Not sure how to handle this information

[Lissa0821]

I have been spending time with my ex-boyfriend as we are trying to give our relationship another go. But I have found out some distrubing news that really gave me confirmation of what I was sensing about one of my best female friends.

Last year he started a new job in the same building as one of my best friends who has known about our relationship since day one. Well, when he told me where he worked, I laughed and called my female friend to tell her. She asked me what he looked like and I described him not really thinking anymore about it. When the very next day, she approached and introduced herself, he immediately called me to let me know she had stepped to him. I was little surprised she would be so bold but I didn't think twice about.

From the day she met him until now in every conversation that we have she would find a way to bring him up so I got the vibe that she found him attractive. I didn't want to think she would come on to him so I just brushed it off. Plus, knowing the kind of man he is, he would never get involved with her.

Well we hung out last night and I mentioned that I think my friend is attracted to him. He looked at me and said I didn't want to say anything because I know how you feel about her but she was hitting on me big time. He said it got to the point he would go out of his way to avoid her within the building. He and one of his co-workers called it "Operation Blackie", where his co-worker would be let him know if it was safe to go into the cafteria area if my friend wasn't around. He let me know in no uncertain terms that if we have to attend a function and she is there he will not go cause he thought her behavior was foul.

Now, I love my friend but I seen her in action when she goes after a man, even if the man is married. She does know how I feel about her behavior and over the years I just make sure not to bring anyone I am seeing around her.

Now how do I deal with her????

 

[cupcakes]

I would cut her off. She isnt a real friend at all.

 

[daydreem2876]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but friends do not step to your man. She may think he is cute, pine for him desperately, and fantasize about rockin his world, but friends do not step to your man.

 

[MizzBrown]

That's not your friend!

It amazes me how women define friendship.

That skank is not your friend!

 

[phynestone]

She isn't a friend. Do yourself a favor and cut her loose.

 

[Filmatic]

Naw that's not friendly at all. Yeah she can think he's cute, but stepping to him and nearly stalking him is wrong. And if you two do get back together she is probably going to try to break you up or still pursue him.

Watch your back.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

Damn with friends like those who need enemies?? What you SHOULD do is tell your "friend" to kick rocks on Mt. Everest.....faaaaaar away from your man.

ETA: also your man needs to tell her to do the same.
ETAA: and be prepared for her to go even harder, and try to throw dirt in the game. I hope you didnt' tell her anything you don't want him to hear.

 

[TayMac]

With friends like that..who needs enemies?

She not a true friend OP..tell her bout herself and let her loose.

 

[BGT]

If she treats you like that and you're a friend, I wouldn't want to be her enemy. erplexed

 

[tilati]

She is a foul. Some women need attention from every man they see, because they are insecure. Tell her how you feel and stop talking to her. She is NOT your friend

 

[FluffyRed]

I may be slow... was she trying to get at him knowing that was your man the whole time?

Was he with you when she first saw him?

 

[MD_Lady]

So your "friend" is not only hitting on your current interest, but has made you feel like you couldn't bring other dudes around her in the past? I think you know what to do, but it's just hard to take the final step. As much as it hurts to cut one of your "best" friends loose, constantly dealing with a lack of respect from someone who is supposed to care about you is no way to live.

 

[firecracker]

So you already were assuming from her conversation she was interested in him and you had to get confirmation by feeding his ego right? So now your wondering what to do? You don already did what you needed to do if you ask me. Here is the question do you want to remain friends with her now and even if the relationship doesn't work out oncetagain? You said he was your ex. I figure he was your ex for a reason. I hope that reason can be resolved the second time around. She needs to be your ex too and for life! lol

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Maybe I'm the only one in the minority, but if my best friend's boyfriend was working at my job, I'd introduce myself and say hello. Not on some "I wanna get with you" type of thing, but just on a "Hey! You're dating my BF, nice to meet you!" type of thing.

But anything further than that, nooooo way.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Maybe I'm the only one in the minority, but if my best friend's boyfriend was working at my job, I'd introduce myself and say hello. Not on some "I wanna get with you" type of thing, but just on a "Hey! You're dating my BF, nice to meet you!" type of thing.

But anything further than that, nooooo way.

Right, it's the fact that it appeared to have been taken further.


And I made a thread some time ago about whether to even introduce my man to somebody that I know goes after other people's men. Even if you think that person is a friend

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I

Now how do I deal with her????

Unless you two have a viable relationship now, nothing. If you two are a couple, then he should be telling her to back off. But do you really wish to be friends or just friendly with someone who goes after married men? She doesn't truly sound like friend material because she's treacherous. I'd beware.

 

[Lissa0821]

So your "friend" is not only hitting on your current interest, but has made you feel like you couldn't bring other dudes around her in the past? I think you know what to do, but it's just hard to take the final step. As much as it hurts to cut one of your "best" friends loose, constantly dealing with a lack of respect from someone who is supposed to care about you is no way to live.

I think you have said it in a nutshell. Over the years that I have known her, this is the one thing that I don't like that she does. I just made a mental note to keep anyone I was seeing away from her and everything would be fine. Yes, it is hard because I considered her to be like a sister to me which is why when I got the vibe she was feeling him I just said to myself, no she wouldn't do that to me.

Now when I was talking to my ex the other day, I just mentioned the vibe I got to him in passing and I can't say that I was prepared for his response. I can still see the look of remorse on his face when he told me what was going on because he knows much I care about her.

Thanks for the reality check and yes, I hear what I don't want to hear.

 

[Lissa0821]

Right, it's the fact that it appeared to have been taken further.


And I made a thread some time ago about whether to even introduce my man to somebody that I know goes after other people's men. Even if you think that person is a friend

From what I now understand, her actions were not so sutle and he felt uncomfortable but out respect to me he just avoided her as to not make an issue out of it.

