I've been natural for 15 years (I use no direct heat at all and I color with henna and indigo) and I've realized that my hair will never feel "soft" when compared to straight hair. I'm mostly 4a with a mixture of fine and medium strands and my hair feels wiry and looks dry (my natural hair color is dark ashy brown). If I didn't know any better I would assume (based on my natural hair color and the way it feels) that my hair is dry and damaged but it's not. That's just the way my hair is. Conditioners, butters, oils, etc. can soften it up for a while, but the moment I wash them out, it feels wiry again. I have almost no breakage, very few knots, and my hair retains length very well. So IMO that soft feeling is just that, a feeling. If your hair is healthy and not breaking off then maybe that's just the way your hair is.