Now what?

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Ladies I've been talking via PMs to this guy I met online for a month than we moved to emails. He seems like a cool guy. He's given me his phone number but I haven't called it yet. He's currently studying (masters), and has a job. Anyways the convo is cool, and he's nice from what I can tell. I know he's busy right now so I'm not stressing meeting him.

However I don't want to continue making the same mistakes. I would like for us to meet next year January, continue the nice flow,and for it to lead somewhere. But I feel like this is the breakpoint.
(sorry for breaking the LOA rule with the negatives...but)
I don't want to fall into the habit, and be taken for granted. I don't want to be his friend that he's cool with. I don't want this to just be a now thing only to die down later. Nor do I want a sex thing.

As you can see I want for it to develope into more. So being that the breaking point is close, how should I proceed?

I'm a believer in actions and vibes being the reason why certain things don't work. So if all the ladies in a relationship or those that have been can come and give a sister some pointers, I would appreciate it.

I want to give the correct vibe so he can pick up and steer this into a good positive outcome for both of us.

 

[Lindy]

I hate to be a downer, but I don't like to talk to someone online/by phone for a long time before the actual meeting. More times than not, the face to face does not live up to the expectations, and it ends up being a total waste of time, not to mention very awkward, especially if one of you is attracted and the other is not.

Nowadays, I talk by phone a few days to a week after chatting or e-mailing online, and if that goes well, I set up a meet & greet (coffee date) within a couple of weeks. That way you find out right away if there is any chemistry. Works for me!!

But good luck to you ~ I hope everything works out the way you want!

 

[chichibean]

I agree with Lindy. I'm currently dating a guy that I met online, and so far it is going very well! We were speaking online (instant message) for about a week before we first met for coffee. It's been about a month now and we get together pretty much every other day so it has been a good experience so far. But I have had not-so-great experiences prior to this one. It is true that you could end up speaking with someone for a while and then meet and the chemistry is all off. I don't advocate speaking with someone online or through email for too long. The other reason is because so many intentions can be misunderstood through emails. You will much better be able to decipher his intentions (sexually or otherwise) once you meet him. A good indication is if he is asking and seems interested in you and your life and is willing to talk about his own. But ultimately you won't fully be able to tell what he wants from you until you meet. The other thing is you don't want to get tooo invested yet, cause if you meet and there is no chemistry or you get the feeling that he is only into you for a booty call... then it's not too hard to walk away if you have to. This has been my experience anyways. At the very least you should definately start talking to him on the phone!

Best of luck with it!

 

[tenjoy]

I agree with the girls above...you should set up a greet. You cant keep dating him online. You have to really see if you are attracted to each other.

 

[Bublin]

2 weeks ago i met this guy on line. We have been talking via email. 2 days ago he gave me his phone number.

Tonight i decided to call. I had to pluck up the courage - i didn't want that 'chemistry' to disappear and it was the complete unknown.

I'm glad i called because we got on sooo well and his voice is very sexy.
He seems very nice and i never thought i'd say this but i wouldn't mind meeting him asap.

This is my first on line encounter and i'm taking on board what the other ladies have said. I don't think it will be a good idea to keep this a telephone relationship for too much longer.

I have not given him my number (i witheld my mine). I asked him if he wanted to talk again - this was stupid move as i sounded a bit immature - he said yes.

The next time i call i will not withold my number as i want him to call and show me he's interested.

Now i have to think about when to call, the next day or leave a day or two gap so i don't look eager?!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Abenyo, how is it that you already know that you want this guy to be your man? How did he qualify after only a month? I think its a mistake to expect a guy to conform to what you want without really knowing what he is about. You should want him to be your man because of reasons xyz...not just because you happen to be looking for a serious relationnship at the time. this is where we women go wrong. Take your time sweetness. Just take the PMing/emailing for what it is. I would suggest for you to have an honest conversation about what you want. and if he is interested in being that for you... then he will do it. If he isnt looking for the same thing as you... then you will know by his lack of time he spends with you. And also have an honest conversation about what he is looking for. if he is a grown *** man, then he should know by now what he is looking for and can give yoou an honest answer whether he is only looking for a friend, lover, 1 nite stand or he maybe looking for a wife. Its best to ask these questions upfront.

just my personal opinion.

 

[honeycomb719]

Hey Abenyo

Like the other ladies I suggest a meet-up asap. Liek the other poster said, you dont want it to be a waste of time it its all chemistry via email and IM and then IRL no chemisty. Also, I suggest being up-front with what you are looking for (not necessarily with him) but out of a relationship so he can decide whether or not he's in the game or not.
I just enter into a relationship with a guy I met online. We both saw the chemistry was there so no need to post-pone it. Just do It!!
Good Luck and keep us posted.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Abenyo, how is it that you already know that you want this guy to be your man? How did he qualify after only a month? I think its a mistake to expect a guy to conform to what you want without really knowing what he is about. You should want him to be your man because of reasons xyz...not just because you happen to be looking for a serious relationnship at the time. this is where we women go wrong. Take your time sweetness. Just take the PMing/emailing for what it is. I would suggest for you to have an honest conversation about what you want. and if he is interested in being that for you... then he will do it. If he isnt looking for the same thing as you... then you will know by his lack of time he spends with you. And also have an honest conversation about what he is looking for. if he is a grown *** man, then he should know by now what he is looking for and can give yoou an honest answer whether he is only looking for a friend, lover, 1 nite stand or he maybe looking for a wife. Its best to ask these questions upfront.

just my personal opinion.

I don't know him that well enough to know whether I want him to be my man, but I just didn't want to take the wrong move. From what the other ladies are saying I could be making one right now by letting the email thing linger too long.

I am definitely taking everyone's advice and absurbing them.

Thanks ladies

 

[Radianthealth]

I think your tension around the situation is probably your worst enemy...have fun dating...if it works great...if not you got a couple of free meals and you know that something better is in the works

When I was single being carefree and being myself always drew in tons of really nice men.

I think men are put off by women that are too intense, be yourself and visualize everything working out perfectly.

 

[Lovelylocs]

How did u meet him online?

 

[tenjoy]

How did u meet him online?

She may not want to reveal hers for personal reasons, but you can meet people through dating sites like blackpeoplemeet.com or myspace or something like that.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Thanks trim. Yes i meet him through bpm.

 

[DaPPeR]

I hate to be a downer, but I don't like to talk to someone online/by phone for a long time before the actual meeting. More times than not, the face to face does not live up to the expectations, and it ends up being a total waste of time, not to mention very awkward, especially if one of you is attracted and the other is not.

Nowadays, I talk by phone a few days to a week after chatting or e-mailing online, and if that goes well, I set up a meet & greet (coffee date) within a couple of weeks. That way you find out right away if there is any chemistry. Works for me!!

But good luck to you ~ I hope everything works out the way you want!

EXACTLY what she said. I have horror stories.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Yeah you have to meet him asap. For a quick chat or whatever. Doesnt have to be dinner and a whole lot of activities lined up.

 

[Bunny77]

Wow... I just started talking to a man online last Sunday and he wants to meet. We're getting together this Sunday.

I guess this is good... we can see if it's worth our time to continue this.

So go meet the man already!