oh what to do?

PittGirl06

PittGirl06

Hair product junkie reloaded!
Well, as usual, the one I got it bad for has no interest in me whatsoever. In fact, he told me explicitly that he'd never go out with me or any other lady that he met at his job. He works at a restaurant (he's a bartender) and I'm a regular customer there but kinda fell for him after a few months of getting to know him. He's pretty consistently with his little principles, that's for sure. Hey, if he won't bite, that's fine with me....can't force myself on him and just make a fool outta myself. :nono: but it just sucks because everytime I think I got it beat and I'm no longer attracted to him....he says something that pulls me back in. I can't stand him because he's actually a damn good man as far as his philosophy of life, the way he treats ppl, his relationship with his family, what he does for his community and so on. Whatever, I guess I just want him to be happy......and I swear if he ends up with some bimbo that does him wrong I'mma scratch the lil ho's eyes out and spit in the sockets!!! :catfight:

Anyway, he "threatened" to hook me up with this other guy that goes to the restaurant (not as much as I do) but I politely declined (by threatening to kick his butt).....thing is, the other guy and I have a lot in common and he's actually a good guy as well. We always have good conversation, but I was never really attracted to him. I mean, he's actually kinda fine as hell, but I just never looked at him that way until recently.

The thing is, I heard through the grapevine that he (the other guy) is currently single and he does flirt a lil bit.....I kinda would love to hang out with him outside the restaurant one day (think Alicia Keys' You Don't Know My Name video)....I mean, dude has a degree, a good job, well spoken, mild mannered, eclectic taste in music, loves to travel, likes boxing, and is not bad to look at and is a twin (my mom and aunt are twins).....I am scared though because I have ALWAYS made the first move with guys I could see myself with. And ALWAYS it fails. Either I get flat out rejected like with old dude that works at the restaurant OR I get ignored, which was the case with two other gentleman I was stuck on the past couple of years. Also, going back further, that's always been the case. The guys that did tend to show me some "love" were either old enough to be my grampa, or super sleezy/creepy, or simply NOT my type whatsoever. I'm afraid to make it known to this other fella that I'd like to get to know him better cuz based on my history, I'll prolly be in for more heartbreak. I kinda wish I wouldda let old dude that works there play match maker cuz then I wouldn'ta had to say anything....lol. Maybe I could ask the bartender to find out if the other guy likes me? Hell, he wanted to hook us up anyway...lol....

Anyway ladies I dunno what to do. Should I try and pursue him (that is, the other guy.....the "new" guy that)? I am sick of being rejected :-( ....how can I make HIM come after ME???? Cuz I'd be like hell yeah if he asked me out but if he turns me down for asking, I think I'm just gonna hang up my lady parts and call it quits....:lachen:
 
Last edited:
Just reread your second sentence...you already know what you should do girl!

I know it's hard because sometimes we tend to create scenarios in our mind/fantasies when we like someone. If he has already told you that he has no intention of dating you, plus has "threatened" to hook you up with another guy, you should not put yourself out there..save yourself the heartache.
 
my bad ladies i think i was unclear...when i asked if i should pursue him, i meant the "new" guy....the other guy that frequents the same place (NOT the guy that works there.....I've given up on that one....:/).....I edited my post so hopefully it's clearer!!
 
Go for it (with the new guy!). :up: Nothing beats a blank but a try!

I found out that you have to kiss a lot of frogs and face rejection, but in the end, you'll find the person that's just right for you! I know. I was 48 when I met my SO.

I have had YEARS of rejection, but I didn't give up. Along the way, I had some serious love affairs, but most of those, the men didn't really care one way or the other in the end. Hang in PittGirl! Remember this too...practice makes perfect... :yep:
 
Well I was at my favorite place tonight and saw "the new guy"....he was there with his broher (the quiet one)....I was there hanging out with two of my good friend and then I migrated over to talk to him. I missed him...hadn't seen him in several weeks. Apparently he is able to get football tickets thru his job and he said maybe next time he'd hook me up! If he does though.....would that be considered a date???? Maybe not if he brings his brother too :-( .....I dunno....it was sooo good to see him. I wish I had the guts to say something to him but I am a chicken. Too many bad experiences holding me back. Aw mush.
 
PittGirl06 said:
Well I was at my favorite place tonight and saw "the new guy"....he was there with his broher (the quiet one)....I was there hanging out with two of my good friend and then I migrated over to talk to him. I missed him...hadn't seen him in several weeks. Apparently he is able to get football tickets thru his job and he said maybe next time he'd hook me up! If he does though.....would that be considered a date???? Maybe not if he brings his brother too :-( .....I dunno....it was sooo good to see him. I wish I had the guts to say something to him but I am a chicken. Too many bad experiences holding me back. Aw mush.
Click to expand...

