No Shortage Of Church Brothers That Are Ex _____

[Choclatcotton]

Would you consider a brother that has a history of ex drug, felon, on s-x registry? In one local fellowship I have seen no shortage but they have given their life over to GOd and now are living a saved life, meaning they have repented, and done an about face and are now living a righteous life? Would they be considered marriageable??

 

[*CherryPie*]

Heckie naw!

No way. Just knowing their history would turn me off.

 

[sissimpson]

Some people do turn away from sin and walk with God consistently. That goes for the convicts as well as the never-caught. Some people find themselves walking right back into whatever they walked out of. It's an individual thing, to be judged on a case-by-case basis.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Hmm, is this that church in the(NW) Atlanta area? I thought they were closed, especially now that their pastor has passed.

http://www.ajc.com/news/news/local/inside-the-house-of-prayer/nbbKN/​

To answer the question. I would not seek such a person out, in biblical terms "I" would consider us to be unevenly yoked. Now IF, and ONLY IF this was someone I met (away from the church) AND we'd been dating for awhile and then it was revealed to me....... I'd like to think that I'd consider not running away.

 

[kanozas]

Would you consider a brother that has a history of ex drug, felon, on s-x registry? In one local fellowship I have seen no shortage but they have given their life over to GOd and now are living a saved life, meaning they have repented, and done an about face and are now living a righteous life? Would they be considered marriageable??

Well, it all depends upon one's values. Without fear of feigning superiority, in a word, "no." That is not my cup of tea. I'd still address them friendly-like at church but I wouldn't date them as I wouldn't date someone who was analphabet, uncouth, arrogant nor uneducated/undereducated. I'd seek out my equal and then some.

 

[Dellas]

There are a number of women who are ex prostitutes and drug addicts ...I wonder will these men give them a chance.

We are always compassionate, but men are selfish in general.
I personally was bending over backwards for a poor dude living with his mom because he had a degree and was going through a hard patch. This same dude that I was bending over backwards and having compassion for did not have compression for me. He complained about my weight.he was not thin but his weight was better distributed because of his height.

Black women and women in general usually are accepting.....
It is just these guys have cinderfella complexes

Just in my own opinion. Sorry posted in wrong forum...

As a Christian we are told to use worldly wisdom.

 

[LivingInPeace]

No. No. Don't do it. No. No.

 

[Daughter]

Nope to sex offender registry dudes.

 

[movingforward]

Hmmmm........I am open to being their friend. But I won't do an ex drug, felon, s-x registry or homosexual.

I'm not that woman.

 

[kanozas]

I'm going to step on some toes...excuse beforehand...but it's beyond me why people in the Black community are constantly pushing their daughters, aunts, nieces, mothers etc. towards failed men. I just don't get it. Any society in the WORLD is going to try and get the best possible men for their women. Countless women have told me (cuz that's not at all my reality and I realize it's not all Black women's reality either but for the sake of the argument) that these types of failures are pushed on them with emotional or psychological shaming so they don't feel too high and mighty. What in the world? Disgusting.

Yes, people can make an about-face...but not on my dime. Not in my life. Christ makes all the same however, I'm venturing to suggest that the best mate for these types of men are other reformed criminals. Let them seek someone just like them who has "overcome" her addictions, crimes, sexual perversions because they best know themselves. It's funny to me that someone so low on the totem pole has to try and get an upright girl who has never fallen on that path. Why are they not seeking to form a family with a like-minded individual who knows the struggle?

 

[Choclatcotton]

All great answers ladies! just as i suspected and agree.

 

[movingforward]

Everything in your post is the truth. Especially, when I have a friend who dates an ex-con....because she says she has no desire in narrowing her "dating pool".

I'm going to step on some toes...excuse beforehand...but it's beyond me why people in the Black community are constantly pushing their daughters, aunts, nieces, mothers etc. towards failed men. I just don't get it. Any society in the WORLD is going to try and get the best possible men for their women. Countless women have told me (cuz that's not at all my reality and I realize it's not all Black women's reality either but for the sake of the argument) that these types of failures are pushed on them with emotional or psychological shaming so they don't feel too high and mighty. What in the world? Disgusting.

