MY worst nightmare- VENT (LONG)

[Ladyhenri]

(Aplogies for the long post but pls read)

So......
yesterday i had a relaxer after a three month stretch (last relaxer in december) and i had the most horrific experience.

A few of you may know that i had severe dreads/tangles in my hair after not combing for most of the three months. Well yesterday was a day of facing up to the truth. i had untangled a few knots but my hair was filled up with many more knots.
To make matters worse, i had decided to try out a new salon. BIG MISTAKE.
before relaxing, they blow dried my hair to 'extract the knots'. Only they werent extracting, they were tearing at my hair. I could hear it break.
I stopped the woman after trying to bear this for a few minutes, and tried to do the detangling gently( and she kept saying that hair is dead and needs to come out by force) but i quickly realised the tangles in my hair could not be detangled. THey had to be cut out!

After this gut wrenching event, my hair was relaxed with AT One relaxer for sensitive scalps. i had wanted to use ORS but after all the tearing at my scalp, i was advised that i would definately burn.
I spotted a lady with neck length hair getting relaxer applied to her entire head and freaked out. I was ready to race out but was told that although my hair was very kinky they could offer me the normal touch up instead of the full relaxer.I made the lady show me where she felt my new growth started because she seemed to think my entire head was new growth
She relaxed it the way i wanted, (without putting relaxer on previously relaxed hair,) and washed quite gently but i could see straight away that my hair was over processed. I was near tears.
She proceeded to dry my hair very roughly with a towel that felt like a brillo pad and i quickly snatched the towl away and started doing a very gentle pat dry. She rolled her eyes. I asked for a treatment straight afterwards and got a deep condition (15 minutes under steamer with motions) for which they charged the same amount as my touch up
Afterwards they blowdried my hair again.
All through the entire procedure i lost no less than five handfulls of hair.
I was very depressed on leaving the salon, though everyone in the salon kept saying that i had stunning hair.
WTF!! my hair is barely what it was three months ago!
Bu then again i looked at the hairs of all the ladiies in there (customers and hair dressers) and realised that every one had extremely jacked up hair (half concealed by weaves and plaits)
How wouldnt they be bl**dy impressed by seemingly healthy shoulder length hair?
Its been 6months since i joined on here and my progress was really good untill yesterdays events.
I promised pictures every three months and i will be taking some pics this afternoon. Just need to shake off my extreme blues first.
I was ready to cut my hair yesterday cos i felt so down.
MY SO thinks my hair is still lovely and keeps trying to play with it but a few withering glances and sharp words later, he is keeping his hands firmly to himself.
I am sooo depressed right now.
Three things are for sure.
I AM combing my hair every two days from now on
I am Never stretching that long again
And I AM DEFINATELY LEARNING TO SELF RELAX!!!
No more salons for me!

Pls share any tips or experiences that could help me loose this mood

 

[seraphinelle]

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about this ((hugs))
If you're scared of the force they've used, I would keep up with your conditioning routine, to make sure you can nurse your hair beyond health.

I don't have any other help, That's the main reason I don't go to salons anymore. I"d hate to get ghetto on a **** in there.

But I agree, comb more often, you may be able to stretch beyond 3 months, with a regular combing schedule.

I find it easier to comb when my hair is wet, and the power of the shower head separating my hair.

HTH

Just curious which salon you went to, or where abouts.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

(Aplogies for the long post but pls read)

So......
yesterday i had a relaxer after a three month stretch (last relaxer in december) and i had the most horrific experience.

A few of you may know that i had severe dreads/tangles in my hair after not combing for most of the three months. Well yesterday was a day of facing up to the truth. i had untangled a few knots but my hair was filled up with many more knots.
To make matters worse, i had decided to try out a new salon. BIG MISTAKE.
before relaxing, they blow dried my hair to 'extract the knots'. Only they werent extracting, they were tearing at my hair. I could hear it break.
I stopped the woman after trying to bear this for a few minutes, and tried to do the detangling gently( and she kept saying that hair is dead and needs to come out by force) but i quickly realised the tangles in my hair could not be detangled. THey had to be cut out!

