Please HELP!! Unmanageable Coarse Hair!

[FlawedBeauty]

Hi ladies! (I posted this first in Children's but figured I'd get more responses here. I'm so desperate at this point )

I am so frustrated! I have no idea what to do with my daughters hair!! It is sooooo thick and curly and dry. I wash and DC. She will be 11 in April and she is starting to want to wear it out but its one big afro and I don't want to flat iron all the time, and i don't want to destroy her beautiful curls by slapping a relaxer in her head. I did that once upon a time before I found this forum and have been growing it out for the last 2 years. It's doubly hard to do anything with it because she is also tender headed so combing it out is like a nightmare!!

Then I have my mother (white) who is telling me I need to straighten it and that it looks terrible right in front of her!! She couldnt manage my hair when I was younger so her solution was to slap a relaxer in it which tore my head up cuz she didn't know how to take care of it properly after. I'm just so fed up I don't know what to do. Please any advice on hairstyles for an 11 yr old (I can't cornrow) and how to manage would be sooo helpful.

 

[Queen_Earth]

what has been working for me is to put water, glycerin, a couple drops of rosemary oil, shea butter, and coconut oil in a water spray bottle and to spray it....it's like BUTTA

Also the DC once a week has been a lifesaver..I make them sit under the steamer some days or just wear a showercap for a few hours...in the DC I use AO HSR, EVOO, Jojoba Oil, coconut oil, honey OR molasses, peppermint, rosemary, and thyme essential oils....this has really made combing their hair much more manageable...I get great SLIP and their ends dont seem so dry

 

[SunnyDelight]

Hey FB,

Try clarifying it first to make sure you are starting with clean hair. Keep up the DC's and also try cowashes. That should help some.

Shd doesn't want to wear her natural curls? Have your tried roller wrapping, drying under hooded dryer and then wrap for the sleek look? That should work and its less heat.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

She does but the problem is there is really no time in the morning to do the whole process, so what looks halfway decent at night is like one big dry looking mess in the morning.

Her hair is much too thick and coarse to just wrap. It's like a four hour process just for me to comb through it because i have to be very gentle because she has super sensitive scalp and there is just so much hair. Her hair is not even that long either. It's a little shorter than APL now that I have grown out her relaxer and cut the ends.

Hey FB,

Try clarifying it first to make sure you are starting with clean hair. Keep up the DC's and also try cowashes. That should help some.

Shd doesn't want to wear her natural curls? Have your tried roller wrapping, drying under hooded dryer and then wrap for the sleek look? That should work and its less heat.

 

[Fine 4s]

THAT!!!! Now I'm too tired to type it all over again so this time I'll be brief erplexed

I really love your progress pics, when are we getting a new one?

I suggested doing protective styles like the ones I posted in my latest thread. That way she can have some [false] creative input in how she wears her hair eventhough the hair is already twisted or braided up. Do monthly styles and that way you won't get overwhelmed.

Both of you might want to learn how to cornrow...

I would also make sure to spritz her hair often with the mixtures mentioned in the thread and I'd use a shea butter mixture in conjuction with the spritz. When do you moisturize?

Have you tested her hair's porosity? That might be the cause of the dryness. You could add Roux Porosity control to your DC regimen and see how that goes? Or maybe a protein treatment would held with the moisture as well...

 

[unalteredone]

How about braid outs? She can wear braids (individiuals) for a few days and then you can put some shea butter/oil on each braid and unravel it in the morning so she can wear it out.

 

[lilsparkle825]

my sister is 13 and she loves kinky twists/box braids. not only do they keep for a long time (weeks) and are easy to maintain, but they are SO EASY to do. i picked it up in less than a day, and now i am teaching her so that she can do them by herself.

 

[SEMO]

I would try braidouts. It's a simple style. One that she could eventually learn to do herself. You'd do them at night and let them air dry overnight. Unbraid and fluff them in the morning. You'd just mist on a little water, add some leave-in and re-braid it each night. You don't have to do corn rows, just 8-10 single braids.

Here an example of what I mean from mt fotki:

Product-wise I recommend Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Shampoo (cleanses w/o stripping away the hair natural moisture), Dove Intense Moisture Conditioner (helps even the driest hair recover), Kid's Organics Shea Butter deangling lotion (works on wet and dry hair --guaranteed to make detangling less of a chore even for the tender headed), Africa's Best Liquid hair mayo is a great daily leave-in, and jojoba or coconut oil to seal in the moisture.

