Pre-Nuptial Agreements

pinayprincess

pinayprincess

Well-Known Member
Ladies,

What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements? Did you sign one? Do you want to? Is it good for a marraige? What does it say about the relationship if your significant other suggests you sign one? Can you have a healthy relationship with the agreement not hanging over your head?
 
I actually believe that pre-nups are a smart thing to do. :yep: When a couple gets married, of course they are getting into it believing that they aren't going to divorce, but everything is not 100%. So, if you have a lot of assets that you want to protect "just in case" some day you may divorce, then by all means do it. :yep:
 
I wanted one DH didn't. He's got more assets than I do so I'm not going to fight him too much over that. LOL
 
I want one. Even though I don't have a pot to piss in, I hope to be more successful and accrue more money and assets even when I am married and when I do, I want to protect myself.

Pre-nups aren't just for the rich anymore. If you have kids from a previous relationship, or trust funds, etc. you may need prenups for that. I'd hate to be married w/ no prenup, then our marriage is on the rocks, I win a small lottery and he only stays around to get half then leaves me.

I want that prenup to protect myself. Women usually end up with the scraps in a divorce.

I've heard of marriages where the man had all the assets so no prenup was signed, then he would PURPOSELY lose all assets, businesses, go into debt and take half of his spouses assets and divorce.

Or married folks making just enough money UNDER their spouses salary so that they can claim spousal support, alimony, higher child support, etc. So protect yourself!
 
Yeah but doesn't this whole process introduce major insecurities into the relationship? Doesn't it make you question your faith in the relationship as a whole? Wouldn't the agreement hang over your head during every fight, or disagreement, and start becoming the black cloud of the relationship?
 
pinayprincess said:
Yeah but doesn't this whole process introduce major insecurities into the relationship? Doesn't it make you question your faith in the relationship as a whole? Wouldn't the agreement hang over your head during every fight, or disagreement, and start becoming the black cloud of the relationship?
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I think of it like health insurance. it's best to decide about health insurance while you are healthy. your employer and/or you pay a monthly fee and copays for this insurance. you may never have a major health problem or accident, but if you do, you're taken care of. Sitting in a hospital bed isn't the time to try and decide what insurance is best and by that time, you'll be getting a bad deal.

I believe prenups are good to discuss while you are in a rational, loving and giving state in a relationship. The divorce rate is 50% and I'm sure everyone at the altar never expects to get divorced, but it happens. When you are mad, depressed, sad, angry and fed up is not the time to think about fairly dividing up assets.
 
MizzBrown said:
I want one. Even though I don't have a pot to piss in, I hope to be more successful and accrue more money and assets even when I am married and when I do, I want to protect myself.

Pre-nups aren't just for the rich anymore. If you have kids from a previous relationship, or trust funds, etc. you may need prenups for that. I'd hate to be married w/ no prenup, then our marriage is on the rocks, I win a small lottery and he only stays around to get half then leaves me.
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I agree that prenups aren't just for the rich, but wouldnt winning the lottery or accruing more assets (minus inheritance) while in the marriage be considered marital property?
 
starfish said:
I think of it like health insurance. it's best to decide about health insurance while you are healthy. your employer and/or you pay a monthly fee and copays for this insurance. you may never have a major health problem or accident, but if you do, you're taken care of. Sitting in a hospital bed isn't the time to try and decide what insurance is best and by that time, you'll be getting a bad deal.

I believe prenups are good to discuss while you are in a rational, loving and giving state in a relationship. The divorce rate is 50% and I'm sure everyone at the altar never expects to get divorced, but it happens. When you are mad, depressed, sad, angry and fed up is not the time to think about fairly dividing up assets.
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Exactly...I also see a prenup as insurance. Having insurance doesn't make you sick, or get in a car accident, or have a fire in your home, but if those things happen, insurance helps mitigate the damages. Same thing with a prenup.

A lot of people get married later in life, and already have begun to accumulate wealth in the form of property and whatnot. A prenup is a smart choice.

