No Long Lasting Relationships

[SimpleKomplexity]

When I come home I want to spend time with my friends I've left behind since highs chool. I usually call them up, and tell them we should hang out, but it never happens. Then they facebook and tell me, "So sorry I didn't get to see you while u were here. Miss you a lot. We'll hook up nxt time."

So they kinda said in so many words if I were to actually plan something we'd have fun. So I planned everything. I told them where we would go, when, and what we'd do afterwards. I set out this weekend to just chill with my girls before I had to leave for school and catch up with friends. 4pm comes around and no one calls. I call them and no one answers. I get a txt @ 6....one of them had "fallen asleep".

Needless to say, I never got to go out. It kinda hurts because all I wanna do is show them I still care, and even though I go to school 3 hrs away, they are still friends of mine and always have a place in my heart. But they may not think the same. They have SO, jobs, and lives that don't include me even for a weekend

I feel stuck in the same rut. I'm not close friends with any of the people I used to be really close to. My best friend is a freshman at the college. I never thought of it, until someone asked me why do I have so many freshman friends when I am a junior or pratically senior? I do not know... But it seems like I have stepping stone friends, not long lasting ones. Mose of them I stay very close to for a few years, and after 1-2 yrs we drift apart and move on to another.

It's kinda frusrating. Do you ladies go through this also? Are you still cool with many of the peole you go/went to high school or college with?

 

[Nayeli]

I am still wonderful friends with the girls I met as early as age 11 (when I started High School). Between the group of 6 of us, we are spread across three different countries. When we are all home on Christmas/Summer vacation, we go out several times per week, and when we are back at school we keep in touch through "e-mail conferences." I attribute this to the strength of the friendship - we have been through it all.

My two best friends from college, we had a girls day out two days ago, and I just got off the phone with another.

I take friendship very seriously though. I must say I've been blessed to have been surrounded by young women who feel the same. Loyalty is very important to me, and it's the friends with whom I have a reciprocal, loyal relationship that have a permanent place in my life.

 

[shasha8685]

I can understand what you are going through! I'm an Air Force brat, so I moved around A LOT while I was growing up. I am really good friends with at least 3 people I went to high school with while the rest are just Facebook/MySpace friends. One of the things I've noticed that as you progress through life you begin to drift apart from the people who once were your closest friends. It's not anyones fault, it's just that your focus and priorities change. Regardless of if you realize it or not, college does change you (not necessarily a bad thing). A lot of my HS friends have gotten married and have kids (like 2 or 3 kids). Meanwhile, I'm pursuing my degree. It just doesn't leave much for common ground anymore.

However, I don't say all that to say that forming a long lasting relationship is impossible. I have known my best friend since 6th grade. Even though we lost touch when I moved overseas, we found each other and we are pretty much inseperable. Those are the type of friends you hold on to--the ones that you can be separated from but yet still find each other years later and it seems like nothing has changed. I am also friends with my college friends, even though we are scattered across the country right now.

So I say all this to say that sometimes people change and with that friendships change in the process. I know you are trying to maintain these friendships (and this is something I would've done too) but until your friends make an effort to maintain the friendship you should just fall back for awhile. It'll be ok.....

 

[aribell]

I do happen to be close to the people I went to high school and even grade school with, but that's more a function of the city that I grew up in and how everyone does relationships here. I still have close friendships with my college friends because of the nature of the bonds we forged while we are there. But, around the college age there is a lot of shifting. I know that it's disappointing when people don't want to make the time anymore, but people really do grow in different ways and might not feel as connected to the high school times as you do. Some people get to college and want to actively put those friendships behind them. It just depends on the person, so don't take it personally.

As far as building lasting relationships is concerned, how long they last will probably depend on what they're centered on. If you can find commonalities with people that will last beyond your college years, then it's likely that those friendships will last. Also, if you take the time to talk about the really deep stuff and to support one another on a real level, those bonds are more likely to stay solid. It's the relationships that are built around the interests of the moment (classes, hanging out, etc.) that are more likely to fade when you're no longer engaged in them.

Finding good friends takes time, but you can do it. Good luck!

 

[Irresistible]

Pray God brings the friends he would want you to have into your life

and let go, seasons change, God probably has other relationships for you, for you to be blessed by and to be a blessing to

dont let it hurt, pruning is good, it brings good fruit!

