Natural hair acceptance

[Napp]

Ever since I tasted the wonders of Keratin/Smoothing treatments, I have had trouble for over a decade staying natural past the TWA stage. I just like the way my hair looks and acts when treated. I'm trying to transition from keratin treated to natural and I'm just not feeling it. Can anyone help me with trying to stay natural?

I honestly do not like my natural hair. It swells easily and doesn't readily retain moisture. After I take a shower my hair isn't wet and water beads up on top.
When treated my hair doesn't really form twists(hair doesn't fluff up) as well though and I wanted to try doing a twist out or regular twists. My hair looks thicker when natural, doesn't break as easily, has better curl memory and doesn't go flat when I sleep on it. Its not hard to manage but i just dont like it overall.

 

[Lylddlebit]

It is okay that you don't want to be natural. How do you enjoy your hair? How do you wear your hair when you feel beautiful?

I ask this because I ALWAYS hated getting perms as a kid. The burn was enough for me and back then my folks thought the nappier the hair, the longer the application. I am so grateful I still have follicles. I remember one time my cousin made me sit with a relaxer on my hair for an hour. As a kid I always begged my mom to get my hair braided instead of leaving it out and getting perms. It was natural for me to go natural because I had a lifetime dreading seeing the box perm on the kitchen counter and trying to stretch as long as possible before I was old enough to do my own hair.

When I started doing my hair as I teen I never got another relaxer again. I didn't want one based on how I enjoyed my hair and I had gotten it pressed enough to realize I didn't need one for the how I wore my hair when it was straight. If you identify how you most enjoy wearing you hair, that will help you identify what state to learn so it can become more practical in the day to day. For me it's natural but that isn't the case for everybody. I also find that I don't have many of the issue linked to relaxers. I've never had any fibroid issues despite how common they are, nothing irritates my scalp and I can even handle heavy humidity without reversion. I also barely sweat in my scalp no matter how hot it is.

Enjoying my hair natural just suits me. When I see a woman with fly hair and it's relaxed I can usually dupe it with a press. I can't remember any style beyond gelled down finger waves requiring a perm to hold lol. I believing learning my hair in the state I like it most helps me get what I want out of it across conditions. I think you can learn your hair well enough to enjoy it across conditions too. So, how do you most enjoy your hair and what styles flatter your features? Are their any reasons beyond appearance that make you to want to be natural? It really is up to you. Any condition that you have to be convinced into and don't really want for yourself isn't one you will own and keep up with.

FYI: I have been fully natural since 2004. I haven't had a perm since like 2001-2002 at the absolute latest. I had gotten relaxers from pre school graduation -freshman year of high school but I did everything in my power delay them because I hated the process. I always had more new growth than relaxed ends, when I had my way. So being natural suits me. Cut your self some slack and consider what suits you and why. That will help you stay with your choice.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I had always kept my natural hair short in a taper after several grow out attempts because I wasn't feeling it.

Then I met my stylist and she basically set me on the path of keeping it simple. I was hard headed at first, for a while probably, and I do more experimenting with styling then she would, but that's what turned the corner for me.

Also for me, shape had a lot to do with how I'm feeling or not feeling my hair. So having someone I trust reshape as needed is important for me too.

I will say one thing she can't cure is hair bordem. That was another reason I used to cut my hair. So I've started to find other ways to wear my natural hair by scrolling pinterest.

 

[Napp]

It is okay that you don't want to be natural. How do you enjoy your hair? How do you wear your hair when you feel beautiful?

I ask this because I ALWAYS hated getting perms as a kid. The burn was enough for me and back then my folks thought the nappier the hair, the longer the application. I am so grateful I still have follicles. I remember one time my cousin made me sit with a relaxer on my hair for an hour. As a kid I always begged my mom to get my hair braided instead of leaving it out and getting perms. It was natural for me to go natural because I had a lifetime dreading seeing the box perm on the kitchen counter and trying to stretch as long as possible before I was old enough to do my own hair.

