Naturals...how did you deal with the comments?

[danimani]

So I did a BC in January--though I guess it wasn't "big"--I lost about six inches, but had about 4 1/2 in new growth. I have about 5 1/2 now.

Since I'm in college, my mom hasn't seen it.

Now that she has, she's acting like I just told her I think I may be Anna Nicole Smith's baby's other momma.

I guess I expected it, but I didn't. I mean, it's just hair!

Did you find that as your hair grew longer people became more accepting? Or do they still look at you like you've lost your mind?

 

[patient1]

So I did a BC in January--though I guess it wasn't "big"--I lost about six inches, but had about 4 1/2 in new growth. I have about 5 1/2 now.

Since I'm in college, my mom hasn't seen it.

Now that she has, she's acting like I just told her I think I may be Anna Nicole Smith's baby's other momma.

I guess I expected it, but I didn't. I mean, it's just hair!

Did you find that as your hair grew longer people became more accepting? Or do they still look at you like you've lost your mind?

When I chopped I went from around shoulder length relaxed to basically a buzz cut. That's a drastic visual. I was 19 and while I could have cared less what outsiders thought. I was nervous about my dad because his hate of naptural hair was notorious. I hid under a hat then went to Trinidad with my boyfriend/his family.

That week+ away was good for me because it didn't matter. I came back showing my hair and my father didn't say anything but, Is that a Trinidad haircut?

Mind you, my temper is as notorious as my father's. He probably didn't feel like fighting. I moved out and on with my life not too long after anyhow.

I've digressed, huh? Don't I always.

DON'T deal with the comments for now would be my advice. Don't debate your decisions or try to convince anyway. Work on your self acceptance. Natural hair is still sorta out the box. When you expose your kinks or naps, you expose everyone's (if that makes sense) and some folks can't handle it. I think my natural hair made some family members self conscious in public settings. Then they got used to it and accepted it. Some even went that route themselves.

p1

 

[Hair Iam]

When I chopped I went from around shoulder length relaxed to basically a buzz cut. That's a drastic visual. I was 19 and while I could have cared less what outsiders thought. I was nervous about my dad because his hate of naptural hair was notorious. I hid under a hat then went to Trinidad with my boyfriend/his family.

That week+ away was good for me because it didn't matter. I came back showing my hair and my father didn't say anything but, Is that a Trinidad haircut?

Mind you, my temper is as notorious as my father's. He probably didn't feel like fighting. I moved out and on with my life not too long after anyhow.

I've digressed, huh? Don't I always.

DON'T deal with the comments for now would be my advice. Don't debate your decisions or try to convince anyway. Work on your self acceptance. Natural hair is still sorta out the box. When you expose your kinks or naps, you expose everyone's (if that makes sense) and some folks can't handle it. I think my natural hair made some family members self conscious in public settings. Then they got used to it and accepted it. Some even went that route themselves.

p1

Are we sisters or what?
This sounds like my story
It does get better with lenght
And I also care less ...with time

 

[patient1]

Are we sisters or what?
This sounds like my story
It does get better with lenght
And I also care less ...with time

I'm sure a lot of us have similar stories. I think it's probably a lot easier nowadays. This year will mark 16 years of me being natural. Much has developed. There are more public figures who embrace texture besides bone straight.

At the end of the day though, ANY SORT OF CHANGE IS HARD FOR FOLKS TO EMBRACE.

If you have long hair, short messes them up. If its always been short and you weave it up, there's mess. Color changes, texture changes, etc. When I was a 'skinhead' I got the most stares. That really shakes folks up.

I'd say next to a clean head, a texture change tends to throw folks off the most though. And that includes the person making the change. I never went back to relaxers, but honestly, it took me a bit to embrace my original texture. Now I really love it. But if the bearer of the hair has to work on acceptance, then you have to understand that outsiders will too.

p1

 

[brittanynic16]

I agree with what the others have said. Spend your time enjoying your natural hair and other people eventually get over it.

 

[missnappylady]

Fortunately for me, I never got any negative feed back when I BC'd or maybe I was oblivious. People will say and think what they want anyway so.... WHATEVER!!

 

[LittleGirlBlue]

First I wanted to say Congratulations!! I'm a newbie and I definately don't know as much as some of the other ladies on this board, but I did experience some pretty strong negative feedback when I bc'd and went natural.