First, might these be Steelers tickets? Man, I'd go out w/ him just for that! :lachen: J/k back on track... I think that you're thinking about it too much. Just relax and enjoy hanging out and getting to know him. There's no rush is there? There most certainly shouldn't be. Love and happiness work on their own schedules. Good luck. Even if it doesn't work out w/ the "new guy" I'm sure you can have fun and may even end up meeting someone else through him. You just never know. Keep us posted! :yep:
 
haha, yeah Steelers tickets...lol. and i finally asked my bartender friend to hook us up....he acts like he had "no idea" that i might have liked New Guy even tho this fool always jokes about us....I told him to find out if he likes me....lol. So we'll see what happens. I'm kinda scared..what if he doesn't like me? Gosh I feel like I'm in middle school :-P
 
oh and sidenote, this dude at the airport was like, "oh i like your hair...you should let me take u out some time"---I was like...um....I exchanged numbers because I didn't have it in me to say no....although I was in no way interested. The whole time all I could think about was New Guy and we ain't even together!!! lol.
 
Just relax and don't push things too fast. Just get to know him. Heck, you may start talking to him and realize that you don't like HIM! It's always funny when that happens. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. Have fun!

Side note: I wish I had thought to invite you out w/ my friends for my bday when I was in Pittsburgh at the end of July. We went to a lounge in Shady Side. It was really cool. I'll remember next time.
 
Go for it Pittgirl06! Don't be scurred, build your confidence and let the man know you are interested.
 
Well, I haven't seen him in weeks cuz we've both been in and out of town....but he walked in today with his bro...he sat next to me and we spoke. Is it me or did dude get 10x more attractive since last time???????? Anyway, we spoke for a while and then he and his bro were bout ready to bounce when I asked him "you eat out all the time, huh? I remember u told me you don't like to cook...I been trying to cook more...you should let me cook for you sometime." He said, "I'll have to take you up on that offer...." ....then I was like, "Did I ever give you my card?" ---then I gave him my business card and wrote my cell/email on the back and gave it to him....then, he left. I dunno if he'll call but at least I kinda let him know I'm interested. I found out he's been with his job for like 20 years and he likes it.....mad stability!!! :-O ...I hope he calls me and we can organize something. This guy is too much! I been waiting around at that darn place just HOPING he'd finally walk through the door!!!
 
Giving him your card was a great idea. Now the ball is in his court and you don't have to worry about sending messages and wondering if he knows that you are interested. Good luck!
 
PittGirl06 said:
Well, I haven't seen him in weeks cuz we've both been in and out of town....but he walked in today with his bro...he sat next to me and we spoke. Is it me or did dude get 10x more attractive since last time???????? Anyway, we spoke for a while and then he and his bro were bout ready to bounce when I asked him "you eat out all the time, huh? I remember u told me you don't like to cook...I been trying to cook more...you should let me cook for you sometime." He said, "I'll have to take you up on that offer...." ....then I was like, "Did I ever give you my card?" ---then I gave him my business card and wrote my cell/email on the back and gave it to him....then, he left. I dunno if he'll call but at least I kinda let him know I'm interested. I found out he's been with his job for like 20 years and he likes it.....mad stability!!! :-O ...I hope he calls me and we can organize something. This guy is too much! I been waiting around at that darn place just HOPING he'd finally walk through the door!!!
Click to expand...

wow that was bold and i mean that in a good way! good luck. let us know what happens! im a sucker for details.
 
Hey Pitt,

Rejection is one of my own weaknesses, so I can relate to your post. Learning how to deal with rejection can be one of the most difficult things to do, especially if we have experience any form of rejection early on in life or crave some sort of intimacy.

From my experience, I can tell you to learn to have fun with men and not date, meet, mingle just to capture the most intimate romantic moments. I have learn that when you take your time, concentrate on self and just go with the flow of things. Love will come. Be patient. Go out with the new guy and have fun just as if you were going out with the girls. DO NOT go out with him expecting anything in return.

Be sure to give us updates!
 
PittGirl06 said:
Anyway ladies I dunno what to do. Should I try and pursue him (that is, the other guy.....the "new" guy that)? I am sick of being rejected :-( ....how can I make HIM come after ME???? Cuz I'd be like hell yeah if he asked me out but if he turns me down for asking, I think I'm just gonna hang up my lady parts and call it quits....:lachen:
Click to expand...

Didn't get a chance to read through to see what you decided OP...But I say why not...it couldn't hurt you never know what you will find and maybe in the long run you can thank ol' boy for turning you on to something new and worthwhile...Carpe diem...
 
