Poll - Spiritual Confessions

[Mocha5]

Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.

a. Spending no time with him = No power

b. Spending a little time with Him = A little power

c. Spending a lot of time with him = A lot of power

Now you would think this would be common sense but sometimes I think we tend to make the things of God really complicated. It's not. And where He is concerned, we should be constantly checking our temperature. Today, are you cold, lukewarm or on fire for the Lord?

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Yeah, I know I gotta get it together. My girlfriend gave me a booklet called Doing it in Fear by Joyce Meyers. So the next time I hear God's voice telling me to go...guess what???? I'M GOING! If whoever it is thinks I'm nuts then oh well. Looking a lil foolish is a small price to pay when you compare it to who He is, what He has done and what He continues to do. As a matter of fact, if He says go then more than likely the person is ready to receive anyway. I'm such a genuis. Why didn't I think of that before now? Oh yeah, cause I needed my sistas in Christ to lead me to it. Thanks, girls!

I love you girl....you are so open to hear His voice!

Bless you!

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.

a. Spending no time with him = No power

b. Spending a little time with Him = A little power

c. Spending a lot of time with him = A lot of power

Now you would think this would be common sense but sometimes I think we tend to make the things of God really complicated. It's not. And where He is concerned, we should be constantly checking our temperature. Today, are you cold, lukewarm or on fire for the Lord?[/quote]

I love this. I think I'm going to do a sermon on "Checking your Temperature"! That's really good. Thank you so much!

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Thanks. I'm checking it out now and there's alot of great info on it! I really appreciate it.

You are welcome....bless you!

 

[mrselle]

- I have not been taking the time to read my Bible or pray. Usually I mumble a few words to the Lord before falling asleep but overall I have not been spending time with Him or in His word. I believe this is why I have been "slipping" and being more "of" the world than just being "in" it, as we are supposed to.

- Related to the above, I don't feel that I'm living up to my spiritual potential. I really believe in my hear that the Lord has great things for me to do, but because I haven't been spending time with Him I am missing out on all that He desires for me.

I could have written that word for word about myself. I went through a period in my life where I slept, ate, drank, dreamed, meditated…everything I did it was about God. I was in school full-time, worked about 20 hours a week, studied, visited my family two hours away and I still made it to church two times a week, sometimes three and every Sunday morning. I prayed constantly and I fasted. Never before I had I received so much revelation. Now that all the things and more that God showed me back then have come to pass I feel like I’m at a stand still. I’m married with a stepdaughter and a baby who is almost one year old. My time is limited, but I don’t make the time for God that I once did. I know that a lot of the feelings of loneliness, restlessness and being overwhelmed would go away if I really, really prayed and read the Word, but I’m too…lazy.

A few years ago my friend/prayer partner and I got up every single morning at 6am and we prayed. We did that for one whole year. I haven’t sought after God like that on my own since then.

I try to handle everything myself even though I know deep down inside that I can’t do anything without God. I know deep in my heart that if I took the time to pray, read the Word and spend time with God I could get everything done that I need to get done.

I’m still carrying around a lot of hurt from past disappointments. I don’t let myself get too close to people because I’ve been hurt time and time again.

I’m not a good stepmother. My excuse is that my stepdaughter has a lot of adult ways. She can be just as manipulative and deceitful as an adult. She and my mother-in-law have hurt me and I’ve allowed their past actions towards me change who I really am. Deep down inside I am a nice person, a sweet person, a caring person. I am a person who will do anything for anyone and not expect a thing in return. I do what is right even when I know that the person I am doing it for is talking about me like a dog. I do it with a smile on my face and in hopes that I am sewing a seed. I have allowed past situations to give me a rough exterior. I know that the manipulative and deceitful ways are spirits. I know that I owe my stepdaughter so much more of me than what she gets. I know that she needs my help, my prayers and my guidance. But because I’ve been so hurt I’ve shut down. Yes, she’s hurt me, but the true, true reason that I’ve shut down is because I know that one day she will say to me, “You’re not my mother. I don’t have to listen to you” and that will break my heart.

I know that God has a great work for me to do, but I fear that I am so far gone that I’ve missed the opportunity to do what He would have me to do.