 

[Ms_Delikate]

When I come home I want to spend time with my friends I've left behind since highs chool. I usually call them up, and tell them we should hang out, but it never happens. Then they facebook and tell me, "So sorry I didn't get to see you while u were here. Miss you a lot. We'll hook up nxt time."

So they kinda said in so many words if I were to actually plan something we'd have fun. So I planned everything. I told them where we would go, when, and what we'd do afterwards. I set out this weekend to just chill with my girls before I had to leave for school and catch up with friends. 4pm comes around and no one calls. I call them and no one answers. I get a txt @ 6....one of them had "fallen asleep".

Needless to say, I never got to go out. It kinda hurts because all I wanna do is show them I still care, and even though I go to school 3 hrs away, they are still friends of mine and always have a place in my heart. But they may not think the same. They have SO, jobs, and lives that don't include me even for a weekend

I feel stuck in the same rut. I'm not close friends with any of the people I used to be really close to. My best friend is a freshman at the college. I never thought of it, until someone asked me why do I have so many freshman friends when I am a junior or pratically senior? I do not know... But it seems like I have stepping stone friends, not long lasting ones. Mose of them I stay very close to for a few years, and after 1-2 yrs we drift apart and move on to another.

It's kinda frusrating. Do you ladies go through this also? Are you still cool with many of the peole you go/went to high school or college with?

In high school there were 5 of us that used to hang out together all the time. I am still really cool with two of them (one is my best friend).. one of them I had to let her go because like I told her she was making it too hard to be her friend and the other one we just kinda drifted apart but we still cool.

 

[inthepink]

Yeah, your post makes me really sad because I know how you feel. I've been through the same things.

It's like you are so slighted and not a priority to them at all when you try to make them a priority. It's very hurtful.

The only thing I can tell you is to no longer make them a priority and to find new friends who will make you one.

 

[bellesocialite]

I'm in the same situation. In HS, I was associates with plenty of people. I'll say I was a drifter. We'd hang out outside of school here and there but I'd never consider all of these people friends. I had a couple good friends but after HS, we drifted apart. For the most part, I have friends only at college. There's never a problem until I come back home for breaks. It's frustrating.

 

[JustKiya]

They are showing you how much you still matter to them - offer them reciprocity.

I have three friends from high school still, and two from college. That's it - the rest of them were short term acquaintances. Those post highschool/college years are usually a time of a lot of growing and changing, and it's no surprise that relationships will fade as people grow up and grow apart.

 

[NYAmicas]

Most of my good friends I have are the ones I met in HS, a few in junior high. I've never had a huge circle of friends nor wanted one, many I met in college are ones I'd call part-time friends. My mom has best friends she's known since she was 4-14 and she always tells me to be wary of women who dont have long lasting frienships.Sorry your friends are doing this SK, I know it can be hurtful.

 

[chokolate miss]

Sorry to say...friends come and go.

Many people come into you life for a reason and are gone. You may have needed thier companionship at the time or they may have needed you.

Others may be there for life. Do not de-value your friend because she is a freshman. I know when you are in school that seems to be such a big deal. But sweetie when you are 82, she will be 80. Know what...you both will just be old, LOL!

I have so much to say about this topic, but I don't want to write a novel. Sometimes you need to go to people. Sometimes I get into an extremely depressed mood. I will tell my friends that I do not want to go out or that I "fell asleep", when the truth is that I just feel bad. I honestly would love company, but I am just not in a good place. Just call and say "hey mind if I stop by for a sec?"

When I made plans for my birthday, half of the people I invited cancelled. I ended up calling everyone and telling them it was off. I was so sad that EVERYONE did could not make it. A friend of mine really got on me about that.

She asked me why I would not just go out with the people who said that they wanted to go. Even if it was just one person.

You need to realize that you do not need to surround yourself with tons of people to be loved and appreciated. But you must love yourself first. I'm not preaching, because I am not all of the way there myself. It's a process.

But my main point is take full advantage of life. When one person calls or messages you to go out. DO IT! Enjoy the simple things. Those people who are not showing that they care about you...let them remain Facebook friends.

Don't feel bad about any of that.

