I just found out (by reading my her texts) that my 14 year old sister is involved in sexual acts with a boy at her school. I don't know how far it has gone, but i know that 'oral transaction ' have occurred. My mom had her late in life, and a lot of the responsibilities of raising her falls on me eventhough I live in a different state. I have to tell my mom and we have to figure out a plan of action (do they have military school for girls?), I don't want to raise my moms blood pressure and I have no idea how to deal with this.
Please help!!
- Thread starter Phaer
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Talk to her, woman to woman. Be open and honest and not judgmental. My sis and I are 3 years apart. I asked her about sex and she told me a bunch of lies. I felt like she failed me in the big sister dept and I went off and acted a fool because I didn't know any better. I was 17 at the time, but I would have held off on things if my sister told me things were not all it's cracked up to be. 
There is a 19 year difference between us. I just want this to stop. My sister is an exceptional liar, honestly if they gave out awards she would win first prize each and every time.
My mom will probably want to ship her off to Haiti or st. Thomas, and since there is little to no opportunity to make something of yourself there, I think that will just make it worse. Do they still sell chastity belts? For mouth too?
My mom will probably want to ship her off to Haiti or st. Thomas, and since there is little to no opportunity to make something of yourself there, I think that will just make it worse. Do they still sell chastity belts? For mouth too?
manter26 said:Talk to her, woman to woman. Be open and honest and not judgmental. My sis and I are 3 years apart. I asked her about sex and she told me a bunch of lies. I felt like she failed me in the big sister dept and I went off and acted a fool because I didn't know any better. I was 17 at the time, but I would have held off on things if my sister told me things were not all it's cracked up to be.
I understand what you are saying, but I don't think shes a woman at 14, and can't begin to imagine how to start a conversation that is not explosive
bibs
New Member
sorry to hear that you're in this situation. I'd probably start by warning her about all the diseases out there and how she's not only comprising her body but reputation. Give her guidance, but if she's like a lot of 14 year olds, she thinks she knows everything, so please give her information on protection too.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Ok since you know she is a liar there is no point in asking her if she is sexually active. It times for some straight no chaser real life conversations. I would make her a care package and tell her the facts of life.
Are you nervous because she views you as a parental figure?
I want her to stop too but errah that probably won't happen unless she wants to.
Are you nervous because she views you as a parental figure?
I want her to stop too but errah that probably won't happen unless she wants to.
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I feel that we have given her a lot of information, we watch and discuss the news with her, and talk to her about the consequences of sex. I may have to get more drastic and give her pamphlets that goes into more details.
I think she may be doing it to have more freedom? I know that our entire family is extremely protective of her and don't allow her to go anywhere unless, we know who, what, when where, why, how...
Its a shame, because we try to make it so she doesn't go through what we went through, but it seem like she is the kind of person that has to learn the hard way.
I think she may be doing it to have more freedom? I know that our entire family is extremely protective of her and don't allow her to go anywhere unless, we know who, what, when where, why, how...
Its a shame, because we try to make it so she doesn't go through what we went through, but it seem like she is the kind of person that has to learn the hard way.
firecracker said:
I am devastated because, I thought I was her confidant, I am her staunchest supporter, and she comes to me when she has problems with my mom (my mom does the same), I am wondering where we went wrong that she would do this. Even knowing she lies, I trusted her to tell ME the truth. I feel like she played me for a fool.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Phaer Don't take it too personal. Sex is hard to discuss even if you are close to someone. Since you guys are close tell her you know she isn't being forthcoming and tell her how you really feel about her having sex.
Shoot you are better than I am. I'd straight up ask her how the hell and who the hell taught you bout a damn blow job lil gurl? LOL
You gotta find away to open up dialogue so ya'll can talk about this.
Shoot you are better than I am. I'd straight up ask her how the hell and who the hell taught you bout a damn blow job lil gurl? LOL
You gotta find away to open up dialogue so ya'll can talk about this.
CaramelLites
Well-Known Member
Kids that age do know a lot about sex. Sex ed is given at ages 10-11 normally. Some kids are already active at that time. So it is best imo to address her adult behavior as if she was an adult. Don't talk down to her. Ultimately its her body and her choice what she does with it. No one can make that decision for her and you're fooling yourself if you think you can. So just talk to her as her older older sister, you are a mother figure to her.
I don't think mom needs to be involved if she's going to explode. At least don't involve mom just yet. Tell your sis that you saw the texts and are very surprised but also concerned about her behavior. You didn't know that she was in a serious relationship. That you don't want her to feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to do. However if she does plan on being sexually active you want to make sure she is protecting herself. Ask her about birth control(condoms, the pill etc).
Explain that what she has is special and shouldn't be accessible to just anyone and anyone that cares about her wouldn't want to put her in the position she's in. Which is potentially being shipped off by the mother, potential stds, and unplanned teen pregnancy.
I have more thoughts, but this post is already long. My sister and I are 11 yrs apart, I basically raised her due to my mom's post parteum(sp) depression. So I have experience with this.
I don't think mom needs to be involved if she's going to explode. At least don't involve mom just yet. Tell your sis that you saw the texts and are very surprised but also concerned about her behavior. You didn't know that she was in a serious relationship. That you don't want her to feel pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to do. However if she does plan on being sexually active you want to make sure she is protecting herself. Ask her about birth control(condoms, the pill etc).
Explain that what she has is special and shouldn't be accessible to just anyone and anyone that cares about her wouldn't want to put her in the position she's in. Which is potentially being shipped off by the mother, potential stds, and unplanned teen pregnancy.