When I started doing my hair as I teen I never got another relaxer again. I didn't want one based on how I enjoyed my hair and I had gotten it pressed enough to realize I didn't need one for the how I wore my hair when it was straight. If you identify how you most enjoy wearing you hair, that will help you identify what state to learn so it can become more practical in the day to day. For me it's natural but that isn't the case for everybody. I also find that I don't have many of the issue linked to relaxers. I've never had any fibroid issues despite how common they are, nothing irritates my scalp and I can even handle heavy humidity without reversion. I also barely sweat in my scalp no matter how hot it is.

Enjoying my hair natural just suits me. When I see a woman with fly hair and it's relaxed I can usually dupe it with a press. I can't remember any style beyond gelled down finger waves requiring a perm to hold lol. I believing learning my hair in the state I like it most helps me get what I want out of it across conditions. I think you can learn your hair well enough to enjoy it across conditions too. So, how do you most enjoy your hair and what styles flatter your features? Are their any reasons beyond appearance that make you to want to be natural? It really is up to you. Any condition that you have to be convinced into and don't really want for yourself isn't one you will own and keep up with.

FYI: I have been fully natural since 2004. I haven't had a perm since like 2001-2002 at the absolute latest. I had gotten relaxers from pre school graduation -freshman year of high school but I did everything in my power delay them because I hated the process. I always had more new growth than relaxed ends, when I had my way. So being natural suits me. Cut your self some slack and consider what suits you and why. That will help you stay with your choice.

I like wash and goes, buns and wigs. That's it. I don't like do do styles that don't last for at least a week but I don't like most braid or twist styles. I do like passion twists though

 

[Napp]

I had always kept my natural hair short in a taper after several grow out attempts because I wasn't feeling it.

Then I met my stylist and she basically set me on the path of keeping it simple. I was hard headed at first, for a while probably, and I do more experimenting with styling then she would, but that's what turned the corner for me.

Also for me, shape had a lot to do with how I'm feeling or not feeling my hair. So having someone I trust reshape as needed is important for me too.

I will say one thing she can't cure is hair bordem. That was another reason I used to cut my hair. So I've started to find other ways to wear my natural hair by scrolling pinterest.

I tried getting a shape by a curly stylist and she cut my APL length hair into an very short tapered cut because she couldn't define my curls and said it was damaged. My hair was fine. That was the last time I let someone cut my hair.

 

[Lylddlebit]

I like wash and goes, buns and wigs. That's it. I don't like do do styles that don't last for at least a week but I don't like most braid or twist styles. I do like passion twists though

Wear your hair in the natural styles you love for a while. That should help. Good luck.

 

[bellebebe]

Girl, life is entire too short for hair to take so much real estate in our lives. Enjoy your youth & wear your hair however you want. Either we pass away soon & don’t get to enjoy whatever hairstyle we wanted, or we grow old and have plenty of time to experiment with different styles across decades. We will never get our youth back, so celebrate your youth while you can.

 

[Bette Davis Eyes]

Do what makes you happy.

 

[DVAntDany]

I know this feeling all too well. If magically offered silky strands, I would not hesitate to take them. The universe works in mysterious ways. In fact, It gave me that opportunity for a short stint, but at the cost of being sick. When getting Keratin/smoothing treatments you are trading one set of positives/negatives for another set of positives/negatives. As long as you think the trade off is worth it, then don’t feel bad about getting the keratin or Botox treatments. Being natural isn’t for everyone.

Now if you truly want to be “natural” even with all those contradicting desires, you may have to be more like me. I needed tough love and the ability to learn the art of acceptance. As I’ve mentioned many times before, I went cold Turkey with locs. I semi free formed. I had hair that stuck up in all directions with tangled ball forming on my ends. My nearest and dearest gave me so much flack about my locked hair in the beginning. I had to develop a confidence so strong that I didn’t listen to or care what anyone said against my hair and that included my own negative self talk. I forced myself to double down on what I said I truly wanted.

