Naturals who constantly consider relaxing....

[Sui Topi]

The knots are killing me too, but I think I am going to try and ride it out until next January and then I will decide if I don't just do something before hand. I think I would probably do the Keratin as well, but not until the fall or something because I am pregnant. Also the brand I want doesn't exactly send it to my country so I have to research more.

 

[MJ]

I went through a period where I constantly thought (and researched) about texlaxing. It seems to have passed...

 

[Twisties]

Very good thread. Great post JCoily. I hope everyone can find hair peace!!

 

[MrsQueeny]

You just wanna show off that hair. Seriously I really hope everyone do what's best for them regardless of what that is. Q

 

[lynndiallo]

I must say that I hate the fact that 4ab naturals cannot wear wash n gos. I literally want to wash my hair and go...but the knots and breakage.

I prefer not to texlax or relax because I hate having to relax on schedule. Its like the moment you relax, you begin to countdown the next relaxer. I hate that feeling of waiting and trying to stretch.

 

[lynndiallo]

I feel you, J. I won't relax, but I started wearing my hair straight 100% of the time for the same reason and experimenting with temporary products to loosen my curls. Luckily for me, I've found things that worked and my hair doesn't revert. Bonus - it is still growing longer.

Please share with us some of these techniques or products.

You know I go back and forth on it all the time because of the endless hours after wash: detangle, style, dry, and if I air dry forget it because it's more than a day and I don't WANT to walk around with wet hair. And my hair is thick and past MBL when stretch so it's not a picnic right now. I got so annoyed with all the timeand dont' get me wrong I do love my hair natural but I mean the time where I feel like I've lost hours of my life where I could be more productive) styling my hair, waiting for my hair to dry, detangling my hair. That I had given myself a six month deadline to relax or not and that started last year.

So here I am three months into that deadline and switch back and forth constantly.

I really don't want to relax. I'll admit that. It's not because I have something against relaxed hair on a "european b.s" thing. It's because it can damage the hair and I have dry hair as it is. I've been natural for five years. Made mbl 3 years ago and had to cut because I listened to someone who said I should use more protein at sallys (and I don't know what I was thinking because she had hair snap short and damaged). So anyways I'm nearing wl again (I was over an inch past mb in Dec I haven't measured since), and I just want my hair to thrive and be healthy.

If there's a way that I can wear it straight, but stay natural I will. I'm talking straight for extended periods of time.

Why? I like it straight, not only that I have different textures in my head and I don't like looking stupid air dried. I don't want to twist away every wash day. Also: KNOTs! I find I have less knots the straighter I maintain my hair. That's just me.

So I'm looking into keratin w/o formaldehyde as I saw foxxylisa1025 has some ridiculously gorgeous just SICK natural hair that she maintains straight through these treatments and that there are others who use the ones w/o the formaldehyde getting the same effects.

So that just changed my mind and I'm going to research that some more...and drag my heels.

Then I'll probably give that a go this summer before taking the leap to relaxed (I'll only do that if it doesn't work on my hair. but if it cuts down my styling time by half I am SO doing this forever, even if I have to save my last penny every 3 months because it will make my quality of life easier and I can finally STOP thinking about my hair and move on with my life)


Had to add not the Prevana Keratin one as it completely changes the texture. Looking into the temporary products that last a month or two and then wash away leaving natural texture w/ no bonds broken.

Keep us updated with your research.

 

[SoCalli]

oke:do you have fotki? Would you mind sharing your hair story & reggie? I am thinking of doing what you are doing. May grow out the relaxer and keep it straight most of the time. California weather is mild enough I think and the humidity isn't bad.

I'll pm you.

 

[oooop2]

You know, I've been natural for over 12yrs now. And never once in my natural state that I ever consider going back to a perm until I reached my current length. I find the single strand knots annoying. My texture and thickness can be a TANGLE nightmare. And I truly hate fooling with my hair daily. But, every time I flat-iron my hair, the look "JUST ISN'T ME..." So my current struggle is do I go back to my beloved boycut that I wore for 8yrs (even though I promised my husband that I would grow my hair out) or do I just embrace my hair and continue on this journey.