 

[LadieCrn]

I have my BFF from freshman year of HS, I love her like my sister. I have a few other friends from HS but they have moved to other states, so its facebook all day. I have a couple good friends from college but we see each other maybe once or twice a year. I have 4 sisters, 3 within close age (27,25,19), along with my BFF that is my main group. I was never into the catty ways HS/college girls had, even worse I find it is still the same now. My main goal is to have quality people around me, not quantity.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

I used to feel that way. Then I started focusing on people who actually made the effort to contact me.

Friendship is a two-way street, don't worry if most of your friends are freshmen or younger than you. At one point, all my friends were several years (at least 10) older than me but that didn't stop us.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I used to feel that way. Then I started focusing on people who actually made the effort to contact me.

Friendship is a two-way street, don't worry if most of your friends are freshmen or younger than you. At one point, all my friends were several years (at least 10) older than me but that didn't stop us.

I am going to start doing this. I have a lot of friends who I wasn't that close to in HS but for whatever reason they actually call me and check up on me when I am in town or they see a facebook status of mine that they don't like lol. I don't feel very close to them, so we don't hang out much, but those are prolly my true friends and not "fair weather friends". I'm going to pray God bring peaceful and friedly people in my life and hope that he changes me more into that person also.

Thanx ladies!

 

[blue_flower]

We're in the same boat. Someone told me that I don't have many friends because I"m "too hard on people" and that's not true at all. There comes a point when you start to see a pattern and that no on is reciprocating. I treat friends the way I want to be treated. The only time people want to hang out with me is if they're bored or their "real friends" are busy. But once things are all good again, they just drop me. Or if they're having problems they want to vent to me but once it's off their chest, I don't hear anything else about their lives. However, if I have a problem, no one listens, they talk over me, or they change the subject. I don't call anyone a friend unless we've been close for a long time. Other than that, I"m not quick to call someone a friend who doesn't want to meet me half way.

 

[Denise11]

Pray God brings the friends he would want you to have into your life

and let go, seasons change, God probably has other relationships for you, for you to be blessed by and to be a blessing to

dont let it hurt, pruning is good, it brings good fruit!

I like the way you think, girl. Good advice.

 

[silverlotus]

Yea I go through this a lot & don't stress over it... for me it happens b/c I tend to outgrow people quickly. Someone who's right for me as a friend now might not be right a year from now. Sometimes people are around for a specific purpose & when it's over, they fade out. It's rare for me to find someone that's growing with me. I've noticed most people like to stay stagnant.

 

[ellennicole]

I think what you're going through is typical. To answer your question, no. I'm not really close to anyone I went to high school with. I had a best friend a very good friend and I keep in contact with them, but not as much as I'd like to. I think the friendships I formed in college were more lasting. I'm close with my sorors. I have a couple of friends from law school, but even still I don't talk with them that much. People get busy with their lives. To be quite honest, I'm the one to make it a point to touch base with people, plan outtings, and get togethers. If I didn't, then we wouldn't get together at all. Over the years, I've tried not to let it "get to me" when they are not as available. Life happens. I have two really good frienddships that I've formed outside of school. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful friendships, but I honestly believe that I "work" at keeping those relationships going--esp when my friends are married and have kids. Friendships---like relationships aren't 50/50, there's always someone who works a little harder at keeping them going (at least that's been my experience).

So, try not to take it too personally. Continue to do what you're doing, and cherish the relationships you do have. Who cares if you're a junior and your best friend is a freshman. She's your friend and that's all that matters. As you get older the one or two year age difference really doesn't matter.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

Yeah, your post makes me really sad because I know how you feel. I've been through the same things.

It's like you are so slighted and not a priority to them at all when you try to make them a priority. It's very hurtful.

The only thing I can tell you is to no longer make them a priority and to find new friends who will make you one.

Exactly!! I totally agree!!

You sound like a good friend; just take the time to find one. It's as hard as finding a good one; so you won't find a whole lot.

BTW, don't worry about what they say on Facebook or Myspace; some people use that just to talk crap. There's an old childhood friend who says she misses me all the time and how we should get the kids together and yada yada. If I call the chick and ask her when we gonna meet up, she gon act like she's busy. Well, I am too; and don't have time for the games. You don't have to go by what anyone says. They will show you who they really are. If they want to spend time with you; they will make and take the time!! You deserve better than that; you have to know and believe that; I know that I do!