My Relationship With My Father

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This thread will post some historical and real time as my dad is currently living with me.

Some history. I grew up in a two parent household.
Dad in world of finance and mom in government.
Mom a narcissist and dad married to a narcissist. He too has some tendencies as he has gotten older.

My dad’s hobby was building houses. He had to fire the contractor after overhearing him talk about how he was stealing from my dad and how stupid my dad was. I grew up with plumbing 123 and the like books in his hands and around the house.

Our family home was finished and I took my first steps at age 11 months in our house.

I used quotes around the name smith as names are not important. I edited the original letter to remove too specific info. I use ( ) where I interject into the story. Don’t want people claiming me IRL as family. Sorry not sorry.

~ The Story on how he became his own bank ~

HOW Your mother and I were able to acquire property in St. Thomas, VI and also in ST. Croix VI.

1. When I met Your mother, she had some cash in the bank as a result of her divorce settlement regarding the house her father had built for her and her ex-Husband on land her ex- husband had acquired as an inheritance gift from his family. The house had a mortgage but it also contained a considerable investment made by her father and herself in order for it to be constructed. In order to have a clean settlement, her ex had to obtain another loan on the existing mortgage to pay her share in cash. At that time, if my memory is correct, the house cost about $12,000.00. It was a regular 3 bdrm 1 bathrm house on a small plot of land in the area behind Medical Arts Center. Her settlement was around $7000.00—a lot of money during those times (1964-66).

2. Around that same period, my mother informed me about the opportunity to purchase a quarter acre of land in Colquhoun, St. Croix, located behind land Mama had bought from “The Smith’s”. The land was being sold for $1,000.00 at that time…a lot of money, considering that I was making $4,200.00 a year before deductions for social security, health insurance, unemployment insurance and INCOME TAX. I took the opportunity, purchased the land and paid for it by way of an installment plan which lasted about 3 to 4 years.

3. When I met your mother, I owned the land in St. Croix under the installment payment plan. Then Your mother obtained the offer from her very good friends (her class mate “Mrs. Smith” and her husband “Mr. Smith” to purchase from them land that they had purchased in the family home area. At that time that area was referred to as” Going to Puerto Rico or Behind God’s Face”. It was isolated. Bordeaux did not exist, it was a forest and Estate Fortuna, in the entire area where we live now all the way down to the beach, did not have more than 4 houses before we constructed ours….1968-1970.

4. After visiting the site with Your mother and enjoying the view out to the ocean and being able to see the Island of St. Croix in the distance, Your mother decided to purchase the Land (a little over a half an acre) using her own cash for $3,000.00. ”Smith” had purchase it a few years before for $1,500.00, but after a while decided they did not want to live “Behind God’s Face and have to make that voyage to and from “Puerto Rico” every day.

5. Shortly after that, Your mother inherited the property in Savan. It took a while for the Will to be probated but she finally got it and began to use it as a Business; but that operation eventually proved to be quite unprofitable. We then began to use it as an apartment, less stressful and indeed profitable. We had no debt to pay on it.

6. After several years of struggle to construct our home in Estate Fortuna (problems with our building contractor…my good friend at that time, “Mr. Smith”, I decided to utilized that very stressful experience to learn something about the construction trade in such a manner that I would be able to direct and manage any future endeavor to build a dwelling.

After about 10 years of struggle by your mother and me with the day to day expenses of raising a family (education, monthly mortgage, car payments, house maintenance etc.), I had my first experience with nearly death…American Airline crash in St. Thomas, VI…while I was driving my best friend back to the airport. As a result of that traumatic experience, we were both able to win a judgement of $35,000.00 each (take home)from American Airlines. Was it American or Eastern Airlines…cannot recall which…. (I believe it was Pan Am).

7. That grand infusion of funds served as the impetus for me to put my acquired knowledge and long period of thinking about some form of investment to secure a comfortable retirement in the distant future into a realistic form of action.

8. After I felt confident that I had obtained sufficient comprehension about building construction, by way of books and some common labor experience by helping out at various construction sites in the area and picking the brains of those with experience in the trade, I decided to utilize some of this sudden infusion of cash to use the space under our house to build my first two apartment units. It was a struggle and a more profound learning experience; but within 12 months I was able to complete the task, managing the expenditure of our own funds to purchase everything needed and only hiring the necessary technical help such as Carpenters, concrete workers, block layers, plumber, electrician, etc. I also provided a considerable amount of my own manual labor.

9. Since I was able to manage our own funds and be certainthat no one was going to rob me, We, (Mom and I) had a considerable amount of money left over. After thinking about how best we should put this money to work for us. Your maternal grandmother, mentioned to us about the possibility to purchase land in the Savan area that was owned by a member of her family who lived in the USA. We went with her, looked at the land and immediately decided to purchase it. Within a few months we were the owner of the property.

