OMG....I have like no friends at all

[ZapMami]

I feel like I'm the only person in the world in this situation.

I broke up with my boyfriend who was also one of my closest friends and I got in argument with best friend (15 years). I have always only dealt with a few people at a time. I've had other friendships that come an go but I can't seem to keep a friendship. I run everyone away.

I am like so depressed right now, and although I miss my ex and my friend, I think it's best that we move on. I'm in my 30's...I regret not forming lasting friendships when I was younger....now I don't know what to do.

I'm shy, so that doesn't help at all.

Any suggestions.

 

[hopeful]

I wish I could give you a big hug. I think you need to join some type of support group and maybe go to your primary physician or obgyn and tell them what you wrote here. Maybe they can prescribe a mild antidepressant to help you get over this hump. This too shall pass. Work on getting to the root of why you push people away and keep pressing forward. Give it some time, you'll see, things will get better. Hang in there. Everybody hits a rough patch sometimes.

 

[Fine 4s]

The older we get the more we shed some friends. I tend to enjoy people's company so I wish I had more friends, I mean close friends.
I'm a lazy friend. The kind that likes to crash or watch movies, cook etc. I don't like to go out out (clubs etc) so I lost some folks along the way in my 20s to early 30s. Now my SO and I hang out lots but I still have a few folks around. I don't let people in easily so it could take YEARS before I form a bond. I have even more associates but I prefer the close close friends. I want a close group like Seinfeld, Living Single or Friends!

I hear you and it's not easy making new friends as women and even more difficult the older we get IMHO. I know not a healthy mentality....

Maybe you can take a class somewhere and meet people through that experience. That's what I'm going to do....

 

[SmileyNY]

Go to meetup.com and look for groups in your area that are of interest to you. Travel, Fashion, Book Club. Join a group, be consistent about attending outings when you can, and you will surely meet new friends.

You could also volunteer in your area. That's a great way to make friends outside of work.

IDK if you are religious, but church/religious services are also a good way to meet friends with similar interests.

 

[wednesday]

Sorry OP. I know exactly how you feel. The older i get i'm struggling to make new friends (i moved last year and it's been really difficult to meet people). I was always one to have close friendships with individuals but i've never had a group of friends. Just know that you're not alone! I'm determined to meet new people so i've been putting myself in situations that i would normally find incredibly uncomfortable (i'm also shy). I went to a dinner party the other day (my worst nightmare) and i actually had a really nice time and met some lovely people. Just be yourself and put yourself out there

 

[LiqueXX]

Gou can always try going back to school, or taking some other type of classes (yoga, pottery, tai chi, etc) to find new friendship possibilities.

But your right, it is harder to make TRUE friends in this day in age and as you get older. Just that trust that your not alone (ironic) because I am in the same situation.

 

[MD_Lady]

When you said that you had an argument with your best friend, did the two of you have a falling out or did you just hit a rough patch?

 

[lushcoils]

I don't think you need any medication, just need to learn how to MAKE and KEEP friends. You can go to events all you want. But if you don't know how to make and keep friends, you'll still be in the same situation.

 

[Curlykale]

People can come the same way they go.
Volunteering, hobbies, religion, cultural groups, temporary jobs can be good places.

As for true friends in adult life, you are not alone: most of the people I know do not have "relative-like" close friendships, and many I know have found out the wrong way.

When you feel this "need" you are sometimes too open to anyone. Be your own friend, do a few things alone out of your house and stay among people, and you should start to feel better.

 

[Curlykale]

Remember that it doesn't define you as a person, it doesn't make you a person who is lacking something. It's definitely a phase and it can also be very precious because it can make you think about what kind of friends you would like this time, and why/ or what kind of friend you would like to be.

 

[Layluh]

I'm in the same boat. Please don't take any pills. If you can, EXERCISE, that really helps with depression. Join some groups on meetup.com you're bound to find someone you like there.

 

[naturallygoldie]

My professional advice, do not seek medications. Everybody feels depression differently and most do not require meds. *Big hug*

I agree with Layluh. Exercise does help. It relieves stress. Curlykale also has some excellent advice.

Why do you feel as if you can't keep friendships?

Keep in mind that our thoughts are our reality. PM me if you'd like.

**hugs**

 

[Kindheart]

People can come the same way they go.
Volunteering, hobbies, religion, cultural groups, temporary jobs can be good places.

