New And Exciting Opportunities For Dating For Bw

[CaraWalker]

so just out of nowhere this morning on my drive into work i had an idea about a new dating site for bw.

i know, nothing groundbreaking, right? whatever. but while this was occurring to me i was also reminded of a conversation i had with my coworker where she just randomly mentioned the site shaadi.com (that i had never heard of, and i consider myself very familiar with online dating sites) which is for indian people to find other indian people to marry. not so groundbreaking, lots of ethnicities have sites like this (jdate comes to mind).

but all out of nowhere it just started occurring to me that with the proper amount of oversight, a site specifically geared toward finding partners for eligible black women might have a market. i mean it would obviously have a market for women, but also one for attracting suitors.

if you follow my posts here you know that i am very very big on misrepresentation of black people in the media. it is my personal belief that rampant negative stereotypes are more than a little bit responsible for many of the different kinds of racism and sexism we have to deal with. so in addition to being a functional site for eligible women to find eligible partners, part of its goal would also be focused on redirecting and rebranding the image of black women.

we are the most highly educated group in this country, our entrepreneurial pursuits are groundbreaking, and we are damn fine and make (obviously loyal ) very committed and loving partners. we need the paradigm to shift, damnit.

so heres what i would propose:

a site for eligible AND ATTRACTIVE single black women. an eharmony for bw if you will.

sorry to say but i had a thought the other day. i was in the car or something and saw a bw who looked like, you know, the stereotype of a typical "hood" bw. i am not making a comment on whether or not she was legitimately attractive because i didnt even get a look at her face, but i thought... when people say they aren't attracted to bw, are they talking about real live black women, or some negative stereotype of what they think a bw is? so a key selling point would be quality control for attractiveness. i am in no way implying that you have to look (or be, or act, or think) any certain way in order to be considered desirable, but is this not what we discuss on this site all day long?

there would be a non-negotiable emphasis on the site being solely for attractive bw. of course, the criteria would be diverse and inclusive, but frankly, there will be no bbws. this is about image and perception. this is about branding. so the selling point is going to have to be, delicately, attractiveness. that could also work as an incentive!

another non-negotiable criterion would be high achieving. college degree at a minimum, but advertised, obviously, with the best of the best.

there will be no restrictions based on parenthood status, age, employment status, or location. or um... biracialness? black-identified will suffice. but the line is drawn there. no dolezals.

i would imagine a site like this would have no audience initially, so it would have to function in some other way in its early stages, not for a different goal, but just a precursor until it was able to function as a dating or matchingmaking service. but once it starts attracting men, the men will be verified by credential and employment. the minimum bar here will also be a college diploma, and maybe for additional membership benefits they could choose to verify their income if they wanted, or something.

i think with a really cute design, high quality site maneuvering, and a catchy name this is something that could take off. the funding could even be crowdsourced because hey, arent we the newest group to flaunt our disposable income?

thoughts?

 

[Honey Bee]

Nice to see you reconsider.

How would you check for blackness?

 

[CaraWalker]

Nice to see you reconsider.

How would you check for blackness?

i knew you were going to take credit for that but my coworker beat you to it i just hadn't thought of it as "dating site in general" (me: thats a stupid idea whats the point of that and why would i want to do that) vs "dating site for the advancement of bw" (me: now that is a viable agenda that count work)

looking black is good enough. exoticals would be allowed to register but would be ghosted tbh. okcupid does a thing where if enough people complain about your account they "hide" it so you think you are still using the site but really no one could see your profile. as own and proprietor i would have discretion over this.

im not here for exotical tears, the primary concern is bw.

 

[aviddiva77]

What about blackpeoplemeet.com? I've never been on but is that under the same concept?

 

[sunnydaze]

Blackpeoplemeet doesn't have any sort of focus..it is just that. black people of all types..meeting..lol. But more importantly, there are too many bw and bm that I believe are not the demo that Cara is seeking to promote/attract. I like the idea' Black/Black identified women who are the "total package" (looks, femininity, physique, successful) being positioned in a particular way in the hopes that eventually they attract their equivalents. Is that correct?