 

[Mocha5]

Yep, I heard a tv evangelist say not too long ago that the amount of time we spend with God is the determining factor in how much power we will receive from Him.

a. Spending no time with him = No power

b. Spending a little time with Him = A little power

c. Spending a lot of time with him = A lot of power

Now you would think this would be common sense but sometimes I think we tend to make the things of God really complicated. It's not. And where He is concerned, we should be constantly checking our temperature. Today, are you cold, lukewarm or on fire for the Lord?[/quote]

I love this. I think I'm going to do a sermon on "Checking your Temperature"! That's really good. Thank you so much!

Oh Oh! Heeey now! I feel all honored and good and stuff! Give God the glory, right?! I love you too, Chica. Sending you a request to be my friend...lol...I'm all proud of the Christian women on my friend's list.

 

[Mocha5]

I could have written that word for word about myself. I went through a period in my life where I slept, ate, drank, dreamed, meditated…everything I did it was about God. I was in school full-time, worked about 20 hours a week, studied, visited my family two hours away and I still made it to church two times a week, sometimes three and every Sunday morning. I prayed constantly and I fasted. Never before I had I received so much revelation. Now that all the things and more that God showed me back then have come to pass I feel like I’m at a stand still. I’m married with a stepdaughter and a baby who is almost one year old. My time is limited, but I don’t make the time for God that I once did. I know that a lot of the feelings of loneliness, restlessness and being overwhelmed would go away if I really, really prayed and read the Word, but I’m too…lazy.

A few years ago my friend/prayer partner and I got up every single morning at 6am and we prayed. We did that for one whole year. I haven’t sought after God like that on my own since then.

I try to handle everything myself even though I know deep down inside that I can’t do anything without God. I know deep in my heart that if I took the time to pray, read the Word and spend time with God I could get everything done that I need to get done.

I’m still carrying around a lot of hurt from past disappointments. I don’t let myself get too close to people because I’ve been hurt time and time again.

I’m not a good stepmother. My excuse is that my stepdaughter has a lot of adult ways. She can be just as manipulative and deceitful as an adult. She and my mother-in-law have hurt me and I’ve allowed their past actions towards me change who I really am. Deep down inside I am a nice person, a sweet person, a caring person. I am a person who will do anything for anyone and not expect a thing in return. I do what is right even when I know that the person I am doing it for is talking about me like a dog. I do it with a smile on my face and in hopes that I am sewing a seed. I have allowed past situations to give me a rough exterior. I know that the manipulative and deceitful ways are spirits. I know that I owe my stepdaughter so much more of me than what she gets. I know that she needs my help, my prayers and my guidance. But because I’ve been so hurt I’ve shut down. Yes, she’s hurt me, but the true, true reason that I’ve shut down is because I know that one day she will say to me, “You’re not my mother. I don’t have to listen to you” and that will break my heart.

I know that God has a great work for me to do, but I fear that I am so far gone that I’ve missed the opportunity to do what He would have me to do.

Sounds like you're running to me. Very much like Jonah did. And as you may recall Jonah was so serious about getting away from God that he jumped on the first boat smokin.' And what did God do? He shook up Jonah's world, literally (I think he may be doing the same to you). So much so that they had to toss him overboard. But even in his disobedience he won the souls of the crew so don't ever think that you have missed out on God's plans to use you.

And because God knew that Jonah loved him and knew that Jonah understood the plans He had for Him (like you), God sent a fish to rescue him (And so He will rescue you in your situation be it your mother-in-law, stepdaughter, whomever or whatever). Now I know those had to be 3 long, cold, lonely, and possibly fearful nights in the belly of that fish but Jonah realized how much God loved him. I guess it is sometimes through the loneliness that He teaches us the most (Wow! That word was for me! ). Jonah went on to save Nineveh and so you shall save your own Nineveh too. Get back in His wiill, make Him the priority and everything else will fall into place.

 

[klb120475]

I have a confession.

Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..


Sometimes, I avoid answering a thread in this forum if I don't feel I can give that person a "spirit lead answer". I'd rather flow from the Holy Spirit than allow my carnal man to respond to a thread. So, I just avoid posting all together. Then I feel bad because I know that person is in need of some "right now help".

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I have a confession.

Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..


Sometimes, I avoid answering a thread in this forum if I don't feel I can give that person a "spirit lead answer". I'd rather flow from the Holy Spirit than allow my carnal man to respond to a thread. So, I just avoid posting all together. Then I feel bad because I know that person is in need of some "right now help".

