My soul is in tears

[SouthernStunner]

Let me begin by saying that I am of the lighter complexion african american and my hubby is darker (much darker). I love back any and all shades of black.

I have been married for almost 13years now and have fraternal 5 yr old twin boys. Funny thing is one son is closer to my complexion and one is more like my hubby, well not as dark.

The other night KJ (my darker son) and I were snuggling in bed and just talking about going to kindergarten. All of a sudden he blurts out mommy why are you red with dots in your face (I have a few freckles) and I said God made me this way and he said God made you and Kaleb red and not me, why mommy? I said God made everyone different and we should love all the differences in us. He said no, I am dark.

By me being with a darker man ---his father I thought I was setting the example that it doesnt matter.

He doesnt go to daycare and we just moved overseas so they dont have any friends but each other.
I am at a loss for words and even as I type this I am in tears. I don't want him to think that light is right.

Please someone help me, what should I do? I dont want him to be one of the badd me we often talk about who will date outside his race not because he loves her but because she is not dark.

TIA

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

As a dark complexioned woman who did exactly what you fear your son may do, I will say this to you. Teach your son self love. Thats the most important thing. The thing I wias I had had. I was ridiculed and picked on non stop for being dark as a child. I learned to hate my dark skin, until recently, any negative job search ended in me saying oh I'm too dark. Self love is the most important thing for your son. He has to learn to love himself and to see the beauty in his darkness, his uniqueness. You can help him find this, you have too, not so much so that he wont bring a white woman home but that if he decides to date outside his race, it wont be because he is trying to erase himself, his darkness, but because love is color blind and knows no limits. HTH

 

[firecracker]

Sweetie this isn't out of the ordinary of anything to worry about. Children are inquisitive about all things. As long as you don't make it a big deal and your honest with your response to his many upcoming questions he will be ok. Those questions are simply that questions.

Your his first example of what a woman is and should be. I wouldn't worry this far inadvance about dating. Black love is great and you can instill that by example with your marriage. If that is what you want for your childs future just like education, moral etc tell him your expections when it is age appropriate. I don't discriminate when it comes to love but there isn't anything wrong with wanting and in the future verbalizing your expectations/wishes of him to seek out his own. Now if you see a pattern of him seeking out women for superficial reasons as a parent you should openingly address it just like any other concern.

I will say this before anyone comes up in here talking about why does it matter what race he loves in the future? We can instill sticking to your own kind first and foremost just like the Asians, Hispanics, IW's, Latinos, etc. So miss me with that bs in advance. Now there are some parents that instill white is right and better but that is their choice and right to instill whatever in their children.

I like that Carmelo Anthony was seeking someone of his own origin or similar background. Now that kneegrow needs to marry LaLa since they already don had that cute baby. Who knows why they haven't tied the knot yet but if he wants to set an example of Latino love it starts at home.

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

Icompletely agree with the start at home. This is the heart of it all. The home will be his strongest influencer.

 

[bigtina74]

I dont see anything to cry and rend your heart over.

Children ask questions all the time. My Goddaughter is dark skinned and we were playing with my Nintendo Wii. I had to make her a Mii so I was making it and I chose the darkest complexion because it was fitting.

She said Tina, I'm not that dark! I said yes you are that pretty color! it matches you perfectly, now lets fix the eyes to match your pretty eyes.

A moment that could have been dwelled on was moved past like it was no big deal.

 

[God_Favor]

deleted......................

re-read op post

 

[SouthernStunner]

Thank you all for responding, it makes me feel a little more at ease knowing that tis is a natural stage in a childs life.

Before anyone gets confused. Love is love and I don't care what color it comes in but I don't want him to marry light or outside his race for superficial reasons. I know that some say it is too early to talk about marraige but this, what we are going through right now is the foundation for the choices he makes and inevitably his future wife.

Last night when we had our night time end of the day conversations my husband and I kissed the boys and I said good night my handsome men and KJ said "no mommy you said I am your handsome black prince". I said you sure are and so is Kaleb, to which my hubby resoponed "but I will always be the king". I think he is getting it, that black is beautiful no matter what shade it is. At 5 years old I cant get anymore deeper than my beautiful black prince.

TIA