After this gut wrenching event, my hair was relaxed with AT One relaxer for sensitive scalps. i had wanted to use ORS but after all the tearing at my scalp, i was advised that i would definately burn.
I spotted a lady with neck length hair getting relaxer applied to her entire head and freaked out. I was ready to race out but was told that although my hair was very kinky they could offer me the normal touch up instead of the full relaxer.I made the lady show me where she felt my new growth started because she seemed to think my entire head was new growth
She relaxed it the way i wanted, (without putting relaxer on previously relaxed hair,) and washed quite gently but i could see straight away that my hair was over processed. I was near tears.
She proceeded to dry my hair very roughly with a towel that felt like a brillo pad and i quickly snatched the towl away and started doing a very gentle pat dry. She rolled her eyes. I asked for a treatment straight afterwards and got a deep condition (15 minutes under steamer with motions) for which they charged the same amount as my touch up
Afterwards they blowdried my hair again.
All through the entire procedure i lost no less than five handfulls of hair.
I was very depressed on leaving the salon, though everyone in the salon kept saying that i had stunning hair.
WTF!! my hair is barely what it was three months ago!
Bu then again i looked at the hairs of all the ladiies in there (customers and hair dressers) and realised that every one had extremely jacked up hair (half concealed by weaves and plaits)
How wouldnt they be bl**dy impressed by seemingly healthy shoulder length hair?
Its been 6months since i joined on here and my progress was really good untill yesterdays events.
I promised pictures every three months and i will be taking some pics this afternoon. Just need to shake off my extreme blues first.
I was ready to cut my hair yesterday cos i felt so down.
MY SO thinks my hair is still lovely and keeps trying to play with it but a few withering glances and sharp words later, he is keeping his hands firmly to himself.
I am sooo depressed right now.
Three things are for sure.
I AM combing my hair every two days from now on
I am Never stretching that long again
And I AM DEFINATELY LEARNING TO SELF RELAX!!!
No more salons for me!

Pls share any tips or experiences that could help me loose this mood

Henrietta, so sorry you had that horror foisted upon you! You were way too tolerant of the abuse while you were having all those red lights flashing at you!! You know you should have run outta there a long time before the relaxer, pulling at your hair, rolling her stupid eyes, scrubbing at your wet hair, the other customers being abused!! I've been there; it's so hard to get up and leave when you just want your hair done that moment.

 

[Ladyhenri]

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about this ((hugs))
If you're scared of the force they've used, I would keep up with your conditioning routine, to make sure you can nurse your hair beyond health.

I don't have any other help, That's the main reason I don't go to salons anymore. I"d hate to get ghetto on a **** in there.

But I agree, comb more often, you may be able to stretch beyond 3 months, with a regular combing schedule.

I find it easier to comb when my hair is wet, and the power of the shower head separating my hair.

HTH

Just curious which salon you went to, or where abouts.

Hi seraphinelle,
and thanks for your quick reponse.
The offending saloon was on peckham high street, to the left of peckham rye station. They had the cheek to give me their card after this but i was so angry that i 'mistakenly dropped and forgot' it in the shop.
i would try to get their card again just to warn anyone that likes their hair to steer clear!

 

[Ladyhenri]

Henrietta, so sorry you had that horror foisted upon you! You were way too tolerant of the abuse while you were having all those red lights flashing at you!! You know you should have run outta there a long time before the relaxer, pulling at your hair, rolling her stupid eyes, scrubbing at your wet hair, the other customers being abused!! I've been there; it's so hard to get up and leave when you just want your hair done that moment.

I know girl, i know. I should have left sooner...i'm going to be saying this to myself whenever i think of the progress i lost. Will post pics soon.
They will look like mug shots cos i aint happy. (Just in case my face resembles a face you've seen on a most wanted list somewhereerplexed)

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

I'm sorry this happened to you!
Not meaning to offend, but why did you not comb your hair for 3 months while stretching? Was that some advice you read somewhere?

 

[Frostipuff]

Henrietta,

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience after stretching
three months and trying to take good care of your hair.

You and I probably have similar hair judging by your picture so
I know you can't stretch that long without combing your hair on
a regular basis. I tried not combing my hair for a week and could
not get a comb through it without wetting it and adding massive
amounts of conditioner. One thing that did help was my new bone
comb. That thing is great for our hair.

Anyway, regarding the salon. Recently I've had awful experiences
at the hands of so called professional hair stylists and agree with
your decison to do most of your hair treatments yourself. Relaxers
have to be done within a short period of time so study some of the
tips some of the ladies here have posted to get it right. Someone
suggested practicing with conditioner, which is what I'm trying now.