So, where are the stones coming from?

It's all good.....

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Oh Oh! Heeey now! I feel all honored and good and stuff! Give God the glory, right?! I love you too, Chica. Sending you a request to be my friend...lol...I'm all proud of the Christian women on my friend's list.

Thank you for being my friend!

 

[Glib Gurl]

I have a confession.

Remember ya'll Christians and no stoning me..


Sometimes, I avoid answering a thread in this forum if I don't feel I can give that person a "spirit lead answer". I'd rather flow from the Holy Spirit than allow my carnal man to respond to a thread. So, I just avoid posting all together. Then I feel bad because I know that person is in need of some "right now help".

I actually think that's the spiritually mature thing to do. So no stones coming from me!

 

[klb120475]

So, where are the stones coming from?

It's all good.....

Guess, I'm just use to those overly self righteous folks that are always ready to judge others.

Thanks Nice & Wavy...

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Guess, I'm just use to those overly self righteous folks that are always ready to judge others.

Thanks Nice & Wavy...

You are welcome.....sweetie!

 

[Bronzedmuse]

Wow, this thread is so time appropriate for me. I have been getting much closer to Yahweh (God the father) and Yahshua (God the Son) than I have ever been before. Since my relationship has gotten stronger with Yah, I have been consistantly attacked by Satan mainly in my body.


My left foot keep on swelling and the entire left leg would hurt. It hurts to walk. I went to the doctor, she examined the leg and took lots of blood tests and can't find anything wrong. I also recently when to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, I have never had a cavity now the dentist and hygenist tell me I have a cavity that needs to be filled. Thing is, I have never had a tooth ache in my life,after coming home from the dentist I started experiencing sharp pain in my teeth and not from the tooth that has a cavity but teeth that are cavity free.

What does all of this have to do about spiritual confessions?? I have been fasting,praying and returning words of healing written in the Scriptures to Yah for the complete healing of my leg and teeth. All of the swelling in my left foot is now gone but it still hurts. I don't have the pain in my teeth any more but the cavity is still there and i refuse to get it filled. While I was fasting yesterday,Yah told me I have to repent of a grudge I have been holding in my heart from my childhood against a former neighbour if i want complete healing.

I have been holding on to this grudge for about 24 years and the person whom I have the grudge against is not at fault for what she did.


Here is the story:
I was a child about 8years old and my father was a drug addict. My
home became a drug house. My neighbour's house became my sancturary from the madness that was going on in my own home. She was my only friend and I needed her and her friendship. Her mother found out what was going on at my house and stopped her from befriending me. I understood why she couldn't be my friend anymore but she even stopped saying Hi to me when I would say hello and would not even look my way when I was in the yard. This hurt me to my very soul. It still hurts very much even to this day. Just thinking about this makes me cry to this day. Pray for me to let this go.

 

[Mocha5]

Wow, this thread is so time appropriate for me. I have been getting much closer to Yahweh (God the father) and Yahshua (God the Son) than I have ever been before. Since my relationship has gotten stronger with Yah, I have been consistantly attacked by Satan mainly in my body.


My left foot keep on swelling and the entire left leg would hurt. It hurts to walk. I went to the doctor, she examined the leg and took lots of blood tests and can't find anything wrong. I also recently when to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, I have never had a cavity now the dentist and hygenist tell me I have a cavity that needs to be filled. Thing is, I have never had a tooth ache in my life,after coming home from the dentist I started experiencing sharp pain in my teeth and not from the tooth that has a cavity but teeth that are cavity free.

What does all of this have to do about spiritual confessions?? I have been fasting,praying and returning words of healing written in the Scriptures to Yah for the complete healing of my leg and teeth. All of the swelling in my left foot is now gone but it still hurts. I don't have the pain in my teeth any more but the cavity is still there and i refuse to get it filled. While I was fasting yesterday,Yah told me I have to repent of a grudge I have been holding in my heart from my childhood against a former neighbour if i want complete healing.

I have been holding on to this grudge for about 24 years and the person whom I have the grudge against is not at fault for what she did.


Here is the story:
I was a child about 8years old and my father was a drug addict. My
home became a drug house. My neighbour's house became my sancturary from the madness that was going on in my own home. She was my only friend and I needed her and her friendship. Her mother found out what was going on at my house and stopped her from befriending me. I understood why she couldn't be my friend anymore but she even stopped saying Hi to me when I would say hello and would not even look my way when I was in the yard. This hurt me to my very soul. It still hurts very much even to this day. Just thinking about this makes me cry to this day. Pray for me to let this go.