I realized that the comments I got really had very little to do with me, and a lot to do with ideas and issues that the person held in his/her mind. Essentially, it was about them, and not me at all. I just happened to conjure up those emotions, but had nothing to do with forming them. Those who truly care for you will most likely be fine with it (sometimes it takes time). They may be annoying, but they'll be fine. I just remember that it's their own issues that they're going through, not mine.

But like the other ladies said, Please enjoy this stage in your journey, and brush all that negativity off your shoulders, girl! Let your self-acceptance be inspiration for those around you.

 

[frostydoll]

I know it's hard to deal with those comments when you're already trying to adjust to your new look yourself. I tried to surround myself around people who were positive and open minded. My family was pretty supportive it just took some adjustment for them since I've always had the most hair in my family. Now that my hair has grown out drastically they are animate about me not cutting it anymore though

Just keep your head up and don't let others make you feel bad about your decision.

 

[gloomgeisha]

I hate to say it, but since I BCed people thought I had "good hair" and issued nothing but compliments. I'd try to explain to them that my 4a tresses were beautiful not from some secret european lineage but from good old fashioned TLC, but very wanted to listen.

Being told you have "good hair" by women who have hair just like yours (kinky, coily) is frustrating. I'd want to tell them my entire regiment. How I used conditioner washes, avocado butter mix, gel, and no heat to get the clumpy coils they admired. But instead I'd have it passed off as genetics, basically negating all the work and research I put into taking care of it.

I had only two women tell me I needed to get a perm and they both would be in awe of my natural fro any other day(coworkers). Bah! Some women just don't like changing their view and natural hair can be scary to a mind bent on european silky weaves, wet n' wavy braids, and Dark n' Lovely No Lye. Now I just say "Thanks" or "No thanks" and keep on moving.

 

[Millahdoowop]

I didn't bc, but I did announce that I was going natural. Well not really announce but I did tell people. My mom and grandmother love it. My SO didn't like it at first. I could tell, he didn't have to say anything. Or it may have been some of my jacked up styles I was sporting. jajajajaja I have mastered shingling though. I have even gotten compliments from some of my dancers. My ex-roomie keeps asking me why I didn't wear my hair like this freshman year. And she kept asking me why did I get a relaxer in the first place? It was what I knew at the time.

 

[caligirl]

I dealt with enough haters when I was younger that now when people make stupid comments like I need to "do" my hair, I usually respond by reminding them why I have more head on my hair than they do (usually said person is wearing a weave or wig).

 

[silvergirl]

everyone think im crazy for cutting off the length, but overall they like it.

 

[silvergirl]

(usually said person is wearing a weave or wig).

heh very true

 

[coolhandlulu]

brush it off ya shoulder girl

 

[Ms Lala]

I hate to say it, but since I BCed people thought I had "good hair" and issued nothing but compliments. I'd try to explain to them that my 4a tresses were beautiful not from some secret european lineage but from good old fashioned TLC, but very wanted to listen.

Being told you have "good hair" by women who have hair just like yours (kinky, coily) is frustrating. I'd want to tell them my entire regiment. How I used conditioner washes, avocado butter mix, gel, and no heat to get the clumpy coils they admired. But instead I'd have it passed off as genetics, basically negating all the work and research I put into taking care of it.
.

I have gotten comments similar to this before. Especially once my hair got longer and I learned how take care of it. I have 4a hair and when I slick it down it waves up. People say oh you just have a different texture of hair, my hair would never lay down, your hair is only long because it's good. It pisses me off because they are dismissing all of the time and hard work I put into my hair. Also when I see their roots the texture looks just like mine but they don't know how to care for it. When will we learn, I try to make suggestions if they seem interested in going natural but most times they still say their hair is to "nappy". I didn't even know my hair had curls until I learned about cowashing.
My mother hated my hair, she doesn't really like kinky hair but as it got longer she was asking me for tips and became more accepting. My Dad still doesn't like it, he preferred it straight but he doesn't bother me about it. From women who are natural or thinking about going natural I usually just get compliments though so it's encouraging.