Well I think we are still in the "friend zone"...not even the "talking" period...but we just mad cool. He is seriously one of the coolest ppl to chill with....and yes he been on the job for 20 years....he's a lil older but that's ok cuz that's how I like'em.....lol. I want to go to Obama's inauguration and he actually mentioned going....he said to me the other night, "if I go, WE'LL go."---and he's driving...whcih means I would ride with him. I think it would be a fun trip IF he does end up going, but I will have to find that out later.

I know one thing though....IF he is interested, he better make a real move soon because I feel like any more of this friendliness and I will lose all romantic feelings for him and he'll be permenently in the friend zone.....
 
Hey PittGirl....

I understand your hurt and pain with rejection. :( Trust me, I've been there before. I think EVERYONE has at one point in time or another.

One thing I will say about this "new guy" is that you HAVE to slow it down with him. YOu barely know him, yet you're already fantasizing about your might-be-date with him, inviting him over so you can cook for him, giving him your business card, etc. Now, don't get me wrong....I don't find anything wrong with showing a man that you might be interested in him. BUT! If there's one thing I've learned about men, it's that they LOVE the "chase". :yep:

Also, if this guy is as "fine" as you say he is, I bet he probably has tons of women flirting with him, throwing themselves at him, and giving him their number. Talk about an EGO-stroke! :rolleyes: Trust me girl, you don't want to just be some guys' ego-stroke.

If I were you, I'd force myself not to think about him romantically, pull the reigns on your emotions, pick up a copy of the book "The Rules" ( :giggle: ), and (if you haven't already) read the thread I started about a month ago about "The Rules Challenge" on this board. I've seen waaay too many women get so swept up about a guy they barely know, and they end up pursuing him, only to get sadly rejected...or worse...they go out with the guy a few times, but then he *suddenly* loses interest in them. :nono:

So, I don't mean to rain on your parade here, but I just don't want to see you get hurt. :( It seems like you are already kind of feeling this guy, and right now he's being put in a receptive position. YOU need to be the one who is receptive, and HE needs to be active in his pursuit of YOU. Why?? Because you're worth it! ;) He should be looking to find reasons to spend time with YOU! Not the other way around.

PS---I DO think it was wise that you gave him YOUR number instead of the other way around. If you have to initiate the "phone number exchange", it's best to give the guy YOUR number. That way, if he's interested he'll call you, and you wont' be tempted to call him. ;)
 
u know you are so right.....i gave that fol my number a long time ago and he has yet to call me. I did call him ONCE to invite him to a comedy show i was going to......he said he used to go to this venue on the regular so i thought he might like to go....he didnt answer, so i left a mesage. Of course, he didn't call me back, but he stopped in at the bar that we go to and was like "yeah I got your message but I already have plans for those nights...thanks anyway tho." Then we talked for about an hour or so and then he left....I ended up going to the show alone but still had a good time.

....and now this man who has NEVER called me is inviting me to ride with him should he decide to go to the inaugurall ceremony? Nah, something is not right. He doesn't seem interested in me to tell you the truth....not as a potential gf, NOR as a regular friend because he just doesn't communicate with me outside of this bar........yeah, he is anice guy and he is interesting, intelligent, fun and easy to talk to....but he doesn't want to be more than just bar acquaintances. SO he prolly does have all the girls at his feet and he's sort of taking his pick......hell, he could b emarried, divorced, or separated for all I know. Yeah, I am just gonna be nice to him at the bar and won't think mch about him anymore....I am tired of falling for guys that just "aren't THAT into me"....it happens all the time. And this one I thought could have been, at least astart for me, but he just doesn't wish to associate outside of our mutual hotspot. He obviously likes talking to me....he goes out of his way to sit next to me whenever he walks in and I am there already and we end up talking all ngiht while his bro (he's usually with him) is sort of off to the side doing something else or listening. ...but I just misread what I thought were "signs".....either that or he's doing that "thrill of the chase" thing or even worse, just jerking me around.....I gotta tell ya, I am NOT a fan of this "chase" approach because I'm tired....I'm here...CATCH me already.......and if he's jerkin' me around then I"d rather him just stop acting like that and move on to the next girl cuz I am not havin it.

Anyway, I think that the more I think about "new guy" and how I've fallen for him and the fact that there is no reciprosity, my feelings for him have deteriorated. I am just too through.....yeah, I'm hanging up my love genes til someone is actually ready to love.......damn it, why can't we just buy fellas at wholesale and call it a day?
 
I like your stance Pittgirl. :)
There's no sense wasting yourr precious time and energy thinking about a guy who may or may not be interested.

