Natural Hair and Dating

[Country gal]

Ugh, I have a guy I am dating that wants to take me to a really nice gala in the Spring. He is going to get a dress made for me. He also mentioned the "P" word. My head snapped back real quick. He was like I thought you mentioned getting a perm. I was like no, I may have mentioned getting it pressed. I feel like he should accept me for me. He claims he loves my natural hair. He doesn't feel it is natural becuase it has coils. I don't know if I want to go to this gala with him if my natural hair is going to be an issue.

Another guy I went out with said he liked my hair. It reminded him of Cicely Tyson. I had a Whitney moment " Oh' hell to the Naw". Are you talking about Ms. Jane Pitman Cicely Tyson? He was like no I mean it as a compliment.

 

[HairPhoenix]

Ugh, I have a guy I am dating that wants to take me to a really nice gala in the Spring. He is going to get a dress made for me. He also mentioned the "P" word. My head snapped back real quick. He was like I thought you mentioned getting a perm. I was like no, I may have mentioned getting it pressed. I feel like he should accept me for me. He claims he loves my natural hair. He doesn't feel it is natural becuase it has coils. I don't know if I want to go to this gala with him if my natural hair is going to be an issue.

Another guy I went out went said he liked my hair. It reminded him of Cicely Tyson. I had a Whitney moment " Oh' hell to the Naw". Are you talking about Ms. Jane Pitman Cicely Tyson? He was like no I mean it as a compliment.

I think a lot of AA men have more issues with our hair than we women or any other race group, male or female.

I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I'm no expert on relationships. I just think it's a sad thing when a man begins a relationship with a woman and he cannot accept her for who she is later down the road.

Then again, if he is having a dress made for you, he probably has a certain look in mind. Maybe he doesn't know how your hair will look if you press it and put it in an updo. You should try it out and see how he likes it since you have some time between now and the gala. :scratchch:

 

[shellzfoshizzle]

Maybe he was just being a guy and not really listening...he could have gotten the two confused and thought you meant perm when you really meant pressed...does he know the difference? Some guys don't. I had one of my guy friends ask me what a perm is and if it hurts to get one. lol. Bless their heart. Question. How does he feel it's not natural because it has coils...shouldn't natural hair have coils?! He needs to get up on his LHCF info!

 

[Ayeshia]

Maybe he was just being a guy and not really listening...he could have gotten the two confused and thought you meant perm when you really meant pressed...does he know the difference? Some guys don't. I had one of my guy friends ask me what a perm is and if it hurts to get one. lol. Bless their heart. Question. How does he feel it's not natural because it has coils...shouldn't natural hair have coils?! He needs to get up on his LHCF info!

i was about to say the same thing. Some men just really dont know. If it were that big of an issue he wouldnt be dating you at all.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Ugh, I have a guy I am dating that wants to take me to a really nice gala in the Spring. He is going to get a dress made for me. He also mentioned the "P" word. My head snapped back real quick. He was like I thought you mentioned getting a perm. I was like no, I may have mentioned getting it pressed. I feel like he should accept me for me. He claims he loves my natural hair. He doesn't feel it is natural becuase it has coils. I don't know if I want to go to this gala with him if my natural hair is going to be an issue.

And rightfully so. After all the work you've done to grow a beautiful head of natural hair, he thinks you're gonna RELAX for one event um, no

Another guy I went out went said he liked my hair. It reminded him of Cicely Tyson. I had a Whitney moment " Oh' hell to the Naw". Are you talking about Ms. Jane Pitman Cicely Tyson? He was like no I mean it as a compliment.

Ok, this made me laugh out loud for real. That is hilarious...I can imagine your face. He should've thought twice before putting that out there.

I think a lot of AA men have more issues with our hair than we women or any other race group, male or female.

I totally agree.

Maybe he was just being a guy and not really listening...he could have gotten the two confused and thought you meant perm when you really meant pressed...does he know the difference? Some guys don't. I had one of my guy friends ask me what a perm is and if it hurts to get one. lol. Bless their heart. Question. How does he feel it's not natural because it has coils...shouldn't natural hair have coils?! He needs to get up on his LHCF info!

He may have gotten them mixed up. Men aren't nearly as detail oriented as we are. He may have though the two were the same.
And uh...I guess he's spent him time around nothing but 3-somethings and 4bs if he doesn't believe coils are natural...girl I'll show him some springs he can bounce on!

