Premarital Genetic Testing?

[first2grace]

What are your thoughts on premarital genetic testing? Are unfavorable results a dealbreaker for your relationship? Is procreating a major goal for you and/or your significant other? If so, would getting news that either one or both of you had recessive genetic anomalies be the demise of your relationship or would you just take preventative measures to avoid having children? Have you ever been in the position of "having a feeling" that something isn't right with your SO and wanted to test, just to find out?

I will divulge more information about my situation as I hear responses, not trying to get e-stoned in this piece!

 

[FlowerHair]

I think it's a good idea if you suspect that you are related to your SO or if you know for sure that some disease runs in both your families...

 

[first2grace]

We are definitely not related! I just have lots of evidence that his genetics are umm...not all that good, for lack of a better word. Interacting with his family and him and knowing their health background leaves a lot to be desired. I just don't want to attempt to bring children into this world (with him) knowing what they could face. Call me selfish, but I value the quality of life of my future offspring.

I've been tested and have a child of my own, and I know I'm clear of any anomalies, both dominant and recessive, I just don't know how to handle this situation. He said he wants children to "carry on his name." I don't know how to say "I don't trust your genes" in a nice way though.

 

[Itllbeokbaby]

don't do what u can't handle. most mothers take the bulk of child-rearing.

 

[FlowerHair]

We are definitely not related! I just have lots of evidence that his genetics are umm...not all that good, for lack of a better word. Interacting with his family and him and knowing their health background leaves a lot to be desired. I just don't want to attempt to bring children into this world (with him) knowing what they could face. Call me selfish, but I value the quality of life of my future offspring.

I've been tested and have a child of my own, and I know I'm clear of any anomalies, both dominant and recessive, I just don't know how to handle this situation. He said he wants children to "carry on his name." I don't know how to say "I don't trust your genes" in a nice way though.

I know some families like that too, they are both poor in physical health and sometimes even mental health.

What I would do is look at the possible reasons, which I'm sure you've already done. Is it due to the way they were raised or the food they ate/didn't eat etc or is it really purely genetic?

Regardless, I wouldn't want to have a child if the in-laws were possibly detrimental to the child and taught him/her bad ways and so on.

Some things can be corrected with a healthy diet and a good upbringing, but some things cannot be eradicated in those ways... erplexed

don't do what u can't handle. most mothers take the bulk of child-rearing.

I completely agree

 

[CAPlush]

It wouldn't be a deal breaker or anything like that for me. No one is promised healthy children no matter if they have an unblemished genetic record. In my religion being married actually means you are open to children, if not then the spouse has grounds for annulment in some limited circumstances (like if there are no children and one partner gets sterilized for no medical reason).

I would not assume that I knew all of the genetic implications of a particular disease without the genetic counseling that goes with it, kwim? A lot of time an anomaly can be detected in utero, in which case if you would consider an abortion that would have to be on the table.

Any child you conceive could come out with a heritable anomaly, perhaps one that you haven't been tested for and comes from your side of the family, from your husband's side, both of your families, or a problem that is unexpected and not inherited at all. It's all a roll of the dice, I think your issue is much deeper than not "trusting" this man's genes. If you don't want to have his kids, then let him go so that he can find a woman who wants to mother his children.

 

[first2grace]

Well it is certainly a dealbreaker for me and it is because I don't want to have his children amongst other reasons which I believe are all related to his bloodline and possibly his upbringing. I am not about to take the chance of bringing a child into this world that may face hardships because I failed to notice the obvious, however I am also aware of the risks that childbearing has on it's own. No one is ever out of the woods, but certainly reprodrucing with someone with known defects has to increase the risk of passing that person's defects on to your children.

Because of the obvious implications of bearing children during marriage, this question has arisen. If I were to marry him, he would expect for me to mother his children, I know this because he has spoken of it. That is why I wonder...if negative results in genetic testing should cause hardship on the relationship. I did not ask your opinion on my relationship, just on the matter itself.

