Online Dating - Q&A - I'd like some opinions, please :)

[Suerte]

Well... I've always wondered about the online dating game. How do things go when things go from online to offline? I've hung out with some guys I have met online in the past. I've had some, um, interactions with a couple as well. But to be honest...I don't know how anything would transition from online-offline and be a serious relationship w/o a ridiculous amount of openness, and a lot of people don't wanna be that open.

These questions are for people's general opinions, but also I would love to hear from anyone in a committed relationship and/or marriage that started out as an online relationship.

Q: Do you think people online meet more often on accident (like chat rooms, message boards, social networking sites) or do you think they meet via a site specifically for dating (match.com, eharmony)?

Q: Would you be kind of paranoid if your guy was all flirty and had a lot of online lady friends even after meeting you and expressing interest in a relationship with you?

Q: Would you want total access/openness to his account or would you want him to close the account (give you his Myspace password, shut down his match.com account, etc)?

Q: Do you think that trust is harder for online relationships, because stuff you do online is easier to conceal (it's easier to have multiple email addresses than it is to have a secret cellphone that you have to keep buried in a ziplock back in the yard and sneak off to use)?

Q: Do you think that most people online and "looking" already have someone they are with?

Q: Would you be comfortable with the e-displays of love, like having his face plastered on your Facebook page and having a gallery of "Me and My Boo" in your MySpace photos?

Q: Do you think that people do the e-displays of love to reassure their partner, or do you think it is genuine?

Q: Would you expect your man to remove his "sexy pictures" from his profile, or would you remove the "sexy pictures" of yourself?

Q: How do you handle those aggressively flirtatious comments from people on their page? "Hey boo, I think you are so hot and I hope we can make this work some day in the future." <--- comments like that never come "unsolicited from total strangers", so how would you handle that?

 

[winterinatl]

Hey Suerte, I can share my online dating experiences. I don't want to odo it again, that's the short version...The guy in my "Well, I guess lightening does strike twice" thread I met from Match.com. I previously did about 6 months at Eharmony, which I won't do again either. Match was better. Never was really into Myspace at all.

These questions are for people's general opinions, but also I would love to hear from anyone in a committed relationship and/or marriage that started out as an online relationship.

Q: Do you think people online meet more often on accident (like chat rooms, message boards, social networking sites) or do you think they meet via a site specifically for dating (match.com, eharmony)? I honestly think meeting someone for another reason, rather than on a specific dating site, might work better. Like if you met on a forum about bowling b/c you both like it...

Q: Would you be kind of paranoid if your guy was all flirty and had a lot of online lady friends even after meeting you and expressing interest in a relationship with you? Yes. My guy showed me his myspace account once and I was mad he even had one. I saw all the internet hootchies on it, and it immediately turned me off. He had Whyte chocolate (an Atlanta stripper) on the front page of his "friends". He also had legitimate women that could have been people he really knew, but the majority were the aspiring video chick types...

Q: Would you want total access/openness to his account or would you want him to close the account (give you his Myspace password, shut down his match.com account, etc)? When I asked about the particular women on the site, he closed it!! I was really wary of him after that. I never brought it up again, but , he ain't never gotten no booty from me, either. Now, I do go to his myspace page once in a while b/c I can see when the last time is he logged into it. I was satisfied he wasn't on it much talking to random tricks, so I continued dating him. I never asked to be let in, never made a stink. But I kinda wanted too .

Q: Do you think that trust is harder for online relationships, because stuff you do online is easier to conceal (it's easier to have multiple email addresses than it is to have a secret cellphone that you have to keep buried in a ziplock back in the yard and sneak off to use)? I think if you don't immediately take it from online to offline, then I would never trust a soul. I would (and did) assume the man was looking elsewhere and dating others. I believe internet dating is a great way for men to stroke their egos; women are much more bold with the "face to face" taken away, it seems.

My guy and I have been dating since March or April. We emailed once or twice through Match, and then he asked me to call him. I did, and after that he called, we had two great convos, and he closed with "well, don't be a stranger, you could call me sometimes, or we could get together" --->you see, this kind of thing leads into you calling him alot and taking a long time meeting, meanwhile he is sitting up looking smug with 50-11 phone calls on his phone...