Yes, people can make an about-face...but not on my dime. Not in my life. Christ makes all the same however, I'm venturing to suggest that the best mate for these types of men are other reformed criminals. Let them seek someone just like them who has "overcome" her addictions, crimes, sexual perversions because they best know themselves. It's funny to me that someone so low on the totem pole has to try and get an upright girl who has never fallen on that path. Why are they not seeking to form a family with a like-minded individual who knows the struggle?

 

[Shimmie]

Everybody is an "ex" something...and a potential anything. I know too many of them personally that have truly turned their lives over to God and one would never know they had a past.

While there are limits, (trusting a sexual predator ); one's past can be just that, their past.

Food for thought: How many men who are happily married to a woman do you think have had a homosexual encounter? Yet, these men will never in life have a homosexual desire.

You'd be surprised at the number of women either married or in a relationship with one now.

The point I'm making is that when God calls a man and woman together, nothing can separate the two. The past is the past. You just have to know and trust God.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

naw! Just as bad as all the down-low dudes in church. Learn to differentiate between the changed and the hiding.

 

[felic1]

I do not want to date or marry or become involved with a drug addict, a homosexual, or a felon. I married a man when I was young, dumb, and stupid. I thought recovery was some time of a permentnt cure or something. I have been happily divorced for 23 quiet years. Yea! When I had just become saved, the enemy ran a game on me about my husband. I had not been saved a month. I was even dumber at this age. He mentioned a man's name. When I came home from school, the man was riding on the bus. I liked him. I did not know why he did not like me. I changed to aquafresh and scope. I did not know tha he did not cae for women. I am so glad he did not like me. He died of AIDS.
I met a man, who seemed very kind. He was a pistol man. The homosexual guy was in the choir. The rest were spiritually unconnected to God, I just entered this post because I can laugh about these experiences now.

 

[Ivonnovi]

@felic1 , um....what is a "pistol man" ? does this relate to the guy in the choir? I feel like I need clarity on these terms/situations before I step a foot back in a church. BTW I am glad you dodged a bullet with the bus rider.

 

[Shimmie]

some of the comments

Both the topic and the Member's comments are sincere and imperative to life decisions. Its not a joke to them.

 

[felic1]

I do not want to date or marry or become involved with a drug addict, a homosexual, or a felon. I married a man when I was young, dumb, and stupid. I thought recovery was some time of a permentnt cure or something. I have been happily divorced for 23 quiet years. Yea! When I had just become saved, the enemy ran a game on me about my husband. I had not been saved a month. I was even dumber at this age. He mentioned a man's name. When I came home from school, the man was riding on the bus. I liked him. I did not know why he did not like me. I changed to aquafresh and scope. I did not know tha he did not care for women. I am so glad he did not like me. He died of AIDS.
I met a man, who seemed very kind. He was a pistol man. The homosexual guy was in the choir. The rest were spiritually unconnected to God, I just entered this post because I can laugh about these experiences now.

 

[CoilyFields]

Lol. Do you ladies really know that many men who have not done anything (including those that never got caught) that would make them ineligible if we counted their past against them?

I'm just saying. If it's in their past...and it must be far in the past and I would have to see marked and sustained change to entertain them.

That doesn't mean get with someone HOPING that they will change, cuz thats just stupid.

 

[momi]

One of my dear sisters in the Lord married an ex-felon. She was looked down on and most of her "friends" questioned her decision. She submitted herself under the counsel of a very wise and godly woman and they walked through their courtship together. He didn't rush her and was perfectly content to court her until she felt confident that she would either marry him or tell him to hit the road.

Fast forward about 15 years and they have one of the most solid marriages that I've had the opportunity to witness. It really depends on the circumstances.... all of us are ex-something or another.

Having said that, the guy should have a proven track record of maintaining a clean record and figured out how he will support his family with a record.