 

[LunadeMiel]

It would be a dealbreaker for me.

 

[first2grace]

It would be a dealbreaker for me.

Thank you for you honesty!

 

[metro_qt]

This thread's getting a little snippy...

For me, i think the only three negative genetic circumstances that would would make me stop, pause and reconsider would be congenital heart defects and mental retardation and dwarfism...

baring diseases i've never heard about, i think most other diseases and ailments on the father's side i can deal with, and I'd hope hope hope and pray that my good genes
balanced or dominated.

Like one of the other posters said, many things can be discovered in utero, and a choice can be made at that point...

so, for me, not a dealbreaker...

 

[first2grace]

This thread's getting a little snippy...

For me, i think the only three negative genetic circumstances that would would make me stop, pause and reconsider would be congenital heart defects and mental retardation and dwarfism...

baring diseases i've never heard about, i think most other diseases and ailments on the father's side i can deal with, and I'd hope hope hope and pray that my good genes
balanced or dominated.

Like one of the other posters said, many things can be discovered in utero, and a choice can be made at that point...

so, for me, not a dealbreaker...

Really? How so?

And personally, I don't do abortions, but to each her own.

There are thousands of genetic disorders that are just as debilitating and/or lethal as the ones that concern you the most. Have you ever heard of Tay Sach's? It is almost 100% fatal. If you and your mate of choice both carry the gene for it, you are at risk for bringing a child with this particular disorder into the world and odds are, they wont survive past the age of 4. http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/taysachs/taysachs.htm

There are many more diseases out there that are genetically linked and are just as destructive. By finding out what you carry and your future husband or whomever you choose to procreate with, you can help to reduce the chances that your child is born with a genetic disorder that either shorten their life or cause them a lifetime of pain and hardship.

 

[pookaloo83]

In this world anything is possible. Husband with good genes or not. Genetics doesn't determine everything. Your child can have an abnormality that neither you or your husband carry. It can be an infection you carried during birth, foods you ate. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. No one wants to bring a child in this world that they can risk losing. I love my DH so much, that whatever child we brought into this world we didn't care what would have been wrong with her. We still would have loved her unconditionally. We refused all the testing while I was pregnant for down's syndrome and what not, because if God wanted it to be that way then it is what it is.

 

[first2grace]

In this world anything is possible. Husband with good genes or not. Genetics doesn't determine everything. Your child can have an abnormality that neither you or your husband carry. It can be an infection you carried during birth, foods you ate. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. No one wants to bring a child in this world that they can risk losing. I love my DH so much, that whatever child we brought into this world we didn't care what would have been wrong with her. We still would have loved her unconditionally. We refused all the testing while I was pregnant for down's syndrome and what not, because if God wanted it to be that way then it is what it is.

I agree with you, genetics doesn't determine everything and there are things that are out of our control. I just think that reducing the chance of your child inheriting a genetic disease is proactive and shows that you care that much more about the health and welfare of you future children. Personally, If I were to find out that both me and my SO inherited a recessive gene for any one of the many destructive genetic disorders, I would choose not to have children with him, and depending on other factors (age, willingness to adopt, etc.) it could very well end the relationship.

As far as diseases that are not genetically linked or inherited, I leave it up to God, as he is the real babymaker, I just want to do what I can to reduce the chances of something happening.

 

[Bachelorette]

The earlier people do these tests the better then dieases like sickle celle anemia and such can be avoided and emotions wont cloud judgement. It's not about the couple, it's about the children

 

[pookaloo83]

The earlier people do these tests the better then dieases like sickle celle anemia and such can be avoided and emotions wont cloud judgement. It's not about the couple, it's about the children

I know it's about the children, but sometimes all these genetic tests that people do doesn't prove anything. Some things just can't be avoided...