 

[ToyToy]

When I BC-ed I had less than half an inch. There were only two women (black, from church, with ***** jacked-up broken-off bleached-to-death hair) who made a few comments, but I am such a big mouth and put them in their place, they never said anything to me again. Everyone else, friends, at church, at work loves my hair. And as my hair started to grow, many guys in my choir started to grow their hair long too, and then told me that they wanted their to be "as long as mine". I think that's cute.

Don't listen to what other people say. Just work on accepting yourself and loving yourself the way you are. Everyone else will catch up.

 

[Ms Lala]

When I BC-ed I had less than half an inch. There were only two women (black, from church, with ***** jacked-up broken-off bleached-to-death hair) who made a few comments, but I am such a big mouth and put them in their place, they never said anything to me again. Everyone else, friends, at church, at work loves my hair. And as my hair started to grow, many guys in my choir started to grow their hair long too, and then told me that they wanted their to be "as long as mine". I think that's cute.

Don't listen to what other people say. Just work on accepting yourself and loving yourself the way you are. Everyone else will catch up.

So true confidence is key. I got out sometimes with just wash and go wild hair but I rock it because I'm confident. I have never gotten a negative comment from a male only the women and sad to say it's always sistas. Whites tend to like my hair for some reason when it's wild.

 

[Dearlove]

When I told this chick at work that I was gonna bc my armpit length hair, she told me that it was gonna look wack and make me look like a little girl. When I came in the next day rocking two strand twists that looked good and looked like a woman, she had to shut up.

Confidence is key. If you like it, everyone else will, too. And if they don't, once you like it, their opinion doesn't really matter.

Enjoy your napptural hair!

 

[Poohbear]

I dealt with negative comments by not letting them affect me in a bad way. When people (mainly my dad) made bad comments about my hair, I ignored them and just realized how ignorant they were to what I was trying to do with my hair. I was tired of getting chemical relaxer touchups, so I went natural to be free from that. Plus, before cutting all my hair off, I was confident and ready to be natural anyway. Having natural hair was my ultimate goal. And as always, hair grows back so it wasn't going to be short and natural forever even though that's not necessarily a bad thing to have short natural hair. Once I was completely natural, I was totally in love with my hair. Some people who go natural have problems with their natural hair texture. I wasn't the type of person who was caught up in wanting/wishing my natural hair to look a certain way. This is me, how God created me, so I was accepting of anything that grew out of my scalp. As long as I didn't have to relax my hair, I was good! As my hair got longer, people did become more accepting. But I still did not care because I loved my hair when it was super short and now that it's gain more length. And I agree with ToyToy, love and accept yourself and your hair as is!!!

 

[EMJazzy]

I didn't even know my hair had curls until I learned about cowashing.

Me either!!

 

[Ms_Twana]

I have gotten comments similar to this before. Especially once my hair got longer and I learned how take care of it. I have 4a hair and when I slick it down it waves up. People say oh you just have a different texture of hair, my hair would never lay down, your hair is only long because it's good. It pisses me off because they are dismissing all of the time and hard work I put into my hair. Also when I see their roots the texture looks just like mine but they don't know how to care for it. When will we learn, I try to make suggestions if they seem interested in going natural but most times they still say their hair is to "nappy". I didn't even know my hair had curls until I learned about cowashing.
My mother hated my hair, she doesn't really like kinky hair but as it got longer she was asking me for tips and became more accepting. My Dad still doesn't like it, he preferred it straight but he doesn't bother me about it. From women who are natural or thinking about going natural I usually just get compliments though so it's encouraging.

ITA with the pink text. I got all negative comments from the men on my husband's side of the family. All of the ladies liked it. My co-workers loved it. And my husband HATES it. I think it's because it's still really short. Once I'm able to rock a huge 'fro, I think he'll like it then. But, regardless of how he feels, I rock my TWA with confidence. I LOVE my hair texture. I'm not ashamed of it at all. I do wish I had more length, so that I can have more options for styles. But other than that, I will NEVER put a relaxer in my hair again. If I desire straight hair, I'll get it straighten a couple times a year.

I say all of that to say, as long as YOU love your hair. And you ROCK it like you love it. Mostly everyone else will to. Ofcourse there will be some exceptions (my husband). But, you just reiterate your purpose, and once they decide to change their mindset, it'll be all good.

Rock your hair girl. And CONGRATS!!!!