 

[kanozas]

I hope his felony wasn't sex crimes or something. It's not that I'm looking down my nose at anyone. I wouldn't choose to live in a gang-infested neighborhood, a rat-infested house, eat rotten fruit, cook with putrid meat. I have standards and if ex-cons save from political/religious dissenters, don't make the cut, well, I'm not the one for them. G-d ain't gonna make me marry one. Marriage is choice that you freely enter into . If we have free choice to live for G-d, then we have free choice to enter into marriage. I just cannot buy that G-d will deliberately make someone marry another. Well, what's that person in scripture who married the prostitute? And Joseph was reassured that it was ok to marry the Virgin Mary. Those are different situations. Still, this is what is pushed upon Black women? C'mon!

 

[momi]

@kanozas - no it was not a sexually related felony.

 

[kanozas]

What exactly is being said, though? That we are not to judge character (present/past) of potential marriage partners? That we are not perfection? Granted, we are not. But that....it's okay to send our daughters or ourselves to an ex-felon? I hope to open up the discussion more because there are lots of lurkers who might be in such a situation or considering a relationship like this. If people have biblical support for such unions, please provide it to help the discussion. What would be the justification?

 

[Galadriel]

I'm reading the responses and I must say that both sides make good points!

On the one hand, I do believe people (through God's grace) can reform their lives and become amazing and productive members of society. I think someone who has had a STEADY and PROVEN track record of being "changed" could stand a better chance in dating/courtship. @Shimmie and @momi , your examples show that people can break free of their past and take control of their lives in order to have a better future.

On the other hand, as @kanozas and @Adel10 pointed out, it's unfair for us (women) to be pressured (by family, friends, our fears, etc.) into having lower standards and bending over backwards when the same isn't given to us.

 

[phynestone]

I think men are open about certain standards regarding women, but they never apologize for their standards, so why should I? I'm pretty open-minded, but I think that may be a little too much for me.

 

[kanozas]

It's too bad the discussion died out. Marriage is very important.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I'm a Christian but I'm not going to discuss this based on a religious perspective. Based on what I know I would tell a woman not to get involved with a man with a criminal record. The only way I could halfway see it is if he has gone ten to fifteen years without any new crimes. A man needs to show that he's changed, not just say that he's changed.

 

[Misseyl]

I'm sorry and I believe in giving someone a second chance but away from a traffic ticket, I could never see myself with an ex con or someone who use to do drugs, I mean drugs like crack, herion and prescription pills. I would have to be watching my back and my stash, just too much is at stake.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I think a lot depends on one, the nature of the crime, two, the spiritual deliverance of the person and three the attitude the person presently has toward their crime.
For one some crimes like sexual predator goes deep to the very heart of a person. Sex is at the heart of a person. We all start off with a healthy, innocent and pure notion of sex until someone taints it by these vial acts. You have to seriously break down some social and personal barriers for a man to molest a child. God can forgive but that goes to point two, the person has to seen the heinous crime for what it really is exceeding wicked. Even then its kinda scary to fully trust them. I have close friend today who's mother married a man that eventually molested her and mother did not take it serious until later. Then their is three, The attitude or disposition one takes toward an object, subject or matter? Is he still secretly hugging it in his heart such as a porn site? Has he changed his attitude toward it? Does he see the wicked nature of it and how it has all but destroyed his life? Even with all this, you would need to seek God and Godly counsel. Would you want to take on this type of past?

 

[Shimmie]

I think a lot depends on one, the nature of the crime, two, the spiritual deliverance of the person and three the attitude the person presently has toward their crime.

For one some crimes like sexual predator goes deep to the very heart of a person. Sex is at the heart of a person. We all start off with a healthy, innocent and pure notion of sex until someone taints it by these vial acts.

You have to seriously break down some social and personal barriers for a man to molest a child. God can forgive but that goes to point two, the person has to seen the heinous crime for what it really is exceeding wicked. Even then its kinda scary to fully trust them. I have close friend today who's mother married a man that eventually molested her and mother did not take it serious until later.

Then their is three, The attitude or disposition one takes toward an object, subject or matter? Is he still secretly hugging it in his heart such as a porn site? Has he changed his attitude toward it? Does he see the wicked nature of it and how it has all but destroyed his life? Even with all this, you would need to seek God and Godly counsel. Would you want to take on this type of past?

Excellent points and most definitely, we need God to guide us, even in relationships where there has not been any type of criminal behavior.