My friend is un-enlightened hater!!!

[lisatamika]

I was at a friends house over the weekend and she was commenting on how much my hair had grown since the last time she saw me (It has been about a month and 1/2). I started telling her about how I wash it AT LEAST 3 times a week, what products I used and how I keep my ends moist or so and so forth, thinking I might recruit somebody. I was just trying to share some of the knowledge that I have learned here and by reading books on the subject.

Her response was, "What do you think you are? White or hispanic?"

My response was, "You were the one that was just telling me how nice my hair looks." She got quiet on me. By the way, she is one of those "unbe-weave-able" sistahs. I have known her for about 12 years and I have only seen her natural hair about twice. If she doesn't have braids, she has a weave.

What would you guys have said to her in this situation?

 

[adrienne0914]

i would have responded just how you did, or i probably wouldn't have said anything. people don't want to hear simple stuff like "i wash my hair more and keep my ends moist." but let you have some outrageous mess to try... like using yak doo doo... and they'll be asking you where they can find yak doo doo...

as your hair gets longer, you will get less "WTF?" and more "oh really?" you have to let all of that stuff roll off, girl...

 

[ellemoe22]

maybe we need to stop trying to help other black women. Too many times I have gotten in a conversation with others about hair, and give rec and tell them what I do I get the same reaction.

Is it so wrong that I want every black woman to have healthy hair

 

[mortensgirl]

ignorance honey...and youre trying to help her out of it......she's goin to change.thank God youre on the right path right???i bet you she's wondering if she can start taking care of herslef too now..................

 

[CrownnGlori]

Oh gosh no. We should never stop trying to help each other. You can't help someone until they are ready. They will see you example and then ask for help. Thats when you know they are ready. Always help a sista out!!!!

And can I get some yak dak doo!

 

[pebbles]

It's not wrong to want to see all our sisters have healthy hair, but keep in mind that you're fighting decades of myths and mis-information when it comes to black haircare. Resistance to information that's contrary to what most of us have been taught most of our lives should be expected.

 

[candycane]

Pebbles, ITA.

That has been my experience for years now. I have been preaching to black women what they should be doing with their hair, and the only ones that have begun to listen are my close friends. Even my family things the I do are weird. However they are the ones who keep commenting on the growth!

Candycane

 

[ChocoKitty]

[ QUOTE ]
adrienne0914 said:
i but let you have some outrageous mess to try... like using yak doo doo... and they'll be asking you where they can find yak doo doo...

[/ QUOTE ]
Take it with a grain a salt. Afterwhile your friend will want to listen. Keep showing her how beautiful your hair is and how beautiful her hair could be!

 

[offthechainliz]

i know how you feel, cause all of my friends and I mean all, (which i've known for at least 4 years up to 10 years)whenever i tell them about me washing 2-3 times a week, conditioning, and protective styles they look at me like I'm an alien

and most of them just plain out say, why are you trying to be white? or do you think you're white now, black people can't wash their hair that much it'll dry out. n-e-ways when I first started getting these reactions i would ty to justify myself and what I've learned but I've realized the only thing that'll work is when they see my progress and ask ME for help

 

[katie]

I feel so happy.My sister just called me asking me to recommend hair products to her.She just had a 5 inch chop.That is the extent of her damage.
I recommended my favourite conditioners to her and she is planning to go buy them.
I just feel really good since she always used to tell me I'm crazy when I talk about my hair regime.Now if only I could get my friends to come around....

 

[loverofnaps71]

I feel ya, and don't feel bad about putting your friend in her rightful place. Sometimes even friends hate. My hair has gotten so much healthier within the past year. I can't tell you the countless number of times women have come up to me and ask me if I have a texturizer or what I put in my hair. When I explain my regimen (no-poo methods, lots of water, vitamins, diet and leave-in conditioner); they get attitudes. It is as if they think I'm lying and that I just put a texturizer in my hair. Or, they think that I'm trying to intimate that I'm mixed or something, which is hardly the case. They don't think that black women can have naturally coily or curly hair. I don't get it...

 

[ChasingBliss]

[ QUOTE ]
pebbles said:
It's not wrong to want to see all our sisters have healthy hair, but keep in mind that you're fighting decades of myths and mis-information when it comes to black haircare. Resistance to information that's contrary to what most of us have been taught most of our lives should be expected.

[/ QUOTE ] <font color="pink"> </font> <font color="pink"> </font> <font color="pink"> </font> <font color="pink"> </font>

This is so true. That's why I make it a point not to be so grounded by one idea or one way of doing things. What's so funny is that they may criticize now but in secret they'll be trying to do what you do, or they'll come back later and say they were thinking about what you said and now theyre interested.

 

[ms_kenesha]

[ QUOTE ]
loverofnaps71 said:
I feel ya, and don't feel bad about putting your friend in her rightful place. Sometimes even friends hate. My hair has gotten so much healthier within the past year. I can't tell you the countless number of times women have come up to me and ask me if I have a texturizer or what I put in my hair. When I explain my regimen (no-poo methods, lots of water, vitamins, diet and leave-in conditioner); they get attitudes. It is as if they think I'm lying and that I just put a texturizer in my hair. Or, they think that I'm trying to intimate that I'm mixed or something, which is hardly the case. They don't think that black women can have naturally coily or curly hair. I don't get it...