Anyway I told him, "Well, actually I wouldn't mind meeting you" and we set up a date for that weekend.

The other guys I talked to on the phone, all seemed like great guys but no one TOOK THE INITIATIVE to ask me out in a sensible manner. One guy would wait until the last minute to ask me out, no way, I have a life.

Q: Do you think that most people online and "looking" already have someone they are with?
Maybe but you can smell those guys a mile away if you can just meet them, see if they will take you to the house, all that jazz. I met his uncle and was at the house after dating him two weeks.

Q: Would you be comfortable with the e-displays of love, like having his face plastered on your Facebook page and having a gallery of "Me and My Boo" in your MySpace photos?
I don't have those pages; well I do have a Myspace but I don't check it and people don't come to it so I guess I wouldn't care? If I were trying to network with people on it though, I might feel he was trying to spray me with his own personal Internet Musk.

Q: Do you think that people do the e-displays of love to reassure their partner, or do you think it is genuine? dK

Q: Would you expect your man to remove his "sexy pictures" from his profile, or would you remove the "sexy pictures" of yourself? Well, in terms of Match.com we both removed our profiles pretty soon after meeting...then again, I haven't signed back in to check but I trust he did.

Q: How do you handle those aggressively flirtatious comments from people on their page? "Hey boo, I think you are so hot and I hope we can make this work some day in the future." <--- comments like that never come "unsolicited from total strangers", so how would you handle that?
Don't have experience with that.

Sorry for the book. My closing feelings so far on online dating through dedicated sites is that most of the men are really insecure (like my big man) and are looking for an ego boost first, great girl second. I am still having issues with his security, and it is annoying me .

ETA: it seems your questions are geared more toward a facebook/myspace format. My suggestion is that you meet the man in real life, have you done that? Don't get carried away in cyberspace; get to know the real guy. I see women here on this board talking about the IM's and the text messaging and the responding to and from each other through their myspace...I'm like "can I get a PHONE CALL?". MO is that if you are going to meet a guy on the net MEET HIM.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

wow chiika you got questions.

Pm me and I will give you more info.

 

[Suerte]

Dangit.

Will some more people respond.



abenyo... PM sent.

I included the initial post.

winter...

Thank you for your details!

I don't have a facebook site... I'm on MySpace though, and I often see people hugged all up on their boo but at the same time have mad pics of naked women or men all in their top friends. I never got that. And then some of the comments are like...eh...disrespectful and sexual x100.

I just wonder...how people deal with that...cuz I mean, you could say "Well, don't you trust me?" but the real issue is... it's just wrong, and has nothing to do with trust.

 

[adf23]

Well... I've always wondered about the online dating game. How do things go when things go from online to offline? I've hung out with some guys I have met online in the past. I've had some, um, interactions with a couple as well. But to be honest...I don't know how anything would transition from online-offline and be a serious relationship w/o a ridiculous amount of openness, and a lot of people don't wanna be that open.

These questions are for people's general opinions, but also I would love to hear from anyone in a committed relationship and/or marriage that started out as an online relationship.

Q: Do you think people online meet more often on accident (like chat rooms, message boards, social networking sites) or do you think they meet via a site specifically for dating (match.com, eharmony)? I have known an equal split- I met DH on Match.com, but I have known ppl that met their sig other in subject specific chatrooms, message boards, etc.

Q: Would you be kind of paranoid if your guy was all flirty and had a lot of online lady friends even after meeting you and expressing interest in a relationship with you? Since we met on Match, I didnt know who else he was talking to online. I do know that the temptation to see what else could be out there, is there, unless you decide to take your profile down, which DH and I did after 4 dates.

Q: Would you want total access/openness to his account or would you want him to close the account (give you his Myspace password, shut down his match.com account, etc)? See above. We didnt have a discussion about it- DH told me he was taking his profile down, but didnt ask me to take mine down. I waited about a week and took mine down. We still hadn't had the exclusively dating talk yet.

Q: Do you think that trust is harder for online relationships, because stuff you do online is easier to conceal (it's easier to have multiple email addresses than it is to have a secret cellphone that you have to keep buried in a ziplock back in the yard and sneak off to use)? I guess it could be, if your/their intention from the start wasn't to be in a serious relationship.

