffee watching Christmas movies calmly thinking about what I need to get ready for the week.

Life is way too short to live life in absolute misery. Divorce is hard, but worth it to begin living your life and not just surviving.

File 'dem papers if you need to. You know who you are. :look:
 
There's an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal today. It talks about how women in China are not looking to get married and have children like they used to.

A woman is quoted saying that the Chinese men are mainly looking for caregivers - for them, the children, their aging parents, and their wife's aging parents. They don't want a partner. Just a servant. Who wants to sign up for that?

It was interesting to read. I don't blame them at all. Going through this long and expensive divorce process is no joke. That's why I seriously don't understand second marriages. They must've had an easy, quick, and cheap divorce from their first spouse.

I will NEVER go through this again. NEVER!
 
sunnieb said:
There's an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal today. It talks about how women in China are not looking to get married and have children like they used to.

A woman is quoted saying that the Chinese men are mainly looking for caregivers - for them, the children, their aging parents, and their wife's aging parents. They don't want a partner. Just a servant. Who wants to sign up for that?

It was interesting to read. I don't blame them at all. Going through this long and expensive divorce process is no joke. That's why I seriously don't understand second marriages. They must've had an easy, quick, and cheap divorce from their first spouse.

I will NEVER go through this again. NEVER!
Click to expand...
Girl, you said a Word!! I’m so done done! lol
 
It's coming up on almost 2 years since I walked out the door and left my toxic marriage. Almost 1 year since my divorce was finalized. I'm STILL dealing with some legal issues with my divorce and my EX is doing his usual delay tactics - trying anything to hang on I guess.

But guess what I've learned since I began my 'divorce journey'?

It was all worth it!!!

I never knew how much life I wasn't living because I was married to that man!

I'm healthier - I cook more than ever. I don't have to hear whining when I make healthy meals. No complaining that there nothing sweet in the house. I workout at the gym 4-5x a week and it's refreshing not to hear anyone complaining that I'm 'always gone'. I'm losing weight at a good pace and I'm only 11 pounds away from my first major weight loss goal!!!

I got a "raise" - Being in total control of my finances was like giving myself a raise even though my salary didn't change. It took me a couple of months of having extra money to really see how financially draining my EX was. I remember frantically going over my budget because I just knew I must've forgot to pay something. Nope! I just know how to handle my business and am finally able to feel like I make that money I do. I'm never broke like I was when I was married and we had TWO salaries!

Peace, Peace, and more Peace - I don't need 'me time' or want to get away anymore. My home is my sanctuary. It is as quiet as I want or I can put on my headphones and shake my non-dancing butt all around without a care in the world. I sing and hum randomly. I'm just SO happy all the time.

Nothing lets you know how bad you had it until you have it so good!

Happy New Year Ladies! Wishing you all the best and for those who are where I was before leaving - don't be afraid. You got this!
 
What did y'all do with your wedding rings?

I had mine thrown in a bag at the back of my closet for a while when I first moved into my apartment. Then I dug them out one Saturday morning and sold them to one of those 'we buy gold' walk-in places. :up:

I took myself out to a very nice and indulgent lunch and bought some hair treats at Ulta. Made a payment to my divorce lawyer with the rest! :cool2:
 
Have I mentioned lately that I will NEVER get married again? No? Well here's another mention. :lachen:

My ex just wants to be an :moon:.

I'm still trying to wrap up items from our divorce. He refuses to sign anything so that delays the process. NOW he's been contacting credit reporting agencies making random statements on our joint accounts that are closed. Just plain silly y'all!

Over the last month, I've been getting notices about statements and disputes on old accounts. I'm like, what is this? This account been paid and done for years. He just trying to stay in my life by any means necessary.

It's been TWO YEARS!!! Ugh!

As I sit here on my couch, under my heated blankie, sipping coffee I'm reminded how absolutely wonderful it feels not to have this idiot in my life. :cloud9:
 
sunnieb said:
Have I mentioned lately that I will NEVER get married again? No? Well here's another mention. :lachen:

My ex just wants to be an :moon:.

I'm still trying to wrap up items from our divorce. He refuses to sign anything so that delays the process. NOW he's been contacting credit reporting agencies making random statements on our joint accounts that are closed. Just plain silly y'all!

Over the last month, I've been getting notices about statements and disputes on old accounts. I'm like, what is this? This account been paid and done for years. He just trying to stay in my life by any means necessary.

It's been TWO YEARS!!! Ugh!

As I sit here on my couch, under my heated blankie, sipping coffee I'm reminded how absolutely wonderful it feels not to have this idiot in my life. :cloud9:
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What kind of statements is he making? What is he even disputing on a closed account? I’m surprised he thinks this is a way to get to you. It’s annoying but if you’ve moved you may not even get any notice of it. It’s not something I would think to do to get under someone’s skin.

It’s no consolation but it sounds like you won sis. You got out and he’s miserable.
:lol:
 
Black Ambrosia said:
What kind of statements is he making? What is he even disputing on a closed account? I’m surprised he thinks this is a way to get to you. It’s annoying but if you’ve moved you may not even get any notice of it. It’s not something I would think to do to get under someone’s skin.

It’s no consolation but it sounds like you won sis. You got out and he’s miserable.
:lol:
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See, you thinking like a person with some sense! That's exactly what I said! I logged in like usual and there was a little dot on my notification tab. The "statement" was vague like 'customer disputes payment history' and 'customer disputes balance information'.

Remember, these accounts are closed and paid - for years. Even the rep I talked to was confused and couldn't figure out why he did that. :brainy:

Yep, he miserable. I remember all the times he said I could easily be replaced and he can do better. Well......:drunk:
 
sunnieb said:
See, you thinking like a person with some sense! That's exactly what I said! I logged in like usual and there was a little dot on my notification tab. The "statement" was vague like 'customer disputes payment history' and 'customer disputes balance information'.

Remember, these accounts are closed and paid - for years. Even the rep I talked to was confused and couldn't figure out why he did that. :brainy:

Yep, he miserable. I remember all the times he said I could easily be replaced and he can do better. Well......:drunk:
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So happy for
you sis. You
are winning and
thriving, while he
is clearly hurting.

The peace you
are experiencing
is an echo
of a post
shared by @yaya24
in the Introvert thread:
View attachment 496445
 
sunnieb said:
See, you thinking like a person with some sense! That's exactly what I said! I logged in like usual and there was a little dot on my notification tab. The "statement" was vague like 'customer disputes payment history' and 'customer disputes balance information'.

Remember, these accounts are closed and paid - for years. Even the rep I talked to was confused and couldn't figure out why he did that. :brainy:

Yep, he miserable. I remember all the times he said I could easily be replaced and he can do better. Well......:drunk:
Click to expand...
He really is trying to find a way in. This is why I will NEVER get involved or married again. I can say that with my full chest! And the reasons are not just concerning past trauma or drama. Like when I found out that it’s not something I have to do or be involved in, the desire for companionship or marriage completely disappeared. I just don’t desire it for my life. I don’t buy into finding the right one, because I learned I really don’t want one. But yeah I was told the same thing. I was told I was worthless and a burden, and that they had options. So I have completely bowed out gracefully. I don’t need to be told several times that I not wanted and I don’t beg to stick around.
 
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