If you must go to a salon, go for a wash and set. That way you
can check out how the stylists treat/style their clients hair without
putting your hair in jeopardy.

From this point on, treat your hair gently and do what you know is
right for YOUR hair. In the meantime, let your man admire your hair.
I have a feeling you are indeed looking beautiful.

 

[lonei]

Hey babe, UK salons are the worst! Sorry about your pain, I too have had many set backs and know what its like to start over. Rest assured, hair is a growing organ and it will grow back. Just find a good routine to nurse your hair back to health. God bless

 

[MissYocairis]

Huggs to you! Just one quick question though, why weren't you detangling on your wash days over the 3 month period? I don't think the 3 month stretch is really the culprit here but instead it sounds like your low manipulation regimen may be to blame.

When u do ur low manipulation and stretching, u still gotta detangle good on wash days and get that shedded hair out along with your tangles. This is key.

Try reexamining ur low manipulation regimen (inclu how often u choose to wash or cowash) before u give up on stretching.

Best of luck to you!

 

[CAPlush]

I would like to encourage you on your pledge to self relax. It is not all that hard to do if you practice a couple of times with conditioner, and relax in sections so that you do not risk over-processing. Also, you should definitely at least comb your hair with each wash. Once you practice a couple of times in the shower with conditioner, you will wonder why you ever tried to comb your hair any other way.

On the upside, you did not mention any burning, so that is 1 positive to come out of this whole experience.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

i am really sorry to hear about your experience ... I am in the process of a 4 month stretch ( I hope) and I am seriously considering self relaxing. I went to a salon a couple days ago and as soon as I sat in the chair and told the ***** I wanted a deep condition she is trying to convince me that I needed a touch up...I just got up and walked away (saying to myself...they dont know me anyway ) I know how hard it is to walk out of a salon with errbody staring at you but I just tell myself I dont have to see these people again.

 

[Ladyhenri]

I'm sorry this happened to you!
Not meaning to offend, but why did you not comb your hair for 3 months while stretching? Was that some advice you read somewhere?

No offense taken
i was on the GHLW (grow head like weed) challenge) and we're not supposed to comb hair other than to gently detangle during washes. At some point it became too difficult to comb properly and i wasnt doing so.
Largely my fault i guess

 

[Ladyhenri]

Henrietta,

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience after stretching
three months and trying to take good care of your hair.

You and I probably have similar hair judging by your picture so
I know you can't stretch that long without combing your hair on
a regular basis. I tried not combing my hair for a week and could
not get a comb through it without wetting it and adding massive
amounts of conditioner. One thing that did help was my new bone
comb. That thing is great for our hair.

Anyway, regarding the salon. Recently I've had awful experiences
at the hands of so called professional hair stylists and agree with
your decison to do most of your hair treatments yourself. Relaxers
have to be done within a short period of time so study some of the
tips some of the ladies here have posted to get it right. Someone
suggested practicing with conditioner, which is what I'm trying now.

If you must go to a salon, go for a wash and set. That way you
can check out how the stylists treat/style their clients hair without
putting your hair in jeopardy.

From this point on, treat your hair gently and do what you know is
right for YOUR hair. In the meantime, let your man admire your hair.
I have a feeling you are indeed looking beautiful.

Thanks for this (hugs)
I will be trying hard to master self touch ups. If you or any other ladies have tips to share, pray tell.
No more salons for me

 

[Ladyhenri]

Hey babe, UK salons are the worst! Sorry about your pain, I too have had many set backs and know what its like to start over. Rest assured, hair is a growing organ and it will grow back. Just find a good routine to nurse your hair back to health. God bless

Thanks girl...the kind words mean a lot to me...and yes...UK SALONS = Nightmare.
Do you self relax?

 

[Ladyhenri]

i am really sorry to hear about your experience ... I am in the process of a 4 month stretch ( I hope) and I am seriously considering self relaxing. I went to a salon a couple days ago and as soon as I sat in the chair and told the ***** I wanted a deep condition she is trying to convince me that I needed a touch up...I just got up and walked away (saying to myself...they dont know me anyway ) I know how hard it is to walk out of a salon with errbody staring at you but I just tell myself I dont have to see these people again.

Good girl..
If only i had done the same

 

[sweetwhispers]

My sister has been self relaxing for over 12 years and her hair always came out fine- last time she went to a salon- guess what didn't come put the way she wanted!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Huggs to you! Just one quick question though, why weren't you detangling on your wash days over the 3 month period? I don't think the 3 month stretch is really the culprit here but instead it sounds like your low manipulation regimen may be to blame.

