Please...lost in the hair valley in MD

[Dainah]

Well, after stretching since July 1 (and disovering LHCF the following week), I buckled and went in for a touch-up tonight at a new place on the rec of a sis I met shopping the other day; she had gorgeous hair. Long story short; I left the salon in tears. It seems as though all my hard work went down the drain. Some high points:

-I 'cheated' on my former stylist b/c she would have taken out 1/2 my hair in the neutralizing and combing out process as she likes to start detangling from root to the tip! And also, she was beginning to look a bit shady to me as I don't think I've ever seen her hair longer than 3 inches in the almost two years I've been going to her. She was very nice, though and the business is fam-owned, had no drama and gave speedy service.

-I think this new stylist over-processed my already relaxed hair by running the perm through my entire head of hair. When I pointed it out to her, her reply was that the hair/perm is time-sensitive and that it doesn't matter if relaxer touches the old growth.

-Upon drying, I told her that I'm still suffering from severe p.t.s.d. from former stylists who have been up in my hair and not treating it correctly. She said that I could use a trim and measured out that she would only cut
------- much, but the strands I saw were as long as --------------------much!!!

-stylist THEN said that practically ALL of my hair (with the exception of the new growth) needs at some point to be taken off. after styling, she said that she shouldn't be able to see through good, healthy hair, and THEN she couldn't tell if my hair was just thin after relaxing or just damaged.

An hour and a half later, I'm still tearing up and sniffling like somebody shot my dog. I sure could use some help here. For almost 10 years, I've been trying to get past shoulder length and all the overprocessing, scissor-happy, hair-hating folks have REALLY made me want to give in and up!

PLEASE, will you informed, educated ladies out there explain/advise the following:

-overprocessing. Is what the stylist told me the truth or yet another 'hair-lie'?

-Someone who really knows and administers dustings, or step-by-step instructions as to how to do it myself.

-a GOOD reputable stylist in the B-more area (will travel up to 1 hour) who knows how to give a good touch up? I would even travel to see one of you ladies who self-relax (because you have a proven record/photos and KNOW what the goal here is.)

OR

-Chapter and verse details on how to self relax. I'm awfully inept with the chemicals and really have to be baby-stepped through it.

I'd really appreciate if someone could take me by the hand and lead the novice out of the valley of the shadow of hair death.

Thanks for your time and attention,
-Dainah

 

[ajargon02]

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can't help you out w/ tips really,but I just wanted you to know that we are here for ya I would give you a hug if I could.

 

[Kimberly]

Girl! (((hugs))) I completely understand! I had a traumatic schissor-happy experience not too long ago. I hate you had to go through this. I don't know why so many can't just trim off what they say and what we want them to.

 

[KeraKrazy]

I'm very sorry that happened to you and know exactly how you feel, I've never even reached shoulder length before thanks to stylists which is the reason I now avoid them like the plague. I can't help you with all your questions but I know that Southerngirl (don't think thats how its spelt) has a really good thread on self relaxing which would be invaluable to you, but if you really feel uncomfortable with chemicals I would suggest you get a friend to help you out (thats what I do). Good Luck

 

[FlyyGyrl]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience last month. From that I have concluded... no more stylists for me for a long time. It is just really hard to find someone who listens. Maybe you can find a member in the Baltimore area to relax your hair for you. Or if you feel that you are able, maybe you can try doing it yourself. I am sure you can make it past shoulder length and beyond. Just don't give up.

 

[shunta]

Hey there, first of all I wanted to say Im sorry that you are sad and this happened to you. Lately, I ve been getting pissed at stylists, too, because the ones I go to seem to always want to take a shortcut with something. I am not by any means trying to diss or bad mouth any stylists, but just the ones Ive seen lately are slacking on their game.

If you are interested in self-relaxing, Southerngirl has some EXCELLENT tips in her fotki, thats if you decide that you really want to self-relax. I havent actually got the nerves up to do it myself yet, but trust me, when I do, Im gonna get those tips. Good luck, chica, and cheer up.

 

[rdm]

I dont self relax. I dont trust myself to do that. I am afraid I would over process.

However, I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Please dont give up. There are LOTS of ladies here on the board who will help you through this and you will have the beautiful healthy hair that you want.

 

[Ms Lala]

I am so sorry this happened to you . I'm sure you will get your hair back in shape in no time. As far as damage you can do a wet assessment to test for elasticity and strength to see if the stylist was correct in saying your hair was damaged.

 

[SoUKnoMe]

Sorry that this happened to you Sis... just wanted to come and give you a (((hug))) too. I know that the ladies will help you with advice to get you back on track to healthier hair.

danette

 

[Well_Coiffed]

Dainah,

I am sorry you had to go through this, as well. I had a situation like this a long time back, after growing my hair long with braids. Let's just say I walked out with a "bob." Please tell us what yor regimine was, while stretching your relaxer. I have recently found, through trial and error plus the advice from the ladies here, that the best line of defense is too have a good balance of strong & moisturized hair. Unfortunately, the stylist was right about "see-thru" hair, but she could have approached you better about this.

