Persistance

[gn1g]

In the infamous words of Steve Urkle "I'm wearing you down"!!


I am at work listening to a guy talk about a woman he met that really didn't want to be in a relationship with him. They had a few conversations and he said her self esteem was low. So every morning he makes it his business to text her a "good morning beautiful" message and every night something else sweet and uplifting before bed. This has been going on for about 5 weeks. She calls him from time to time to tell him not to call her and tells him that she does not want him and she doesn't like clingy men etc etc. . .

Now it's about 6 weeks later and they are going off on a vacation together and some more stuff. erplexed So I was just wondering if a woman took that approach would it work?


You know how a man can persistanly persue a woman until she gives in, well can a woman do that? Can a woman wear a man down?

 

[JFemme]

You know how a man can persistanly persue a woman until she gives in, well can a woman do that? Can a woman wear a man down?

I would not want any man, I'd have to wear down...erplexed

 

[Bunny77]

My answer is nope.

Men chase.

 

[aribell]

You know how a man can persistanly persue a woman until she gives in, well can a woman do that? Can a woman wear a man down?

Eh...not a good line of thought. If I had a girlfriend tell me she wore a man down, I would have to assume that he was in the relationship to get what he could out of it at the moment, or even if he genuinely was going to give it a chance that something in his mind wasn't really convinced about her, since if it were he would have pursued her outright.

 

[luvn_life]

I think a woman can.... But, it wouldn't be good because the man would take the woman for granted because they would know(or at least believe) that he has the upper hand. But, I think that a man coul dnot be initially attracted to a man physically but end up falling in love with her personality. So, that's not necessarily wearing him down but, it is changing his initial opinion.

 

[awhyley]

You'd be getting a restraining order. Trust.

 

[~VicTorIAn~]

I'd like to hear from a woman besides Nikki Parker who has actually done it. I've never heard of a man in real life who was worn down.

 

[Bunny77]

I'd like to hear from a woman besides Nikki Parker who has actually done it. I've never heard of a man in real life who was worn down.

LOL, that's exactly what went through my head when I read this thread!

 

[kismettt]

You know how a man can persistanly persue a woman until she gives in, well can a woman do that? Can a woman wear a man down?

eh, i wouldn't :-/ but i wouldn't want a man to 'wear me down' either. there is a difference between being cautious (or coy) and being 100% not-interested but have this man keep coming at you full speed that you eventually settle for him. :-/ not uh. i can think of one dude that tried that and just ugh.ugh.ugh.

 

[brownbeauty196]

Why would you want to get someone in a relationship by wearing them down? I would want a person who is naturally just into me.

 

[sunflower]

I do not think that it is unheard of. I have heard stories of women wearing men down towards commitment.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Nope I am not going to wear some man down. No, the man is to pursue, chase and be into me.

 

[MissYocairis]

I would not want any man, I'd have to wear down...erplexed

You are my idol. My cousin and I used to say, "I don't want any man that I have to drag kicking and screaming anywhere!"

 

[MissYocairis]

I do not think that it is unheard of. I have heard stories of women wearing men down towards commitment.

But are the men happy? Is the marriage good? Is she happy? Seems to me it would lead to resentment and discord. Men aren't made to be chased.

 

[sunflower]

But are the men happy? Is the marriage good? Is she happy? Seems to me it would lead to resentment and discord. Men aren't made to be chased.

I only know one woman who has done this and it is turning into a disaster for her. She said she had to do what she had to do because she was getting on up there in age. Since when does early 30's become "getting up there?" Also it seems that this type of behavior is more acceptable to some people if the woman is nearing a certain age, and feels time is running out for her. This was the excuse of the woman I know of. She said she wanted to have a baby and needed this man to commit asap. She turns up pregnant after eight months of courting which finally got him to say "I do" I do not know the details of the conception but a mutual acquaintance told me that dude was not happy about the pregnancy. He should of kept it in his pants if he did not want children but that is for another thread. Several months after the wedding dude is already looking for a way out. What is sad is that they are still newlyweds with a new baby.

I have never chased a man because as many women have already stated: I would not want a man that I had to wear down. I agree that it could lead to resentment and problems in the long run. I think this is true for anyone. As a woman, I would feel resentment if I felt that the relationship was something I did not want but committed to because he wore me down. IMO, I do not think that it is healthy for any relationship no matter who is doing the chasing. I do not understand why anyone would want to be with someone who had to be persuaded to be into them.

 

[Jade Feria]

Not a good idea IMO. The man chases the woman.

 

[Nayna]

It depends. I think u can make a man notice u. But after that it shouldn't be wearing him down. That's just tiring. The same thing goes for them, it should be a mutual chase because at the end of the day if I were a dude chasing a female and she's not showing much interest I'd keep it moving.

 

[Bunny77]

I only know one woman who has done this and it is turning into a disaster for her. She said she had to do what she had to do because she was getting on up there in age. Since when does early 30's become "getting up there?" Also it seems that this type of behavior is more acceptable to some people if the woman is nearing a certain age, and feels time is running out for her. This was the excuse of the woman I know of. She said she wanted to have a baby and needed this man to commit asap. She turns up pregnant after eight months of courting which finally got him to say "I do" I do not know the details of the conception but a mutual acquaintance told me that dude was not happy about the pregnancy. He should of kept it in his pants if he did not want children but that is for another thread. Several months after the wedding dude is already looking for a way out. What is sad is that they are still newlyweds with a new baby.

