Pessimistic Poll for the Singletons

Will you find true love and get married?

  • Yes - I don't know when it's coming, but it's coming.

    Votes: 111 58.4%

  • I am still hopeful, but much more pessimistic than I used to be.

    Votes: 41 21.6%

  • Probably not - although I haven't abandoned ALL hope, most of it's gone.

    Votes: 31 16.3%

  • Nah, chile. I've already resigned myself to lifelong singledom.

    Votes: 7 3.7%
  • Total voters
    190
Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
Abeyno's post from yesterday about wanting a baby NOW (and the subsequent responses) got me thinking all pessimistic about my prospects for finding love and having a family of my own, complete with a spouse. I can only thank the Lord that I believe in Him and His provision, otherwise I would be completely hopeless.

But I can pity party with the best of them, so I'm wondering who else feels/worries that they will never get married to their true love.
 
BTW, I just want to add that part of my pessimism is based on the slim pickings of eligible, marriageable brothas. (Not to say that I'm only interested in marrying a black man, but it's what I'm primarily what I'm interested in.)
 
what lets me know that its coming is my sudden interaction with many women who are either in long term healthy relationships or who are married or who are getting married......i used to only hang around women that were single and miserable but that has changed ever since my thinking started to change....another thing about these women is that they are with successful men, beautiful men.....they didn't have to sacrifice...they have it ALL......many of the LOA books that i have read stated that I will know my desires are coming to fruition when i start to see it surrounding me.....
 
Sometimes I do feel there's just no hope but must admit I don't think I've ever given up on hope not deep down anyways.

I think if you have faith in God it kind of goes against the grain to give up. It just doesn't come naturally.
 
I haven't lost hope because I trust God but it's gotten to the point that I just don't care about men anymore. :nono: I still like men but they get on my nerves.
 
I'm pessimistic. Lately I've been getting into these conversations about women in my field who are in their late 30s and early 40s and have never been married -- and scrambling to have a child before menopause hits. I can help but wonder if this is my fate as well. :ohwell:

I'm not even that career-driven, but it's the only "constant" in my life right now due to lack of options. No man, no prospects. I want the man moreso than the kids, that's for sure, but I never imagined my life without either... until recently. I'm not down in the dumps about it (well, sometimes I am). I'm just readjusting my vision for my life. Even if it never happens for me, I plan to have a hell of a life as a single, unattached woman.
 
Where's the "I'm not worried about it" option??

I've resigned myself to the fact that when you're looking for a man, you NEVER find the one you want. It's when you're not looking that "blam!" here he comes.

Plus, there are so many other better ways to spend my time then thinking about whether or not marriage is in my future.
 
I haven't given up hope, but I'm kind of like, "If it happens, it happens..." When I admited to myself that I really don't have a desire to have biological children, it lifted a lot of the pressure I felt to follow the script: go to college, get a good job, get married.
 
MsNadi said:
Where's the "I'm not worried about it" option??

I've resigned myself to the fact that when you're looking for a man, you NEVER find the one you want. It's when you're not looking that "blam!" here he comes.

Plus, there are so many other better ways to spend my time then thinking about whether or not marriage is in my future.
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Ditto... I'm young & I'm fabulous...
men... schmen... quite frankly, I don't care.
I'm focusing on me.
 
Katt73 said:
I haven't given up hope, but I'm kind of like, "If it happens, it happens..." When I admited to myself that I really don't have a desire to have biological children, it lifted a lot of the pressure I felt to follow the script: go to college, get a good job, get married.
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I like this! I've kind of been doing this. Focusing on my career but I'm not opposed to meeting men
 
Man I've been thinking about hope lately.

Well I've realized that this is basically the only thing that's keeping us going. We all have hope that the future will turn out well, so we strive to make things happen.

THough I might be down, sad, angry or piss, at the end of the day I still have hope that it will happen( so I find myself getting older and older).

One day my time will come, one day my prince will come, and he will..lalalalala

so yeah it's gonna happen...... one day.
 
I havent given up hope at all. most of my friends are married to great men living great lives. So I feel if they can fidn it then so can I. I get kinda down when i talk to the few pessimistic friends I have but I brush those feelings off real quick. I also dont believe that they are so few good men out there. So at the very least I dont think it will be hard to find one once I start looking again.
 
I definitely haven't given up hope. There are many, many wonderful men out there.:yep:

I have a "when it happens, it happens" attitude about it. However, I don't want children so I don't really have that sense of urgency that other women in their 30's have about meeting someone.
 
MsNadi said:
Where's the "I'm not worried about it" option??