 

[Hair Iam]

I dealt with negative comments by not letting them affect me in a bad way. When people (mainly my dad) made bad comments about my hair, I ignored them and just realized how ignorant they were to what I was trying to do with my hair. I was tired of getting chemical relaxer touchups, so I went natural to be free from that. Plus, before cutting all my hair off, I was confident and ready to be natural anyway. Having natural hair was my ultimate goal. And as always, hair grows back so it wasn't going to be short and natural forever even though that's not necessarily a bad thing to have short natural hair. Once I was completely natural, I was totally in love with my hair. Some people who go natural have problems with their natural hair texture. I wasn't the type of person who was caught up in wanting/wishing my natural hair to look a certain way.

This is me, how God created me, so I was accepting of anything that grew out of my scalp. As long as I didn't have to relax my hair, I was good! As my hair got longer, people did become more accepting. But I still did not care because I loved my hair when it was super short and now that it's gain more length. And I agree with ToyToy, love and accept yourself and your hair as is!!!

You go girl!

 

[Hair Iam]

ITA with the pink text. I got all negative comments from the men on my husband's side of the family. All of the ladies liked it. My co-workers loved it. And my husband HATES it. I think it's because it's still really short. Once I'm able to rock a huge 'fro, I think he'll like it then. But, regardless of how he feels, I rock my TWA with confidence. I LOVE my hair texture. I'm not ashamed of it at all. I do wish I had more length, so that I can have more options for styles. But other than that, I will NEVER put a relaxer in my hair again. If I desire straight hair, I'll get it straighten a couple times a year.

I say all of that to say, as long as YOU love your hair. And you ROCK it like you love it. Mostly everyone else will to. Ofcourse there will be some exceptions (my husband). But, you just reiterate your purpose, and once they decide to change their mindset, it'll be all good.

Rock your hair girl. And CONGRATS!!!!

My DH took while too...soon yours will come around too

 

[Country gal]

If I'm being honest, it was hard getting adjusted to the negative comments. Most people were use to seeing me with either straight permed hair or weave. I just kept plugging away. I get compliments all the time regarding my natural hair. I had to mentally remain strong and the comments became easier to ignore.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

When I first bc'ed my hair alot of people said they liked it,and then would kinda snicker behind their backs, and my mom didn't think it suited me( I used to have bsl length hair or longer) I hid my hair in braids off and on for about a year, but didn't learn to take care of my hair. So this year I vowed to not put my hair in any braids,weaves etc,and learn my hair.
It's been almots 2 years since I did bc'd, but the longer and fuller my hair gets the more compliments I get. If I go out I always get somebody trying to put their hands in it, and at least once a week someone asks me either if it's mine, or how I did it. I still get some backhanded comments, like a guy who was trying to date me told me I had "good " hair . I schooled him, and he definitely did not get a 2nd date That's part of the reason women are afraid to let go of the relaxer. I like that people are inspired, but I wish other women especially african american women be comfortable with their own texture.

There is NO "good" hair, just beautiful differences!!

 

[danimani]

You guys are awesome!

I definitely don't regret my decision; I'm really excited to see my hair grow and change.

I just need my momma to stop trippin.

Thanks again for all the advice and support!

 

[LionQueen]

Now that she has, she's acting like I just told her I think I may be Anna Nicole Smith's baby's other momma.

This is a wonderful comment.
Thanks for the belly laugh!!!

 

[blazingthru]

I agree with all the post on here. I think it starts with you. Its not easy to adjust to this new hair style, texture and hair behavior. Then on top of that you have outsiders and family and friends with negative comments. I would shrug it off. My brother said you look a hot mess. A hot mess. that hurt for a moment but I let it go, at that point I was made of steel, I was enjoying my hair and I was not going to let anyone change my mind and I truly didn't care what they thought. I rocked a fro plenty of times with some loud banging earrings. But I did have a cousin go through it with me she lives far away but we communicated all the time about our ups and downs and what was said today. Its been a year, I don't think anyone could say anything that I would even raise my eyebrow too. This is how its going to be for the rest of my life. I will never put a relaxer in my hair again. But I will straighten it from time to time. I like being versatile.

 

[Incredible1ne]

I cut my hair about 9 months ago and nobody likes it. At first it bothered me a lot but now I could give a damn. I don't know why people, even complete strangers, feel the need to comment about what's going on with somebody else.