When u do ur low manipulation and stretching, u still gotta detangle good on wash days and get that shedded hair out along with your tangles. This is key.

Try reexamining ur low manipulation regimen (inclu how often u choose to wash or cowash) before u give up on stretching.

Best of luck to you!

CBC spoke the truth here. You have to get all of those shedded hair out. If you use a wide toothed comb, follow up with a smaller toothed comb on wash days. Stretching, and low manipulation can work wonders, but you have to be conscious about getting all the tangles and matts out of your hair ATLEAST once a week.

Sorry about your situation.

 

[rdm]

I am so sorry to hear about your HORRIFIC experience!!! Consider this a lesson learned. Your hair will grow back. Set backs are ALWAYS a disappointment. We are here for you!!!

 

[AmyInAtl]

((((((HUGS)))))
I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.
I just completed a 1st, 12 week stretch as well. I self relaxed.
What helped me best, in those last 6 weeks, was to slather suave tropical coconut CON on dry hair.
I would not wash it out.
I would do this everyday, no rinsing, just slather, smooth and bun.
On day 3, I would rinse/detangler under the shower-stream.
I started using a shower comb, but at times would my fingers, then the comb, to detangle.
I would do a quick protein tx (ION), while in the shower, wash my body (10min), then rinse my hair.
I would allow hair to air dry 100%.
Than start the cheapy CON, slathered on dry hair 3 day routine again.
I had to graduate to adding oil to the CON, and even cones, when it got rough, like around week 9-12.
I did break down around week 11 and blow dried my hair, too much breakage, wont do that again.
Week 12, I was ready to see some progress and relaxed.
I used ORS.
I first based with LIV (it's thinner than vaseline, thus easier to part thru your hair), from scalp & root- to ends. Then I appled cheapy CON to my whole head roots to tips.
Then i applied oil, all over.
Then I applied the relaxer to only the NG, I did a texlax, using half the recommended time.
But, I learned, that with all that protection, I could have relaxed for 30 minutes vs. 20, and would have still have had a 75% relaxed texture over 30 minutes.
The only thing I will do different next time, is to do a protein tx, before I relax.
I neutralized for like 2 hours, about 5 washes, letting it sit. When i rinsed the last time, my hair was baby soft, like i didn't even need the conditioner.
I CON'd for abt 15 minutes, no heat.
For my first wash, on day 3, I will do another nuetralizing poo (ORS poo is a nuetrlizer as well), a AVC rinse, a deep CON w/ heat, and a aphogee protein tx. Airdry.
For a detangling leave in, I just discovered, ELASTA-QP, H-TWO (bottle reads: leave-in moisture sealing conditioner, softens, detangles, moisturizes, it's light weight, and contains silk proteins @ Sally's).
Since i haven't found the perfect moisturizing cream, I am using up some pj-ism stuff, and seal w/ oil, and bun.
But my true love is cones and oil, i fugure with a good conditioner, i'm good to go, but i would still like to find a perfect, lightweight moisturizer
I don't plan to stop wearing my bun's until fully am BSL = crown reaches BSL.
This will be another 12 week stretch as well.
Cheapy CON, made it possible and shower detangling.
I hope I have helped you, again i am sorry, the hair dresser was heartless.

I also bought a very nice sally's 1" ceramic flatiron, for 29.99, cant afford a chi, fhi, maxiglide or babyliss right now...it is the best kept secret to blow-in-the-wind-hair. I will be treating myself to 3 blow-out/flat-iron styles, once a month.

Don't give up, when i needed length, i would just throw on my half wig, for a few days.

 

[TropicalRose]

No offense taken
i was on the GHLW (grow head like weed) challenge) and we're not supposed to comb hair other than to gently detangle during washes. At some point it became too difficult to comb properly and i wasnt doing so.
Largely my fault i guess

yea BAD BAD BAD idea!! im natural with about 8-9inches of hair. i dont comb my hair often but i make MAKE MAKE sure to detangle well in the shower when ever i wash it. i stretched my hair for 6 months before chopping all of it off and made sure it was detangled like crazy every time it came to wash it. you just have to take that extra time. also, keeping the new growth stretched also helped me (dry your hair in braids or something).

also, i started relaxing my hair myself about a year before my big chop. it was never over processed when i did it and i liked it better that way

i hope you have a better experience next time

 

[lonei]

Thanks girl...the kind words mean a lot to me...and yes...UK SALONS = Nightmare.
Do you self relax?

