never had any guy friends

[chickle]

okay background: sorta shy, but totally coming out of it.

whenever a guy approaches me wanting to hang out, i always get excited thinking im about to have my first nongay guy friend. then they start liking me or throwing signals my way, or trying to kiss me and i get sooo uncomfortable..especially since i am usually not attracted to them in that way.

my friend has tons of straight guy friends (she is attractive btw, as am I). what could i be doing wrong? i never usually reciprocate flirting and i always try to be as nonsexual towards them as possible.

meanwhile, i gets no love from guys i like and am attracted to.

i always have the urge to have the 'im not looking for a boyfriend talk (even though i am lol) with them in the beginning, but i hate to assume that these guys will develop feelings for me and i want to keep it as platonic as possible (treating them as i would a female friend)

 

[HennaRo]

I was/am the same way! Your not doing anything wrong, that's just the way the cookie crumbles lol.

 

[Ashleescheveux]

Im the same way too! I have a few guy friends but they're not ones Ive made recently

 

[Faux]

I've never really had guys approach me romantically or to hang out as friends. And it stinks because I get along well with guys on a platonic level. The only guy friends I really have are through my boyfriend, which is nice.

Interested to see the responses.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

I think it's almost impossible to have guy friends. IMO 95% of guys who try to talk to a girl want to be more than friends...
I truly believe that males and females can't just be friends; one day feelings are likely to arise on either part...

 

[Theo]

I think it can work out that way if you're coworkers or classmates. That's how I made most of my platonic male friends. In generally, men don't go out of their way to approach women for friendship. That's just how it is.

 

[chickle]

Austro-Afrikana, i thought that was the case too, but then i have a female friend, who has guy friends (some with girlfriends) who think of my friend as "just one of the guys". and its not like she is a tomboy.

who knows

 

[chickle]

I think it can work out that way if you're coworkers or classmates. That's how I made most of my platonic male friends. In generally, men don't go out of their way to approach women for friendship. That's just how it is.

yeah a couple of these guys are my classmates. the one im really worried about is the one i met through a female mutual friend. i was thinking if they can be friends, why cant we...but i think he is interested in me as more than that.

 

[lea86111]

yeah most of the time even if you guys are friends it's gonna come out that they like you... at least it's been like that with me like 95% of the time. The only guy friend i had who never tried ANYTHING was a dude that used to date my sis (@ the time we were friends he wasn't dating her) others always end up telling me the like me or saying sexual things (one didn't try anything with me but apparently was telling people we were doing the do ) if you like the person as a friend and he tells you he likes you just turn him down gently and still work on the friendship. I have a guy friend now and he just won't stop with the "we should be together" bs but i still keep him around cause i like him as a friend when he's not too annoying

also just like you i have a gf who has tons of guy friends and they don't try to holla @ her and she's very pretty, so who knows. Kanyshrug

 

[lea86111]

OT: freelove, did you draw that pic in your siggie? It's really beautiful!! =)

 

[Theo]

OT: freelove, did you draw that pic in your siggie? It's really beautiful!! =)

lol I wish I was as talented as all that. No, I didn't draw it.... I found it online somewhere

 

[*CherryPie*]

I use to have guy friends, but they ALWAYS change their minds and want to DATE me........makes me so mad.

 

[Godyssey]

Yep. Guys aren't very interested in having women as just friends. They may say so at first, but basically they're ususally just biding their time until they feel comfortable enough to ask you out. I've learned this the hard way many times over. I've lost lot's of guys who I "thought" were my friends as a result.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

okay background: sorta shy, but totally coming out of it.

whenever a guy approaches me wanting to hang out, i always get excited thinking im about to have my first nongay guy friend. then they start liking me or throwing signals my way, or trying to kiss me and i get sooo uncomfortable..especially since i am usually not attracted to them in that way.

my friend has tons of straight guy friends (she is attractive btw, as am I). what could i be doing wrong? i never usually reciprocate flirting and i always try to be as nonsexual towards them as possible.

meanwhile, i gets no love from guys i like and am attracted to.

i always have the urge to have the 'im not looking for a boyfriend talk (even though i am lol) with them in the beginning, but i hate to assume that these guys will develop feelings for me and i want to keep it as platonic as possible (treating them as i would a female friend)

Chickle,

I'm just curious...why do you want a guy friend in the first place? Why do you want a guy who you treat like a girl friend? I'm just curious.

I mean, I don't know how old you are, but after a certain age....I've kind of lost the need or desire to have guy "friends". I love male company and all, but after a while, I want a BOYfriend, and not just a guy who's a friend. I used to make guy friends all the time, until I started realizing that most of those guys who I just saw as "friends" (because I wasn't attracted to them) eventually wanted to be MORE than "friends" with me, and no offense...but a lot of times it just caused so much unnecessary drama.