I have never chased a man because as many women have already stated: I would not want a man that I had to wear down. I agree that it could lead to resentment and problems in the long run. I think this is true for anyone. As a woman, I would feel resentment if I felt that the relationship was something I did not want but committed to because he wore me down. IMO, I do not think that it is healthy for any relationship no matter who is doing the chasing. I do not understand why anyone would want to be with someone who had to be persuaded to be into them.

There is so much wrong with this story... like you said, since when has early 30s been, "getting up there?" While I agree that the early 30s is a time to perhaps become more serious in one's search for a partner if one desires to have kids, this notion of panic is absolutely ridiculous.

So yeah, great she got her baby and her marriage... but I bet that marriage won't last very long... then she'll be a single mother... which then makes one ask what was the point of chasing down a man in the first place?

 

[Supervixen]

I've seen it happen. A good friend of mine wore her now husband down. When they met, he had another girlfriend. She decided she wanted him, and cooked for him, became his confidant, cleaned for him, did little tasks for him. Pretty much, played the wife before she was even his girl.

All the while (5-7 YEARS), he had other LONG TERM girlfriends. She was right there as his right-hand woman. She'd met and hung out with the other girlfriends, but was secretly sabotaging them. Well, now they are married, and it seems happily.

ETA: This isn't the approach for me. I'm used to being choosen, more than choosing (or at least knowing how to make my guy THINK he choose.)

 

[Writer100]

In the infamous words of Steve Urkle "I'm wearing you down"!!


... They had a few conversations and he said her self esteem was low... quote]

Why would he want to be in a relationship with someone with low self-esteem? He already has a somewhat warp opinion of her. Why would he want to "wear her down"? Is he looking for someone to use or rescue? What's his story?

 

[gn1g]

^^ he is a weirdo! He says that she is his destiny his soulmate she just doesn't want to admit it.

I agree with all the comments on not wanting a man you have to wear down. When women ask men to marry them it upsets me! Let the man be the man.

What I have seen is people in a relationship and the man decides to leave and the woman gets in HOT pursuit of him until she gets him back. But he is never 100% hers again.

I believe in ALWAYS BEING A LADY and staying in a Ladies place. Gotta know your worth!

 

[Tybi]

There is so much wrong with this story... like you said, since when has early 30s been, "getting up there?" While I agree that the early 30s is a time to perhaps become more serious in one's search for a partner if one desires to have kids, this notion of panic is absolutely ridiculous.

Thank you Bunny77! I am about sick of this notion too. I see too many women well above the age of 30 entering into healthy loving relationships everyday to believe this ish. This talk can case someone to develop a complex!

And no, I don't believe in the wearing down process either. I just can't see how this can ever lead to a long-term successful relationship, but there is always that exception to the rule.

I have a guy friend that I believe has been trying to wear me down. After 2 years I still shudder, shudder, at the thought of being with him. And I have been single the entire time too, so that should tell him something. My heart wold always be empty, longing for more if I decided to settle.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Good question Gn1g!!

I've often wondered this myself. Can guys be worn down? lol

To be honest, I don't think guys can be "worn down" with persistence in the way that women can. I just don't think guys work that way. If you think about it, men are designed to be the "hunters" and women are designed to be "pursued". So, I don't tihnk any amount of "hunting" or persistence on the woman's end is going to MAKE the guy like the girl if he wasn't already inclined to do so.

Now I have seen the case where a guy was "just friends" with a girl, and eventually after hanging out with her for a while he ended up liking her even more in a romantic way. I've seen that happen ALL the time. But the fact that the guy was even willing to be such "close friends" with the girl in the first place gives me the impression that he had to have at least been SOMEwhat attracted to her to begin with. Ya dig??

I think that's how guys work. They are very visual. So, unless the girl changes some aspect of herself physically (ie. loses weight, gets a new hairdo or wardrobe, etc.), I don't think any type of "convincing" him to like you is going to work. Sorry!! I advise women not to go down this route, because even if you do eventually convince him to like you, you will always feel insecure because you would know deep down in your heart that you had to WORK to get him. Not a great feeling for women.... For men...yes...for women...not so much.
Plus, a man can't see himself with a woman that he does not respect. And if you're trying to convince him to like you, then that shows that your level of self-respect is a bit low. Sure, he may be flattered for a while, but a little while longer he will end up going after the girl who DOES respect herself.

Personally, I would never want to end up with a guy that I had to work "hard" to convince or "win" through persistence. If he's not into me, then he's not into me period! I want a guy who is INTO me. I'm not going to be baking him cookies, doing his laundry, acting like his gf, or trying hard to impress him with the "hopes" that he will see what a wonderful woman I am and will eventually want to date/marry me. NO WAY!

So, bottom line: My answer is that YES guys can change their opinion about a woman (SOMETIMES) if they were maybe lukewarm about her, or somewhat attracted if they spend more time with her. But the clincher is: they were already somewhat attracted to her to begin with. Spending more and more time with her and getting to know her great personality just raised the attraction higher.

Second...Guys don't usually like a woman because they've been "convinced" by her or her friends, and family members. They usually go after the woman that THEY want. No if's ands or buts about it!

 

[tocktick]

No, I don't believe a woman can wear a man down (unless they were previously involved). In a sense, wearing someone down works on getting them to open up to you emotionally and agree to being in a relationship with you. I do not believe that technique is effective when done to men. If a woman tried this, I believe the most she's likely to get is the man hitting and quitting.