My S/O doesn't like the Satin Scarf
- Thread starter LdyKamz
- Start date
My DH loves the scarf and even the bonnet. He things its cute and I'm not adverse to snatching it off when need be.
I think his love of the scarf comes from the fact that he know's I'm taking care of my hair as I take care of my skin, body, etc. He likes feminine women and the scarf, to him, is an aspect of that.
aaaaaaw
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Blessed&higlyflavoured
Well-Known Member
I met my SO when we were both living in halls at university. I used to walk around in my scarf then so when we got together didnt expect me to not tie my hair up.
He's seen me in my worse states and at my absolute best. a little scarf wouldn't change that at all.
He's seen me in my worse states and at my absolute best. a little scarf wouldn't change that at all.
Froreal3
haulin hard in the paint
please..my scarf is my lifeif they cant deal i cant be w/ them. i wear that sucka even when im just chillin around house..not only bedtime. it gets worse at bedtime because i add the bonnet. my so is use to it. he laughs because i look funny& cute holdin on to it while we r doing the do lmao. besides..ive come to far w/ my hair..no man is worth the damage
LOL Right?! They're lucky we have real hair on our heads! Then men wanna complain that blk women wear too many weaves, wigs, extensions, and don't have any hair.
Dayjoy
Old School Member
So what's worse ladies, the scarf/bonnet or braids/twists/Bantu knots? Since becoming natural, I find myself walking around the house with these crazy braids in preparation for my braid outs. DH never minded the bonnet. He says as long as it doesn't cover my lady parts or face he's fine. Most recently I asked about the braids and he said that my hair is so pretty when it's all done that he looks forward. But I can see the mirror. I know the bonnet or scarf goes on top of the braids, but just walking around...
DH has always said any (black) man that grew up in the house with his mother or sister(s) knows that the scarf is a part of life.
Most recently I asked about the braids and he said that my hair is so pretty when it's all done that he looks forward. But I can see the mirror. I know the bonnet or scarf goes on top of the braids, but just walking around...DH has always said any (black) man that grew up in the house with his mother or sister(s) knows that the scarf is a part of life.
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
I guess some guys take the term 'sleeping beauty' literally.
angelhairtype4
Well-Known Member
We need standards for men. Must be at least six feet tall, have six pack abs. Must be clean and fresh smelling at all times. That man smell is not cute...
If you start balding I am out. I'm going to need you to get a toupee, weave, hair plugs, something.
No razor bumps.. that's just nasty.
Those scars that you think are manly. No. I'm going to need you to get some Mederma.
I'm sorry what did you say your weight was again? I don't like bony or big.
You must stay exactly the way I met you.
Then watch if women did that they would complain we expect to much of them.
If you start balding I am out. I'm going to need you to get a toupee, weave, hair plugs, something.
No razor bumps.. that's just nasty.
Those scars that you think are manly. No. I'm going to need you to get some Mederma.
I'm sorry what did you say your weight was again? I don't like bony or big.
You must stay exactly the way I met you.
Then watch if women did that they would complain we expect to much of them.
Destiny9109
Well-Known Member
This thread reminds me of this scene from "A Different World"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4hdpQdljKk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4hdpQdljKk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
I have to wear a scarf to bed. Folks end up laying on my hair. And I have to wear one around the house because I have a baby that likes to grab and pull himself up using my hair.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
You haven't said if this is a Black man; however, I'd think any Black man that has been raised by a Black woman or has been serious enough with a Black woman to have her sleeping over at his home regularly has seen women wear scarves to bed. It's not that serious to say your beauty is somehow diminished because you prepared your hair and slept in a scarf.
I sleep in a scarf every night and have at least 15 scarves/bonnets. If DH notices my scarf come off in the night, he will nudge me to fix it. DH sometimes sleeps in a loc soc (a recent addition) since his hair is so long that it could strangle me or him if not tied up.
His comment about being worried seems odd. Did he think you were taking out clip in weave?
Unrelated but it makes me wonder if he's one of those men who freaks out if you remove your makeup and look the slightest bit different without makeup. I've heard of women who won't remove their makeup around their guy. Sleeping in makeup is damaging to the skin but I guess some women do what they feel they need to do.
I sleep in a scarf every night and have at least 15 scarves/bonnets. If DH notices my scarf come off in the night, he will nudge me to fix it. DH sometimes sleeps in a loc soc (a recent addition) since his hair is so long that it could strangle me or him if not tied up.