Cheer up! It will grow back and with the valuable knowledge from the girls here, you're on your way longer hair!

 

[Dainah]

Hey Ladies,

Still crying at 5am (just couldn't get back to sleep after 3) but it's mostly due to your phenomenal support and understanding! Thanks so much for the encouragement.

I'm still so much in shock and disappointment. It just feels like months of babying my hair and trying to do right by it with no heat, moisturizing/protein conditioning, hiding hair, no combing/manipulation except in shower have gone down the drain! I just finished two years growing out an overprocess!

Q's

My old stylist used a moisturizing conditioner on my hair before neutralizing, yet after rinsing the relaxer. I believe I did notice a positive difference in my hair shaft. Has anyone ever heard of this?

Another thing this stylist told me was that my waiting almost five months to re-touch damaged my hair because my untouched hair was 'cutting' my relaxed hair. Is this TRUE?! I'm sorry, I just didn't see it. Since working with LHCF's tips and regimine suggestions, I've noticed that my hair loss was almost nil, compared to when I would comb/brush everyday and use heat without discretion.

I'm trying to grow out layers, now that I HAVE them. Aren't you supposed to lay off the scissors when trying to get rid of the layers?

Are there any LHCF certified folks in my area who'd be willing to take a personal look at what's going on with my in the future?

Thanks again for all your gracious support and helpful comments and suggestions! I will definitely look up Southerngirl's advice and try and pick up what shreds of hair and dignity I have left.

Peace and blessings,
-D

 

[nychaelasymone]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The beauty of hair is that it does grow back. There's a stylist named Donna in b-more, who use to work at Celestrial Hair Salon on the east side...not far from Moravia Rd, she has since opened her own salon. But you can probably get her info from Celetrial. She's all about hair care and is one of the best stylist I've ever known. Her own hair is absolutely fabulous and believes in protective styling. I'm sorry I can't give you more info....I moved outta b-more a few years ago.

everything will be fine!

 

[crlsweetie912]

Well, after stretching since July 1 (and disovering LHCF the following week), I buckled and went in for a touch-up tonight at a new place on the rec of a sis I met shopping the other day; she had gorgeous hair. Long story short; I left the salon in tears. It seems as though all my hard work went down the drain. Some high points:

-I 'cheated' on my former stylist b/c she would have taken out 1/2 my hair in the neutralizing and combing out process as she likes to start detangling from root to the tip! And also, she was beginning to look a bit shady to me as I don't think I've ever seen her hair longer than 3 inches in the almost two years I've been going to her. She was very nice, though and the business is fam-owned, had no drama and gave speedy service.

-I think this new stylist over-processed my already relaxed hair by running the perm through my entire head of hair. When I pointed it out to her, her reply was that the hair/perm is time-sensitive and that it doesn't matter if relaxer touches the old growth.

-Upon drying, I told her that I'm still suffering from severe p.t.s.d. from former stylists who have been up in my hair and not treating it correctly. She said that I could use a trim and measured out that she would only cut
------- much, but the strands I saw were as long as --------------------much!!!

-stylist THEN said that practically ALL of my hair (with the exception of the new growth) needs at some point to be taken off. after styling, she said that she shouldn't be able to see through good, healthy hair, and THEN she couldn't tell if my hair was just thin after relaxing or just damaged.

An hour and a half later, I'm still tearing up and sniffling like somebody shot my dog. I sure could use some help here. For almost 10 years, I've been trying to get past shoulder length and all the overprocessing, scissor-happy, hair-hating folks have REALLY made me want to give in and up!

PLEASE, will you informed, educated ladies out there explain/advise the following:

-overprocessing. Is what the stylist told me the truth or yet another 'hair-lie'?

-Someone who really knows and administers dustings, or step-by-step instructions as to how to do it myself.

-a GOOD reputable stylist in the B-more area (will travel up to 1 hour) who knows how to give a good touch up? I would even travel to see one of you ladies who self-relax (because you have a proven record/photos and KNOW what the goal here is.)

OR

-Chapter and verse details on how to self relax. I'm awfully inept with the chemicals and really have to be baby-stepped through it.

I'd really appreciate if someone could take me by the hand and lead the novice out of the valley of the shadow of hair death.

Thanks for your time and attention,
-Dainah

I am sorry this happened to you. There's a salon that a really good friend of mine goes to. It's called Celestials on Belair Road. She has been going there since high school and her hair has really flourished. A lot of people go to her. But I think she's slow. I think Sareca has a dusting tutorial in her fotki. There are a few self relaxing threads at the top of the first page of the haircare forum.
PM me if you need more help!