 

[CaraWalker]

Blackpeoplemeet doesn't have any sort of focus..it is just that. black people of all types..meeting..lol. But more importantly, there are too many bw and bm that I believe are not the demo that Cara is seeking to promote/attract. I like the idea' Black/Black identified women who are the "total package" (looks, femininity, physique, successful) being positioned in a particular way in the hopes that eventually they attract their equivalents. Is that correct?

my idea is less about black people meeting and more about promoting and marketing the desirability of bw specifically, designed to attract a berth of eligible potential husbands. (partners, should the implication of marriage be too intimidating.)

 

[Layluh]

We can always start a "private" lhcf open source project and those of us who know/can learn howto program in whatever language we choose can work on it together.

I'm down for that.

 

[CaraWalker]

We can always start a "private" lhcf open source project and those of us who know/can learn howto program in whatever language we choose can work on it together.

I'm down for that.

I dont think it has to be lhcf exclusively but yeah on the ground floor it has to be only bw. I imagine discriminating based on attractiveness would be criticized so that would have to be cleverly disguised.

initially I would like to see a preview of the site and its functionality. my initial thought is that that would have to be very high quality to attract and endorse this idea of prime exclusivity. everybody wants something that is exclusive and lets be honest rn bw have none.

nobody is looking out for a narrative of us being the baddest *****es of all and you cant TELL me that aint the ****ing truth. that is an agenda that desperately needs to be advanced.

 

[CaraWalker]

let me put it another way, if the site looked and functioned in the typical manner people "expect" from bp the entire point would be defeated.

and quite frankly I dont work like that anyway. anything I endorse has to be top tier professional quality.

 

[sunnydaze]

Pretty bw are everywhere, I think what could also set your site apart is to feature pretty/fit/successful women who are also unique in their lifestyle choices, world views, religious viewpoints, hobbies, etc. (again if your goal is to challenge the monolith view of what black women are about).

Maybe focus on finding those total package women who are also vivacious and full of life and have them actually demonstrate it in some capacity, like via a video and attach it to their profile..just thinking aloud.

 

[CaraWalker]

nah. thats too much. its going to exclude too many people already, and anyway, im not looking to court hotepness or any other ideology in particular including "alternative lifestyles" of any kind.

not trying to overload people with too much of a unique perspective. "black women are gorgeous and successful and you need one" is revolutionary enough, and, honestly, the only agenda im interested in promoting. I dont want to attach a special snowflake agenda to that.

im not trying to create a new black woman identity. lots of black women arent super unique in terms of any specific quirk or belief or lifestyle. I think that im one of them, really. that would turn people off. frankly it turns me off. I dont want to open the door to niche.

e: I also think attaching videos would be being too thirsty. none of the other sites make you try that hard to prove yourself. that would just reinforce some of the desperateness im trying to deemphasize. I think a key here is for everything to be very unassuming. you dont build value by begging people to like you. its a cool kids club for cool kids, they should be begging to join.

 

[CaraWalker]

also let me just reiterate that yall know how I am, I am forceful and headstrong and always think im right. but I dont want to come off right now as if im not open to ideas and notes because I am.

I obviously have a concept in my head that I am interested in designing, but I am also open to alterations provided the change results in a better product in the end.

so dont confuse me usual me-ness with not being willing to incorporate feedback

 

[joy2day]

@CaraWalker, I am the ultimate lurker, but I wanted to drop in to say that I like the concept, but I am not sure how the evolution of the concept will play out .. so how would you (a panel?) judge a bw's attractiveness? I mean, I would reasonably assume that a sister who dresses/grooms well (and who possessed all the other attributes mentioned) would have no issue, but I immediately started feeling like, "Lord, this could evolve into something like the 40's and the 50's all over again, where only unicorns who passed the brown paper bag test were accepted into the club!"

I will be following this thread, I am fascinated by the idea. I am interested to see/hear how other LHCF's feel about this ...

 

[CaraWalker]

@CaraWalker, I am the ultimate lurker, but I wanted to drop in to say that I like the concept, but I am not sure how the evolution of the concept will play out .. so how would you (a panel?) judge a bw's attractiveness? I mean, I would reasonably assume that a sister who dresses/grooms well (and who possessed all the other attributes mentioned) would have no issue, but I immediately started feeling like, "Lord, this could evolve into something like the 40's and the 50's all over again, where only unicorns who passed the brown paper bag test were accepted into the club!"

