Poll: Do you want him or yourself to wear the "PANTS" in a relationship?

Who you rather wear the pants?

  • Yourself

    Votes: 2 1.9%

  • Him

    Votes: 69 63.9%

  • Both, balanced

    Votes: 37 34.3%

  • Unsure

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    108
  • Poll closed .
After 24 years of marriage I have found that it really is best that both partners be strong and submissive with each other. There are times when I am like absolutely not, that is not the right decision. Many times he will say you are usually right, we'll go with your decision. Sometimes I will say whatever you decide is fine with me. But I still say he is the head of the house and in public I often let him take the lead, but we are truly partners. I think even if a man was "perfect" and really Christ-like (something I have never seen) he still should not always take the lead when he is married to another adult who is smart as well and brings her beautiful feminine energy to the marriage. I have yet to see a happy home where either the man or woman is always leading.
 
I love that my DH takes the lead and as some may call it "wear the pants", it's less stress for me. He does this in a very respectful, loving way--so that I never feel beneath him or that my opinion doesn't matter. He's really good with discussing matters that affect our family with me, I have a voice and we come to an agreement. He doesn't dismiss my ideas just because he's the man.
 
I am all for balance. Initially, I like that Dh takes the lead, but words cannot express how I love how he trusts me to make decisions and honors my input as well. We are very in tune to our strengths and weaknesses, so where one falls, another helps to make it up. So I think both should know when to step up, and when to back down.
 
Him. I felt like I had to be the man in the relationship when I was married and let me tell you that was stressful in of itself.
 
Decisiveness is vital, imo. The rest can be worked out, but he should at least be able to confidently make decisions about things and stick with them. Hearing "I'm not sure" or waffling would become wearisome.

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nicola.kirwan said:
Decisiveness is vital, imo. The rest can be worked out, but he should at least be able to confidently make decisions about things and stick with them. Hearing "I'm not sure" or waffling would become wearisome.

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ITA completely. Dh is very strong and masculine. I have few worries when it comes to most matters. I trust him completely, particularly when it comes to safety and financial matters. The women I know who are married to wishy washy men tend to be very overwhelmed.
 
ambergirl said:
I've never understood the either/or or even framing the question this way. I think every couple works out what works for them and the person who's "running the show" and what that looks like varies based on the issue at hand and even what else is going on in the relationship.
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I think I mentioned either and both...as in him, you, or both/in between. I agree there isn't a right/wrong answer, I just want to know everybody's preference.

Whimsy said:
I like the alpha male.

However, I feel balance is necessary. When I think of the term "wear the pants" it feels a lil dictator-ish to me.

So, while I love an alpha male, masculine manly man, I like there to be compromise and balance to decision making on the important stuff.
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"Wear the pants" is just an expression for leadership in this context/discussion.
 
I find comfort in letting the male wear the pants, as it should be. :yep:
To me, it's so attractive when a man really steps up to the plate and willingly makes decisions, leads and provides for his family. :love2:
And I do believe that if he really is a sweet guy, there will be balance in decision-making, and he'll try to do the best thing for the both of you.
As the woman, when you feel secure in him as a man, it makes it easy to submit, because that's the trust factor...:rolleyes:
 
ambergirl said:
I've never understood the either/or or even framing the question this way. I think every couple works out what works for them and the person who's "running the show" and what that looks like varies based on the issue at hand and even what else is going on in the relationship.[/QUOTE]

Yes, I'm a firm believer in this; for me, my ideal situation would be him wearing the pants but I'm very open to what ever works for us as a couple.
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I prefer for him to take the lead, but I also want to feel as though he values my opinion.

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I prefer we share the pants. Been in a situation in which I wore the adult pants and it waddn't funny at all. It was miserable. Any man who CAN't wear the pants (equally) is no man at all. He's just a male.
 
Interesting thread..

While it's great to follow the lead of a sensible man we know that no one acts perfectly all of the time... So for the married ladies especially, do you make yourself go along with your husband's decisions even when you think he is dead wrong? How do you handle these situations?
 
"Both, balance". I don't want my relationship to be the "MD_Lady Show" or the "MD_Lady's DH Show". :nono: I care about us getting where we want and need to be, not who has the final say or gets "credit" for a decision.
 
Raspberry said:
Interesting thread..

While it's great to follow the lead of a sensible man we know that no one acts perfectly all of the time... So for the married ladies especially, do you make yourself go along with your husband's decisions even when you think he is dead wrong? How do you handle these situations?
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No and I wouldn't have married a man who was too fragile hear my concerns (and I wouldn't have been ready for marriage if I was too fragile to hear his concerns). If I think he's dead wrong, I make it known and tell him why (he does the same with me).
 