Just continue to be nice & cool w/him w/out being bitter/resentful (guys hate that). I wouldn't write him completely off just yet (hey...he may have ended something with a previous girl or something--hey, people's circumstances DO change sometimes!) I just wouldn't think about him.

2 things:
1) In order for you to be "caught", you have to run away a little bit ;)
2) Next time he comes to sit down with you at the bar & talk for hours, speak to him nicely for about 10-15 minutes, and then politely excuse yourself from the area. Go to the ladies room, walk over to someone else that you know (if you know anyone else), or leave the restaurant/bar completely ("hey, it was nice catching up with you again, but I gotta go. I have other plans. Take care!")

I guarantee this will make him think twice about you. Why? Because you switched it up on him. ;)
 
PittGirl. I think he's just being sociable. He's carrying on conversations with you because when you go to a bar, besides drinking, the other thing you do is socialize. He hasn't called you yet which definitely means he isn't romantically interested. And, that's okay. But, he's not willing to be mean or rude or cold toward you because he respects you as a person and probably enjoys having chats with you. I wouldn't read anything else into it. You had a romantic interest in him that was not reciprocated. It doesn't have to reflect on something you are doing wrong because, as you mentioned, you don't even know if he's married/separated/divorced/shacking up or what.

Also, I would caution you against trying to find men in the bar that you frequent. Your bartender was being so awesome because that's his job. I'm not knocking your desire to spend regular time there, but I would ease up on the search for a man there.

And, lastly, on the concept of "making the first move." I don't believe in that at all and men don't like it IMO. I know that's radical for some and that others agree 100%. But, I've never met a man who was tired of the chase. Men will move mountains and swim oceans to pursue the woman they want. And, conversely, I believe that men are turned off by women who pursue them romantically. ESPECIALLY black men....because all of the good ones are so in demand.

Slipping the business card is fine, but let that be it. Do not spend too much time pursuing conversation, pursuing face time, pursuing a date, pursuing their interest. Guys do not respond well to that IMO unless they were already desirous of having the girl.

I'm sure once you relax your spirit and ease up on searching searching searching and start being content where you are right now, a great man will come into your sphere...seeking you.


PittGirl06 said:
u know you are so right.....i gave that fol my number a long time ago and he has yet to call me. I did call him ONCE to invite him to a comedy show i was going to......he said he used to go to this venue on the regular so i thought he might like to go....he didnt answer, so i left a mesage. Of course, he didn't call me back, but he stopped in at the bar that we go to and was like "yeah I got your message but I already have plans for those nights...thanks anyway tho." Then we talked for about an hour or so and then he left....I ended up going to the show alone but still had a good time.

....and now this man who has NEVER called me is inviting me to ride with him should he decide to go to the inaugurall ceremony? Nah, something is not right. He doesn't seem interested in me to tell you the truth....not as a potential gf, NOR as a regular friend because he just doesn't communicate with me outside of this bar........yeah, he is anice guy and he is interesting, intelligent, fun and easy to talk to....but he doesn't want to be more than just bar acquaintances. SO he prolly does have all the girls at his feet and he's sort of taking his pick......hell, he could b emarried, divorced, or separated for all I know. Yeah, I am just gonna be nice to him at the bar and won't think mch about him anymore....I am tired of falling for guys that just "aren't THAT into me"....it happens all the time. And this one I thought could have been, at least astart for me, but he just doesn't wish to associate outside of our mutual hotspot. He obviously likes talking to me....he goes out of his way to sit next to me whenever he walks in and I am there already and we end up talking all ngiht while his bro (he's usually with him) is sort of off to the side doing something else or listening. ...but I just misread what I thought were "signs".....either that or he's doing that "thrill of the chase" thing or even worse, just jerking me around.....I gotta tell ya, I am NOT a fan of this "chase" approach because I'm tired....I'm here...CATCH me already.......and if he's jerkin' me around then I"d rather him just stop acting like that and move on to the next girl cuz I am not havin it.

Anyway, I think that the more I think about "new guy" and how I've fallen for him and the fact that there is no reciprosity, my feelings for him have deteriorated. I am just too through.....yeah, I'm hanging up my love genes til someone is actually ready to love.......damn it, why can't we just buy fellas at wholesale and call it a day?
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

G
What did I do wrong?
2
Replies
57
Views
1K
Ganjababy
G
Danene5
What should I do?
Replies
24
Views
423
firecracker
firecracker
steffiejoe
What r ur thoughts...
2
Replies
30
Views
554
TayMac
TayMac
SimpleKomplexity
What would you do? Friend guy wants to be more? You don't
Replies
15
Views
432
phynestone
phynestone
Ipanema
What do you think this guy was up to?
Replies
27
Views
986
awhyley
awhyley
Back
Top