When loosing the locs, I made the very conscientious decision to grow my hair back without using weaves/extensions, wearing hats/ head wraps, doing twistouts/ braidouts or straightening my hair as my main style. I know I am easily susceptible to body dysphoric tendencies. My goal since I was a teen has been to wear it in a wash and go and grow it very long. After experiencing boughts of things in life showing me how finite my mortality is, I know that I will die happy if I reach my goals especially with hair.

You don’t have to like, love or want your natural hair to accept it. In the famous words of Nike’s slogan, “ Just do it.” You might also want to redefine some of the words you constantly say in your life. For instance, my personal definition of self love has changed over the years. To me it means showing myself adoration, honor and respect when no one else is watching. So when I am in doubt, I just have to think about where my motivations lie. When I clean up my car only because someone is going to ride along with me, the motivation is shame. When I start and complete something people outwardly doubt that I can do, the motivation is to prove them wrong. When I dress up, ask multiple times if I look right and am searching for compliments, I am motivated by outward acceptance. These are situations where if I rely on others opinions, I am not acting in accordance to self love. I am using others as crutches in order to motivate myself to do the things I say I want or need to do for myself.

So determine why you want to go natural. If being natural comes with so many cons, why are you so adminant on trying to become and stay natural? Really think about why doing keratin and other smoothing treatments have not been sustainable for you. Maybe even make a list and tally up the pros and cons of each. Consider sticking with the option that has the most pros and giving yourself a tangible goal to try it. You could do the S.M.A.R.T. method and give yourself 1 year of working towards whichever option you choose. Then remove temptations that you know will easily sway you such as putting away products and tools for the opposite hairstyles or block websites and unsubscribing to emails for companies that promote the hairstyle that’s not within your goal.

I know this sounds like a mix between stoicism and Tony Robinson. Just remember if you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the appropriate amount of effort. It just takes knowing what you truly want.

 

[nysister]

Girl, life is entire too short for hair to take so much real estate in our lives. Enjoy your youth & wear your hair however you want. Either we pass away soon & don’t get to enjoy whatever hairstyle we wanted, or we grow old and have plenty of time to experiment with different styles across decades. We will never get our youth back, so celebrate your youth while you can.

Well said! (Slow clap!)


OP enjoy your hair, if one way doesn't work, do something else. Don't let labels run you life!

 

[Napp]

I decided to stick it out natural for another year. My hair has become so full and thick with my natural roots I'm curious how my hair will continue to flourish if I just stay away from the chemicals. My hair doesn't seem to retain length as well when treated and I'm on a serious growth journey right now. Also i think a large part of why i never stayed natural is because my hair was always on the short side except when i got a relaxer. Now that I have some length I like the way my natural hair looks on me. I think length, not texture is my issue.

 

[Chicoro]

It is okay that you don't want to be natural. How do you enjoy your hair? How do you wear your hair when you feel beautiful?

I ask this because I ALWAYS hated getting perms as a kid. The burn was enough for me and back then my folks thought the nappier the hair, the longer the application. I am so grateful I still have follicles. I remember one time my cousin made me sit with a relaxer on my hair for an hour. As a kid I always begged my mom to get my hair braided instead of leaving it out and getting perms. It was natural for me to go natural because I had a lifetime dreading seeing the box perm on the kitchen counter and trying to stretch as long as possible before I was old enough to do my own hair.

When I started doing my hair as I teen I never got another relaxer again. I didn't want one based on how I enjoyed my hair and I had gotten it pressed enough to realize I didn't need one for the how I wore my hair when it was straight. If you identify how you most enjoy wearing you hair, that will help you identify what state to learn so it can become more practical in the day to day. For me it's natural but that isn't the case for everybody. I also find that I don't have many of the issue linked to relaxers. I've never had any fibroid issues despite how common they are, nothing irritates my scalp and I can even handle heavy humidity without reversion. I also barely sweat in my scalp no matter how hot it is.

Enjoying my hair natural just suits me. When I see a woman with fly hair and it's relaxed I can usually dupe it with a press. I can't remember any style beyond gelled down finger waves requiring a perm to hold lol. I believing learning my hair in the state I like it most helps me get what I want out of it across conditions. I think you can learn your hair well enough to enjoy it across conditions too. So, how do you most enjoy your hair and what styles flatter your features? Are their any reasons beyond appearance that make you to want to be natural? It really is up to you. Any condition that you have to be convinced into and don't really want for yourself isn't one you will own and keep up with.