For me, I look at it as not a problem. Me signing a prenup is me saying "I'm hear for you, not for whatever I think I can get from you if things don't work out."
 
A pre-nup undermines a marriage. You cannot say till death do you part and mean it having made a plan for divorce. You can't become one while protecting your assets. Your marriage will suffer. I do think that a pre-nup makes sense if you are on your second marriage. At that point it's obvious that when you take wedding vows you may not mean them. Therefore you might as well have a pre-nup. If you have children from a previous marriage that you need to protect then there are ways to do that without a pre-nup.
 
Hubby wants to do a post-nuptial agreement. Which i am cool with this. He plans to start is own company with the potential to earn a lot of money. I'm talking a million plus if it goes right, which it can. He wants the agreement in case i decide to just up and walk after 15 years. That way i can't take half lol. But it will also have stipulation's for if either of us is unfaithful. Also child support who would get this house or others. We will draw up the papers with each others own attorneys.

Now if he cheats i get half of everything. If i cheat i would get nothing just child support and a house.
 
A lot of people think they are being protected but in reality, prenups are like any other contract where everything cannot possibly be put into writing. At the end of the marriage, people then want to go back and rewrite it all but by then it is too late.

I am not inclined to sign a prenup and I sure as sh!t would not sign a postnup.
 
I wouldn't have a problem signing one. I agree that it's like insurance. Furthermore, the divorce rate is ABOVE 60 percent and RISING. Divorce, like children, is a reality for MOST couples so why not talk about it ahead of time?? Just b/c you sign a pre-nup doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed, same as not signing one doesn't mean your relationship will work out. If you're not signing the paper b/c you think it will undermine your relationship...IMO, your relationship has BIGGER problems than that pre-nup.

And whoever said that people on their second marriage shouldn't have a problem signing one b/c it's obvious they don't mean their vows...:nono:. That's b.s. and absurd on so many levels.
 
pinayprincess said:
Yeah but doesn't this whole process introduce major insecurities into the relationship? Doesn't it make you question your faith in the relationship as a whole? Wouldn't the agreement hang over your head during every fight, or disagreement, and start becoming the black cloud of the relationship?
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imo, if it took something like a mere legal document to create that then there was most probably some unresolved underlying issues. i would be quicker to be wary of the spouse refusing to sign documents if they were the one making a lot less money. i think if you trust your partner and you are both on the same page in terms of what would be a fair settlement then it would be fine.
 
Cincysweetie said:
I wouldn't have a problem signing one. I agree that it's like insurance. Furthermore, the divorce rate is ABOVE 60 percent and RISING. Divorce, like children, is a reality for MOST couples so why not talk about it ahead of time?? Just b/c you sign a pre-nup doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed, same as not signing one doesn't mean your relationship will work out. If you're not signing the paper b/c you think it will undermine your relationship...IMO, your relationship has BIGGER problems than that pre-nup.

And whoever said that people on their second marriage shouldn't have a problem signing one b/c it's obvious they don't mean their vows...:nono:. That's b.s. and absurd on so many levels.
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Completely agree with this post.
 
chellero said:
A pre-nup undermines a marriage. You cannot say till death do you part and mean it having made a plan for divorce. You can't become one while protecting your assets. Your marriage will suffer. I do think that a pre-nup makes sense if you are on your second marriage. At that point it's obvious that when you take wedding vows you may not mean them. Therefore you might as well have a pre-nup. If you have children from a previous marriage that you need to protect then there are ways to do that without a pre-nup.
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:funny:

I'm sorry, but that's hilarious....and true:look:
 
poetist said:
:funny:

I'm sorry, but that's hilarious....and true:look:
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Is it really? So a woman whose husband up and leaves her after 20 years for a 25 year old blonde bimbo...and that same woman wants to get remarried and not spend the rest of her life alone...didn't mean her vows the first time around?