Q: Do you think that most people online and "looking" already have someone they are with? Hmm, I dont know. I do think that alot of people that don't have a pic up, are hiding for a reason. In this day and age, there is no reason to be emabarrassed about being on a dating site. When I was on Match, I didnt believe the excuse "I'm nervous about friends seeing me, so I dont have a profile pic- but I'll email you a pic" Ummm, if your friends are seeing your profile, that means they are at least searching the site, right? I assumed- married or dating.

Q: Would you be comfortable with the plays of love, like having his face plastered on your Facebook page and having a gallery of "Me and My Boo" in your MySpace photos? No, I have never been comfortable with that.

Q: Do you think that people do the e-displays of love to reassure their partner, or do you think it is genuine? I have no idea- I don't want all my business plastered on the net.

Q: Would you expect your man to remove his "sexy pictures" from his profile, or would you remove the "sexy pictures" of yourself? If he had "sexy pictures" we would have never met. IMO, "sexy pictures" indicate you are looking for a physical relationship.

Q: How do you handle those aggressively flirtatious comments from people on their page? "Hey boo, I think you are so hot and I hope we can make this work some day in the future." <--- comments like that never come "unsolicited from total strangers", so how would you handle that? No comment- I assume you are talking about Facebook and MySpace. Neither of us has a page.

I hope I answered your questions!

 

[foxxymami]

I will respond in a bit. Remind me though if I forget...

 

[Suerte]

Thanks you guys!!! Keep them coming!

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

: Do you think people online meet more often on accident (like chat rooms, message boards, social networking sites) or do you think they meet via a site specifically for dating (match.com, eharmony)?
Well, I think it's more often via chat rooms. Back in the day alot of people meet in CRs where they had something in common. local groups started to form and people got friendly with each other.
The cr thing has died down a bit, so I think those dotcom companies have been taking it's place
Q: Would you be kind of paranoid if your guy was all flirty and had a lot of online lady friends even after meeting you and expressing interest in a relationship with you?
I went through this, and I was insecure with it. Later I found out that it was just how he was. We are cool friends, but it didn't sit right with me. Next time I might not make it a big issue if he outweighs everything with many good qualities.

Q: Would you want total access/openness to his account or would you want him to close the account (give you his Myspace password, shut down his match.com account, etc)? After we have established a relationship? well initially no I wouldn't want him to, cause one never knows, but if we are 6 months down the line and he is for real with his feelings and us being together, I think he would be the right person for me if he decides to shut them down. after all why continue on that crap? Now myspace and stuff I'm not sure about, I know it's reputation but I don't think it's really meant for all that.

Q: Do you think that trust is harder for online relationships, because stuff you do online is easier to conceal (it's easier to have multiple email addresses than it is to have a secret cellphone that you have to keep buried in a ziplock back in the yard and sneak off to use)?
Nah trust is universal and it's not environmentally specific. You should be able to trust that person regardless of where you met. Heck if you met a guy at the bar would you ban him from a bar forever or would you trust that he will do the right thing?
Q: Do you think that most people online and "looking" already have someone they are with?
No I don't think that. However I do think that many guys go on there to front, and play games. There are more ego boosting guys then real looking for the one guys on there.

Q: Would you be comfortable with the e-displays of love, like having his face plastered on your Facebook page and having a gallery of "Me and My Boo" in your MySpace photos?
Yup, why not? I would want as many people to know. Even if things don't work out I still have good memories, and I enjoyed his time.
Q: Do you think that people do the e-displays of love to reassure their partner, or do you think it is genuine? Hmm that's hard. I'm not sure. mine would be genuine since I don't normally do that type of stuff,so if I do yeah i'm for real.

Q: Would you expect your man to remove his "sexy pictures" from his profile, or would you remove the "sexy pictures" of yourself? I would expect him to. It goes back to the trust thing.

Q: How do you handle those aggressively flirtatious comments from people on their page? "Hey boo, I think you are so hot and I hope we can make this work some day in the future." <--- comments like that never come "unsolicited from total strangers", so how would you handle that?Some people can be so conniving(sp), you don't know if it's true or not. That person who wrote that can be doing it to rally you up, or to stir some trouble so she can have your man or pay him back for not taking her advances. It goes back to trust.