 

[crlsweetie912]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. The beauty of hair is that it does grow back. There's a stylist named Donna in b-more, who use to work at Celestrial Hair Salon on the east side...not far from Moravia Rd, she has since opened her own salon. But you can probably get her info from Celetrial. She's all about hair care and is one of the best stylist I've ever known. Her own hair is absolutely fabulous and believes in protective styling. I'm sorry I can't give you more info....I moved outta b-more a few years ago.

everything will be fine!

OMG! We posted the same thing!

 

[crlsweetie912]

Hey Ladies,

Still crying at 5am (just couldn't get back to sleep after 3) but it's mostly due to your phenomenal support and understanding! Thanks so much for the encouragement.

I'm still so much in shock and disappointment. It just feels like months of babying my hair and trying to do right by it with no heat, moisturizing/protein conditioning, hiding hair, no combing/manipulation except in shower have gone down the drain! I just finished two years growing out an overprocess!

Q's

My old stylist used a moisturizing conditioner on my hair before neutralizing, yet after rinsing the relaxer. I believe I did notice a positive difference in my hair shaft. Has anyone ever heard of this? -Some people use moisture, a lot use protein either way, I think the effect is the same. To replenish what the relaxer takes away. (Reference sticky threads at the top of hair care forum)

Another thing this stylist told me was that my waiting almost five months to re-touch damaged my hair because my untouched hair was 'cutting' my relaxed hair. Is this TRUE?! I'm sorry, I just didn't see it. Since working with LHCF's tips and regimine suggestions, I've noticed that my hair loss was almost nil, compared to when I would comb/brush everyday and use heat without discretion. -Again, this is just a myth. Some can stretch longer than others, but if you didn't see breakage at the line of demarcation (where the new growth and relaxed hair meet) before relaxing, your hair shouldn't have been damaged after relaxing.

I'm trying to grow out layers, now that I HAVE them. Aren't you supposed to lay off the scissors when trying to get rid of the layers? -I would lay off any trims if my goal is to have even blunt hair. Only trimming is necessary if the hair is damaged or splitting, or to give your hair a fresh start.

Are there any LHCF certified folks in my area who'd be willing to take a personal look at what's going on with my in the future? -I don't know of any LCHF'ers who are cosmetologists in the Baltimore area. I am a former stylist but I am not licensed at this time. Do you have pictures?

Thanks again for all your gracious support and helpful comments and suggestions! I will definitely look up Southerngirl's advice and try and pick up what shreds of hair and dignity I have left.

Peace and blessings,
-D

I hope this helps!

 

[SouthernGirl]

I am so sorry to hear about your hair dilema Feel free to take a look at my hair album http://public.fotki.com/southerngirlz/ (psswd in profile). I have done my own relaxers for 13 years and have never had any of the issues you've mentioned.

Also, shame on that stylists for applying the relaxer throughout your hair!!

Anyway feel free to PM me. I'd be happy to set something up to do your hair for you.

Thanks ladies who have recommended my tips!

SG

 

[sexyaqr]

So sorry to hear what happened to you. I don't self relax cause I am too scared of damaging my hair. What I do is be very active about MY HAIR when I go to sylists. I only trim my hair twice a year. And there is nothing that any stylist could tell me to make me trim my hair when I get my hair washed and set. I usually let them know from the very beginning to not tell me that I need a trim cause I won't do it. We need to learn to start taking charge of your hair care.

I am in MD and I have been to 6 salons in this area and 4 stylists still suggested trims when I made my wishes clear.

I usually only go to the Dominicans cause they will use the products that I bring for my hair. My favorite is Arelis in Silver Springs, MD.

For relaxing however, I plan to fly back to NY to my original stylist to get those done when due.

I know someone mentioned someone being slow but my stylist is slow but she really cares about hair. She doesn't overlap. She carefully detangles your hair. She listens to what you want done.

Lastly, if you do need a trim, I let the stylist(although she is my regular) show me every single section she is about to trim before she does.

 

[nychaelasymone]

OMG! We posted the same thing!

that is too funny.. I use to go there in college. My hair was so bomb then. They were good for a roller wrap. Those girls had an assebly line going....loved it.

 

[thefineprint]

That is so horrible and I hope your doing alright. I too had a stylist pull my perm completelly through once. It was awful because I didn't know until afterwards that you aren't supposed to do that. Next time don't be afraid to speak your mind. If you think they are going to chop/trim too much off then tell them thank you but you'll do it yourself at home.

 

[Dainah]

Okay...you ladies need to bottle and distribute all of this tremendous support and empathy I can't adequately express all of the gratitude I have for all your strong shoulders, your advice and just general caring for another human being with a common goal. I am too grateful and feeling more blessed than a little bit.

I may be a little down, but thanks to you all and the lessons learned, I'm by no means out!

You all have a happy, healthy Thanksgiving and I will try and keep you apprised of my hair adventures.

Truly touched,
-Dainah