Or how about a man whose first wife died and when he marries a second time he marries someone who requests a pre-nup? I guess he didn't take the "Til death do us part" portion of the vows seriously, huh? God forbid either of you ever end up in a situation like this. I would hate for people to assume that either of you didn't take your marriage vows seriously when you didn't chase after the philandering husband or try to revive the dead spouse. :rolleyes:

The mass generalizations on this board really get to me sometimes b/c I guess at times I make assumptions about the intellect of the women on this board.

Cincy :spank: MUST :spank: STOP :spank: ASSUMING :spank: this!!! :spank:
 
Cincysweetie said:
Is it really? So a woman whose husband up and leaves her after 20 years for a 25 year old blonde bimbo...and that same woman wants to get remarried and not spend the rest of her life alone...didn't mean her vows the first time around?

Or how about a man whose first wife died and when he marries a second time he marries someone who requests a pre-nup? I guess he didn't take the "Til death do us part" portion of the vows seriously, huh? God forbid either of you ever end up in a situation like this. I would hate for people to assume that either of you didn't take your marriage vows seriously when you didn't chase after the philandering husband or try to revive the dead spouse. :rolleyes:

The mass generalizations on this board really get to me sometimes b/c I guess at times I make assumptions about the intellect of the women on this board.

Cincy :spank: MUST :spank: STOP :spank: ASSUMING :spank: this!!! :spank:
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i agree with you. those entering 2nd marriages cannot have some sweeping generalisation applied to them as to why their first marriage did not succeed. as far as i'm concerned, a lot of people can wind up not being in their 1st marriage any more due to a lot of uncontrollable circumstances. nothing is really a given in this life and i'm sure those who view people moving onto 2nd marriages as not having been serious about their 1st would detest this same notion being applied to themselves. that is unless they are delusional enough to believe that they are the only exception.
 
tocktick said:
i agree with you. those entering 2nd marriages cannot have some sweeping generalisation applied to them as to why their first marriage did not succeed. as far as i'm concerned, a lot of people can wind up not being in their 1st marriage any more due to a lot of uncontrollable circumstances. nothing is really a given in this life and i'm sure those who view people moving onto 2nd marriages as not having been serious about their 1st would detest this same notion being applied to themselves. that is unless they are delusional enough to believe that they are the only exception.
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First I disagree with prenups because when you marry you are marrying forever. To add a prenup is to insinuate that maybe this person is not your soul mate anyway.

Second, I agree with you and Cincy about second marriages.
 
I'm not signing a pre-nup. Marriage is not just an agreement or even an expensive object that you would want to buy "insurance" for... it is a covenant, and if you do not completely and totally trust the person you're entering a covenant with, you shouldn't do it. Pre-nuptial agreements are inherently selfish and self-serving, and a key point in marriage is the the fact that you are joining a union with someone else, to become one with that person. Call me traditional or old-fashioned but I am in it to win it.
 
IntoMyhair said:
Hubby wants to do a post-nuptial agreement. Which i am cool with this. He plans to start is own company with the potential to earn a lot of money. I'm talking a million plus if it goes right, which it can. He wants the agreement in case i decide to just up and walk after 15 years. That way i can't take half lol. But it will also have stipulation's for if either of us is unfaithful. Also child support who would get this house or others. We will draw up the papers with each others own attorneys.

Now if he cheats i get half of everything. If i cheat i would get nothing just child support and a house.
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I don't understand why you would sign this post-nup or why he would ask you to. If assets are leaving your household to create this company then you are entitled to half of it. If you are supporting your husband, loving your husband, and caring for his children while he is working on this company then you are entitled to half the profits. Either your marriage is an equal partnership or it isn't. I would strongly question the motives of a person who asked for a postnup to protect assets that they would build while you are together, and I would question that person's commitment to the relationship.
 
Cincysweetie said:
Is it really? So a woman whose husband up and leaves her after 20 years for a 25 year old blonde bimbo...and that same woman wants to get remarried and not spend the rest of her life alone...didn't mean her vows the first time around?