10. After considerable deliberation regarding developing a way to earn income besides our very good salary, I decided to build this big apartment building on the land we had purchased in Savan a few years earlier. My forever Beloved Wife and Best Friend reaction was I was losing my mind. In reality I could hardly drive a straight nail and at the time I still did not have any in-depth knowledge of what was entailed in a construction project of that size. However, I decided to forge ahead with my idea.

11. Well, that was indeed my entry into the world of Real Estate Development….
After a period of about 12 months, trying to obtain a reasonably price way to have my idea developed into construction plans, I was able to meet someone named (redacted) who had just returned from obtaining his Master’s Degree in Architecture from Columbia University, NY. We just began a conversation after a meeting up on Bordeaux at that time tennis court. It was all about the Rasta’s developing farming using the land in Bordeaux. Of course, my opinion at that time and it still stands was it was a waste of time. Bordeaux was never farm land and will never be. The Rasters just wanted someplace to live in the bush like they do in Jamaica, plant their Mari and smoke freely etc. Architect opinion at the time wasthe idea was a good one, and the possibility to develop a meaningful enterprise. Well as of right now the Rasters are still talking about the subject and of course making all sorts of demands on the government for help such a meaningfulsource of water…. from where even God do not know…some way to make that horrible soil more productive, infrastructure such as dams (to Dam what) etc.…etc.

Back to our real estate development story.

Before I met Architect, the lowest quote I received from three different Architectural firms in St. Thomas was $16,500.00 to developed approved plans. Well, we only had available at the time about $40,000.00 most of it from the Airplane accident settlement plus what we were able to begin saving after we began collecting rental income from the two apartments constructed below our home. As a result, I keep on trying to find some way to get off the ground. Then the encounter with The Architect which after our more than an hour discussion about the pros and cons of the Raster proposal, I finally asked him what he does and where does he work.

Well the rest is history. After I related to him about my plans for the use of the property in Savan and we arranged to meet at the property the following day which was a Monday.

After some study of what I was proposing he told me that he and his friend who is also an Architect could design my plans for about $4,500.00. Well that was it. After some back and forth etc. I had approved construction plans in late 1983. I paid Architects the $4,500.00 and then gave him a $1,500.00 tip. He talks about that all the time. Then on Marin Luther King birthday January 15, 1984, I began construction of the property and completed construction and obtained my occupancy permit on December 20, 1984; and our apartment building was fully rented by December 24, 1984.

We were able to accomplish this because after obtaining the approval of the plans The Architects had drawn in 1983, I faced another big obstacle and that was finding a someone with whom I felt comfortable to begin that big adventure of constructing a seven apartment three story building using my very limited knowledge about that type of endeavor. After several inquiries here and there, Your mom’s brother told me about a young man (they called him “Kit”). He was not formally educated in construction, but he had in-depth knowledge about construction. He then introduced me to “Kit”. He and I were able to communicate with each other. I showed him the plans and after studying it, he told me he could do the entire job. I was skeptical. He then had me drive him to two women for whom he had built their houses. They both confirmed to me that he was indeed their builder. I then decided to do a test with him. I had a lady in the bank who wanted to build an addition to her house. She wanted to expand her living room and add on a large gallery. I told her I could do the job. I did so because after I was able to successfully add on the two apartments below our house in Fortuna, I felt I could accomplish something similar on my own. Therefore, I Had The architects drew up the construction Plans then visited the house with Kit and showed him the plans. He response was “in two weekends”. My response was “yuh joking”. His was “ah serious”.

Well the following Saturday, I picked up Kit and one other Carpenter and one Laborer.

Well within two weekends working from 8:00 am to 7:00pm plus 5:30 pm – 8:00pm Monday -Friday, that crew plus I completed the job and the lady was very pleased. I paid the other carpenter his prices, paid the laborer and when I arrived where Kit was living I asked him how much. He showed me 8 fingers. I question him if he meant 8 hundred dollars. His response was yes. Well I started to count out his money and stopped when I got to $1,600.00, looking at his face all the time. Of course, he was shocked. That was the beginning of one of the most fruitful friendship and businesslike relationship I experienced in my entire life. (I called this man an Uncle “Kit”).

We started construction the following year on January 15, 1984. With Kit, a young man who had dropped out of the seventh grade, and another junior high school dropout and myself with some others added on after the, footing, foundation, cistern and first level was completed, we were able to completed the apartment build in December 1984 and obtain the occupancy permit from the department of Public Works on December 20, 1984.

