curlytwirly06
Well-Known Member
Hi, so I have a dilemma and need feedback on it. I am 20 and go to a university near home. I stay at home so that my parents can cut down of tuition cost with my other two siblings ending a 5 year stint in college and my younger brother just starting. So here is the deal. Since I was a child for as long as I can remember my family has had a half hour to a hour of devotion time set aside every morning. we gather there and it is law in this household that it is non-negotiable. We all have rearranged our schedule so we can be seated at the table at 6:00 to study together every morning.
With my schedule I am up and busy from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm between classes and studying and preparing for the next day. The only time I have to devote to my personal needs ( I'll be honest- it's hair and extra things like that but mostly hair) is after 11:00 believe me when I say that I have tried to rearrange my schedule so it is not like that but to no avail.
My mother runs her own religious based private school co-op and is an extremely busy woman. I am just going to be honest with ya'll - she has worked so hard over the past few years that she completely neglected herself. She put the needs of her business and her worship above anything thing else. My family has always been very devout. During that time her time was so monopolized by her other endeavors that her hair suffered. She got two strand twist put in that she never found the time to take down so they interlocked and locked her hair to the point were it was hopeless and she just cut it mostly all off. Since then she has kept it very short and never takes the time to do anything to it at all. When I asked her she said that getting her work and spirit in order were most important and she does not have time for now for the extras.
My sister spent 6 months in the hospital after getting into a car accident ( it was a head injury so her head stayed wrapped up during that time and during that time she let her hair matt up and tangle to the point were it was locked and nothing could save it. She wound up cutting it short and mostly wear decorative scarves all the time. She also stays in except for when she is in college and outside of the basics she never spends time on her hair ever.
Besides that it is just my father and my brother who keep their hair short so no problem.
Here is the problem. I went on a hair journey about 4.5 years ago and through all my struggling and what not have fallen in love with my hair. Outside of my daily grind it is what I spend time on. My work has paid off and I have a lot of healthy thick hair that I take pride in. I do not do many protective styles that I can keep in for longer than a few days because my hair is very fine the styles need upkeep and many do not complement me at all, also my hair has a habit of tangling VERY easily. Taking care of it is my hobby in a way as well. Well with my schedule the only time I have to work on my hair is at night. I am not doing anything extravagant just the basic detangle / pre-poo - 3 hours Wash - 30 deep condition - overnight sometime protein treatment / or henna 2hrs. -overnight and style -30 minutes and along with whatever time I take for weekly maintenance. My schedule is busy Mon - fri. I am in bible study mostly all day sat. and a half day on sunday before I go to work. My problem is that I wind up doing most of these things at night and waking up late in the morning and missing morning devotion time before I have to get to class. This has been happening for about 4 months now.
I have been getting in trouble time and time again with my parents. I stay up at night wake up late rush through my morning, get to devotion time late or not at all before running to class. I have tried to say well maybe we can change it to the evening so that I can be there and that is a very adamant NO! from them. I do study but it is at church or in between classes when I am late in the mornings. This does not happen everyday maybe 3-4 times throughout the week. My brother and sister are always on time so it looks really bad when I am not. The thing is, I really like doing my hair. It almost borders on love - lol. I feel like I have put so much devotion into maintaining and growing my hair that I feel unwilling to sacrifice the time I do spend on it knowing it will suffer. I also feel Like I should be able to take a few hours for myself without getting hassled for it ( on weekends when a I maybe get some time my mother always says there are better ways I can spend studying, helping around the house, extra devotion time etc and gives me major hassle for it.) So I always wind up doing it at night when everyone is asleep and no one will bother me for it.
This issue has recently come to a head and I got into a lot of trouble. I feel like my mother nor sister does not understand the time or the effort that goes into maintaining mid length thick natural hair because they keep theirs super short and never do anything but cut it. I am the only one in my family who takes time on myself in this way. I honest to goodness between work and school and church CANNOT find other times to do anything for myself, hair included. I feel like my family labels me as the vain one for this. I have always been girly and paid more attention to myself more than my sister and mother. Also I kind of feel naked without my hair. I do not wear makeup- ever- and I do not have "fancy" or "fashionable" clothes most of my stuff is very bland and a little bit frumpy sometimes ( the price you pay to have your clothes adequately cover you in todays society) but honestly none of that bothers me at all. I do not clothes shop buy purses or anything I am very modest in everything else. My hair is my splurge. Over the years my hair has kind of become the thing I feel perks me up a little bit and keeps my from looking maybe a bit homely? Maybe the way some woman consider lipstick and mascara on a day when they dont feel their best. My hair, I have realized has become tied to my self esteem in some ways. In college I kind of feel very ordinary and could blend into the walls in comparison to my pears.
My mother told me during our discussion this morning that she had a dream after praying for me that she was shown me in comparison to a young woman she used to know ( long story) who was very vain , selfish , arrogant and very much lacking in humility. As if I was asking this woman for counsel in how to be more like her.My mother told me I was not putting emphasis on what was most important in life and letting myself slip. I feel very ashamed but also stubborn. I feel like it is unfair that I cannot spend time on myself the way I want to. I am feeling angry towards God because I feel this is unfair. I feel hard-hearted and unwilling to bend in this issue. If I only took the time that I had here and there and did not stay up during the night sometimes I would only have 3 hours between tues. sat. and sun. I can feel animosity building in my heart and don't feel like I can talk to my mother or sister about it so I turned to you ladies. Please advise me on what I should do and be thinking. I am sorry this is so long but this issue has been plaguing me for a while now. I know this may seem infantile to you all. I am sorry.