I will be following this thread, I am fascinated by the idea. I am interested to see/hear how other LHCF's feel about this ...

nothing thats too stringent. im not interested in promoting some narrow idea of beauty. definitely absolutely no requirements as far as skin tone, if that's what you mean.

unfortunate faces is just a part of life. i don't mean "beauty" in that sense. you have to include everybody if not just to reinforce the idea that we come in all different shades and shapes (and sizes) of beauty. so while yes, you don't have to be in perfect shape and curvy to possibly chubby women are fine, i would mainly be looking at morbidly obese as far as attractiveness goes. and possibly plastic shiny barbie wigs/weave

mainly though, the idea is to move away from associating bw with BBWs. any negative stereotype you can think of, the idea is to de-emphasize that in particular.

i made a comment about exoticals, but in order to show the full spectrum of the group, a little bit of everybody will have to be represented. but my idea is to keep it a bit in the frame of tokenism. greater emphasis will be placed on just the regla' type bw.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

Is black people meet free? I think this is a good idea.

 

[joy2day]

I used the "brown paper bag" reference, only as a means to depict how narrow the standard of beauty was as for us as elites 50 years ago. Certainly, I do appreciate the notion of exploring all of us, regardless of dress size or skin tone. Or hell, even hair type -- there's a whole lot more loc'd sisters out here today, I am one of them! I really do like the concept of depicting us in a different light. Sad that we must prove that we're just like errbody else, but, if this is one means to that end, I'm down.

 

[CaraWalker]

Is black people meet free? I think this is a good idea.

i assume so. i am thinking this should be a free site as well, but with optional paid membership upgrades. besides, participation will have to be approved. in that way it won't be a strictly open to the public kind of thing.

im thinking it would be better to go less as a "dating site" (which, if successful, people would demand open access to it) and more of a matchmaking service that is really a dating site/matchmaking hybrid.

i mentioned eharmony, ive never used it but i know you have to fill out a long dumbass questionnaire before you can use it or whatever. i remember that gays and atheists were not allowed to use the site. there would be a similar schema in place although, of course, we would be screening for different things that gay/atheist.

 

[theRaven]

@CaraWalker, I am the ultimate lurker, but I wanted to drop in to say that I like the concept, but I am not sure how the evolution of the concept will play out .. so how would you (a panel?) judge a bw's attractiveness? I mean, I would reasonably assume that a sister who dresses/grooms well (and who possessed all the other attributes mentioned) would have no issue, but I immediately started feeling like, "Lord, this could evolve into something like the 40's and the 50's all over again, where only unicorns who passed the brown paper bag test were accepted into the club!"

I will be following this thread, I am fascinated by the idea. I am interested to see/hear how other LHCF's feel about this ...

Ita what you said. I like the concept too

 

[Layluh]

It makes sense for it to be more of a dating/matchmaking hybrid. In that case, I wonder if @luckiestdestiny has any suggestions, since she used to work in that industry. I don't see why we cant have a virtual match making service but I don't know enough about the ins/outs of the business and how to translate that digitally.

 

[okange76]

Cool concept. One thing you could do is create rules for posting sexy but tasteful pictures. There are so many pretty outfits one can choose from that show a little skin if you want to without looking like you are selling something illegal. Once nudity and skimpiness filter in, the site might as well be Instagram.

 

[Holla]

Sounds like Meld. http://meld-app.com/

 

[CaraWalker]

Sounds like Meld. http://meld-app.com/

my idea is less about black people meeting and more about promoting and marketing the desirability of bw specifically, designed to attract a berth of eligible potential husbands. (partners, should the implication of marriage be too intimidating.)

.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

It makes sense for it to be more of a dating/matchmaking hybrid. In that case, I wonder if @luckiestdestiny has any suggestions, since she used to work in that industry. I don't see why we cant have a virtual match making service but I don't know enough about the ins/outs of the business and how to translate that digitally.

subscribing. I'll have to reflect because we would be entering a business partnership of sorts not giving away ideas for someone else to "create " a site. It's like if I gave away tons of info and someone took it to create a facebook of sorts I'd be so p'd. I'm interested in helping, or rather "joining" a group of like minded women creating a site as an entrepreneurial business/project/partnership so to speak (Especially if I'm giving away information in reference to matchmaking that can help a site succeed).