I'm so sorry. I pray that God heals your today. Find her and tell her. Tell her how it's affected you all this time because I'm sure she has no idea. if you can't find her then use a proxy (a doll or something) and speak to it as if it was her. Let it all out. This will be your release. God kept you throughout the difficulties you experienced growing up and He will keep you through this situation by healing you completely.

By the way, I'm real mad at the momma cause she shoulda known better!!! They were your refuge. While you at it forgive the momma too.

 

[Monilove122]

I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....

...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...

...it's a vicious cycle....

Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL. I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies. But this is me! After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God. My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard. What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead. My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget. I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard. I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL.

But, I feel you girl.

Okay, I'm done crying

 

[PaperClip]

Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL. I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies. But this is me! After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God. My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard. What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead. My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget. I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard. I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL.

But, I feel you girl.

Okay, I'm done crying

 

[Monilove122]

Thank you !!!!

 

[Ms Red]

Oh boy-- you just described my situation except I wasn't pregnant and it's been almost 3 yrs since my dad died. Never sick...

My confession- I have not been spending time with God like I should. Today I am back to my daily devotions and reading the Word. This thread is right on time

Also, I had an epiphany at work. I had been praying for my boyfriend, for his spiritual welfare for some time now. Then God spoke to my heart. I realized that God is doing HIS job with him. He is God. I'm trying to yet again control eveything that I have no business controlling. God is working that out and He made it known to me to stay out of it and 'pray from afar.' I burst into tears and relief came over me.

Y'all are making me cry at work, LOL. I'm here having to pretend it's my allergies. But this is me! After losing my father SUDDENLY when I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with his first and only grandchild I was very angry with God. My son just turned 2 so it's fresh and still hard. What makes it harder is that my father wasn't sick, I had just spoken with him, just collapsed at work and 15 minutes later was dead. My cousin came to tell me at work and it's just something I'll never forget. I was really drawing nearer to God and letting alot of that anger go but then this past Father's Day was extremely hard. I still have not been to his grave and it's just tough especially cause my son is so much like him, LOL.

But, I feel you girl.

Okay, I'm done crying

 

[Nice & Wavy]

You ladies have blessed me today...I used lots of tissue!

 

[Bronzedmuse]

I'm so sorry. I pray that God heals your today. Find her and tell her. Tell her how it's affected you all this time because I'm sure she has no idea. if you can't find her then use a proxy (a doll or something) and speak to it as if it was her. Let it all out. This will be your release. God kept you throughout the difficulties you experienced growing up and He will keep you through this situation by healing you completely.

By the way, I'm real mad at the momma cause she shoulda known better!!! They were your refuge. While you at it forgive the momma too.

She has since married and moved from the neighbourhood and her mother has died. I hope one day to see her again now that we are both adults. It would be very healing to let her know how her rejection has affected me all these years even if she were to laugh in my face.

Thank you for your prayer and proxy suggestion.

--Bronzedmuse

 

[Shimmie]

I'm scared to fall back fully in love with the Lord again.... I LOVE the Lord, but due to disappointment over the years, I'm scared to let my guard down to the Lord and the things of the Lord. In recent months, I've gotten closer than where I was...but I'm still reluctant to fully open my heart back to Him again....

...and I have prayed so long for marriage and companionship...and I have been disappointed that this promise has still yet to manifest... and then the disappointment draws me away from Him...

...it's a vicious cycle....

Hey little one...

He's not far from you... satan wants you to 'give up' on God.

But God in all of His heart says of you to the enemy, "She's still my baby girl and I'm still willing and ready to give her the 'world' whether she believes me or not. Whether she receives me or not;

Whether she is discouraged or not...I wil never say no. For she's still my baby girl and I love her more than enough to give her whatever she asks for in my name... Her heart is not a game, therefore she will bear no shame to trust me again.

:blowkiss: For you "RR" which means, "Ready to Receive"...Babygirl, don't be afraid; only believe. (that's His word and His promise to you forever).

And angel, it's not about the husband/marriage...it's satan who's out to steal your joy and to destroy the beautiful relationship that you have with God our Father. satan is so jealous that he couldn't have you, so he's attacking what you chose over him...your love for God.