Now days, if I happen to become friends w/a guy, then I just happen to become friends with him. But I'm not going out of my way these days to make "friends" with guys that I'm not even at least attracted to. I know that may sound a bit harsh, but I usually find that I avoid a lot of confusion and drama that way.

Yes, it is true... It can be hard for men and women to be strictly "friends"....especially if they spend a lot of time together. That's just how nature is I guess!

 

[chickle]

Chickle,

I'm just curious...why do you want a guy friend in the first place? Why do you want a guy who you treat like a girl friend? I'm just curious.

I mean, I don't know how old you are, but after a certain age....I've kind of lost the need or desire to have guy "friends". I love male company and all, but after a while, I want a BOYfriend, and not just a guy who's a friend. I used to make guy friends all the time, until I started realizing that most of those guys who I just saw as "friends" (because I wasn't attracted to them) eventually wanted to be MORE than "friends" with me, and no offense...but a lot of times it just caused so much unnecessary drama.

Now days, if I happen to become friends w/a guy, then I just happen to become friends with him. But I'm not going out of my way these days to make "friends" with guys that I'm not even at least attracted to. I know that may sound a bit harsh, but I usually find that I avoid a lot of confusion and drama that way.

Yes, it is true... It can be hard for men and women to be strictly "friends"....especially if they spend a lot of time together. That's just how nature is I guess!

I've avoided guys since preschool, I think it has something to do with my relationship with my father. I want guy friends because I don't exactly want to date, but I also am ready to treat guys like they exist in this world. I want guy friends so it will become easier and easier to talk to them in general, in case I do decide I want to be romantically involved with someone.

Last year there was a guy I liked, and it was seriously my first time letting a guy try to get to know me and I think it ended horribly because my lack of experience with their gender in the first place. My experience with guys haven't really been to good. I have been getting hit on since the age of nine, so I sort of became scared of guys, which turned into me mean mugging every guy that looked my way.

I am hoping that not all guys are trying to get in the drawers, and I would like to make a lasting platonic friendship with a guy.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Glad I'm not the only one with this problem. Throughout college and now in grad school I've been trying to have more guy friends but unless their gay they always end up wanting to date me. A older male family friend told me men can't really be 'just friends' with a woman. It's one of the differences between men and women and it's not something men do. I absolutely hate it and I get frustrated when I see women who appear to have male straight friends but usually I find out there's more to the relationship than meets the eye. But still, it's very frustrating. Especially when I end up losing the guy friend I thought I had.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I've avoided guys since preschool, I think it has something to do with my relationship with my father. I want guy friends because I don't exactly want to date, but I also am ready to treat guys like they exist in this world. I want guy friends so it will become easier and easier to talk to them in general, in case I do decide I want to be romantically involved with someone.

Last year there was a guy I liked, and it was seriously my first time letting a guy try to get to know me and I think it ended horribly because my lack of experience with their gender in the first place. My experience with guys haven't really been to good. I have been getting hit on since the age of nine, so I sort of became scared of guys, which turned into me mean mugging every guy that looked my way.

I am hoping that not all guys are trying to get in the drawers, and I would like to make a lasting platonic friendship with a guy.

Ohhh....Okay... I see.

I understand now. That makes sense. Actually, I used to be sort of the same way too when I was younger. And yes, being "just friends" with guys over the years has allowed me to become more comfortable with guys in general (plus, I just find that guys are usually much more "fun" to hang a around lol ). I'll admit that.

I'm not going to lie to you though, it can be VERY hard to make strictly guy "friends" unless they are already in a relationship or if they knew you as a child and see you as a "little sister". I'm not saying that it can't be done, I'm just saying that it's going to be harder. I mean, if you really think about it, Men and Women weren't really designed to be "just friends" lol. Take a look at Adam and Eve hahah! Take a look at the movie "When Harry Met Sally". Even if (EVEN IF!) the guy didn't have any thought to like you when he first met you, usually if a guy is spending a lot of time with you or hanging out and you all are talking more and more about deeper things, etc. it's only natural that he (or YOU!) will start to develop some feelings over time. Call it the "law of Proximity" I guess.

I think it also depends on how old you are too, because it's one thing to want a bunch of guy "friends" in your early 20's, but by the time you hit your late 30's or 40's...MOST Men who are coming into your life are usually there because they want to get to know you better in a romantic sense, and NOT just because they want to be your "friend". :eyebrows2

The only exception I would say is probably in the workplace. Are there some men maybe on the job that you can interact with and be warm and friendly towards that would help you feel more comfortable around men in general? I'm not saying that men in the workplace can't develop feelings for you too, but I think in general it's a little more difficult for the man to cross those boundaries in a work setting. So, why not try to work on being more "friendly" and open w/men that you work with? Maybe join them in happy hour, or just idle chit-chat at work!

Do you have any brothers? Maybe they have some friends who they could introduce you to.