 

[lux10023]

23 and me--ftrd on Oprah was a quick and easy genetic testing process--that anyone can use to check for potential genetic defects in their partners genetic make-up

i think it is very imperative to me if i am considering havin children with fh and it would be a deal breaker for me--honestly in regard to havin children with that man

 

[Bachelorette]

I know it's about the children, but sometimes all these genetic tests that people do doesn't prove anything. Some things just can't be avoided...

for something like sickle cell, it's easily to prove. you're both AS, the chance one of the kids will be sickle cell is high. terrible disease to place on a kid in the name of love, IMO

 

[kurlybella]

We are definitely not related! I just have lots of evidence that his genetics are umm...not all that good, for lack of a better word. Interacting with his family and him and knowing their health background leaves a lot to be desired. I just don't want to attempt to bring children into this world (with him) knowing what they could face. Call me selfish, but I value the quality of life of my future offspring.

I've been tested and have a child of my own, and I know I'm clear of any anomalies, both dominant and recessive, I just don't know how to handle this situation. He said he wants children to "carry on his name." I don't know how to say "I don't trust your genes" in a nice way though.

i hear you op.

this is not selfish. it's a natural, primitive drive which exists in humans, esp women since we get to pick whom we let fertilize our eggs, to only mate with the fittest provider.

some may say it's wrong, and that's not my argument. i'm only stating facts. do what you may with that information.

that's how we have evolved into the humans we are today (i belive that god and evolution go hand in hand and if it did not, then we'd still be eating from crooked clay pots and running after buffalo).

for me, it's 100% dealbreaker. however, if he is a good man and i ever wanted kids, adoption would be the next option before breaking up.

but procreation? no, i'd never bear any children if either his or my genes are going to cause any problems for any future children.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

It is a deal breaker. I carry the sickle cell trait. I'm not up for mating with a fellow carrier.erplexed

Many potential marriages have been broken because of genetic incompatibility. In most cases, its literally a life-and-death situation for your children.

In the Jewish community, those who both carry the trait for Tay-sachs are highly discouraged to marry.

 

[keysha1983]

Genetic disorders would be a deal breaker for me. I am not that desperate to get married. Raising kids is already tough (from what I heard), and I don't need any extra stress.

 

[LHLover]

I've been tested and have a child of my own, and I know I'm clear of any anomalies, both dominant and recessive, I just don't know how to handle this situation. He said he wants children to "carry on his name." I don't know how to say "I don't trust your genes" in a nice way though.

I don't think anyone can possibly be free of a genetic defect... your tests only indicate you're free of whatever you've been tested for. That being said, you've probably been tested for the most common genetic diseases and since you're all good to go and your mate, I'm assuming, doesn't show the phenotype of a disease (i.e. is suffering from a genetic disease) at worst he carries a recessive gene for the abnormalities you see in his family... which is still ok because your children will have a 50% chance of being just carriers (just like your mate) and unless they marry someone who is also a carrier for that specific defect their children should not be effected.

I would definitly get him tested so I know exactly what I'm dealing with and then make the decision.

 

[JollyGal]

I'd do it. It's not only for your offspring but for your own peace of mind.

 

[msa]

I have the sickle cell trait so my SO also having the trait would be a deal breaker. But that doesn't even require genetic testing because people usually find out they have the trait after having regular blood tests done.

I do think I'd get genetic testing done, just in case. My brother and his wife have had so many problems having children. Their first had a heart defect that required open heart surgery like 3 different times before he was 3, the second has cerebral palsy, the third pregnancy wasn't even viable (because it had so many things wrong with it in utero) so she had to get an abortion, and the fourth had to be carried by a surrogate. Some of the stuff they went through would have been avoidable if they'd had the testing done.

 

[Ramya]

I'm not doing genetic testing with anyone unless our doctors deem it necessary. And it would not be a deal breaker for me. Personally, I don't think it's important.

 

[FloweringSakura]

It would be a dealbreaker for me.