Leave that gorgeous hair just like it is...press if you must, but I like your not-so-TWA.

 

[littleaudie]

LOL! You are too funny. Miss Tyson really is a beautiful woman without the aged makeup. I definitely think he meant it to be a compliment. As far as the formal party, it's always nice to have the most polished look. For natural hair it could be professional styled twist.You can add baby's breath/rhinestones etc... You could try braids/cornrows in some type of up-do. I prefer the cheap way out. A drawstring pony tail. I have a picture of it in my fotki album. They only cost about $12 You can gel even the shortest hair up into a tiny bun. They fit right on top or in back of your head and the have combs attached.

Even if you're not a weave wearer extra hair is perfectly acceptable for a formal. Ponytails/buns and can be bought in any textures/coils/curls. Let us know what you decide to wear.

 

[blueabyss333]

Maybe he was just being a guy and not really listening...he could have gotten the two confused and thought you meant perm when you really meant pressed...does he know the difference? Some guys don't. I had one of my guy friends ask me what a perm is and if it hurts to get one. lol. Bless their heart. Question. How does he feel it's not natural because it has coils...shouldn't natural hair have coils?! He needs to get up on his LHCF info!

Ditto. I think he was just naively innocent.

 

[Country gal]

LOL! You are too funny. Miss Tyson really is a beautiful woman without the aged makeup. I definitely think he meant it to be a compliment. As far as the formal party, it's always nice to have the most polished look. For natural hair it could be professional styled twist.You can add baby's breath/rhinestones etc... You could try braids/cornrows in some type of up-do. I prefer the cheap way out. A drawstring pony tail. I have a picture of it in my fotki album. They only cost about $12 You can gel even the shortest hair up into a tiny bun. They fit right on top or in back of your head and the have combs attached.

Even if you're not a weave wearer extra hair is perfectly acceptable for a formal. Ponytails/buns and can be bought in any textures/coils/curls. Let us know what you decide to wear.

He is making my dress, having my make up professional done and he thinks my hair should be straight. I like the idea of doing a polished bun.

 

[Country gal]

I just don't want these guys to think I am going through a phase. I don't mind pressing my hair every once in a blue moon but don't expect it all the time.My girlfriend thinks I should of set him straight.

 

[kristina]

Unless you have some opposition to straightening (temporarily of course), I'd probably do it myself (in a bun or updo). That or I'd suggest other natural styles that would be formal enough for the occassion. It's not politically correct but many people with curly hair associate straightening hair with dressing up (and many straight haired people usually end up curling theirs). If it were your event, I would probably push the issue but since he's putting in so much effort, I would let it slide.

 

[hairmaster]

How do you wear your hair when you go out now?
as a guy I say why not wear a wig?

 

[deedabug]

personally i would tell him to go to hell...

i wouldnt even press it...i'd make sure it was napped up real good that nite lol....and with all he is doing...

r u supposed to be his personal barbie doll or somethin??

 

[Cheleigh]

I just don't want these guys to think I am going through a phase. I don't mind pressing my hair every once in a blue moon but don't expect it all the time.My girlfriend thinks I should of set him straight.

I wouldn't mind wearing my hair straight for this event--if it were my choice. My real concern with you pressing it is that if he really falls in love with your pressed hair, he's always going to ask you to be pressing it. I think you will have to really sit him down and share a bit about your honest thoughts regarding your hair, or you might be in for a world of trouble after this event is over.

As a side note, I think he feels even more entitled in requesting a specific look for you because he is paying for everything, which isn't really fair. I'd probably buy my own stuff and then wear my hair as I see fit, in keeping with the occasion.

 

[Country gal]

personally i would tell him to go to hell...

i wouldnt even press it...i'd make sure it was napped up real good that nite lol....and with all he is doing...

r u supposed to be his personal barbie doll or somethin??

I am starting think like I will be his personal barbie doll. It's like he is playing dress up with me. He also wants me to wear 3 inch heels. I am only tolerating it because he wants to pay for it all. I am not feeling the hair part. I know how to dress why not let me surprise you.

 

[Country gal]

How do you wear your hair when you go out now?
as a guy I say why not wear a wig?