His comment about being worried seems odd. Did he think you were taking out clip in weave?
Unrelated but it makes me wonder if he's one of those men who freaks out if you remove your makeup and look the slightest bit different without makeup. I've heard of women who won't remove their makeup around their guy. Sleeping in makeup is damaging to the skin but I guess some women do what they feel they need to do.
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
I don't like scarves either lol! I use a satin pillow case
blackeyes31626
Well-Known Member
This thread reminds me of this scene from "A Different World"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4hdpQdljKk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
LOL I know which episode you're talking about b/c I was thinking the same thing
bhndbrwneyes
Well-Known Member
To me it sounded like he didn't really comprehend what you were saying when you said you would just sleep without the scarf and let your hair break off and stay short and he responded "ok". Sounded like he was just being a guy and only half listening to what you were saying.
I think most men will let their women sleep with whatever on her head if it meant she'll look good in the morning and even better in the long run (growing hair thicker and longer). Just sounded like he wasn't really paying attention. He did say you were beautiful the next morning so that was his way of saying he accepts you any way you look.
For me...I recently started dating someone new and things have gotten pretty serious pretty fast. I was neglecting my hair SO badly when we first started dating. I was going to be with either wet or dry hair that I just put in a bun. My hair became super dry, tangled and was breaking off badly. I informed him I've been neglecting my hair at night and that I need to get back into my routine.
So the first time I slept with my cap on in front of him I actually also twisted up my hair for an hour and a half in front of him while he was watching a movie. Now he understands what the process is, how long it takes, why I need a scarf to secure it and the end result in the morning. I sometimes apologize and say "sorry I'm not sexy babe" but I try to do this after all "intimacy" has ended for the night because that's a personal preference. I don't feel sexy with my scarf on but he still thinks I am. And in the morning he is grateful because my hair looks so much better.
...Also my guy is not black. And from experience, I've had the same reaction/explanation for both black and non-black guys. All guys are clueless unless they have experienced it before.
I think most men will let their women sleep with whatever on her head if it meant she'll look good in the morning and even better in the long run (growing hair thicker and longer). Just sounded like he wasn't really paying attention. He did say you were beautiful the next morning so that was his way of saying he accepts you any way you look.
For me...I recently started dating someone new and things have gotten pretty serious pretty fast. I was neglecting my hair SO badly when we first started dating. I was going to be with either wet or dry hair that I just put in a bun. My hair became super dry, tangled and was breaking off badly. I informed him I've been neglecting my hair at night and that I need to get back into my routine.
So the first time I slept with my cap on in front of him I actually also twisted up my hair for an hour and a half in front of him while he was watching a movie. Now he understands what the process is, how long it takes, why I need a scarf to secure it and the end result in the morning. I sometimes apologize and say "sorry I'm not sexy babe" but I try to do this after all "intimacy" has ended for the night because that's a personal preference. I don't feel sexy with my scarf on but he still thinks I am. And in the morning he is grateful because my hair looks so much better.
...Also my guy is not black. And from experience, I've had the same reaction/explanation for both black and non-black guys. All guys are clueless unless they have experienced it before.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
I guess it depends on what is under the scarf and how the scarf is wrapped.
I have a friend and she doesn't moisturize or comb her hair under her scarf and then she wraps the scarf like a crazy woman. That is not attractive.
If your man knows that you are taking care of your hair and you wrap your scarf well, and he is mature enough to understand that all things in life require maintenance, he will get used to it. This bloody media and all of its representations of women have fooled/brainwashed men into thinking that women just wake up with perfect hair. Even white women wake up with that staticky, limp hair unless they put it up in a pony tail or clip before bed.
I tried to impress this guy by not using the scarf and I woke up the next morning with broken hairs all over the bed. Not!!!!!!
Best,
Almond Eyes
I have a friend and she doesn't moisturize or comb her hair under her scarf and then she wraps the scarf like a crazy woman. That is not attractive.
If your man knows that you are taking care of your hair and you wrap your scarf well, and he is mature enough to understand that all things in life require maintenance, he will get used to it. This bloody media and all of its representations of women have fooled/brainwashed men into thinking that women just wake up with perfect hair. Even white women wake up with that staticky, limp hair unless they put it up in a pony tail or clip before bed.
I tried to impress this guy by not using the scarf and I woke up the next morning with broken hairs all over the bed. Not!!!!!!
Best,
Almond Eyes
YaniraNaturally
WL-HL???
