Offended by a hair suggestion?

CaliDiamond

CaliDiamond

New Member
My sister has been complaining about her hair breaking like crazy for the last year. She uses only grease for her "moisturizer" and wears a wig 24/7.
I finally saw her hair last week for the first time in 2 years (I know, right?:look:) and it is SL with ends see through up to the back of her head.

I TRIED to suggest a moisturizer and she just got up and left during the middle of our conversation! :wallbash:

Has hair become a super personal thing that should not be spoken about IRL like politics and religion?

Opinions? Thoughts?
 
Thats why I dont give hair advise. People get their panties all in a bunch. I guess they feel like you're trying to say their hair looks really bad.
 
I think for some, talking about hair is a sensitive issue. Especially if that person has breakage and hair issues. She probably knows deep down that it looks a mess and she is frustrated by it, so thats why she got an attitude when others (even with the best intentions) try to help. Sometimes its better to give advice when asked, not to just start giving it out...some folkz get turned off.

Its kinda like talking about someone's weight. If I've got an overweight friend and I start telling her to try this new diet out there, she will probably get offended and stomp off. SHE has to be ready to make that change. And when she is she'll ask for help/ advice. Same w/ your sister's hair...SHE has to be ready. Til then, let her be and be supportive/ helpful when she asks u for advice.

I know you were tryin to help & you did nothing wrong...I'm just tryin' to provide one way to look at it.:yep:
 
Dont give up, keep looking after your own hair and she will start asking you for advice when she sees it thriving. :yep:, but dont offer anymore since its a sensitive subject. i dont offer hair advice for this reason too, but these days i find that i get asked a lot and then i cant stop talking then
 
People especially friends and family members sometimes find it hard to take advice from their peers. I think the best way to give hair advance, is to use your own mishaps, trial and errors as examples as to why you are suggesting to them an alternative hair care regimen. This way they won't have a feeling of inferiority. No one likes a know it all! Let your sister know you've been there and you're still working hard at maintaining what you have. :yep:
 
Mmm....how did it even get around to that? Did she ask you for help with her hair, or were you guys even discussing hair at that point? Or did you just pipe up with the moisturizer suggestion unbidden?

Complaining and asking for help are two different things...people love to complain. They complain about their hair, their weight, their skin, their clothes, their lack of man...just everything. But even though they are complaining, they might not want to hear anything you have to say. It's annoying, but when my friends and family are complaining about stuff, I just nod and say, "Oh, I know." or "That sucks." If they ask for my opinion or advice, or if we are extremely close, then I'll speak up. If not, then in the interest of peace, I'm not saying nuftin.

As far as your sister's hair goes, just let her be. I know you want to help her, but leave her alone about her hair. Eventually, when she sees yours getting healthier and longer, she will ask you for your help. Or at the very least, she will start watching what you do/use and copying it.
 
Back in the days....

1. I wore glue in weaves that I would rip out of my hair. I would laugh because as long as they sold weave, I didn't care about my natural hair.

2. I would perm my hair faithfully every four weeks from root to tip!!! If my hair looked like it wanted to wave up, I would perm it.

Now during this time, people (with waaaaaaaaaaaaay better looking hair) would come up to me and offer suggestions.

This got me angry because I just knew that MY hair was inferior and that I could NEVER get it to do what their hair did because THEIR hair was better.

I had to come to my OWN hair journey by myself after I started having so many bald spots, I didnt have enough hair to cover the glue in tracks.

Sometimes people have to come to their own realizations to get them to change.
 
Melissa-bee: She seemed embarassed, then I felt bad. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Charmtreese: Thank you for the suggestion. I have been pushing my conditoners on her and she loves them, so I thought it was safe to suggest a moisturizer.lol.

Chaosbutterfly: It started when she asked me what relaxer to use. I think
I will follow your advice and leave her alone until she asks for help..I DO have big sister syndrome.

THANKS LADIES!
 
I think IRL and on this board I see pple upset all the time because a person is telling them something about their hair they don't want to hear. Atleast you did suggest something to her, so she can't say you didn't try to help her situation.
 
It's just a human thing, sometimes the gentlest and the most tactful of advice can seem patronizing when you are the one receiving the advice especially when you weren't seeking it. It's tough. Even though she seems upset maybe she'll secretly take your advice. Maybe she just needs some time.
 
sharifeh said:
It's just a human thing, sometimes the gentlest and the most tactful of advice can seem patronizing when you are the one receiving the advice especially when you weren't seeking it. It's tough. Even though she seems upset maybe she'll secretly take your advice. Maybe she just needs some time.
Click to expand...

Thank you Sharifeh. I hope so! I just want to see her happy with her hair like I have become.:grin:
 
Maybe you can just rave about a great product and buy her an extra one when you buy one.

This is what I did with my sister and she has started really taking good care of her hair. And bit by bit she started asking my advice and now we can talk about hair openly and exchange ideas and all that...

Sometimes I guess when we know something is wrong (I am sure your sister knows her hair isn't in great condition) it hurts to hear it from someone else.

Good luck!

PS: You're a great sister for wanting to help! :yep:
 
Don't take it personal. Hair is a very private and personal matter, especially when you are struggling to get it back to health and you feel like the whole world is watching. Your sister probably feels this way. When people make suggestions to me, at times, I catch an attitude. Especially when their hair is a HAM also. I would rather take advice from someone who has been in my shoes and has made significant progress. Take time with her, she'll come around.
 
