OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please help

[andrea]

So, I meet this guy a couple of months ago. Really nice, really driven, short and a little protective or nosey.. which ever.. Great on paper.. He is, well he was totally into me... Like lets go out, lets travel, etc..I am like lets take a step back....He says he is fine with that but then... He will trip about us only seeing each other once a week. He says I dont make him a priority .. Which to be honest I do not..

I find myself totally free, sitting at home watching tv or doing anything and I really never wanted to call him and hang out with him.. So, last week, he pretty much told me that he needed to spend more time with me.. I was like ok. Then as the week progressed.. I really wasnt in a hurry to do that..

So, today he was like, I dont think your into me. So, Have a good life..

And now I am sad.. There was just no chemistry or anything, nothing. When I saw him it was like I could take him or leave him.. He is a really nice guy but I guess he got tired, which I dont blame him.. but what is wrong with me.. If I had to make a list(I know, I know) He would probably be the guy I would want but there was nothing there.. Are kisses were like blah..

But now I feel like I should have spent more time with him and then It maybe could have devoloped into something.. It's not like I really even have any other prospects but I just didnt get that warm and fuzzy feeling with him..

So, now I feel like I should call him back.. but then am I forcing it.. Can you really grow to love someone?

I think I am going back on my sabbatical .At least to I turn 30.

 

[MzLady78]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

I wouldn't beat myself up over it too much.

Yeah, he might look good on paper, but if the chemistry isn't there, it's not there-period. And I don't know if spending more time with him would have made a that much of difference.

Do you feel that maybe there was something else holding you back, like emotionally?

 

[lexi08]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

I really don't think you should force something that is not there. I have been in your shoes and I do understand. When I tried to force things with a guy, I still ending up not like him because there was no chemistry to begin with.

 

[Lucie]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Any time I forced myself to like a man he ended up breaking my heart. Which gave me reason while I was single to only date someone I was crazy about. Life is too short to force yourself to feel something that is not there. Trust your instincts!

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

I believe that you can grow to love someone more, but not grow to love someone.

My experience with love is that love hits you right in the face and is unconditional; it doesn't recede but only progresses. You definately feel it (love) whether it is in a touch of a hand or a kiss. Love supercedes "what's on paper" and makes the later a bonus.

So, if you don't feel any of this now, what makes you think you will feel any of this later?

I think you should keep it moving and not put forth any effort towards something that wasn't really there from the jump.

I'm curious though: What is it that causes you to want to call him back? Is it because he called it off?

 

[andrea]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Thanks for all the posts... I suppose I am thinking maybe I didnt give him a fair shot..

Plus, it kinda scared me how he came on so strong in the beginning.. Like lets be together.. I just ended a relationship awhile ago that progressed rather quickly, and I think that contributed to the demise of that relationship. So, I really wanted to take my time..

It was like to him, Hey I like you.. Let's be together.. So, I may have been ignoring him with out me really knowing why..

I would ultimately love to be in a relationship but I really do not feel like I am ready for marriage just yet. So, I am sure if I was to be with him then that would be where he was headed...

So, I guess its for the best. I just needed reinforcement...

 

[MzLady78]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Thanks for all the posts... I suppose I am thinking maybe I didnt give him a fair shot..

Plus, it kinda scared me how he came on so strong in the beginning.. Like lets be together.. I just ended a relationship awhile ago that progressed rather quickly, and I think that contributed to the demise of that relationship. So, I really wanted to take my time..

It was like to him, Hey I like you.. Let's be together.. So, I may have been ignoring him with out me really knowing why..

I would ultimately love to be in a relationship but I really do not feel like I am ready for marriage just yet. So, I am sure if I was to be with him then that would be where he was headed...

So, I guess its for the best. I just needed reinforcement...

Yeah, if you think that, then you definitely did the right thing.

 

[Aveena]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Thanks for all the posts... I suppose I am thinking maybe I didnt give him a fair shot..

Plus, it kinda scared me how he came on so strong in the beginning.. Like lets be together.. I just ended a relationship awhile ago that progressed rather quickly, and I think that contributed to the demise of that relationship. So, I really wanted to take my time..

It was like to him, Hey I like you.. Let's be together.. So, I may have been ignoring him with out me really knowing why..

I would ultimately love to be in a relationship but I really do not feel like I am ready for marriage just yet. So, I am sure if I was to be with him then that would be where he was headed...

So, I guess its for the best. I just needed reinforcement...

Maybe you are just not ready to be in a relationship? You admit that you neglected him... so? I don't know.. timing truly is everything.

Don't beat yourself up about it. If he lit your fire sort of speak you would have given him more time.

I would look into possible commitment phobia issues just to rule it out but... not beat myself up either.

 

[andrea]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

I
My experience with love is that love hits you right in the face and is unconditional; it doesn't recede but only progresses. You definately feel it (love) whether it is in a touch of a hand or a kiss. Love supercedes "what's on paper" and makes the later a bonus.

That is absolutely the way I feel.. That has been my experience.. I just didnt get it this time at all.. Nothing..

 

[firecracker]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Don't worry about it. If your not into him, let him find someone that is. I think he needs to learn every connection isn't a love connection anyways.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Think of it from his point of view...

He deserves to be with someone who feels the chemistry he feels.

And you deserve to be with someone with whom you have chemistry.

It was that way with my last BF, I just didn't feel it, and I don't know why. It's strange, but we both needed to part and find what else is out there.

 

[andrea]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

Right, I really dont think I have committment issues.. I want the connection to feel mutual.. So, that was my problem.. Plus, at times I felt like, finding a suitable mate was on his list... Then he met me and he was like "Check" thats done..

However, I have been known to dismiss guys rather quickly for something really not significant. I mean I used to do it alot in my younger years..

Wears Pink, Next
Shoes look funny, Next
Doesn't like Bowling, Next

So, I kinda wondered if maybe I didnt give him a shot at all..

 

[Solti]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

No man is going to be perfect. I think you should just date MORE not take a sabbotical. There is nothing wrong with that guy but you have to figure out what you want. The next guy comes around, you may have great chemistry but he will be horrible on paper(or at least not what you want). So thats why you should date MORE to get a sense of whats out there and what exactly you attract and what you are attracted to...You will be able to make a better decision and not wonder about the guy after the relationship is done. Dating should be fun not agonizing.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

That is absolutely the way I feel.. That has been my experience.. I just didnt get it this time at all.. Nothing..

See then you already what would eventually come out of the relationship if you proceeded...

I think you made a very good and responsible decision. You will thank yourself later when you DO meet that man who you KNOW is THE ONE.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Re: OH.. I have issues..but I really cant afford a relationship counselor.. please he

ITA with AP. Don't let this one relationship stop you. DATE more; maybe even two or three. Besides dating is just dating and I believe is meant to serve as a playing field to really find out what type of guy floats your boat.

You have to try each chocolate in the box in order to know which one is your favorite.

No man is going to be perfect. I think you should just date MORE not take a sabbotical. There is nothing wrong with that guy but you have to figure out what you want. The next guy comes around, you may have great chemistry but he will be horrible on paper(or at least not what you want). So thats why you should date MORE to get a sense of whats out there and what exactly you attract and what you are attracted to...You will be able to make a better decision and not wonder about the guy after the relationship is done. Dating should be fun not agonizing.