I remember when I took a nap (was helping him post-surgery) at my (white) ex's house I felt weird about bringing my scarf so I left it home.
He was like
Aren't you going to tie up your hair!? Isn't it going to get damaged? Let me see if I have anything silky you can lay down on!
He was like
Aren't you going to tie up your hair!? Isn't it going to get damaged? Let me see if I have anything silky you can lay down on!
Froreal3
haulin hard in the paint
He's white. I think he had a vision of me in my scarves, baggy pajamas and crap on my face. Who knows. I dated another white guy and I hadn't planned to spend the night so I didn't have anything for my head. He was like "where's your head scarf?" when i told him I didn't have one, he gave me a shirt to wrap around my head after I wrapped my hair. I was wearing a weave at the time so it was good.
My current guy isn't the type to freak out about make-up. He likes that I wear lipstick and doesn't care about the rest. But I went out with a guy once who told me OFF when I met up with him for a breakfast date and no makeup. I only added mascara and some lip gloss. He was like "You didn't even try!" We ended quickly.
To me it sounded like he didn't really comprehend what you were saying when you said you would just sleep without the scarf and let your hair break off and stay short and he responded "ok". Sounded like he was just being a guy and only half listening to what you were saying.
I think most men will let their women sleep with whatever on her head if it meant she'll look good in the morning and even better in the long run (growing hair thicker and longer). Just sounded like he wasn't really paying attention. He did say you were beautiful the next morning so that was his way of saying he accepts you any way you look.
QUOTE]
Nope, he understood. He knows all about my obsession with hair and my hair's growth. When I said my hair will be this short forever he said OK in a child like happy voice. He was serious.
Funny thing is, this dude can spot a weave/wig almost as good as I can. Even on white girls. We walked past some white chicks sitting outside the other day and he was like "You're not going to say anything about that hideous wig. I was sure you'd have something to say" I turned back and it didn't look like a wig to me from the back. When we walked back it still looked ok to me from the front but I could see the lace lifting on one side. He's getting good.
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
What an a-hole.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
KammyGirl
From your story, it just sounds like he is indifferent/neutral about you wearing the scarf. I thought I was going to read something about your boyfriend telling you he doesn't like it and not to wear it again, but that certainly isn't the case here. I don't see why you would say you would never wear your scarf again and let your hair break off (even in a sarcastic way) after he said you looked beautiful in the morning. He may have said he was worried last night because he didn't know what you had done to your hair under the scarf and since you don't usually tie up your hair at night when your with him.
From your story, it just sounds like he is indifferent/neutral about you wearing the scarf. I thought I was going to read something about your boyfriend telling you he doesn't like it and not to wear it again, but that certainly isn't the case here. I don't see why you would say you would never wear your scarf again and let your hair break off (even in a sarcastic way) after he said you looked beautiful in the morning. He may have said he was worried last night because he didn't know what you had done to your hair under the scarf and since you don't usually tie up your hair at night when your with him.
tiffjust2002
New Member
My husband doesn't care for my bonnets, he calls them my aunt jemima scarves LOL. I try not to wear them during sexy time (even though I want too cause I don't want to mess my hair up depending on the style) but come sleep time it's on without a doubt.
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
I'm glad you posted this thread. My boyfriend and I will be living together soon and I'm wondering how he'll respond to the whole night scarf look. He knows I bring a special satin pillowcase with me if I sleep over but I don't think he knows why (my guess is that he assumes it's more comfortable). I've been looking for "cuter" satin scarves to invest in so I can look cute but keep my hair protected for the both of us.
I found these scarves on etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/163155992/fancy-black-satin-and-chiffon-striped?ref=favs_view_2
I'm close to purchasing, but I'm just wondering if they'll stay on my head at night. When I cover my hair, I really only need my hairline covered, and the ends I pin up. They come in cute different colors too. Hope this helps you in any way
PS: But yeah, the other ladies are right...eventually your boo's going to have to get used to it.
I've never used the scarves where the back is out but I think this kind would work better.
They are more expensive but I've used other bonnets from this company and they are very good quality and look nicer than your average beauty supply store black bonnet. I have a few with really nice prints.
kandegirl
Well-Known Member
Lol! Us and our scarfs. I keep something on my head. A satin pillow case makes me hot and my hair comes out flat. My issue w/ an ex was HIM putting on his do-rag before bedtime even when he knew it was going down. He didn't wanna mess up those waves and I wanted to be able to touch his hair!