I wear my hair similar to my pics. I wear either a shake and go fro. I am currently sporting twists. He has seen me in braids when we first met which he thought was a perm. I had individuals. Recently he has seen my hair out in twists, afropuff with a scarf and shake and Go fro.

The other guy saw me in a shake and go fro which was real thick.

 

[deedabug]

I am starting think like I will be his personal barbie doll. It's like he is playing dress up with me. He also wants me to wear 3 inch heels. I am only tolerating it because he wants to pay for it all. I am not feeling the hair part. I know how to dress why not let me surprise you.

see i would really be having to ask is he even satisified with my appearance at all....because he is goin to deep with it...

i think if u cave in on any of this....prepare to go thru this all the time with him....that is just too much physical requirements....dress codes..then drastically changing ur hair...nu uh and u know how we r about our hair...look were we r at

i guess im juss too lazy now...to even try to bend lol...and i never have cared who paid for what....if i dont like its just not gonna fly....

but be sure to give updates on this story...

 

[JewelleNY]

He sounds very controlling, I would be very careful about proceeding with this guy. It may seem fun at first but things could get worse later when he is trying to control your whole life...

 

[sweetascocoa]

he will make your dress and stuff? wtf? umm tell him to *** off. i agree with hairmaster....wear a wig. or a ponytail with a fake bun. thats what i do. not al my hair can get into a ponytail so i gel it up and tie a scarf on it to make it lay down. then add a phony bun to it. i would be scared to press my hair cos i know a few naturals whose hair never went back to natural after pressing it

 

[beadedgirl]

Damn gurl,its bad enough he got control over the wardrobe and the make-up,now he seriously going for the "jugglar".......yo hair!!!!!!!!!!.great goggley moggley.......that where i draw the line....i 'll be like "slow ya roll,naw thats giving up too much control.."

 

[SparklingFlame]

Damn gurl,its bad enough he got control over the wardrobe and the make-up,now he seriously going for the "jugglar".......yo hair!!!!!!!!!!.great goggley moggley.......that where i draw the line....i 'll be like "slow ya roll,naw thats giving up too much control.."

ITA. I don't know this guy but it seems kinda odd to me that he wants to dress you and get your make-up and then tell you what kind of shoes to wear. Plus to top it ALL off, he has the nerve to tell or suggest what to do with your own head of hair! I mean, what does he think you gonna do? Come to this event in a cocker sack with 2 dookie braids stickin strait out like those old timey cartoons of us from the 30's? Does he think you don't know how to dress? I think it is a control issue. Now don't get me wrong...if he wanted to pay for your outfit that YOU pick out thats different. Did you pick out the pattern for this dress? If so, I think thats good. But I think he has a lotta ba*** to go there with your hair. Your hair is beautiful and I am sure that you always look good in your appearnace. I won't tell you what I think you should do. It just seems like homeboy has some issues! Tell us the final decision and how it all goes down!

 

[Crysdon]

I just think it's a sad thing when a man begins a relationship with a woman and he cannot accept her for who she is later down the road.

Then again, if he is having a dress made for you, he probably has a certain look in mind. Maybe he doesn't know how your hair will look if you press it and put it in an updo. You should try it out and see how he likes it since you have some time between now and the gala. :scratchch:

I agree with this statement CG.

I too think it's sad that he can't accept your hair ALL THE TIME and I also wonder if the dress would look better with a pressed updo.

Either way...Do what YOU feel is right!

 

[Country gal]

JewelleNY- My guy friend is telling me he is controlling. He made a good point. What will happen when the next big event happens. My older female friend, quickly said no before I could tell her the convo. She says I should pay for my own stuff and determine my own look. I think he wants me to be a walking advertisement for his business. I don’t mind wearing the dress, it’s the other nonsense.

Deedabug- I don’t take kindly to the “why don’t you get a perm questions”. I felt like saying, Negro, do you realize how much ish I went through to be 100% natural. I just went quiet and got off the phone. I know how I can get so I figured it was best to end the convo.

Toosexy- I am scared of loosing my natural texture. Last year I had my hair pressed and it damaged the front of my hair. The front of my hair is straighter than the back of my hair. I would hate for that to happen.

