Other Christian Singles not Trying to Get Married

[dicapr]

How are you approaching your life now that you are living without the intent of meeting a mate? It seems that when you are hoping to marry even if you are not actively dating it takes up alot of your time and thoughts. With this distraction gone what have you been able to accomplish in your life that you had been neglecting before?

 

[dicapr]

No takers? Oh well. I guess I will share. I have found that my christian walk has changed for the better. I had spent way too much time asking God what I needed to do to be married and neglected to spend adequate time asking him what he wanted for my life. I have been refocused on what I need to be saved rather than what I need to do to get my husband. I have stopped feeling resentment toward God (being honest here) for not providing for my "need". With marriage off of the table, I have been working on my relationship with my Father. I am living in the place of security that he is my everything, my provider, my all. I am not closed off to marriage. If God decides to send me a mate I will walk that path. However, I am now trying to walk God's path rather than trying to get him to walk mine. I have a sense of peace I did not have while actively pursuing marriage.

 

[Guitarhero]

I think that one can be balanced and faithful to G-d while actively pursuing marriage without feeling pressure and disappointment for not yet having found a mate. I'm glad that you have found the place where you need to be in your walk with the L-rd.

 

[aribell]

From a sermon I've been listening to: "Any need is inordinate, it's not normal."

What a lot of Christian women are doing (and I've been there) is couching their desires for husbands in terms of "need." Because, if it's a *need* then the Lord must supply it, right? Well, the truth is that the Lord has many ways of ensuring that we are well in mind, body and soul. For instance, there is a verse in the Psalms that says, "The Lord sets the solitary in families." Years ago, when I read it, I knew it was speaking to me, but assumed it meant marriage. Well, in the ensuing years the Lord has opened people's hearts to me in extremely generous displays of hospitality. I have been welcomed into people's families and embraced and cared for in ways that I would never have expected and which my own family doesn't even understand. He was definitely true to His word and met a real need, but that did not require me to have a husband.

There was a time when I was a teenager that I genuinely to my core felt that I didn't want marriage if in any way, shape or form it was going to distract me from the kingdom. At some point, though, I got an idea in my mind that I *needed* a husband. And I lost so much peace and singlemindedness because of it. Since recognizing that and releasing the marriage *need* I've regained a lot of what was lost. The truth is that I don't need anything but righteousness, joy, and peace in the Holy Spirit (the Kingdom of God). I know that marriage is holy and ordained of God, and I pray that I fulfill my calling as a woman in the Lord's Kingdom. But I hold onto the fact that I'm praying for the Lord's will to be done, not my own. Meaning that I only desire marriage insofar as it serve the Lord's Kingdom purposes. But what He wants specifically from my life has yet to be revealed. All I know is that when I stay in His lane, He supplies me with what I need to stay the coruse--be it self-control, warm hospitality from others, etc.

I regret so much wasted time in relationships/"friendships" that ultimately were not to the Lord's purpose. And why were they entertained? Because I was trying to obtain marriage. I believe that through prayer, faithfulness, and the Holy Spirit that that which is of the Lord will happen in its time.

I've regained peace, clarity, and time.