As for true friends in adult life, you are not alone: most of the people I know do not have "relative-like" close friendships, and many I know have found out the wrong way.

When you feel this "need" you are sometimes too open to anyone. Be your own friend, do a few things alone out of your house and stay among people, and you should start to feel better.

This is a nice piece of advice .Thank you Curlykale

 

[hopeful]

ZapMami
How are you doing?

 

[ZapMami]

I'm okay. Thanks for checking in on me. You know I wrote a full messages to kind of explain why i have so much trouble forming friendships yesterday and I deleted it cause I just feel like people dont care or wont understand.

I'll just say that I had a rough childhood, it's hard for me to trust people because of it. I figure if my own family couldn't be trusted who can I trust. And so far everybody I've let in my world has proved my theory to be right.

You guys offered some good advice and I will take it. Plus I am looking for a new therapist.

 

[TrueToHair]

.............................

 

[CarLiTa]

We may not always understand, but we will give ideas!

Here's a starter guide to making friends:

-find groups with common interests

-talk to people about what makes them feel good about themselves and show excitement for them

-accept AND attend their *first* invite (I think the first one is so important. I've missed out on developing friendships with people by flaking out on the first invitation... Then it's harder to get a second one after that). If you cannot go, let them know why, wish them a good time, etc.

-tell them how much of a great time you had. Maybe even be helpful during the event.

-invite them to your own activities, so that it is reciprocal and clearly shows you want to build a bond.

-check in on them every once in a while... or go the extra mile when others won't. Ex: they're leaving town and are throwing a going-away party? Make sure to drop in, no matter how tired you feel. And verbally express that you HAD to see them before they go, etc.

 

[indefinite]

I don't think you need any medication, just need to learn how to MAKE and KEEP friends. You can go to events all you want. But if you don't know how to make and keep friends, you'll still be in the same situation.

I agree, keeping friends is important. To have a friend, you have to be a friend. This means sometimes doing things you don't feel like doing. For example, if your friend has absolutely no one to go with her to her big event, you go and be supportive. I know someone that doesn't have any long term friend from years ago. After getting to know her very well, it's evident why. She's selfish and self-centered. If you don't do what she wants to do, she gets mad. There are other examples, but this is just one.

Perhaps, a little soul searching and self analysis will help you become the best you, you can be.

ETA: I'm not indicating that you may be the culprit of lost friendships, just suggesting possible solutions.

 

[firecracker]

I'm okay. Thanks for checking in on me. You know I wrote a full messages to kind of explain why i have so much trouble forming friendships yesterday and I deleted it cause I just feel like people dont care or wont understand.

I'll just say that I had a rough childhood, it's hard for me to trust people because of it. I figure if my own family couldn't be trusted who can I trust. And so far everybody I've let in my world has proved my theory to be right.

You guys offered some good advice and I will take it. Plus I am looking for a new therapist.

Please don't give up on the human race because of negative past experiences or toxic family members. There are so many good people in this world. Finding a good therapist is a great idea.

Good luck and keep your head up. You seem to be on the right track. Self reflections is always a good thing. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Blyss_curls]

I'm okay. Thanks for checking in on me. You know I wrote a full messages to kind of explain why i have so much trouble forming friendships yesterday and I deleted it cause I just feel like people dont care or wont understand.

I'll just say that I had a rough childhood, it's hard for me to trust people because of it. I figure if my own family couldn't be trusted who can I trust. And so far everybody I've let in my world has proved my theory to be right.

You guys offered some good advice and I will take it. Plus I am looking for a new therapist.

Oh, girl...I'm so sorry. If it helps at all, I can relate.(((ZapMami)))

At the same time, I've come to see the positive aspects of surviving such circumstances--and coming out sane, on the other side. People like us have a a built in BS detector. It protects us and lets us know when some folks aren't especially worth the time and attention.


There's some great ideas in this thread for how to get out there and meet people! I totally agree about not taking anti-depressants. Sunshine and exercise are natural anti-depressants. Also, as others have said, the world still has so much and so many good people to offer. Please don't give up on that...!


It's also really healthy to spend some time on your own, too. It can be difficult when one is in pain. But you have to feel it, to heal it. I had to learn how to spend time w/me. Before I did, I always looked outside of myself to fix issues, when in reality our answers are usually inside of us.