Yeah I do, its the safest way for me, I listed my method in my journal.

 

[IntoMyhair]

sorry to hear about your hair happening ((((((hugs))))))

 

[Empress Yahudah]

Awww im sorry u had that happen ..trust i had my share of bad experiences with salons before..Just no that it is over now..And us this time to realy nirse and take care of ur hair ..it will grow back and then sum..keep ya head up

 

[patient1]

I'm supposed to be lurking and I'm long-time natural, but I love hair so here's my 2 cents.

Trust yourself to do your own relaxers. You really are your best expert when it comes to that since it's the skin YOU'RE in.

That's all that experience was about was pushing you into the fray. You'll get wonderful results, you'll save money and tresses.

I haven't had a relaxer since I was 18 but guess who did my touchups from about 15. I lived with my Dad so he always paid for salon visits, but one day my best friend taught me how. She got a kit, got one of those brushes, based me and applied. When I could feel it, we washed it out. From there, I started taking charge of my haircare and you know what I enjoyed it!!! I even did my hair for every prom I attended. I used store brought henna back in the late 80's, was deep conditioning, trimming my ends, all of that! And yep, my hair looked GREAT!

And YOURS WILL TOO!!

I think you can have success with your next stretch with a few tips from the ladies here. I wouldn't give up on that yet, just refine your technique.

All the best to you,
p1

 

[Ladyhenri]

Yeah I do, its the safest way for me, I listed my method in my journal.

I will be stalking your fotki again...
Love your hair

 

[Ladyhenri]

I'm supposed to be lurking and I'm long-time natural, but I love hair so here's my 2 cents.

Trust yourself to do your own relaxers. You really are your best expert when it comes to that since it's the skin YOU'RE in.

That's all that experience was about was pushing you into the fray. You'll get wonderful results, you'll save money and tresses.

I haven't had a relaxer since I was 18 but guess who did my touchups from about 15. I lived with my Dad so he always paid for salon visits, but one day my best friend taught me how. She got a kit, got one of those brushes, based me and applied. When I could feel it, we washed it out. From there, I started taking charge of my haircare and you know what I enjoyed it!!! I even did my hair for every prom I attended. I used store brought henna back in the late 80's, was deep conditioning, trimming my ends, all of that! And yep, my hair looked GREAT!

And YOURS WILL TOO!!

I think you can have success with your next stretch with a few tips from the ladies here. I wouldn't give up on that yet, just refine your technique.

All the best to you,
p1

Thanks for this kind response
this definately inspires me more to become my own hairdresser.
You guys make it sound so easy though...

 

[Ladyhenri]

CBC spoke the truth here. You have to get all of those shedded hair out. If you use a wide toothed comb, follow up with a smaller toothed comb on wash days. Stretching, and low manipulation can work wonders, but you have to be conscious about getting all the tangles and matts out of your hair ATLEAST once a week.

Sorry about your situation.

Guess i wasnt folowing instructions carefully then, cos i wanted to loose as few hairs on wash days as possible so was barely combing.

Over the past few weeks, with my continous attempts to detangle and my eventual nightmare in the salon, i lost way more than i would have done if i had combed daily.

I have learned the hard way NEVER to avoid combing altogether

 

[Ladyhenri]

Awww im sorry u had that happen ..trust i had my share of bad experiences with salons before..Just no that it is over now..And us this time to realy nirse and take care of ur hair ..it will grow back and then sum..keep ya head up

(hugs) thanks for this.

 

[lonei]

I will be stalking your fotki again...
Love your hair

Lol! Thanks, stalk away!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

Henrietta my deepest apologizes to you. I am so sorry that you had that horrific experience and besides my wedding I will probably not be visiting hair salons for fear of how they will treat my hair. I have had a lot of stylists tell me that I need to cut my hair and I know darn well that I don't. My first suggestion would be reading up on self relaxing. I read somewhere on here good information and step by step directions, I would try a search. 2nd, please comb your hair! I am noticing that when I don't comb my hair I have a lot of extra shedding and its not pretty. I would recommend combing every time you wash because its easier. However, when my hair was relaxed I combed daily before I rolled. It never occured to me NOT to comb. I would recommend stretching again but this time combing more often.