[/ QUOTE ]

Some are just straight up hating because your hair is so grogeous I'm sure. When I left the meeting I was thinking to myself I would love if when I have a little girl she has hair like yours. (I plan on keeping my children natural at least until they reach puberty, but hopefully to at least 18

)

 

[nekee]

my friend is like that , i told her her hair was breaking and she needed to wash it and condition it at least once a week and she was like i just dont have the time.. she has SOO MUCH TIME.
And she and another girl was commenting about rollers and i was like i dont want small ones i want ones YAY big ( like the one in angelluv's pics) and she was like what do u want those for your hair is picky (caribbean term for short) , i usually get offended when i hear the word picky because for me it means short and also unhealthy, but i dont say anything
So while her hair is breaking my hair is on the road to being healthy, i am going to get it done over today or tomorrow and i am so excited . People usually see my hair tucked under or wet, so it looks thin, i hardly wear my hair out .

Back to the point "stay away from negative influences, they dont make u feel any better"

 

[bimbabe]

Nekee you hit the nail on the head. Since coming back home not only is everyone saying my hair looks like a weave but when I tell them what I am doing they roll their eyes or suck their teeth talking about how it is too much work. I even told a friend that some african grow grease which was basically mineral oil and petrolatum was not good for her dandruff. She still keeps piling it on and wondering where the flakes are coming from.

You can lead the cow to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[katie]

I completely understand what you mean nekee and bimbabe,people can be so hateful when it comes to your hair.I remember when my hair was breaking alot back in high school and some of my black friends laughed and called me "picky head"
I can walk into the average drugstore in Trinidad and there will be lots of grease and other awful cheap stuff for hair.I wish there was someway to educate Black Caribbean women more about hair.Alot of the women I know back home have very broken hair and dont want to try anything new other than the good ole grease.

 

[patticake]

it's a shame how unsupportive some friends can be. mine are forever calling me crazy and saying i'm trying to be white because i don't use grease. it's funny that i've chopped my hair off three times and it's still passed up their hair, which has never even been trimmed. i'm just glad my sister finally started taking my advice. her hair looks so much healthier now! she even comes home with questions for me from friends of hers, some are even white, about hair care. it's times like that that makes me happy about what i've learned on this board and just ignore the haters.

 

[Cami]

I read through all of the posts to make sure that I wouldn't double post, but I agree with everything that everyone said. Healthy, growing, hair can be enviable to some women (especially friends)! I think it's harder for some friends to accept hair growth as opposed to strangers because they've seen your hair where it started and how much it has grown. I talked to my friend yesterday (she gets her relaxers every 4 weeks) and I told her that I stretch mine for 14 wks and she told me that my hair will break off for waiting that long. I told her that she needs to stretch it out longer than 4 wks but she insists that she can't because it starts to break off. I just left it alone because she's pretty much stuck in her ways. You can tell if someone wants help, I'll be glad to give advice. On the other hand, if you get the tone that they think they're right, just leave it alone. I know that the jealousy from your friends isn't good, but at least you know now that you're getting progress from their reaction!!

 

[nekee]

patticake - talking about cutting
The thing is i cut my hair and was in love with short styles, while my friend never cut hers and hair is some parts are longer than hers. I cant wait until it passes hers

West Indies gals
katie - Caribbean women dont like other people to tell them what to do , they have a mind of their own

bimbabe - grease is so much a part of our lives , that persons would laugh if we told them it was bad

I have vowed that unless someone asks me advice i will say no more, or make minute comments.

 

[Nyambura]

I only volunteer suggestions to my Mom, who listens because her hair has benefitted from the advice of all my knowledgeable internet hair care sisters.

Otherwise, with everyone else, unless they ask me for advice, I save my breath.

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
ellemoe22 said:
maybe we need to stop trying to help other black women. Too many times I have gotten in a conversation with others about hair, and give rec and tell them what I do I get the same reaction.

Is it so wrong that I want every black woman to have healthy hair

[/ QUOTE ]

Some black women actually become combative and argumentative when you attempt to explain your hair regimen.

 

[caralexis2005]

you just have to shake dem' haters off! as we would say down south.
And i'm LMAO @ ADRIENNE'S YAK DOO DOO! that is soooo true.
when you have hair to your waist they'll be lining up to ask what's up!

 

[perfectpeace]

My family does not understand protective styles and washing more than once a week either. A relative even stated that "dirty hair grows faster." One day I was visiting with relatives, went into their bathroom and took my hair down from the bun, and combed it out a bit just to give it some air. When I walked into the room where the female family members were, they literally looked at me speechless and walked out the room. Its not that my hair is long or fierce, they just had not seen the progress and girls, they were jealous! It kind of opened my eyes to how jealous some women can be. I am so glad when I hear about another person's progress, whether its health, or marriage, or education. It's a shame that sometimes our own "peoples" can't be more supportive.

perfect peace

 

[Supergirl]

Adrienne,

Do you know where I can get some Yak Doo Doo?

 

[adrienne0914]

girrrl, my parents bought me my own yak for my burfday. lemme go out back and feed him... i'll get back atcha in a few hours!!