There could be tons of ways to qualify people btw in an easy manner to make the site feel exclusive and cool.

subscribing.

 

[Honey Bee]

i mentioned eharmony, ive never used it but i know you have to fill out a long dumbass questionnaire before you can use it or whatever. i remember that gays and atheists were not allowed to use the site. there would be a similar schema in place although, of course, we would be screening for different things that gay/atheist.

What?! I'm shocked that they weren't sued into the ground. Is that why they have that old man in the commercial, as branding that lends a home-y feel that sorta explains being old-school (or 'close-minded' if thats how you see it) in their restrictions?

That's so interesting. Hmmm. The long questionnaire leads me to think that they see themselves more as 'matchmakers' (ie, an old man who just happens to know two suitable young people) than a 'dating site' (where you're just fending for yourself, like a big virtual bar). Is that true?

If so, it might behoove you/ y'all/ whoever to invent some sort of imaginary back-story, maybe an old Southern black couple who enjoys hooking up distant kin to act as the face of the organization. It certainly sounds better than "A group of young black women, disgusted by local dating choices, teamed up to... "

Idk, just thinking aloud...

 

[Honey Bee]

i knew you were going to take credit for that but my coworker beat you to it .

Chile, Idc who takes credit! I do feel some kinda way that you 'got me told' for even making the suggestion and literally one week later present the idea like, hey, guess what I just thought of? That part is odd.

But I honestly just want everybody to be as happy as me. I want y'all to win. I want some lil ashy e-nieces and nephews, I don't care how you get there.

 

[CaraWalker]

Chile, Idc who takes credit! I do feel some kinda way that you 'got me told' for even making the suggestion and literally one week later present the idea like, hey, guess what I just thought of? That part is odd.

But I honestly just want everybody to be as happy as me. I want y'all to win. I want some lil ashy e-nieces and nephews, I don't care how you get there.

you were presenting the idea as a solution to a black MAN's problem, and that's not the point here. its a complete pivot from the point.

just to reiterate, this is not another black people meet type idea. the idea is not to continue to present black women as begging for bm's attention and love. this is solely focused on bw, and the needs and desires and expectations of bm will not be courted. of course people will present themselves however they like, but the overarching idea/theme is all about exalting us. to declare firmly, as i read in another thread, "black women are for grownups" and if that's not you, then you aren't wanted here. to get away from this "bottom of the barrel" idea, and that is going to be accomplished by forming a new narrative where bw are the highest choice with the most to offer.

What?! I'm shocked that they weren't sued into the ground. Is that why they have that old man in the commercial, as branding that lends a home-y feel that sorta explains being old-school (or 'close-minded' if thats how you see it) in their restrictions?

That's so interesting. Hmmm. The long questionnaire leads me to think that they see themselves more as 'matchmakers' (ie, an old man who just happens to know two suitable young people) than a 'dating site' (where you're just fending for yourself, like a big virtual bar). Is that true?

If so, it might behoove you/ y'all/ whoever to invent some sort of imaginary back-story, maybe an old Southern black couple who enjoys hooking up distant kin to act as the face of the organization. It certainly sounds better than "A group of young black women, disgusted by local dating choices, teamed up to... "

Idk, just thinking aloud...

they eventually made some offshoot to include the people that were rejected from eharmony (i dont remember if it was specifically FOR gays, but i know they were allowed) but yes, i think thats how eharmony functions. i think they dont let you just openly communicate with people and they send you a "match" based on the "compatibility results" of the questionnaire you filled out im not looking for something so totalitarian, but i think it's a good place to start negotiations. i am sort of thinking to blend the concepts of okcupid and eharmony.

 

[Honey Bee]

you were presenting the idea as a solution to a black MAN's problem, and that's not the point here. its a complete pivot from the point.

No, that was your framing. When you asked me directly whose problem it was, I responded that it really don't make me no difference either way, it was 'a' problem to be fixed. I presented it as a solution to a black people's problem, as in, who my kids gon marry?!

Now that that's all clear, yes, I do think bw need better branding. But maybe that issue is too large for the scope of a dating website? I think the memes on how well black women age are a good example of better pr for us. That has to carry some weight on the marriage market, esp how some of these other women be looking.

