I feel your pain and there is so much I would like to say but I think @
Shimmie has already expressed similar to what I would say. I've been where you are, not exactly but close, but for me it was just before my 10th anniversary. After years of trying to check myself, forgiving and asking for forgiveness even when I wasn't wrong, seeking material to be be a better wife, I came to a new realization. God has always been there for me and only He can change a heart and I suddenly didn't believe He wanted me to be acting like a slave to man's emotion. Long story short, I sought God fervently for His will and felt like I would have to let go and trust Him for better or in worst.
My situation wasn't looking bright. I would have had to start over from nothing, but I knew it was time to lay down the emotions except when I'm before God, forgive and pray sincerely for my husband, but seek no reconciliation till he (my husband) truly came clean about his attitude and whatever else. It turned out that there was an affair going on and his tactic to justify it was making me out to be a horrid wife and if you read my previous post to this one you probably would realize he was being backed by leaders of a Church bent on destroying me and being treated like a saint, even by my own mother while I suffered, trying everything I know to save my marriage and my sanity. I wanted to share 1 Corinthians 7: 14, 15
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
This passage helped me a lot. If my husband believed God he will fight for his marriage if he chose not to believe, he was free to leave, and God will give me peace. It so happens that my sudden calm, no longer desperate, confidence and logical thinking was a wake up call to my husband. When everything finally came out and the dust cleared after he repented in true brokenness he admitted that one thing I said hit him hard. It had happened on one of the nights when he was trying to rouse an emotional argument, while talking of divorce and I calmly mentioned that he was free to go and further more I'm pretty sure that God can give me a better husband that will be glad to nibble on me like I cooky each night. I don't even know why I said that, all I know I had spent the day turning things over to God and believing no matter how the tables turn, in Him I win. God put in my mouth what that man needed to hear, and gave me the backbone to let him see I knew my worth as a woman and his foolish tactics could no longer rouse me.
After years of God working on me, He did quite a work on my husband within a few weeks. My marriage was spared, but healing took some time. If it wasn't spared, I'm confident God would have healed and helped me just the same. What I can tell you, is that if you keep seeking God and making the effort to turn over even your emotions to Him, (I admit it's easier said than done, but it can be done), then He will take you through this and no matter the out come of your marriage, with God on your side you and the children will overcome and thrive. Let Him be your instructor in this. God knows both you and your husband intimately and knows exactly what you need to know right now.
Heavenly Father, I know and believe that you are fully aware of every event of our lives. It is written that marriage is honorable, and that who you join together let no man put asunder, but Lord you know human limitations and you know how the enemy likes to come in a destroy what you make good. Father have mercy on my sister @HairAffair417, give her wisdom and clear direction how to deal with her marriage situation. Father fill her with your peace, be her solace in times of emotional turmoil, let her know you are there to hold her and comfort her and instruct her in the way to go and the very words to say.
Have mercy on the children Lord. My heart cries out for them for I have sat where they sat, but I know you can teach them truth in the middle of confusion. Be their guard.
And Lord I put her husband before you, I know there is nothing too hard for you to do and no pit so deep that you cannot pull a soul out. Have mercy on him Lord and whatever it takes, turn his heart to fear You. Open his eyes to the truth about himself before you the living and true God. Lord knowing that you gave the gift of marriage I entreat you to save their marriage, please Father. But deeper still, Lord whatever Your will, I pray you heal each wounded heart, lift up the fallen soul and do not let the devil have his way in any of the lives affected. Thank You for your mercy and for stepping in even now. In Jesus name, amen.