I chose both though I wanted to lean towards Him wearing the pants, and I wear the panties lol. I was raised Christian and was taught that the man was to run the household, etc. I've always like to have been more submissive but I also like my way and was spoiled so sometimes it can be a struggle. I agree with a lot of the ladies here with there being some strength and weaknesses and some things need to be based on that, not every man is strong enough to handle everything, which is where women can come in at. I'm starting to loosen up my grip and letting my man lead more but I've never been one for someone telling me what to do. However, sometimes you make decisions that are crass or so self focused that you need your man's opinion. I put up a fight one time over me taking a cruise and at the end of the day he knew it wasn't the best idea at this time. I had to step back and think, yeah, he's right. We will go together sometime when the money is right.
 
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It's biblical for the man to lead, but his leadership will take in account how his decision will affect you or your children. Headship would be a loving leadership over the family, not a dictatorship. The term "wear the pants" is negative connotation because it doesn't take in account God's way of doing things.
 
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MD_Lady said:
No and I wouldn't have married a man who was too fragile hear my concerns (and I wouldn't have been ready for marriage if I was too fragile to hear his concerns). If I think he's dead wrong, I make it known and tell him why (he does the same with me).
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Makes sense :yep:

So for the ladies who believed the man is the natural leader.. are you saying he basically has the ultimate veto power? Like if there's an impasse where both of you have different opinions for a certain decision, his vote has ultimate authority?
 
Raspberry said:
Makes sense :yep:

So for the ladies who believed the man is the natural leader.. are you saying he basically has the ultimate veto power? Like if there's an impasse where both of you have different opinions for a certain decision, his vote has ultimate authority?
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I can't speak for everyone, but from my point of view, a man "wearing the pants" doesn't mean he is the "all powerful" ruler of the household (sounds like a character in a fantasy novel lol). It simply means the woman knows when to fall back. Men are the head, but the women are the neck. Yea, that may mean letting him get his way when you have differing opinions. However, a good man, would seek & value his wife's opinion most of the time. A good man would also want to compromise with what his wife wants. In a relationship with a good man, the times where you come to a true impasse should be few & far between. However, when it does happen, depending on the situation of course, a good wife would fall back & be the bigger person.

This doesn't mean that a woman should NEVER disagree with her husband/SO. There is a such thing as extremes :look: I'm just saying, a smart woman knows when to let a man feel like the man.

Humans are animals. The male instinct is to protect, provide, and be the backbone of his family. That's how most men validate themselves. Let him live! :lol:






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I like for my man to lead and do what's best for us. At the same time, I like him to able to submit to me when I want that.
 
I don't want a pushover at all! I'm very headstrong and really combative at times, but I always want a man who is stronger than me--not in a bossy, abusive way, though. I just want someone who's assertive but not controlling. He needs to know how to state his point and stand firmly behind it no matter how much I fuss...lol.
 
Him wearing the pants doesn't mean you're walking around naked. If you pick the right man, his needs and wants will often come last in the decision making behind yours and that of your children.

Have you ever seen people compete in a potato sack race? That is what happens when you've got two people, in a relationship, wearing the pants. Hopping around the place, falling over each other, going nowhere. :lol:
 
We are equally yolked. We both bring strengths and weaknesses to the marriage. Our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. For those things that he's stronger, he takes lead. For those things that I'm stronger, I take lead. No one resents the other for taking lead. We look at it as a balanced approach. And, in all circumstances, we make joint decisions although one may take lead on the situation/project/etc.
 
Him..I like being submissive. I know my power as a woman is in my femininity. He has to be worthy of it though by serving a higher power than himself (God). IMO a relationship's purpose is to learn if he is worthy or not of your submission in marriage.

My motto is I take care of him, so he can take care of us.
 
divachyk said:
We are equally yolked. We both bring strengths and weaknesses to the marriage. Our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. For those things that he's stronger, he takes lead. For those things that I'm stronger, I take lead. No one resents the other for taking lead. We look at it as a balanced approach. And, in all circumstances, we make joint decisions although one may take lead on the situation/project/etc.
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:yep: I personally don't want a man who defines his masculinity in hardline traditional ways. Also, in the marriages that I admire this notion of who's the leader or not doesn't seem to ever come up. Over time folks seem to naturally gravitate to doing what needs to be done to make the relationship work.
 
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