The more I think about it, there's something to this never-ending youth thing. It could be re-branded as 'a willing-ness to have fun', 'the type of wife a man might actually wanna keep after retirement' (as opposed to 'trading up').... your best advertising might be pics of 45 y.o. bw who look 30.

 

[CaraWalker]

nitially eHarmony did not offer same-sex matches, but now it does through its separate service, Compatible Partners.[23] Warren originally explained that he had done extensive research on heterosexual marriage but does not know enough about homosexual relationships to do same-sex match-making which "calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research."[23] He also noted that eHarmony promotes heterosexual marriage, adding that (at the time) same-sex marriage was illegal in most states, "We don't really want to participate in something that's illegal."[23] In a separate interview, Warren went into more detail on his own views, noting that "cities like San Francisco, Chicago or New York... they could shut [eHarmony] down so fast. We don't want to make enemies out of them. But at the same time, I take a real strong stand against same-sex marriage, anywhere that I can comment on it."[24]

eHarmony's lack of same-sex matching options prompted lawsuits claiming that eHarmony violated laws prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.[25] As part of the settlement of a New Jersey case,[26] eHarmony launched a partner website called Compatible Partners providing same-sex match-making "for serious couples".[27][28] Theodore B. Olson, an attorney for eHarmony, said that even though the company believed the complaint was "an unfair characterization of our business", it chose to settle because of the unpredictable nature of litigation.[29] In 2010, eHarmony settled a separate class-action lawsuit filed in California that alleged illegal discrimination based on sexual orientation. The company, which did not admit wrongdoing, agreed to allow access to both its gay and straight dating sites with a single subscription, to display its gay dating services more prominently and to establish a settlement fund to pay people who can show they were harmed by the company's policies.[30][31]

Compatible Partners has attracted over 200,000 registrants.[32] Michelle Garcia, writing in the LGBT-interest magazine, The Advocate, also notes that, like eHarmony, Compatible Partners attracts high-quality customers. According to Garcia, "Because of the price tag and the emphasis on long-term relationships... Compatible Partners' users are seen as quite desirable." [32]

this is apparently a list of the top dating sites:

http://www.similarweb.com/category/people_and_society/relationships_and_dating

i have to say i am perplexed and a little unnerved. i have never heard of most of these and the titles of many are.. erm... interesting...

ok wait its a little different when you sort for only america

http://www.similarweb.com/country_category/united_states/people_and_society/relationships_and_dating

but what the hell is charmdate? i have never even heard of that even in passing

e: further research (aka googling the term) leads me to believe it is a mail order bride site ("russian dating" yah, ok). omg that the most popular dating site is actually a mail order bride site. if that dont tell us a lot about the state of romance in this country

 

[CaraWalker]

subscribing. I'll have to reflect because we would be entering a business partnership of sorts not giving away ideas for someone else to "create " a site. It's like if I gave away tons of info and someone took it to create a facebook of sorts I'd be so p'd. I'm interested in helping, or rather "joining" a group of like minded women creating a site as an entrepreneurial business/project/partnership so to speak (Especially if I'm giving away information in reference to matchmaking that can help a site succeed).

There could be tons of ways to qualify people btw in an easy manner to make the site feel exclusive and cool.

subscribing.

so you dont have to go into the logistics of matchmaking, but do you mind if i ask what sort of service you worked for/what it was intended to do? not how, but what it was marketed as?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

so you dont have to go into the logistics of matchmaking, but do you mind if i ask what sort of service you worked for/what it was intended to do? not how, but what it was marketed as?

It was a super famous matchmaker to the rich and powerful. One of two featured on tv (signed a disclosure will not say more). We weeded out and matched people with their ideal mates while also giving a wakeup call if they were off base and/ or not accepting those with unrealistic expectations. Women were highly educated just like men for the most part with few exceptions: from highly reputable universities, etc. Different backgrounds depending on needs of clients.

I'm in film now so left that world behind but use what I know to help friends position themselves so to speak. The ones I helped are married/ engaged and/ or ignored advice and keep doing them. I was engaged last year but broke it off. Guaranteed I wil be again soon as it is not hard. To me it is aboiut finding the right one to marry. I only hope to put friends in similar situations if they wish. The goal is to change the mindset and reality from lack to an abundance of successful choices...where it's about picking the right one from many good choices that are marriage minded.

To me a good service assesses your needs , and also customizes per person according to their needs.