My mom accused me of being a phony Christian!

[EbonyEyes]

Hi guys,

I'm having a rough time writing this so bear with me....

Today, my mom took my sister to get her hair pressed and when my sister came into the house she told me about how my mom has talked to her for the 4th time about brothers on the down low, so my sister is a little irritated. My sister says to my mom that she was making her paranoid and then my mom screams "You should be paranoid!" and started going off on my sister. So my sister is frustrated because she is well aware of the DL thing because we've talked about it.

Later on that night, I'm about to watch my taped soap operas and I notice that Oprah was taped. My mom then said that she taped Oprah because the special on "Men on the down low" was on. I was like "Oh okay." She then asks "Did you know that 72% of the women diagnosed with HIV are black women?" and I said "Yes". Then she goes on talking more about the special. Now, I'm agitated because 1) I've seen the Oprah special, 2) I want to watch my soaps, and 3) I don't want to have this conversation with her especially after hearing how she chewed my sister out.

Then she says that the man on the show said that they aren't gay. I told her that I don't believe that because the fact is they sleep with men. She then says, "No they're not because they have relationships with women." I was like "Okay, then they're bisexual." She says "Yes, they're bisexual. There's a big difference between being gay and bisexual." I then say, "Well, the bottom line is these men are secretly sleeping with other men."

She then says that she doesn't appreciate my cocky attitude. I tell her that I'm not being cocky, I just don't want to talk about it. I've researched the issue and have talked with my friends about it. Then she yells "Stop interrupting me while I'm talking!" I then tell her that "I don't care about discussing this topic". She then yells "You should care! What if one of your family members caught HIV!" Now I'm mad that she's still talking to me so I scream "I don't care!!!"

My guess is she may have thought that I meant I don't care about my family which led her to what she said next. Or maybe she's been wanting to say this for a while. But she says to me with a disgusted look on her face: "You know you are really turning to an ugly person. A really ugly person!"

Then as she's walking away, she says that me being a Christian is a bunch of crap!!!

Now, I felt a little pain when she said that I was turning into an ugly person but when she said that my Christianity is a bunch of crap, I felt something tear inside of me. I didn't cry immediately. But a couple hours later, I broke down crying to the point that I could hardly breathe....

Her words cut me so deeply! I know that sometimes when people are angry, they say things they don't mean. But I don't know how to deal with my mom saying those things to me. And these words came from a Christian woman herself! This is the same woman who got healed from cancer through speaking God's word. This is the same woman who studies the Word daily and prays many times a day. I know it's God's view that matters but it still hurts that my mom would even say such a thing to me!

How am I supposed to rise above this? I can't even go to God right now because the words "You being a Christian is a bunch of crap" keeps running through my head. I don't know if I can lead the praise team right now because as I'm singing, I might glance at my mom and those words will pop right back into my head. Where is there a scripture to help people who have tried to walk according to God's will and are called phony Christians?

Now I somewhat understand how my sister felt when my mom would say to her "I hate you", "You're the Devil" and "You're evil." Even though my sister has been cruel to my mom, stepdad and me for years, I couldn't believe that my mom actually said these things to her. My sister has been through so much in her life (Not being able to walk straight, being abandoned by her biological father, being made fun of all throughout school because of her disability).

I don't even know how I can be around my mother right now. Our relationship has been going downhill for a few years now.

Can you guys please just pray for me, that I will be able to talk to God and deal with this pain I'm feeling right now?

Thank you so much for reading and for your prayers.

-Ebony

 

[Enchantmt]

I will certainly pray for you, for guidance and for God to give you peace about the situation. If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior then you are a Christian, whether or not you are to the point where your life is lining up with the word of God. Actually, your mother has judged you, judged your heart, so technically she is the one in the wrong. The thing is, she is your mother, and she holds a place of authority. So when she says things, even if they are WRONG, you cant easily dismiss them. I've been through this but if you were as ugly a person as she says you are, you wouldnt be hurting. It sounds like she can be verbally abusive, based on what you wrote about you and your sister, so I dont know how well addressing her will work, but if its to the point you cant function, maybe you need to sit her down and let her know how her careless words hurt you.

Never be afraid to go to God. When you are hurting that is the FIRST place you should go. He already knows your thoughts and what happened. You dont need to hide your anger, your fear or your hurt from Him. If you think there is truth in what your mom said, ask God to show you and help you set things right. Tell Him you are hurting and ask Him what to do. Confess any known sin and get back into fellowship with Him. He will give you the peace and strength you need to function in the face of hostility, no matter who it's coming from. Satan wants to keep you divided from God, and he often uses people closest to you to hurt you or offend you just to do that. Dont let him get away with it.

Good luck and God Bless.