FYI: I have been fully natural since 2004. I haven't had a perm since like 2001-2002 at the absolute latest. I had gotten relaxers from pre school graduation -freshman year of high school but I did everything in my power delay them because I hated the process. I always had more new growth than relaxed ends, when I had my way. So being natural suits me. Cut your self some slack and consider what suits you and why. That will help you stay with your choice.

I love this!!!!!!!

 

[GettingKinky]

It took me a long time to accept/enjoy my natural hair. For decades I wore my hair relaxed bone straight. At some point I started texlaxing and it took me quite a while to get used to the fact that my hair was less smooth and shiny. And then when I stopped relaxing all together I had to once again accept that my hair was even less smooth and shiny.

Once I decided I was going to wear wash n gos as my style I would force myself to go to work with my hair out even when I didn’t like they way it had turned out. This got me to the point where I was less apprehensive about what other people thought about my hair. Over time I got better at styling my hair and I grew to accept what it looks like. I know you had a bad experience with a curly cut before, but a good cut took me from just accepting my hair to loving it.

It was a long, multi-year journey for me, but in the end, for me, it was worth it. My hair is effortless, and I feel proud to be natural.

 

[larry3344]

@Napp don’t be ashamed for admitting it. Many women who have kinkier hair feel the same way. But instead of solutions and techniques to address their needs they are being bogged down to just love the hair the way it is. It can be very frustrating, hope it changes. For the time being do the style that will make you fall in love with your hair again if it’s keratin treatments do that.

If you feel good about your appearance it definitely positively affects your outlook on life.

 

[Napp]

@Napp don’t be ashamed for admitting it. Many women who have kinkier hair feel the same way. But instead of solutions and techniques to address their needs they are being bogged down to just love the hair the way it is. It can be very frustrating, hope it changes. For the time being do the style that will make you fall in love with your hair again if it’s keratin treatments do that.

If you feel good about your appearance it definitely positively affects your outlook on life.

I just feel like I haven't found the right products for my natural hair to look the way i want it yet.

 

[DVAntDany]

I just feel like I haven't found the right products for my natural hair to look the way i want it yet.

How do you want your hair to look and is that look realistically achievable?

I'm having a hard time deciphering this for myself. I want the curl definition and shine of a gel. I want the volume and movement of a mousse. I also want the the quick drying application of a mousse. Lastly, I want the softness of a lotion or cream. I'm willing to give up longevity of style as long as it is easy to apply and wash out. I'm not sure if my Frankenstein hair cocktail is feasible, but I'm still working at it.

 

[Napp]

How do you want your hair to look and is that look realistically achievable?

I'm having a hard time deciphering this for myself. I want the curl definition and shine of a gel. I want the volume and movement of a mousse. I also want the the quick drying application of a mousse. Lastly, I want the softness of a lotion or cream. I'm willing to give up longevity of style as long as it is easy to apply and wash out. I'm not sure if my Frankenstein hair cocktail is feasible, but I'm still working at it.

Shiny, soft, good hold with no flakes

 

[DVAntDany]

Shiny, soft, good hold with no flakes

I know flakes have been your problem recently. Did you find you were achieving the the other two facets for the hair you want?

 

[Napp]

I know flakes have been your problem recently. Did you find you were achieving the the other two facets for the hair you want?

Not for a wash and go but for bunning.

 

[fluffyforever]

I went natural in 2007 and and only just now have I started to really love my hair with wash-n-go styling and a professional curly cut to give me some shape. It’s made all the difference for me and I just stick to the BCG approved products so I don’t have or need variety.

Before now I didn’t feel any particular way about it, but often I felt frustrated because of dryness, dullness, breakage and tangles. I’m not the best stylist either. But I didn’t really care about hairstyles, I just slicked it back into a bun or wore small twists to look overall presentable.