I've resigned myself to the fact that when you're looking for a man, you NEVER find the one you want. It's when you're not looking that "blam!" here he comes.
Plus, there are so many other better ways to spend my time then thinking about whether or not marriage is in my future.
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~I originally posted this on the "Meeting a man when you least expect it..." thread, but perhaps I should have posted it here only. ~

Anyway....I definitely have to get more in this frame of mind (see bolded quote above). :yep: Because after coming from a recent heart-break, I have kind of just thrown in the towel. It's so discouraging sometimes. :nono: I used to be "single and loving it" and didn't have a care in the world when I was in college, but now that I've FINALLY graduated (last year) and am working full-time and have my life basically pretty much in order, I'm starting to feel the "hunger pains" for a man in my life. :lol:

Don't get me wrong, I like being single, and being able to have the freedom of coming and going as I please is nice...but I still need a man! :lachen: Not in the "needy" sort of way, but I need a man to talk to, to make me feel special, etc. I want a man in my life. I'm not one of those "I don't need a man" type women. I'll gladly admit that I want/need a man.

But right now, it's not looking too hopeful, and after just seeing my little sister get married before me, it's starting to look less and less hopeful. Not to say however that I'm "old" (I'm only 26), but I'm getting antsy. :ohwell:

I don't mean to sound negative...I'm just being real. But in harmony with MsNadi's quote above, I do believe however that when you're NOT looking you do meet people that you didn't expect to find. That's how I met my first love ("the heartbreaker") over a year ago. It's also how I met this new recent guy. I just went to a friend's party and met him. We instantly hit it off. Too bad he lives in a different state though. :ohwell:

Oh well...these days I'm just TRYING to keep myself as busy as possible, and I'm doing things that I know I wouldn't be able to do if I were married/attached/tied-down. It's fun and enjoyable, but I still want a man! :lol:

But single ladies...trust me....KEEP doing what you're doing. Keep going on with your life. HAVE a life. I think a lot of guys prefer women who have a life and live full and enjoyable lives with or without them. I don't know any man who likes to be around a woman who depends on him solely for fulfillment, and enjoyment in life. ;)
 
I have kind of given up hope.

What's frustrating to me is that I don't even see anyone that I would be interested in.

I go out look around and nada. Everyone looks just so unappealing.

That's what's depressing about the whole situation moreso than being single.
 
I think i am hopeful, but not really overly soo. I dont think that mr right is coming any time soon. i start to wonder if there is a mr right for me.... it is a little difficult to think that i am going to be single for the rest of my life, but i kinda think i will b... I havent had anything serious with a guy...EVER......
 
Well, none of these options fit. I'm single, meaning unmarried. However, I am in a long-term relationship that Lord's willing will result in marriage when we finish school.
 
I def. think I'll be single (as in not married) all my life. I have felt that way since I was 13 years old and the older I get, the more I feel that way. Life has a way of jading you like that. :yep:
 
I have hope that that one day I will marry my best friend, my life partner. I'm not putting my life on hold and worrying about poor single me. I'm also not going to push this on a man in my life that may not be marriage material, just to say I'm married.

I pray about it, as I desire to grow with a man, be a wife and mother.
 
Although I hold onto hope that I will meet the right man, marry, and maybe have one child...
...I'm 30 (the window of "normal" versus " high risk" pregnancy will get smaller and smaller), overweight (I am in the gym trying to do something about it), still in residency, carrying almost 180K in student loans, and I am shy...most dudes are not going to sign up for that...black, white, yellow, red, green, purple, orange or otherwise...
...so I am staring down spinsterhood...
...but I am just going to live my life, become an attending doc, lose weight, get more into the Spirit, keep my legs closed, and hope for the best, but I don't anticipate posting engagement stories on LHCF...
...if it happens, then it's meant to happen and that would be great...
...if it doesn't, I won't get in the bathtub and slit my wrists Roman style either...
...peace, y'all...
 
prettypuff1 said:
I think i am hopeful, but not really overly soo. I dont think that mr right is coming any time soon. i start to wonder if there is a mr right for me.... it is a little difficult to think that i am going to be single for the rest of my life, but i kinda think i will b... I havent had anything serious with a guy...EVER......
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Awww..Prettypuff.you're are NOT alone. :kiss: I've never been in a serious relationship either and I'm 35!:perplexed I'm always in these barely there relationships where there is no committment and they just call when they want.:nono: My answer to this is..I"m just not ready, one way or another. I keep attracting this non-commital type guys. Someone told me unhealthy attracts unhealthy. So...now I'm working on my self issues (self-love/confidence). I try my best not to think about the lack of a man in my life but it is hard.
It comes and goes the "wanting a man" feeling. I pray about it..but I"m only human, you know? I need and want companionship & love from a man that my heart desires. Yet, I look around and there is noone whom I feel I want that with. :ohwell:
 
prettypuff1 said:
I think i am hopeful, but not really overly soo. I dont think that mr right is coming any time soon. i start to wonder if there is a mr right for me.... it is a little difficult to think that i am going to be single for the rest of my life, but i kinda think i will b... I havent had anything serious with a guy...EVER......
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PrettyPuff, we are in the same boat...I'm real sick of this stupid boat. And if one more person tells me "not to worry about it, it will happen" blah, blah, blah I'm going to scream. I can handle not being married yet but by 26 I should have a few serious relationships under my belt. If I was looking for a job, people would tell me to apply as many places as I can and all that good stuff. But when it comes to finding the man who I will spend the rest of my life with, I'm just supposed to sit and wait for him to show up? I don't understand that logic.