 

[PinkSkates]

You know, I've been natural for over 12yrs now. And never once in my natural state that I ever consider going back to a perm until I reached my current length. I find the single strand knots annoying. My texture and thickness can be a TANGLE nightmare. And I truly hate fooling with my hair daily. But, every time I flat-iron my hair, the look "JUST ISN'T ME..." So my current struggle is do I go back to my beloved boycut that I wore for 8yrs (even though I promised my husband that I would grow my hair out) or do I just embrace my hair and continue on this journey.

I think your natural hair is absolutely beautiful!

 

[theprincess098]

I feel ya on this. I really wanted to stay natural but those single strand knots and split ends were killing me. I relaxed six months ago and I'm just getting rid of all of those knots.

 

[hopeful]

You know, I've been natural for over 12yrs now. And never once in my natural state that I ever consider going back to a perm until I reached my current length. I find the single strand knots annoying. My texture and thickness can be a TANGLE nightmare. And I truly hate fooling with my hair daily. But, every time I flat-iron my hair, the look "JUST ISN'T ME..." So my current struggle is do I go back to my beloved boycut that I wore for 8yrs (even though I promised my husband that I would grow my hair out) or do I just embrace my hair and continue on this journey.

You could also just cut it a little, 2 or 3 inches, or to whatever length it was prior to the knots getting so bad. I don't think you'd have to go as extreme as the boycut. I do hope you can embrace the journey though because your hair is really beautiful.

 

[msa]

I must say that I hate the fact that 4ab naturals cannot wear wash n gos. I literally want to wash my hair and go...but the knots and breakage.

The bolded is just not true. I wear a wash-n-go everyday since I rinse everyday. My hair will get knots (and then breakage) if I don't do it properly.

I've found that detangling with my fingers in the shower and then castor oil liberally applied to my ends exponentially reduces knots (and breakage). I also have to make sure to braid up my hair at night so that it doesn't get too comfortable and start free form locs.

Moisture and detangling are key if you're going to do a wash-n-go. It's not impossible, you just need to figure out how to do it for your hair. And don't get lazy on the detangling...when I do that I end up with baby locs.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Wow, thanks so much for this honest, heartfelt post, JCoily, it really spoke to me. I have been natural for a few years now but only started caring for my hair properly a year & a half ago. It has been challenging to put it mildly and I realised that my hair (so far) only really thrives with constant protective styling - cornrows in particular. Well, I'm bored with that! I would like to do other stuff but I'm nervous of inflicting damage - even wigs caused my edges to disappear and of late, the constant cornrowing is beginning to affect them too! Mind you even with all the protective styling I still get knots like nobodys business. My hair is healthier though due to all the advise I have received from forums like this but the work involved in caring for it is not to my liking at all - I simply cannot leave it out without it becoming stiff and tricky to manipulate. I have been looking into baka naturalaxer (on its way to me as I type) and will see if it helps. I really, really want to stay chemical free but if this does not work I will end up texturizing. :-(
It's so heartening to hear stories of a similar struggle.

That stuff is a JOKE! I can't remember whether they offer a money-back guarantee, but it makes a good mud mask for your face.

 

[BostonMaria]

JCoily, your hair is beautiful! I know that some people struggle with this decision and its such a personal and permanent decision. Especially since transitioning is painful.

I personally will never relax my hair again. My hair detangles in seconds, but I do find that my crown area is suffering due to wash and go's. So now I have made the decision to rollerset my hair and keep it semi-straight with some bounce to it. I almost feel like a traitor LOL to my curly sisters, but at the same time my hair is getting longer and harder to deal with on a daily basis if I keep wetting it and putting it up in a bun.

For those ladies that don't want to relax, but at the same time don't want the tangles maybe rollersetting can be a temporary option until you make your final decision. I don't wear my hair super straight and my rollersets makes it easier to detangle on a daily basis. I don't have to wear it down either, sometimes I rollerset and put it up in a bun.

 

[tgrowe]

Wow, Coily, what suddenly brought on this post? Yeah, I often think of you and how much happier you are with your relaxed hair than with your natural hair. Eh, might be joining you soon enough. I know I'd really miss the look of my natural hair, though.

Do you ever still try braid outs or twist outs?