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. He claims he likes my hair. He says he likes the way that I look. He is always telling me he thinks I am hot or fine. He is at least 8 years older than me. I don’t want him thinking I am his clay that he can just mold anyway. My hair plays an important part of my life. Hell I have spent umpteenth hours on this hair board. The hair part really is bugging me. I purposely wear my hair is natural styles so guys will know upfront I am natural. I know a girl that wears her natural hair pressed and met a guy. Once she wore her hair in its natural hair, he was not feeling it. He said he wouldn’t have asked her out which was really a stupid comment.

 

[LizLeila]

Maybe he is just trying to do something nice. If he doesnt accept you, it would be easy enough for him to just not date you. Tell him what you do/dont feel comfortable with and move on from there. I wouldnt start accusing him of hating black women, not being able to accept natural hair, not appreciating you, etc. It really might not be that serious. When you talk to him, and if you think it is, then it is easy enough for you not to date him too.

 

[myco]

Maybe he is just trying to do something nice. If he doesnt accept you, it would be easy enough for him to just not date you. Tell him what you do/dont feel comfortable with and move on from there. I wouldnt start accusing him of hating black women, not being able to accept natural hair, not appreciating you, etc. It really might not be that serious. When you talk to him, and if you think it is, then it is easy enough for you not to date him too.

It sounds like one of those "Pretty Woman" moments (minus the prostitution) where the man picks out everything and the woman just has to show up. I think Jay-Z did something similar for one of Beyonce's 21st birthday's. If done right, it's very romantic. For this type of scenario to work the guy has to factor in your personality in what he chooses. If he ignores all that, then it will blow up in his face. You shouldn't be miserable all night to please him, but I wouldn't write him off as a lost cause for just one instance where he might not fully grasp your position. But when you know better, you do better.

 

[Zeal]

.

Another guy I went out with said he liked my hair. It reminded him of Cicely Tyson. I had a Whitney moment " Oh' hell to the Naw". Are you talking about Ms. Jane Pitman Cicely Tyson? He was like no I mean it as a compliment.

I think Cicely Tyson is and was attractive.

Pertaining to the guy who said the P word. Ask him straight up what is up. Does he have sisters? If he does he should know the difference between a press and a perm. Ask him what he meant. Expalin how u feel about your hair.

Z

 

[LizLeila]

I think Cicely Tyson is and was attractive.

Pertaining to the guy who said the P word. Ask him straight up what is up. Does he have sisters? If he does he should know the difference between a press and a perm. Ask him what he meant. Expalin how u feel about your hair.

Z

Trust me, guys to not have the hair vocab down. I have had men ask me some of the stupidest things. Sometimes I swear that their knowledge begins and ends with "Give me a line-up"

He might not know the difference between press and perm, some men dont even know the difference between dreds and braids--all he knows is that it gets the hair straight which may or may not be a problem. He may not know all the damage that these processes can do to the hair. That is why I agree that CG needs to just have a talk with him to figure out what's up.

 

[ThickHair]

Your hair is an issue today, what will the issue be tomorrow?

 

[ChocoKitty]

I agree with some of the other posts. He may not know the difference between a perm and a press. The dress and the makeup made me think about "Pretty Woman" too. I'd say if you have not had any issues with him up until now--just talk to him about the event. It may be an opportunity to educate him about haircare. Some people think you can slap on a perm just as much as you slap on hair grease.

 

[Country gal]

I thibk Cicely (sp) Tyson is an attractive woman. She looked really nice in Hoodlum and Diary of a Mad Black woman. I only recall her in Ms. Jane Pittman with what seemed to be natural hair. Hence the Ms. Jane Pittman comment.


Pretty woman- At first I thought it was a nice gesture until he was telling me about the look HE WAS GOING FOR. It's like I am being taking out of the equation of how I should look. We are going out this week so I will get more details.

 

[FeelinIt]

I am starting think like I will be his personal barbie doll. It's like he is playing dress up with me. He also wants me to wear 3 inch heels. I am only tolerating it because he wants to pay for it all. I am not feeling the hair part. I know how to dress why not let me surprise you.

This doesn't sound right to me at all. He wants you to wear what he specifically buys for you, in a style he sees fit and shoes with a specific heel inch requirement? And then he wants you to wear your hair straight. I'd have to cancel. That clues me in to the type of guy he will be down the line.
That's one of my pet peeves. You have to like me as is or not at all.

But if you feel really strongly about it, then don't do it. If there is any discomfort on your part to "conform" then you know what your answer is. And if he acts funny because you decided to wear your hair natural then you know what to do with him...

I