If people don't want suggestions/help, they should keep their complaints to themselves.
Good luck trying to help your sister OP.
 
i understand wanting to help but you just can't force it. i let people come to me when they're really ready to do something about their hair lol

otherwise, all the info you're giving them won't be heard anyway. just wait until she's ready. :)
 
Yes, it is best to not help. Sad but true. If somebody kept complaining to me though, and didn't want advice, I would avoid them like the plague. How annoying :nono:
 
What if you emailed her a link to LCHF, with a few helpful threads, maybe a link to the sticky topics? Since she is looking for a new relaxer, you can just tell her there is some great info on here about that, and a lot of other topics that you have been researching. Since she is sensitive about her hair right now, she might prefer to do some research on her own, in private.
 
Op, instead of making a suggestion, you could have instead asked her what she wants to do about it. She could either give you a crazy look or an answer (maybe both) but it gets the conversation going in a way where she may not feel you're trying to act "better" than her.



-A
 
teacherjess said:
I think for some, talking about hair is a sensitive issue. Especially if that person has breakage and hair issues. She probably knows deep down that it looks a mess and she is frustrated by it, so thats why she got an attitude when others (even with the best intentions) try to help. Sometimes its better to give advice when asked, not to just start giving it out...some folkz get turned off.

Its kinda like talking about someone's weight. If I've got an overweight friend and I start telling her to try this new diet out there, she will probably get offended and stomp off. SHE has to be ready to make that change. And when she is she'll ask for help/ advice. Same w/ your sister's hair...SHE has to be ready. Til then, let her be and be supportive/ helpful when she asks u for advice.

I know you were tryin to help & you did nothing wrong...I'm just tryin' to provide one way to look at it.:yep:
Click to expand...

off topic: I almost started to :lachen:at that cause i've found sometimes people will ask you stuff, they'll ask 15 other people the same question, and listen to NONE of the advice!!! :lol:. I got so sick of that mess, of people doin that, I just say, "I don't know..." :lol:. I'm like why waste my breath talkin when you're gonna do somethin else anyway.

Thick&Fine said:
Melissa-bee: She seemed embarassed, then I felt bad. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Charmtreese: Thank you for the suggestion. I have been pushing my conditoners on her and she loves them, so I thought it was safe to suggest a moisturizer.lol.

Chaosbutterfly: It started when she asked me what relaxer to use. I think
I will follow your advice and leave her alone until she asks for help..I DO have big sister syndrome.

THANKS LADIES!
Click to expand...

That big-sister syndrome is a trip. Sometimes your intentions are very good, but the little sister takes it that you're tellin her she's inadequate, stupid, slow, etc. All irrational ideas, but that's how they choose to take it a lot of the time. I know all about big-sister syndrome. Spoiled my little sister so rotten I was doin her chores :doingdishes: for her :lol:. Waitin until she asks is probably the best idea. She still might get an attitude even then, cause my LS does that sometimes.
 
Unless someone asks for advice concerning hair or weightloss, (two very touchy subjects) i would keep my mouth closed.
 
Thick&Fine said:
My sister has been complaining about her hair breaking like crazy for the last year. She uses only grease for her "moisturizer" and wears a wig 24/7.
I finally saw her hair last week for the first time in 2 years (I know, right?:look:) and it is SL with ends see through up to the back of her head.

I TRIED to suggest a moisturizer and she just got up and left during the middle of our conversation! :wallbash:

Has hair become a super personal thing that should not be spoken about IRL like politics and religion?

Opinions? Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I have a sister who is the same way. Nothing you can do about it, so it's best to leave her alone.
 
*mouth closing* lol.:lachen:

She knows about LHCF, but thinks it's a waste of time. She just told me an hour ago that she is cutting all her hair off. Go figure.:drunk:

My response: "Cool. Go for it sis!"

That is the last piece of advice I am giving. Lesson learned.:grin:
 
Last edited:
Just keep your lips closed. Folks like that don't want suggestions, they "know it all" already. Just keep doing your hair and let those gorgeous tresses speak for itself.
 
Just keep taking care of ur hair and her curiosity will eventually lead her in ur direction to ask ?'s Sometimes showing is better than telling :yep:
 
There is a girl I see often that I am dying to give advice to. I am not opening my mouth until she says something, which I'm sure she won't ever do.
 
mariofmagdal said:
I have a sister who is the same way. Nothing you can do about it, so it's best to leave her alone.
Click to expand...

My sister is like that too.
Complain, complain, complain but refused to listen.

I've just lately gotten her to use better products but she shampoos several times a week and pulls it back into the same tired ponytail.
She's barely sl while I've gone from nl to sl to apl to bsl to sl...

I once reccomended her to try Pyhtospecific relaxer because her hair (like mine) is very fine. Her comment: "yeah, maybe (eye-balling and tugging on my hair). It'll probably work good for me beacuse I have better hair than you (once upon a time she had 3a/3b hair). You can buy me one the next time you're in France."

Yeah right.
I actually have a box in my closet, but I'd rather give it away to a stranger than give it to her.
 
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