 

[Keen]

I do not need any friends whom I'd have to watch for around my men.

 

[Farida]

I have been spending time with my ex-boyfriend as we are trying to give our relationship another go. But I have found out some distrubing news that really gave me confirmation of what I was sensing about one of my best female friends.

Last year he started a new job in the same building as one of my best friends who has known about our relationship since day one. Well, when he told me where he worked, I laughed and called my female friend to tell her. She asked me what he looked like and I described him not really thinking anymore about it. When the very next day, she approached and introduced herself, he immediately called me to let me know she had stepped to him. I was little surprised she would be so bold but I didn't think twice about.

From the day she met him until now in every conversation that we have she would find a way to bring him up so I got the vibe that she found him attractive. I didn't want to think she would come on to him so I just brushed it off. Plus, knowing the kind of man he is, he would never get involved with her.

Well we hung out last night and I mentioned that I think my friend is attracted to him. He looked at me and said I didn't want to say anything because I know how you feel about her but she was hitting on me big time. He said it got to the point he would go out of his way to avoid her within the building. He and one of his co-workers called it "Operation Blackie", where his co-worker would be let him know if it was safe to go into the cafteria area if my friend wasn't around. He let me know in no uncertain terms that if we have to attend a function and she is there he will not go cause he thought her behavior was foul.

Now, I love my friend but I seen her in action when she goes after a man, even if the man is married. She does know how I feel about her behavior and over the years I just make sure not to bring anyone I am seeing around her.

Now how do I deal with her????

That's why I don't usually keep friends who do such stuff. They show no respect for other people's serious relationships, so who's to think yours are different?

But when I do, people say I am being judgmental.

Honestly, based on her history and what she has done now, I wouldn't be friends with her.

 

[Lissa0821]

So you already were assuming from her conversation she was interested in him and you had to get confirmation by feeding his ego right? So now your wondering what to do? You don already did what you needed to do if you ask me. Here is the question do you want to remain friends with her now and even if the relationship doesn't work out oncetagain? You said he was your ex. I figure he was your ex for a reason. I hope that reason can be resolved the second time around. She needs to be your ex too and for life! lol

I hear what you are saying and you are absolutely right, whether things work out with me and the ex only the future will be able to tell that story. But you are right I need to cut her out right now regardless due to her actions. Thanks for giving it to me straight!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lissa0821]

I may be slow... was she trying to get at him knowing that was your man the whole time?

Was he with you when she first saw him?

I was with him for about three years and I met her on the job shortly after we started dating. We broke up in 2006 but have remained friends since that time. Well I no longer work with my best friend and he started working in the same building last year. Prior to my telling her he worked in the building she had never met him as I never brought him around her before. So she searched him the very next day based on my description on him and he immediately called me the day she stepped to him. I knew something was up by the tone in his voice that day but I just refused to even consider she had ulterior motives.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Well, if your intuitions told you to keep your boyfriend of 3 years away from your "best friend", I figure she's not really your friend, eh?

I can't imagine having a boyfriend that I'd be uncomfortable introducing to my best friends. Either they're not really my friends, or my boyfriend isn't as loyal as I thought. Either way, I'd have to rectify something.

 

[natural2008]

She is so not your friend my dear. What are you going to do?

 

[ms_xcarlett]

Shes Scandalous!

 

[Makenzie]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but friends do not step to your man. She may think he is cute, pine for him desperately, and fantasize about rockin his world, but friends do not step to your man.

That's not your friend!

It amazes me how women define friendship.

That skank is not your friend!

I do not need any friends whom I'd have to watch for around my men.

ITA! If you see your 'friend' treating someone foul usually they turn around and treat you that way at some point.

 

[MD_Lady]

I think you have said it in a nutshell. Over the years that I have known her, this is the one thing that I don't like that she does. I just made a mental note to keep anyone I was seeing away from her and everything would be fine. Yes, it is hard because I considered her to be like a sister to me which is why when I got the vibe she was feeling him I just said to myself, no she wouldn't do that to me.

Now when I was talking to my ex the other day, I just mentioned the vibe I got to him in passing and I can't say that I was prepared for his response. I can still see the look of remorse on his face when he told me what was going on because he knows much I care about her.

Thanks for the reality check and yes, I hear what I don't want to hear.

I only say this because I've been there (having to let go of a toxic "best" friend) and I know first hand how difficult it can be. Family and close friends tried to point out how messed up my former BF's behavior was, but between wanting to give the benefit of the doubt and not wanting to lose (what I thought was) my closest friend, I let A LOT of stuff slide that I should have nipped in the bud. As a matter of fact, I still over things that I let slide over 5 years ago. Best of luck to you Lissa and I'm sure everything will work out fine.

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Don't trust these h0's...That's why i don't tell people my biz. Cut her off, she is not your friend!

 

[Lissa0821]

Well, if your intuitions told you to keep your boyfriend of 3 years away from your "best friend", I figure she's not really your friend, eh?

I can't imagine having a boyfriend that I'd be uncomfortable introducing to my best friends. Either they're not really my friends, or my boyfriend isn't as loyal as I thought. Either way, I'd have to rectify something.

You know that is why I turned a blind eye to what she was doing. I may not know a lot about men but that is one man that I know like the back of my hand. So I already knew he would never go for anything like that. If anything he would set her straight in a minute. I think the only reason he chose to avoid her instead of saying something is due to the fact that I considered a close friend.

I don't think I was uncomfortable about bringing my boyfriends about her, mama just didn't raise no fool so I knew what I needed to do. But other than that we have had a great relationship and she has come through for me in times when my own family turned their back on me.

This is a hard choice that I have to make because I know the right thing to do but it still hurts a little bit.

 

[blue_flower]

"Operation Blackie"?