Or how about a man whose first wife died and when he marries a second time he marries someone who requests a pre-nup? I guess he didn't take the "Til death do us part" portion of the vows seriously, huh? God forbid either of you ever end up in a situation like this. I would hate for people to assume that either of you didn't take your marriage vows seriously when you didn't chase after the philandering husband or try to revive the dead spouse. :rolleyes:

The mass generalizations on this board really get to me sometimes b/c I guess at times I make assumptions about the intellect of the women on this board.

Cincy :spank: MUST :spank: STOP :spank: ASSUMING :spank: this!!! :spank:
Click to expand...


Before you make any more passive aggressive comments regarding my intellect please go back and reread my comment. Pay special attention to my use of the word "may". If necessary look up that word an apply it's meaning to rest of the sentence. In addition if your spouse has died then obviously your vow to that person has been kept. :ohwell:
 
chellero said:
I don't understand why you would sign this post-nup or why he would ask you to. If assets are leaving your household to create this company then you are entitled to half of it. If you are supporting your husband, loving your husband, and caring for his children while he is working on this company then you are entitled to half the profits. Either your marriage is an equal partnership or it isn't. I would strongly question the motives of a person who asked for a postnup to protect assets that they would build while you are together, and I would question that person's commitment to the relationship.
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i'm glad someone else said it first...b/c that was my first thought.

Don't sign the post-nup. What if you end up helping him to get it off the ground by helping him out (letting him bounce ideas of you, helping with bookkeeping, secretarial, etc. type work, you taking on more of his househould/parenting duties to free up his time so that he can put more work into his business, etc.) Think about ALL that before signing a prenup. Starting a business involves more than a business plan and funds. It takes time and sweat equity. Know your worth.
 
chellero said:
Before you make any more passive aggressive comments regarding my intellect please go back and reread my comment. Pay special attention to my use of the word "may". If necessary look up that word an apply it's meaning to rest of the sentence. In addition if your spouse has died then obviously your vow to that person has been kept. :ohwell:
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I don't need to re-read your comment to understand that you were making an ignorant generalization regardless of your use of the word may. Nor do I need to look up the word may being that I'm not the one lacking an intelligent thought process.
 
tocktick said:
i agree with you. those entering 2nd marriages cannot have some sweeping generalisation applied to them as to why their first marriage did not succeed. as far as i'm concerned, a lot of people can wind up not being in their 1st marriage any more due to a lot of uncontrollable circumstances. nothing is really a given in this life and i'm sure those who view people moving onto 2nd marriages as not having been serious about their 1st would detest this same notion being applied to themselves. that is unless they are delusional enough to believe that they are the only exception.
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I agree 100%

I'm sorry, but the post-nuptial agreement I could not get with especially for the reasons identified by the poster that brought up the situation. That is a very interesting request. Are you going to do it?
 
Cincysweetie said:
I don't need to re-read your comment to understand that you were making an ignorant generalization regardless of your use of the word may. Nor do I need to look up the word may being that I'm not the one lacking an intelligent thought process.
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We are going to have agree to disagree. Especially about the bolded comments. You are the ignorant one here. Grow up, and the next time that you have a problem with one of my comments address it directly (and respectfully) instead of taking a passive aggressive route. Have a nice night.
 
chellero said:
We are going to have agree to disagree. Especially about the bolded comments. You are the ignorant one here. Grow up, and the next time that you have a problem with one of my comments address it directly (and respectfully) instead of taking a passive aggressive route. Have a nice night.
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Right. I'm ignorant because I don't agree with you. :rolleyes:

And there is nothing wrong with being "passive aggressive" as you put it even though the term doesn't fit in this case b/c I did address you directly...I simply couldn't remember your name and didn't feel like scrolling back to see it. Is it against forum rules to be passive aggressive anyway? As long as you got the point I was trying to make in the context of this discussion, that's all that matters. I didn't feel it necessary to take it to PM land, especially when I knew I wasn't the only one who disagreed with such an absurd generalization.

Gnight. :kiss:
 
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