Now, I'm so grateful I learned how to do that.
I'm good for going to a movie by myself if the mood hits me, or it's a flick my husband isn't interested in. Heck, I shooed him away back when the original Pirates was released. ....Johnny Depp was looking too fine in his pirate attire, and I needed to enjoy that a few times w/out the husband.

 

[BlackHairDiva]

i'm the same. I only have 1 close friend. That is it.

I feel like I'm the only person in the world in this situation.

I broke up with my boyfriend who was also one of my closest friends and I got in argument with best friend (15 years). I have always only dealt with a few people at a time. I've had other friendships that come an go but I can't seem to keep a friendship. I run everyone away.

I am like so depressed right now, and although I miss my ex and my friend, I think it's best that we move on. I'm in my 30's...I regret not forming lasting friendships when I was younger....now I don't know what to do.

I'm shy, so that doesn't help at all.

Any suggestions.

 

[Ganjababy]

I totally understand what you are going through op. I feel the same. Though, for me, I've gotten to a stage in my life where I don't really care that much about making friends.

I hope the situation improves for you.

I'm okay. Thanks for checking in on me. You know I wrote a full messages to kind of explain why i have so much trouble forming friendships yesterday and I deleted it cause I just feel like people dont care or wont understand.

I'll just say that I had a rough childhood, it's hard for me to trust people because of it. I figure if my own family couldn't be trusted who can I trust. And so far everybody I've let in my world has proved my theory to be right.

You guys offered some good advice and I will take it. Plus I am looking for a new therapist.

 

[Babysaffy]

I went through a phase like this around 8 years ago after university friends and school friends became once in a while meetups and I wasn't in a relationship anymore. I used to sit there on Friday nights and realise I had no one to just call and hang with. I want to say it can and will get better.

Just try and let people in. A lot of it was my own attitude of wanting my cake and eating it too in terms of being too selfish with my free time, appearing stand offish, keeping myself to myself too much and being mistrusting of people. I even had one frustrated wanna be friend (with whom I was terrible at keeping in touch with) say she could tell when I answered no to her question did I have a best friend. Even though I find the term best friend quite childish and I did have one back ib school, that comment played on my mind for a long time...

My now closest friend of five years who I met at work and who calls me her best friend had to fight and make such an effort to break my shell and I'm so glad she did! She is the type to draw people to her, she smiles a lot and always sees the best in people unless they give her serious reason not to. She managed to build a circle of close friends at work, I'm still in awe of that.. I have learnt a lot from her about building relationships with people outside a school setting. I also improved my relationships with my (worthy)existing friends and although I still like a lot of time to myself I have finally got the balance right and know I have several friends I can hang with/ talk to if I'm feeling lonely or want to vent. I try not to go more than 6 months without seeing acquaintances or longer distance close friends.

Put in time, smile and love, you'll get there! You may have to go out of your comfort zone (I get stressed building up to entertaining guests at home and attending social events) but the rewards are so worth it xx

 

[Maracujá]

I'm sorry OP. I've felt like that at times, I don't have really super close friends. I still hang out with my friends from high school but only during summers because all three of them are teachers and are very busy during the school year. Just like you I'm very shy and come across as standoffish when I'm really not, it's hard for me to make small talk but I'm working on it. I don't know what area you live in but maybe you should try to go to one of the LHCF meetups.

 

[StarScream35]

OP,

You aren't the only one who has been in this situation (((((HUGS))). I was one to never have a plethora of friends. I was better with one good friend and felt it was all I needed. Then one day, my best friend and I had a falling out which ended our friendship forever. I was deeply depressed. My attempts at making friends failed because truthfully speaking, as you get older, it really is harder to make friends because people already have their established circle of friends and aren't really trying to let anyone in. I decided to be more proactive and started taking cooking classes, I joined social groups, went to bible study etc. I really had to put effort into it and still came up with lackluster results. Eventually, I did start to make new friends but it took forever. My point is, while trying to make friends, do some fun things like social groups etc. These things will ease the depression a bit and take your mind off of things. Eventually things will fall into place and you will meet new friends. Be open minded though. Don't expect new friends to be like your best friend. I made this mistake myself. Take people on an individual basis and don't be afraid to reach across racial lines.