Now you know I had to read this about five times before it sank in, right
Girl you have an awesome, beautiful head of hair and if you did relax, I would be jocking your hair and its thickness. Ditto as everyone else, do you.

I have been a perm-head for as long as I can remember. Since October of last year I have realized that my use of relaxers has damaged my hair in some areas. My last bone-straight relaxer was on 11/29/08. I tried texlaxing on 1/16/9 but didn't know WTH I was doing and my hair had no difference at all. It was as if I didn't put a relaxer on it all. So now I have braids in my hair, and I will either continue to stretch or transition, seriously. I am so stuck between the rocks. I just don't know. But this thread is such an inspiration, to hear different experiences.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

JCoily thanks for this thread!

Anyone on this board who knows me knows that I went through a "nappy nazi" phase sometime after by BC...it's normal for most nappies since there is ALOT of discrimination against natural hair in the black community--and this is only proof that as black people we still have A LONG way to go.

HOWEVER, as I became more comfortable with myself, I realized that sometimes extreme "nappy nazism" is a result of insecurity about our own decisions to go natural. We go natural, we love our hair, we feel like we're making a statement...but then we look around and see that the rest of the world hasn't caught up yet. We feel like it's our job to turn the attitudes about BEAUTIFUL natural black hair around. We try to make other black women feel bad about relaxing, we call them "whitewashed", and we try to bully the few nappies we have into keeping with the natural path, even if it's not working for them.

I'm guilty of it all. I'll admit that. But times and mindsets change. At the end of the day DO YOU! Not everyone's natural hair is the same. Not everyone can grow their own natural hair long. It took me a while to realize this. I see some nappies who pamper their hair but still have a hard time getting it past shoulder length. It's the reality of the situation. We know that long hair is the beauty standard for women. It's not fair to expect black women to give up having long hair in the name of making a statement.

I'm still 100% against using relaxers on children. I still believe that black women need to change our mindsets about our God given beautiful natural hair. It's the type of hair that can NEVER be imitated...it's unique. But it's just hair! Wear it how you please! It's versatile! If natural hair isn't working for you, and you're getting the relaxer bug...relax it! You can always transition again if you realize you don't like it straight either.

I'm glad you're loving your hair and that you've found something that works for you!

 

[spritex]

That stuff is a JOKE! I can't remember whether they offer a money-back guarantee, but it makes a good mud mask for your face.

Really? 'Cos I have heard a few good reviews. Like most other products I am assuming it will not work for everyone, including me.
I'm not sure what the result will be but as long as it does my hair no harm, I am willing to forgive it even if it does not live up to it's promises.
There was a lady who posted pics of her hair after using it, it definitely worked for her hair - if you want I can PM you the link.

Thanks for the mud mask tip. I have been looking for a good mask

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Of course after I put this thread up, I stumble upon two fotkis of former naturals who relaxed and immediately regretted the decision and are now transitioning.

After thinking about it, I still believe it's better to listen to your internal voice and confirm that natural/relaxed is for you than to feel tormented about a situation. It's entirely possible, as it was for the two women I referenced, that relaxing will be a mistake for some people, but sometimes you need to take those two steps back in order to sure up your 10 steps forward.

To everyone who are comfortable with their natural hair and will never relax, that's perfectly ok too. This discussion is not about luring folks back to the crack, but about dealing with inner conflict.

Thanks everybody for the responses.

 

[Evolving78]

if i ever when back to a relaxer, i would be in the salon, because i don't like dealing with my hair relaxed. it is too fragile too me and i would play in it too much! LOL! i would only do it once i reached my goal of bsl. i went natural to teach people that natural hair isn't a bad thing and you don't have to be afraid of it. i do like my natural hair though. it is fun, easy, and i don't have bad hair days.

 

[msa]

I still believe that black women need to change our mindsets about our God given beautiful natural hair.

I do as well, that's why I'm a natural advocate and not a "nappy nazi" (I hate that term with all of my soul). There is a difference.