Now during 1984, some other obstacles developed, Kit, the two dropouts and I were able to complete construction up to the first floor and of course Mom and I had used up all of our saving and we had a substantial part of the big project still to be completed. The pace of the construction was moving along rapidly, and I had expected that we would not have any problems obtaining a loan to be able to complete the project and begin earning rental income sufficient to cover our loan expense and still generate a meaningful profit. After we accomplished the first phase of the project, we began our quest to obtain a loan of sufficient size based on my estimate in order to be able to complete the project. Well what a surprise. It was not easy to obtain the type of loan and the dollar amount of loan we were seeking. At that time, we had seven banks in the Virgin Islands, Banco Popular De Puerto Rico at that time was the smallest branch operation and it offered me up to $70,000.00. First Pennsylvania Bank offered me only $65,000.00. All of the other told us they were not making that type of real estate commercial loan, only residential mortgage loan.

As a result, the project was delayed but not too long. Because after a few weeks seeking other possible options, my Beloved wife After one of her attendance of the Board of Directors Meeting of Your School, (remember she was a member of the Board of Directors), she spoke with one of the Board members, can’t recall his name but can still see his face, and told him about our quest. He was the managing Director of all the Chase Manhattan Branches in the VI. A few days later he set up a meeting with us first thing in the morning before the Main branch opened for business. He was normally at his office at 7:00 am. We were there in the parking lot at 6:30 am waiting for his arrival. We were prepared with the surveyors site plan of the property, pictures of the construction in progress, the approved plans, proof our current earning, copies of our income tax returns etc. We met and within less than 5 minutes into the meeting, he offered us a loan of up to $150,000.00. We decided to take $125,000.00. He then arranged for us to meet with the person downstairs to complete the application process and within about a month period our loan was approved and construction work began full force.

Therefore, with the seed money from the Airplane accident we were able to begin the long journey of developing own real estate portfolio. Now we had our big house in Fortuna with some apartments below and our big apartment building in Savan. Plus, the one-bedroom house in also in (Savan) obtained by way of inheritance from her Family. We then purchased the property next to it from your mom’s cousin’s children who had inherited the property after his death. We purchased it for $18,000.00 and we invested about $15,000.00 to renovated it and make it rentable. This way added another rental unit to our portfolio. We did this by way of our savings and extras from monthly rental income.

Then Hurricane Hugo hit the Islands. What a horrendous experience. Destruction of our house. Thank God we had insurance. We did not have any on the 3 properties in Savan. We were very fortunate to receive a very good settlement from our insurance company. I was able to effectively manage the entire reconstruction process because by 1989, I had the experience of building your “Aunty’s” house from scratch, another lady’s house from scratch and several others plus some major reconstruction/renovations such as another “aunty’s” deceased parents’ house willed to her living sister.

After the reconstruction of our home, we now had a substantial saving account.

Of course, a big chuck was wasted with your mother’s girlfriend. But then here comes Hurricane Marilyn. Again Our house suffered damages but not the devastation of H. Hugo. Again, I was able to effectively manage the reconstruction/rehabilitation of the house and we ended up with substantial savings. We then used part of our savings to pay off the balance of our loan on 1 property in (Savan). Shortly thereafter, the opportunity became available to purchase the property in (French town) and we did for $210,000.00 cash and began immediately to earn rental income of over 3333.00 per month with no mortgage to pay on that property nor on the apartment building in Savan.

After that came the horrible devastating event of your mom’s fatal illness. and passing on July 4th, 1987 or 88…try to wipe the exact time from my mind. (Her year of death is completely wrong in the letter).

Anyway, in October of that same year the opportunity became available to purchase another property in Savan for $205,000.00 and I did so using all of the proceeds from Her life insurance plus some savings. Again, that purchase was immediately profitable because I obtained a fully rented property with no mortgage financing and a rental stream of over 3,200.00 per month.

Finally, a year later the opportunity became available to purchase a foreclosed property from a Bank in St. Thomas, VI for 145,000.00 (my bid price). I purchased that property using all of my saving. I then had “My son” complete all of the renovation work necessary to put the property on the rental market. The total purchase price plus renovation came to around $186,000.00. That property within two months after I purchased it has been fully rented generating a monthly income of over $2,600.00 per month.

Then finally here comes Hurricane Irma…then Maria.

Well between the period Hurricane Marilyn and Hurricanes IrmaMaria I had paid out over $600,000.00 in insurance. I had good insurance on all of my properties except one.

I was able to collect a very just settlement on all of my properties.

After accomplishing about 95% of all repair and rehabilitation work, I still had available my saving plus a sizable sum from my insurance settlement. I then started again looking for another apartment building rental opportunity. I found one in November 2018. After the owner was able to overcome some title insurance problems that was discovered by my Lawyer during acquisition process, I was able to close on the purchase on February 12, 2019, acquiring a five one-bedroom apartment complex at Anna’s Fancy, St. Thomas, VI for $348,000.00 cash. That was a “turnkey deal” because all the units are fully rented and the entire property is in excellent condition. The rental stream is $3300.00 per month.