ETA: In your moms defense, she's probably just worried about you. A lot of times when people fear for your safety, it comes off in a hostile manner because they are scared and don't know how to handle it. If this is a pattern tho, where she is making you and your sister feel bad, maybe you need to sit down and talk with her and let her know you know she is concerned but you are informed, aware, and not in any danger, trusting God to send you a man who wont have those issues.

 

[webby]

ETA: In your moms defense, she's probably just worried about you. A lot of times when people fear for your safety, it comes off in a hostile manner because they are scared and don't know how to handle it. If this is a pattern tho, where she is making you and your sister feel bad, maybe you need to sit down and talk with her and let her know you know she is concerned but you are informed, aware, and not in any danger, trusting God to send you a man who wont have those issues.

I was going to say the same thing. My mother used to be very worried about my welfare and although I didn't appreciate the tone or topic sometimes, I later realized that she was trying to convey her deepest concern for me.

Ebony, Christ Himself, did not have a pain-free walk. That should only remind you that there are times when people closest to you may be the ones to make your journey difficult. You have to keep pressing on.

I don't have an solution for you, but I ask that Jesus keep you covered in His blood, keep you on the right path and gives you serenity. He knows that you are not ugly and He also knows that persecution comes from those closest to us.

 

[Stormy]

Have you tried talking to your mom? You need to get this off your chest and release some of this burden. If you haven't done so already try explaining to her that when you said you don't care, you just meant about the program, and not about your family. Maybe once she's cooled down some she'll understand? I don't know your mom, but it sounds to me like she just flys off the handle sometimes. Saying those things to your sister really makes her look like the phony Christian, I mean to say that she hates her! What real Chrsitian mother does that? Maybe deep down she knows she isn't walking in the right path with God and she's feeling guilty. I don't know, I'm just guessing. I would also keep praying about it too. Hopefully you two will grow closer to each other. A daughter needs her mother.

 

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Actually... this weird, vaguely schizophrenic conversation you had with your mother reminds me a lot of talking to my dad, who's been an alcoholic for over 40 years. I don't know what's going on in her life or yours, but the way she was talking to you just isn't normal.

It took me a long, long time to reach the point where my dad's tirades just became words and not weaponry. I've only been a Christian for about two years and some change, but that was the first step -- which means you may be well ahead of where I was to begin with. *g* But the most important part was learning to forgive my father for all the stupid, irrational things he ever did to hurt me, apparently believing in his alcohol-soaked logic he was doing me some sort of good. That forgiveness came though (you guessed it) prayer. I prayed that God would help me forgive my Dad, and that God would forgive him as well.

In time, I came to see my father as he really was: a broken, fearful, pitiable man who doesn't even realize that he almost destroyed his own daughter, and who continuously tries to finish what he started. I couldn't hate him anymore, and when he goes into one of his diatribes, his words don't have their sting. Only Satan would want me to take my earthly father's hurtful words seriously, and Satan is the father of lies. The same applies, I think, to your mother's accusations.

Don't stop praying. That's what Satan wants. If anything, now is the time to pray more than ever. Take your pain to God and let him work a miracle.

All the best,

~Rochelle.

 

[qtgirl]

Not to be offensive, but it sounds like your mom is the phony Christian...calling your sister the devil, saying she hates her, and calling her evil?

Also, it seems as if she's obsessed with the DL "phenomenon"...there have ALWAYS been men on this Earth like that and she needs to get a grip.

Ecclesiastes 1:8-10 (New International Version)

8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.

 

[EbonyEyes]

Thanks ladies for your responses. After getting some rest, I feel so much better. I'm still in a little pain but I will be okay.

To address some of your questions/concerns: I don't think my mom should have said the things she said to my sister, but my sister has been disrespectful to us for her whole 19 years of living.

She openly blames my mother for her condition, saying that it's my mom's fault she is disabled because she didn't take care of herself while she was pregnant. And my mom wasn't the first one to say "I hate you", my sister has said on many occassions that she hates us and wishes she wasn't part of our family.

Now, my sister is 19 years old and she still throws temper tantrums! It got to the point where she started throwing objects at my mom and dad and actually hitting them with her hands! I will never forget one of her tantrums- it was incredibly scary! I was waiting for the bed to start shaking like in the Exorcist because my sister was acting that crazy.

I'll be honest...I'm afraid to have children because I don't want to raise a kid like my sister. She has caused my mom so much pain (my mom has cried so badly that she couldn't even breathe) and if it wasn't for the Lord, my sister would probably be dead (because my mom would have killed her) or my mom would have died of a broken heart a long time ago.

I wanted to give you guys some background. My mom should not have said those things to my sister (which was just recently), but this has been building up for years and years and my mom blew up on her.