Hmmmmmp! the stupid fool. God is still your God and nothing can or ever will change it. No, not ever!

Your husband: "He that will come SHALL come and will not tarry."

Be not afraid, only believe... (Jesus said it, not me....Jesus, so you know it's the truth... ).

 

[chinadoll]

For those who feel scared about giving your heart to God, don't be because he owns your heart because he made you. I was like this 2 months ago and I promised to the Lord that i won't stray. I don't like to break promises, especially to the Lord, so i made that vow. It's all about self discipline. I don't worry about having a husband too much because it became an idol, so now I just pray for him and Let God take care of the rest. When i get discourage, I think about the times God made me happy. It's hard but when you think about how someone who unselfishly died for you, it changes your perspective about things.

 

[Kenedie]

I confess that I have felt lost and far from God for a while now and I am a leader in the church counseling to people on things that I desparately want to believe myself.

I confess that I was deeply hurt by the ending of a relationship and while I continue to try to walk in forgiveness and not be judgemental, envious and bitter...it is a struggle. I realized last night that I am becoming cynical toward other Christians, fighting thoughts that we are all fake.

I confess that I want to quit all of my ministry duties eventhough I know it is apart of my purpose. I am tired of dealing and trying to help and feeling like I've failed.

 

[Monilove122]

Oh boy-- you just described my situation except I wasn't pregnant and it's been almost 3 yrs since my dad died. Never sick...

My confession- I have not been spending time with God like I should. Today I am back to my daily devotions and reading the Word. This thread is right on time

Also, I had an epiphany at work. I had been praying for my boyfriend, for his spiritual welfare for some time now. Then God spoke to my heart. I realized that God is doing HIS job with him. He is God. I'm trying to yet again control eveything that I have no business controlling. God is working that out and He made it known to me to stay out of it and 'pray from afar.' I burst into tears and relief came over me.

Wow someone that can relate to me!!! I hear people saying all the time God knows best and as a saved woman I know that but to go through this at a time in my life that was supposed to be happy made me angry. After I gave birth to my son I cried in the hospital because just 3 months earlier I was sharing with my Dad that I was having a boy and he was so excited I ended up naming my son after my Dad (he has 2 middle names) so for me my pregnancy and all of that was difficult. My Dad and I were VERY close and him and my Mom would've been married 35 years in 2 months almost to the day when he passed. He was a very integral part of not just the immediate family but the family as a whole. He was the baby boy but his younger AND older siblings looked to him to be the matriarch. So through all of this there was fear the family would fall apart. I mean I'm a praying woman but I didn't even know how to pray during this time. Didn't know what to say, between my anger, my Mom's anger, my own relationship falling apart because of what I was going through, got laid off from my job right after I returned from burying my father... Don't get me wrong, i still love the Lord, know He is the beginning and the end and the author of my life, but I just fell out of love because of the extreme circumstances. But that's real, that's why when folks go through these periods I don't beat them in the head to make them feel guilty because I know first hand that when LIFE happens and it comes at you like a whirlwind, it can knock you off your feet in such a way that it will be hard to recover. But... you still have to have God in your life and your heart even if you lose faith so that you can get it back

 

[Ms Red]

Wow, so many similarities I see here.

A couple of times I found myself questioning God. Like, why would you take a 53 yr. old man of God, the head of a Christian household? Not a perfect man but one trying to live up to God's expectations of what a husband, father and son SHOULD be? The first father's day...my boyfriend consoled me the whole day-- I would not leave my apartment. What made matters worse is that my mom was 1200 miles away and going through her own set of issues with God that included losing her husband of 30 years....

But what I can say is it gets better. Not easier, just the pang in your heart that you feel when his birthday comes diminished a tiny bit. Instead of the rush of anger and feeling like this--> all the time, memories of the time I spent with him came back to me. But I can't lie to you and say that my heart is 100% healed because it's not. My will is to do God's will, period. But when I think about getting married, having children, life milestones that my dad will never see... He died when I was 24, I often feel like my life will never be the same. I would often ask my bf why God allowed me to have such a close relationship with my father, only to take him away from us? He did not grow up with a father figure and would tell me that I was blessed to have that time with my dad while he was alive. I changed jobs 3 times after his death, gained weight, started having panic attacks...financially supported my mother for the 2 years she was out of work with no income. My brothers are 40 and 41, they've gotten married, they've had children, my dad was there for it, the pictures and memories. . . But I just pray through the sad time. I pray that my life can begin again and I'll eventually know happiness again.