Lately I've noticed that all my friends with SOs call me when they want to go out, specifically when they "want to be BAD." Even though I have been in this role for quite some time now, I don't want to be the "single friend" anymore.
 
Recovering Weave-aholic said:
PrettyPuff, we are in the same boat...I'm real sick of this stupid boat. And if one more person tells me "not to worry about it, it will happen" blah, blah, blah I'm going to scream. I can handle not being married yet but by 26 I should have a few serious relationships under my belt. If I was looking for a job, people would tell me to apply as many places as I can and all that good stuff. But when it comes to finding the man who I will spend the rest of my life with, I'm just supposed to sit and wait for him to show up? I don't understand that logic.

Lately I've noticed that all my friends with SOs call me when they want to go out, specifically when they "want to be BAD." Even though I have been in this role for quite some time now, I don't want to be the "single friend" anymore.
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DANG! This is sooo how I feel... I mean if its not in the cards for me then I guess I will have to accept it BUT in the same breath I want somebody to come home to... somebody to have kids with... somebody to laugh and cry with.
I mean people tell me I'm too fussy but I'm not! All I want is a reasonably cute man who is intelligent, ambitious, funny and most of all NOT A PLAYA! Is that too much to ask?
 
Recovering Weave-aholic said:
PrettyPuff, we are in the same boat...I'm real sick of this stupid boat. And if one more person tells me "not to worry about it, it will happen" blah, blah, blah I'm going to scream. I can handle not being married yet but by 26 I should have a few serious relationships under my belt. If I was looking for a job, people would tell me to apply as many places as I can and all that good stuff. But when it comes to finding the man who I will spend the rest of my life with, I'm just supposed to sit and wait for him to show up? I don't understand that logic.
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And to this, I would respond that any woman who wants a mate should stop "waiting for it to happen," and start looking.

Yeah, I said start looking. It doesn't mean you will start chasing men, but you will put yourselves in positions where the men are more likely to find you... which to me is the way a woman can "look."

After years of not looking and "not worrying" and being told it would happen, I decided to start looking. I'm now in the longest relationship I've had in 10 years. (sad to say, this relationship is barely four months old, but it is the LONGEST relationship I had since college).

I'm glad I stopped waiting. Seek and ye shall find.
 
Nevaeh1282 said:
DANG! This is sooo how I feel... I mean if its not in the cards for me then I guess I will have to accept it BUT in the same breath I want somebody to come home to... somebody to have kids with... somebody to laugh and cry with.
I mean people tell me I'm too fussy but I'm not! All I want is a reasonably cute man who is intelligent, ambitious, funny and most of all NOT A PLAYA! Is that too much to ask?
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Girl, it IS in the cards for you. It's in the cards for almost ALL of us, unless we decide willingly to go the Mother Theresa route.

Any woman who desires to have a marriage and family should have that and shouldn't have to question whether it's in the cards for them. It is... just believe and help make it happen!
 
Bunny77 said:
And to this, I would respond that any woman who wants a mate should stop "waiting for it to happen," and start looking.

Yeah, I said start looking. It doesn't mean you will start chasing men, but you will put yourselves in positions where the men are more likely to find you... which to me is the way a woman can "look."

After years of not looking and "not worrying" and being told it would happen, I decided to start looking. I'm now in the longest relationship I've had in 10 years. (sad to say, this relationship is barely four months old, but it is the LONGEST relationship I had since college).

I'm glad I stopped waiting. Seek and ye shall find.
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Hey Bunny. Can you please clarify when you say start looking? You mean intentionally go places and hope to meet someone? Please give some examples. :yep:
 
I believe that I will find the man God has ordained to sweep me off my feet when the time is right...if I get off my butt and go places I'd actually like to meet someone :drunk:. In my mind I'm too young to be married right now (21) because I'm not ready for the responsibility marriage brings, but I would like to be in a serious relationship within a few years. Problem is when my friends & I venture out it's just us, a school function, or a party setting; we're typically not interested in the men (boys) we come across. Guess to meet that strong, spiritual, intellectual I gotta expand the list of venues I frequent.

My granny says it best, "God don't send everybody's husband to their doorstep so you gotta get out the house and meet um halfway." By no means is she saying go be a fluzy to met a guy, but at least be available.
 
I dont have a desire to have kids but I would like to get married, even if it happens in my 40's, im cool with that. i still have hope:yep:

right now im focusing a lot of myself and if i met "mr right" at this point in my life, i dont think it would work. so that forces me not to stress about it.
 
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