I have more thoughts, but this post is already long. My sister and I are 11 yrs apart, I basically raised her due to my mom's post parteum(sp) depression. So I have experience with this.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
@ the bolded, I had a feeling you were feeling guilty. You shouldn't. I know easier said than done. But first of all as you said before, you live in another state, so there really is only so much you can do. Second of all she is not your daughter, she is your little sister, so even though you feel motherly, you are not her mother, and it is unfair for you to carry that burden. Third, children come into this world with their own path and journey and sometimes nothing you say or do will keep them from acting a fool. I honestly don't have much more advice as I am still in the midst of raising my children (middle-schooler and college student) and figuring things out. Try not to worry too much. Keep praying, talking, sharing, educating, fussing, and loving. That's all I got.
Thank you EVERYONE, I was freaking out unable to sleep, you have talked me down from waking her up with a slash of the belt (we are Haitian, and more so very strict household). I swear I don't want no kids and I LOVE children, but I don't want to have to raise teenagers.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
No, sometimes knowing that a close relative is disgusted by their behavior inspires a little healthy shame and guilt. In this moment it's hard to be smiling and feeling proud of her.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
No its kinda normal to be upset and disgusted when someone lies to you. Before going to your Mom I think you should tell your lil sister whats up and why you feel you have to tell Moms. I probably wouldn't talk to you after you snitch on me though
Sex is going to happen and nowadays things are not as sacred as they used to be. Sad but true. Ya'll momma gon blow a gasket if you tell her that baby girl is blowjob betty. I say don't do it. Get in your lil sisters face and let her know if she keeps lying and blowin you gon tell!
I've always felt more like her mother than sister. In my 20s (they lived with me until recently) I didn't go out much bc I had to watch her, make sure to be a good role model, so no hard partying, I paid for her private school, made sure she has all that she needed and some of what she wanted. I had a hard childhood, being raised with my dad feeling unwanted, I wanted her to have all that I didn't (including love). I've given the last 12 years of my life making sure both my mom and her are ok. I didn't give birth to her but Ive loved and treated her as if I did.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Phaer I can totally understand how you feel. You are right not to call him because you know how forbidden love yada yada yada works out
Don't feel like its your fault. You did the right and honorable thing by trying to set a good example and giving her unconditional love.
You just never know how kids will act or turn out. If the foundation is layed they may stray but they usually get back to that foundation after a bit of trial and error in life.
Stay strong in prayer. Things will work out fine.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
Try to have an open, non judgemental dialogue with her. If you come at her sideways she's going to get better at sneaking. Don't tell your mom, at least not yet...I feel that this is in the best interest of them both. Besides, she knows that you might blow up her spot at anytime so that covert blackmail might help a little. You can feel disgusted at your sister, but have some compassion. We get the sex talk when we're young, but then...bam...you end up getting curious anyway. The bottom line is that she needs to learn how to handle puberty better and maintain self respect for herself and amongst her peers. Punish her for her lies, but don't punish her for having curious, raging, hormones.
Kids these days like to think certain acts aren't really sex or aren't a big deal. I would let her know how this changes your view of her and what it's like in the real world for girls with bad reputations. I know for me, the thought of guys taking about me behind my back and people gossiping about me is one of the things that kept me from experimenting when I was a teen, along with my fear of my mother. You will have to be very honest with her and talk to her like an adult, or else she'll just dismiss what you're saying.
Well something that happened today made me think of this thread`
I was in Accessorize looking for some eyeshadow and two young girls were in the store. They were being pretty loud bratty. Anyway a lil bickering broke out and one turned to the other and said "Well at least I havent had phone sex with a boy!". Other one ran off like "I can't believe you just told people".
These girls were no more than 10 years old tombout phone sex
But anyway I think the suggestions not to be judgemental when you talk to her is the best way or she won't tell anyone anything. If she did happen to tell the truth it might be hard to hear, but at least she'd turn to you if anything happened, or for advice.
I was in Accessorize looking for some eyeshadow and two young girls were in the store. They were being pretty loud bratty. Anyway a lil bickering broke out and one turned to the other and said "Well at least I havent had phone sex with a boy!". Other one ran off like "I can't believe you just told people".
These girls were no more than 10 years old tombout phone sex
But anyway I think the suggestions not to be judgemental when you talk to her is the best way or she won't tell anyone anything. If she did happen to tell the truth it might be hard to hear, but at least she'd turn to you if anything happened, or for advice.
Vanthie said:Well something that happened today made me think of this thread`
I was in Accessorize looking for some eyeshadow and two young girls were in the store. They were being pretty loud bratty. Anyway a lil bickering broke out and one turned to the other and said "Well at least I havent had phone sex with a boy!". Other one ran off like "I can't believe you just told people".
These girls were no more than 10 years old tombout phone sex
But anyway I think the suggestions not to be judgemental when you talk to her is the best way or she won't tell anyone anything. If she did happen to tell the truth it might be hard to hear, but at least she'd turn to you if anything happened, or for advice.
Wow??? 10??? What is going on in the world?
At that age, my mom just spoke to me like an adult. She explained consequences as well as ways to protect myself. She wasn't a super strict/protective mother though. Buut, I still never did anything until college. I'm biased, and probably stereotyping a little, but I feel like all of my friends that were sexually active in high school all had strict parents that they were rebelling against. I'm not saying to tell her to go out and have sex though. I'm just saying don't go in the conversation with your anger/disgust on display. She'll probably be more open to talking to you about it, and why she did it.
RoseTintedCheeks
New Member
I think having a male figure, if possible, do this would have a better effect.
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