ETA: I'm so glad your baby came through that pregnancy okay. He looks like a sweetie pie Many women in your situation would have walked away from God but you eventually embraced Him again. You will truly be blessed for your faith.

Wow someone that can relate to me!!! I hear people saying all the time God knows best and as a saved woman I know that but to go through this at a time in my life that was supposed to be happy made me angry. After I gave birth to my son I cried in the hospital because just 3 months earlier I was sharing with my Dad that I was having a boy and he was so excited I ended up naming my son after my Dad (he has 2 middle names) so for me my pregnancy and all of that was difficult. My Dad and I were VERY close and him and my Mom would've been married 35 years in 2 months almost to the day when he passed. He was a very integral part of not just the immediate family but the family as a whole. He was the baby boy but his younger AND older siblings looked to him to be the matriarch. So through all of this there was fear the family would fall apart. I mean I'm a praying woman but I didn't even know how to pray during this time. Didn't know what to say, between my anger, my Mom's anger, my own relationship falling apart because of what I was going through, got laid off from my job right after I returned from burying my father... Don't get me wrong, i still love the Lord, know He is the beginning and the end and the author of my life, but I just fell out of love because of the extreme circumstances. But that's real, that's why when folks go through these periods I don't beat them in the head to make them feel guilty because I know first hand that when LIFE happens and it comes at you like a whirlwind, it can knock you off your feet in such a way that it will be hard to recover. But... you still have to have God in your life and your heart even if you lose faith so that you can get it back

 

[Mocha5]

Cupcake and Moni, I never had the relationship that the two of you had with my father. I knew him but I was never his priority even though I was his only child. I can count on one hand the things he did for in my life. He didn't celebrate any milestones with me. Started my cycle: no father. Started liking boys: no father. Started having premarital sex: no father. Daddy Daughter dances: no father. Graduated from high school, no father. Graduated from college: no father. Got married: no father. Birthed 5 children: no father. If he ran into my children on the street, he wouldn't know them. I recently found out via internet that he had died. His wife didn't even let me know. I'll never know why he didn't love me or want me or even care about me. But I thank God that the two of you had what I did not. Celebrate your fathers' lives. Try not to question why God took them but ask yourselves what you can do to keep them alive in your hearts. I had to get to a point where I realized that God was my ultimate daddy and that as good as an eartly daddy can be, my Father in heaven can be sooo much more. His arms are open wide. He's waiting on both of you cause He loves you more than you love yourselves. Faint not.

 

[Monilove122]

Wow, so many similarities I see here.

A couple of times I found myself questioning God. Like, why would you take a 53 yr. old man of God, the head of a Christian household? Not a perfect man but one trying to live up to God's expectations of what a husband, father and son SHOULD be? The first father's day...my boyfriend consoled me the whole day-- I would not leave my apartment. What made matters worse is that my mom was 1200 miles away and going through her own set of issues with God that included losing her husband of 30 years....

But what I can say is it gets better. Not easier, just the pang in your heart that you feel when his birthday comes diminished a tiny bit. Instead of the rush of anger and feeling like this--> all the time, memories of the time I spent with him came back to me. But I can't lie to you and say that my heart is 100% healed because it's not. My will is to do God's will, period. But when I think about getting married, having children, life milestones that my dad will never see... He died when I was 24, I often feel like my life will never be the same. I would often ask my bf why God allowed me to have such a close relationship with my father, only to take him away from us? He did not grow up with a father figure and would tell me that I was blessed to have that time with my dad while he was alive. I changed jobs 3 times after his death, gained weight, started having panic attacks...financially supported my mother for the 2 years she was out of work with no income. My brothers are 40 and 41, they've gotten married, they've had children, my dad was there for it, the pictures and memories. . . But I just pray through the sad time. I pray that my life can begin again and I'll eventually know happiness again.

ETA: I'm so glad your baby came through that pregnancy okay. He looks like a sweetie pie Many women in your situation would have walked away from God but you eventually embraced Him again. You will truly be blessed for your faith.