JCoily, I think this is a great thread. Everyone should feel comfortable doing what they want with their head. Sometimes, you have to change your mind a million times and try new and different (and uncomfortable) things to figure out what you really want. If what you want is straight hair, then by all means relax it, flat iron it, or buy some.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I must say that I hate the fact that 4ab naturals cannot wear wash n gos. I literally want to wash my hair and go...but the knots and breakage.

I prefer not to texlax or relax because I hate having to relax on schedule. Its like the moment you relax, you begin to countdown the next relaxer. I hate that feeling of waiting and trying to stretch.

I wear them all the time. I did one last week. It's all about the products for me. During the summer, I wear them almost everyday. Q

 

[melodies815]

JCoily, the funny thing about this beautiful post is that I think it also has the effect of making relaxed heads think about whether or not they should go natural....at least, that's what it's doing for me.

I waited 24 weeks between my most recent (most fake) touch-up...a touch-up where I barely even straightened my new growth...just made it more manageable. The ENTIRE time I stretched, I kept telling myself that maybe I would transition. Maybe I should transition. I'm transitioning...maybe. I think I might actually do this...over and over again!

I did not listen to the nagging voice, telling me to go natural again.

I cut off APL length locs in the summer of 2005 and rocked a boycut for 6-7 months. Loved it. As I grew it longer in early 2006, it was so easy to manage, my roots had a curl pattern that I loved, and I did all kinds of neat coily styles. My hair was SUPER healthy...healthier than it has ever been...and so easy to manage. It's hard to describe. Relaxers are more of a challenge for me than being natural ever was...but then again, I never had much length.

Finally, I relaxed so I could woo then boyfriend and now hubby and feel more comfortable about my (wrong) expectations of what he wanted. Now...4 years later, I find that he could care less. He just likes long hair. Locs, natural and loose, relaxed...he could care less!!!

So...thank you for this timely post. It helped me to listen to what I know I should have done a while ago.

Mwedzi...when/if you relax, I will go natural. Let me know...and I will BC the same day.

Thanks again JCoily...what an awesome encouragement to both sides of the table!

Christi

 

[2inspireU]

I felt like this post was written especially for me. I texlaxed my hair last year, but it still has the same look and problems like my natural hair. Therefore, it has defeated the purpose for me. I want to get a touch up in June and do a corrective to produce waves instead of curls, but I'm terrified. June will be a year since my last relaxer, and although I can't visibly tell the difference between my new growth and my texlaxed hair, I can feel the extra puffy,thick roots versus the thinner length.

 

[bermudabeauty]

Cant' you co wash daily or every other day and detangle in the shower to avoid these knots? I'm just asking because I am transitioning to natural and want to know what to do if it should happen to me

 

[chokolate miss]

JCoily get out of my head, LOL!!

I am natural, but I have already made my appointment to get a relaxer. I have not had a relaxer in 2 1/2 years. And I have wanted one for months now, but what kept me from doing it was what others would think...

Side note, I find it quite strange that people are afraid to go natural because of a job, boyfriend, family, yada yada. However, people are also afraid to go back to relaxed due to others as well. You (I) will never win trying to please others.

I told a friend of mine I was going back and she said "traitor!". I know that she was joking, sort of, but I felt like I was leaving the crew...and I was the one who inspired her to go natural.

I love hair, not matter the state as long as it is healthy. My cousin, a male, always says that "good hair is clean hair". I love that saying. I know that I am ranting, but this really bothered me.

Am I a sell-out? I take much pride in my African roots (via slavery). I know that I shouldn't but I do care what poeple think of me. That is not why I am getting a relaxer. It's the other way around. That is why I have stayed natural. This is my second go round. I do not want to be natural right now. I know that in the future I am going to shave my head to a cute fade and start all over. But I don't want that now.

I am really talking to myself here...It helps to see my thoughts in writing. But I hope that the OP and other posts helps someone out, relaxed or natural. No one is going to support your product junkie habit, lol! So do what you want to do! Shave it, chop it, grow it long, grow it healthy. I am a woman of color no matter what...my hair does not make me who I am...

Sorry so long, but I love you guys. It's like you are the only people who get me sometimes...

 

[Millahdoowop]

.............

 

[Crackers Phinn]

^ I see u

 

[Millahdoowop]

That ors no-lye is calling me. We'll see what's poppin this weekend.