Finally, I would recommend using a Denman brush on her hair (when it's loaded w/ conditioner) and detangling from ti to root (which makes working out tangles easier and quicker). Good luck to you. Kudos on try to learn non-chemical options to work with your daughter's hair.

 

[lashannasmall]

Twist outs, braid outs, afro puff. Only comb it when it is wet. Leave the conditioner in there. It is going to take some extra effort and you have to except it. Teach her how to do a braid out before she goes to bed. I knew how to braid when I was a little girl. She can handle it.

 

[Ivy Santolina]

The way you explained your daughter's hair I just flashed back to my childhood. My hair was thick, coarse and dry also. When I was 11 my mom had a beautician put a Jheri Curl in my hair. My mom had a TWA b/c she hated relaxers and she thought a Jheri Curl would be healthy for my hair. My mom realized later that any chemical process is not good for a child's hair but she meant well.

What is your daughter's hair care regimen? And, what products do you use on her hair? I believe her hair is dry because her cuticles are raised (porous). So I also recommend a porosity control conditioner. If you don't have one then you can add ACV to her conditioner to lower the PH. Hair is strongest if the PH is between 4.5 and 5.5 Any PH over 7 then the cuticles will be raised causing moisture loss thus weakening the hair. The key is to keep the cuticles closed. I personally use an ACV rinse (1Tbs ACV to 8 ozs. water) as my final rinse prior to applying a leave-in conditioner.

However, before styling the hair, it must be well moisturized and the ends not only moisturized but sealed with some type of oil. Because the weather is so cold and dry here I just started using a heavier moisturizing cream last night for my hair (Cetaphil) It's working wonders at keeping my hair soft. But, I did this after an intense moisturizing DC. So my hair was soft before applying the Cetaphil. The purpose of the Cetaphil is to keep it soft and too seal it. It's working better than any other cream leave-in hair conditioner I've ever used.

Regardless of what products you use, it's best to make one change at a time. That way, when the dryness issue is solved, you will know what you did.

Like other poster's recommended I co-sign on kinky twists, twist outs, braid outs, afro puffs, etc. For me twist outs are easier than braid outs because I don't pull on my ends as much when I undo them. Bantu knots are very cute on girls. Bantu knots provide a very cute curly look when taken out. Lately, I've been wearing Bantu knot outs to work and I get a lot of compliments. People think I sleep in rollers. I wish I would have discovered Bantu knot outs before I bought Curlformers.

Have you seen PinkSkates pictures? She has beautiful 4a hair and when she straightens it it's WL. PinkSkates has a very simple regimen and her hair is proof that it works.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I don't know how you feel about Cowashing her hair but I know that's what made my hair do a complete 180. I used to break a comb or brush almost weekly but after about a month my hair was easier to comb through much more manageable and moisturized. You can cowash it at night then braid it up maybe 8 braids and take them out in the morning on before she goes to school and pull it up to a puff. That way its not brushing against her clothing, she gets the chance to wear it out and its simple enough that once you show her how she could probably manage it herself.
ETA:if you don't want to cowash her hair raw shea butter, raw cocoa butter or pure glycerin may also help keep her hair moisturized.

 

[mamauv2]

I have extremely course wirey hair. If I hadn't known it for the passed 6 months, I'd probably call it unmanageable too. What honestly works for me is DCing every 3 days with the cheapie BSS cholesterol conditioner and following up with AOHSR as a "leave-in" in a baggie. I baggie every night with it and it keeps my hair soft and manageble. Now, I don't have a lot of hair so I can get away with not braiding it up every night, even though it's much more beneficial when I do. I think that if you had your daughter DC more often and baggie everynight (with braids in) for a while to build some moisture, her hair would be fine.

 

[Ivy Santolina]

Hey OP have you seen this web-site? http://www.biracialhair.org/Welcome.aspx

She also recommends the conditioners to leave-in the hair to keep it moisturized and soft. Her hair is living proof she knows what she's talking about.

 

[Skiggle]

Maybe you
should try the product line
mixchicks on her hair.
And also you a could
purchase/or make your
own leave in conditioner
for her hair..it SEEMS like
her hair needs moisture....

 

[Mook's hair]

Have you tried the baking soda in conditioner treatment? Maybe leave it on for about 25 minutes.