With my schedule I am up and busy from 6:00 am to 11:00 pm between classes and studying and preparing for the next day. The only time I have to devote to my personal needs ( I'll be honest- it's hair and extra things like that but mostly hair) is after 11:00 believe me when I say that I have tried to rearrange my schedule so it is not like that but to no avail.
My mother runs her own religious based private school co-op and is an extremely busy woman. I am just going to be honest with ya'll - she has worked so hard over the past few years that she completely neglected herself. She put the needs of her business and her worship above anything thing else. My family has always been very devout. During that time her time was so monopolized by her other endeavors that her hair suffered. She got two strand twist put in that she never found the time to take down so they interlocked and locked her hair to the point were it was hopeless and she just cut it mostly all off. Since then she has kept it very short and never takes the time to do anything to it at all. When I asked her she said that getting her work and spirit in order were most important and she does not have time for now for the extras.
My sister spent 6 months in the hospital after getting into a car accident ( it was a head injury so her head stayed wrapped up during that time and during that time she let her hair matt up and tangle to the point were it was locked and nothing could save it. She wound up cutting it short and mostly wear decorative scarves all the time. She also stays in except for when she is in college and outside of the basics she never spends time on her hair ever.
Besides that it is just my father and my brother who keep their hair short so no problem.
Here is the problem. I went on a hair journey about 4.5 years ago and through all my struggling and what not have fallen in love with my hair. Outside of my daily grind it is what I spend time on. My work has paid off and I have a lot of healthy thick hair that I take pride in. I do not do many protective styles that I can keep in for longer than a few days because my hair is very fine the styles need upkeep and many do not complement me at all, also my hair has a habit of tangling VERY easily. Taking care of it is my hobby in a way as well. Well with my schedule the only time I have to work on my hair is at night. I am not doing anything extravagant just the basic detangle / pre-poo - 3 hours Wash - 30 deep condition - overnight sometime protein treatment / or henna 2hrs. -overnight and style -30 minutes and along with whatever time I take for weekly maintenance. My schedule is busy Mon - fri. I am in bible study mostly all day sat. and a half day on sunday before I go to work. My problem is that I wind up doing most of these things at night and waking up late in the morning and missing morning devotion time before I have to get to class. This has been happening for about 4 months now.
I have been getting in trouble time and time again with my parents. I stay up at night wake up late rush through my morning, get to devotion time late or not at all before running to class. I have tried to say well maybe we can change it to the evening so that I can be there and that is a very adamant NO! from them. I do study but it is at church or in between classes when I am late in the mornings. This does not happen everyday maybe 3-4 times throughout the week. My brother and sister are always on time so it looks really bad when I am not. The thing is, I really like doing my hair. It almost borders on love - lol. I feel like I have put so much devotion into maintaining and growing my hair that I feel unwilling to sacrifice the time I do spend on it knowing it will suffer. I also feel Like I should be able to take a few hours for myself without getting hassled for it ( on weekends when a I maybe get some time my mother always says there are better ways I can spend studying, helping around the house, extra devotion time etc and gives me major hassle for it.) So I always wind up doing it at night when everyone is asleep and no one will bother me for it.
This issue has recently come to a head and I got into a lot of trouble. I feel like my mother nor sister does not understand the time or the effort that goes into maintaining mid length thick natural hair because they keep theirs super short and never do anything but cut it. I am the only one in my family who takes time on myself in this way. I honest to goodness between work and school and church CANNOT find other times to do anything for myself, hair included. I feel like my family labels me as the vain one for this. I have always been girly and paid more attention to myself more than my sister and mother. Also I kind of feel naked without my hair. I do not wear makeup- ever- and I do not have "fancy" or "fashionable" clothes most of my stuff is very bland and a little bit frumpy sometimes ( the price you pay to have your clothes adequately cover you in todays society) but honestly none of that bothers me at all. I do not clothes shop buy purses or anything I am very modest in everything else. My hair is my splurge. Over the years my hair has kind of become the thing I feel perks me up a little bit and keeps my from looking maybe a bit homely? Maybe the way some woman consider lipstick and mascara on a day when they dont feel their best. My hair, I have realized has become tied to my self esteem in some ways. In college I kind of feel very ordinary and could blend into the walls in comparison to my pears.
My mother told me during our discussion this morning that she had a dream after praying for me that she was shown me in comparison to a young woman she used to know ( long story) who was very vain , selfish , arrogant and very much lacking in humility. As if I was asking this woman for counsel in how to be more like her.My mother told me I was not putting emphasis on what was most important in life and letting myself slip. I feel very ashamed but also stubborn. I feel like it is unfair that I cannot spend time on myself the way I want to. I am feeling angry towards God because I feel this is unfair. I feel hard-hearted and unwilling to bend in this issue. If I only took the time that I had here and there and did not stay up during the night sometimes I would only have 3 hours between tues. sat. and sun. I can feel animosity building in my heart and don't feel like I can talk to my mother or sister about it so I turned to you ladies. Please advise me on what I should do and be thinking. I am sorry this is so long but this issue has been plaguing me for a while now. I know this may seem infantile to you all. I am sorry.
