Nevermind

I am a piece of ****. I do not deserve alladat

Don't say negative things like that about yourself. The more you say it, the more you will believe it and allow yourself to be mistreated. It's time to learn how to love yourself. Hopefully after your treatment you can look forward to fresh new start in your life with no one to hold you back. Now is the time to get a new lease on life and be a new and improved Ganjababy!!!! We are all rooting for you.
 
I am booked to go into a mental institution for a month. Still have not told my boss.

I am so impressed that you're doing this for yourself. I don't care what the circumstances!!! Think about it, @Ganjababy! You are about to have an entire month for you! Do you know how many people WISH they were this responsive and responsible and engaged and self-loving? It might be hard to see/tell, but things are happening just as they should be at the moment. It's all for a reason and WILL resolve in a good way! You are up to the challenge of handling all that is going on. Just keeeeeeeep taking care of yourself! We are here for you and care so much about you! :snuggle: You will see a good resolution and a good position sooner than you think! Take this month!!! You've got this!
 
@Ganjababy, You mentioned earlier in one of your posts that you'll be going into a hospital for a period of time, I am guessing that they are aware that you have had suicidal thoughts; if so, could you call them and tell them you've been feeling this way? They should be able to bring your admission date forward because this is now an emergency.
 
@Ganjababy :imsorry:

Please focus on your mental health dear and not on a man that degrades you. That is not love. That is control. Do not allow that man to control and dictate how you should feel about yourself. That is not love. Please let your boss know that you're taking a medical leave and go to the institution as soon as possible. There's not much we can do to help you over the Internet. We can and will continue to love, support, and encourage you. However, this battle for change, peace, stability, happiness, and true love of self must be initiated and led by you dear. We can't do this for you, but trust we aren't going anywhere. Nor will we judge you :hug2:.

There are beautiful souls here offering you help in various forms. Please accept that help if you can. If not, just know that it's always available here for you as it is for everyone else.
 
You're not alone. I know we aren't physically there with you, but you are a part of us. You are a part of this community and would be greatly missed. Please don't give up. Take the time you need to get better. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

I am ok. Sorry for the drama. I will be going to the hospital. Thank you ladies. I feel so alone. Thanks for your support. I will be ok.
 
Hey. If you need to go to the hospital by all means do it. I have been there before, take care of yourself. You should be able to keep your job depending on what your company policy is. Most of my companies were lenient. Don't think about what people are thinking get stabilized. Don't worry about him get the help you need.
 
I just logged @FlowerHair so I'm behind because the OP is gone. @Ganjababy I'm sure you've gotten a lot of PMs already and probably aren't up to checking so I won't send you another one. I'll post here instead. This organization, Recovery Inc, can help especially since your body and mind are not communicating well together. They have branches in Canada and you can probably find a meeting tomorrow/today. Here's the link: http://www.recoverycanada.org/. You can also PM if you feel up to chatting.
 
How your husband feels is not the priority right now. Take care of your mental health first. After the month (or however long it takes) is up then you can work out what you need to in your marriage.

Your mental health and his mental health is going to have to be taken care of before y'all can have a healthy relationship anyway so you might as well worry about you right now.
 
I just read this for the first time and I am literally heartbroken.. Please focus on yourself love. There are people out here who care about you.. What your husband thinks doesn't matter at this point. You need to get yourself better. I am so sorry that you have went through all of this.
 
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate it. I told my boss about everything and he said he does not want to lose me and he will support me 100% I am booked to go into the hospital for severe depression, childhood trauma, ptsd and other stuff.

I will survive this.

Now, yall please stop bumping this crazy thread. Love you all! Thanks for the kind words in here and the pms and all the links which have been all helpful.
 
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