I hope all of the above will serve to give you a good understanding of just how Mom and I were able to build our Real Estate Portfolio over the past 50 years.


First big break came when I was able to collect a sizable Insurance settlement from Airline crash.

Next came Bank Loan from Chase Manhattan Bank.

Next came Insurance settlement from Hurricane Hugo.

Next came Hurricane Marilyn Insurance settlement and bank savings.

Next came “Wife’sl life insurance payment and bank savings.

Next came bank savings and Hurricane Irma/Maria settlement.

Finally, I forget to include Your mother’s girlfriend and husband RIP-OFF of $75,000.00 to cover your Grandmother’s Certificate of Deposit (my mother’s mom sued my dad) and Girlfriend’s Loan (Banco Popular Mortgage on One of the Savan properties for $40,000.00 which took me 15 years to pay off.

Total: $75,000.00 + $40,000.00 + $52,000.00 in accrued interest = $167,000.00 in inherited debt at time of my wife’s death.

(/end letter)
 
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Incredible! Talk about mining gold out of every opportunity that came his way. Your mother and father are fabulous. They have a Midas Touch. I am sorry for the loss of your mom.

No wonder you are super bad when it comes to finances. You were groomed by two of the best !

My mom was crappy when it came to finances. See last part of the letter. My dad’s shock to be left with this death and debt wasn’t a shock to me or my sister. She was baaaad with money. Many a nights with no electricity and home work due. Only house with no lights.
 
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But we learn well when things are bad, too!
Just before going away to college, daddy sat me down with a checkbook and taught me how to keep a record of a bank account.

His final teaching lesson was not to borrow or put on credit anything you did Not have the money in the bank to pay in full. AND your credit worthiness can impact your ability to rent a place and get a job. Do Not go into debt.

I did get debt. At one point, I was jobless and had a huge credit card debt. I was only able to make minimum payments. I paid the credit card before getting gas for my car. A cousin of mine would fill up my tank so I could look for work. And take her to the club on the weekend. Lol.
 
My father send me the letter in OP after I reached out to him as a sounding board regarding my idea to buy a second home and rent my current.

I found the letter to be discouraging.
 
My sister hasn’t been helping out. I low key manipulated our dad to call her and demand that he was coming to visit and he also communicated is food requirements. He wanted Johnny cakes.

I got and @8 hour break today.

I visited friends. We all wore masks.
Went on a twenty min walk with one. Got slices of lemon cake from the other friend.

Came home and decluttered two counters. Got an afternoon nap in.

To get out the house based on his play date planned arrival time communicated yesterday, was an arguement.

This man just argued over the simplist things. He can’t seem to turn off his I’m playing devils advocate. Now it’s just narcissism.
 
I’ve said it before my dad is my end all be all as a parent.

Unfortunately he does have some narc tendencies and as he has aged they are more prominent. Fortunately when I call him on his ish he hears me and SOMETIMES changes his behavior.

Growing up time stopped and started on his say so. As a result we were late to school daily and in detention as a result. Thankfully our first period teachers did not penalize us for missing tests and submitting homework on time.

We learned that we could take advantage. If we were goi g to be late anyway could we stop for McDonald’s breakfast? Yes, yes we could and did regularly. Why sit in detention for first period when we could just get to second period on time.
 
Next came Bank Loan from Chase Manhattan Bank.

This is truly where the good fortune started. That letter was long, but what I got from it was that having the right connections at the right time makes all the difference.

(That and to always have that good insurance). :yep:

Just before going away to college, daddy sat me down with a checkbook and taught me how to keep a record of a bank account.

That's a good lesson. Wish my Dad had done that.

My father send me the letter in OP after I reached out to him as a sounding board regarding my idea to buy a second home and rent my current.

I found the letter to be discouraging.

Y?
 
@awhyley before receiving the letter I reached out advice regarding buy a second home and renting my current house. The letter was his response.

While staying with me during lockdown and chemo treatments, his philosophy is that one rental is a waste of time.

What is missing from his letter is the house he built also had an illegal unregistered apartment that gets listed as maid living quarters and he has shown the linen closet as the access point to the apartment. Thankfully no one has tried to ever open that door to find shelves with towels and bedsheets.
 
@awhyley before receiving the letter I reached out advice regarding buy a second home and renting my current house. The letter was his response.

While staying with me during lockdown and chemo treatments, his philosophy is that one rental is a waste of time.

That's strange. Everyone has to start somewhere. In any case, you have to follow your gut.

What is missing from his letter is the house he built also had an illegal unregistered apartment that gets listed as maid living quarters and he has shown the linen closet as the access point to the apartment. Thankfully no one has tried to ever open that door to find shelves with towels and bedsheets.

:laugh:
 
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