But what gets me is it takes a lot for my mom to blow up on my sister, but with me, it doesn't take much at all for her to say hurtful things to me. I haven't been the perfect child but I think I've been a good one. For the most part, I did my chores without attitude, I never got in trouble at school or broke curfew, I hardly swore in front of her (I did it one time, I'll you about it in a second). I got straight A's throughout middle school, highschool, and college, I got a full-tuition scholarship to college and helped her and dad pay for dorm fees whenever I could, and I'm active in my church.

I think her expectations for me are extremely high and if I fall even slightly below them, she goes crazy on me. I will never forget, I got mad at her because she was getting on me for the smallest thing. I told her (paraphrased), "Why do you always attack me for the smallest things? My sister can say sh*t and dam*it in front of you and can get away with it!" Well, I got a huge slap across my face and she told me never to use that language again!

When she slapped me for that, that was the turning point in our relationship. We really haven't been the same since.

I don't think my mother is a phony Christian. I know that she is a woman of God. She just has to learn how to watch her temper (like my sister) and her mouth. She's given me plenty of scriptures about the power of the tongue. She just wasn't thinking of those scriptures when she blew up on me and I'm sure the Holy Spirit will convict her on it.

I talked to my boyfriend last night and he calmed me down. He says that I have to get to a point where my mom's words don't affect me as much as they do now. He knows that my mom's opinion of me has always mattered and if she ever says anything hurtful to me, I take it really hard. He can relate to my situation because his dad (a Christian man) has said to him on more than one occasion that he will never amount to anything. My boyfriend has just gotten to the point where he shows his dad respect but they are not friends. He hopes that once he moves out after graduation that he will be able to build a friendship with his dad. But right now, it's not possible.

Oh yeah! I think I can now talk to God. I was just so messed up last night and felt incredibly unworthy of going to his throne. But I know that he loves me. So the Lord and I will be chatting quite a bit!

Thanks ladies for your support. And please continue to pray for me.

Love you all and God bless!

-Ebony

 

[JamericanGurl]

I'm a mom and I have to tell you I'd never talk to my daughter like that! Sure I inform her of things and sure we disagree sometimes...But flat out she didn't ask to be her whether she's 65 and I'm 85 she's always going to be my baby. Sometimes moms feel like no matter how old you are you need protecting. But what you mom is afflicting on you and your sis is verbal abuse.

Normally, I stay outta these kinds of threads because of the nature. But I honestly have to say that your mom doesn't seem to respect you! All children no matter what age is due respect! As for her faith...I kinda question it too! Spewing evil under the disguise of the Lord...Hmmm? She need to quit! God don't speak no evil and that ish your mom is spewing is str8 Evil!

I'm sorry if I offended you, but I'm so appauled that a mom would speak to her seeds in such a way. I think that you need to bury yourself in school, your faith,career, or etc and get the hecks on! Cuz even when my daughter messes up....I still got her back...i may repeat over and over ...U wrong...But I'm there never the less! I love the kid! Pray that your mom regains the Lord...Cuz she ain't rolling with him right now...JMO!

I hope you can repair your relationship!

 

[MrsQueeny]

I went through a similar situation with my mom and she attacked me being a minister, and some other areas that are just too much to put out there right now and here is what I got out of my situation:

GOD allowed me to see that anyone can hurt me except HIM. Therefore I should never put anyone in to high of status in my life.

Yes the devil will use those who are closest to you to throw you off course.

A lot of times people attack us because they are having issues of where they are spiritually. So they attack us because we are a vivid reminder of where they should, could or would have been.

Now that I have gone through my experience I am that much stronger and more aware of my destiny. Please pm me if you have any questions. Take care and GOD BLESS Q

 

[Poohbear]

Sounds like your mom has some personal issues she needs to resolve with herself.

My dad has said this to me before. He said I'm not a real Christian for minor things like if he wants me to do something and I don't do it (and it's not things that have to do with disobeying your parents). For example, once he asked me to go somewhere with him and I said no, I had other things to do and he said I'm not a real Christian. Anyway, my dad is a whole 'notha story. I could go on forever about my dad and the negative things he has said to us (me, my siblings, and mother) and we never did anything wrong.

So don't sweat it. Just know what God thinks of you and let that be the judgement for your heart.

 

[melodee]

I will pray for you. It appears your Mom is hurting and lashing out at you is her way of trying to feel better about herself. She may be feeling bad about what she's done. You might want to drop her a note that you love her unconditionally and just pour the love on even through your hurt. I say a note or letter b/c spending time talking will be poisonous to you, and you don't need further poisoning. Eventually, if it's Lord's will, she will come around. Maybe she is at the breaking point where she will realize her need for a Savior.