Girl, we've gotta talk because I never met anyone who REALLY understood what I was going through. All of those feelings you felt so did I!!! I gained weight too, ate through my grief and didn't even realize I was doing it. My dad was 58 and I was 31 - I often went to my Dad before my Mom, LOL. When I found out I was having a boy the FIRST person who I called was my Dad who was so excited. I didn't know this until his funeral but he talked about my baby ALL THE TIME, folks from his job knew my baby's name and everything so he was more excited than I thought he was about his first and only grandchild.

It has gotten a bit easier, although I was a complete mess on this past Father's Day I was able to look at a video my cousin put together of footage of him a year before and a couple months before he passed. And like you my Mom lives far from me (about 600 miles) so we couldn't be together so I had to get through it. My ex kept my son so I could be alone and I cried until I had no more tears but surprisingly felt better afterwards.

The only time I have ever considered suicide was the day I found out my father died. I can truly say God has a purpose for my life cause had I not been pregnant and aware that I needed to get myself together for my baby I don't know if I would be here today. I always call my baby my miracle child because he saved my life. I didn't cut up at the funeral (you know how we can be, ) cause I had to keep myself together for him. Everyone kept telling me how proud they were of me but it was because God knew what he was doing that at 31 I was pregnant with my first and only child Why no other time in my life... Because God knew that baby would be my reason for staying here and fulfilling His purpose for my life.

Even now I don't "get into" worship as much as I did before but I'm getting there and I know in my heart of hearts that God does know best but it surely took me a minute to get there. But, I will say that I'm learning more than ever to fake it till I make it because not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad whether it be through a song that comes on the radio, a bird flying by, etc. but God holds me together for my son, my Mom, other family and friends, and most importantly for His purpose. A friend was going through some rough times going through a divorce and needed me the day of my Dad's birthday Feb. 12 and she knew I could identify with her. I was so wrapped up in that that I didn't have time to cry and I was alright. My Dad was always Daddy to many other people because he was so much fun, caring, kind, and giving and they were having a harder time than I was.

The good thing is that my Mom comes where I am more often since my Dad passed and I thank God that she was the type of women that had a very active life before he passed and she wasn't one that didn't know about the finances, etc. She misses him of course but she can carry on. That's why I'm so adamant about women having their own life and identity because you don't know what the next day holds and if you are so tied up in your husband that you can't breath without him you will be SO pitiful if he leaves this world the way our Dad's did. My friend lost her Dad this year and her Mom didn't even know how to pay the bills so I'm glad she was there for her. But, I have SO much to be thankful for and through remembering my Dad, laughing at his sillyness or funny jokes he would tell (they were really corny), it makes me smile. I dream VIVID dreams all the time and I dream about him often holding my son and laughing and talking so I know he's okay.

 

[Monilove122]

Cupcake and Moni, I never had the relationship that the two of you had with my father. I knew him but I was never his priority even though I was his only child. I can count on one hand the things he did for in my life. He didn't celebrate any milestones with me. Started my cycle: no father. Started liking boys: no father. Started having premarital sex: no father. Daddy Daughter dances: no father. Graduated from high school, no father. Graduated from college: no father. Got married: no father. Birthed 5 children: no father. If he ran into my children on the street, he wouldn't know them. I recently found out via internet that he had died. His wife didn't even let me know. I'll never know why he didn't love me or want me or even care about me. But I thank God that the two of you had what I did not. Celebrate your fathers' lives. Try not to question why God took them but ask yourselves what you can do to keep them alive in your hearts. I had to get to a point where I realized that God was my ultimate daddy and that as good as an eartly daddy can be, my Father in heaven can be sooo much more. His arms are open wide. He's waiting on both of you cause He loves you more than you love yourselves. Faint not.

You know it's so funny (ironic not Ha, Ha) you say this because I was so close with my Dad that I didn't realize every daughter wasn't like that with her father until I got older. My Dad taught me EARLY that you are a queen men should respect you, games men play, and by just being him what a GOOD man is. So you are right I'm so thankful and I thank God for just the little bit of time I had with him because I realize everyone is not like that. And although I haven't FULLY gotten to the point where I can say God is like a Daddy to me (I mean he's my heavenly father but y'all know what I mean, in the earthly sense) I'm getting there

Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am (won't say was cause he lives on in my heart.)

Okay once again I've done enough crying at work, LOL. I'm going home y'all!!!!

Be Blessed and may Heaven Smile Upon You!!!!!