My friend dont't take my haircare business seriously......(Vent)

[Elizabeth26]

I just got off the phone with one of my good friends and we got on the subject of haircare because she made a comment about her hair. She said that she was washing her hair and that she need a perm (5 weeks post). She was like she can't do nothing with hair and I was like I'm 11 weeks post . She was like what you need so money to get your hair done (trying to be funny). She was like so you did have a fresh relaxer when you came home for Thanksgiving (I was 9 weeks post.). She was like how do you handle your hair that long. I was telling her that washing my hair once a week and doing a cw helps out alot. She was like I know this girl that thought she was "white" and was washing her hair everyday and it messed up her hair. I tried to explain to her that you can wash your hair with proper care. Then she made this remark about "ok ,african american". I was like what you mean african american? She was like you african american right? I was like ok girl. That was the first time that I really talked to anyone besides my mom about taking care of my hair. Well my SO knows but I think he just think I'm obsessive. My mom real old fashion(Hair Grease Worshiper) and she thinks she knows more about hair than anybody else. She be telling me that I don't need to take those vitamins and that I need to use grease on my hair. I try to give her advice about her hair but she won't listen. I thought my friend and I relationship was on a mature level that I could discuss with her about hair without made to feel stupid. Her and my mom both could use some haircare advice. I have been hesitant to discuss with anyone else except my SOabout all the haircare information that I learning. I know to just keep my mouth shut! What's wrong with a sister that wants to take care of her hair?

 

[Porsche19]

First thing... don't discuss or try to give advice to people who don't know and don't want to know about proper hair care. It just leads in you getting frustrated.

When they see your hair growing and looking good, then they'll come with the questions.

My own monther who is also old school gets totally jealous of my hair. When I began, she told me my hair was going to fall out. Now she wants me to do HER hair. To be honest, my hair could be and will be much better looking as it grows out, so I know that I'm in for a ride.

 

[Eiano]

You know the do's and don'ts about hair care cause you wanted the knowledge, looked for it, and used it. And you see the results in yourself and in the other board members.

Your friend just thinks you're acting like you know everything. Like the poster above me said, when your hair is long and strong, she'll come looking for you.

 

[Lovelylocs]

First thing... don't discuss or try to give advice to people who don't know and don't want to know about proper hair care. It just leads in you getting frustrated.

When they see your hair growing and looking good, then they'll come with the questions.

cosigning... non- LHCF-ers won't get it. We are a minority. I know it is hard, but bite your tongue and just ignore them. When hair comes up, mums the word. It is their loss not yours. You watch! Your friend is calling u AA now, but when your hair starts getting around arm-pit and bra strap all the sudden u are Indian or mixed or smthg else. People are crazy.

Bottom line... if u wanna talk hair, talk to us. We will support u. You dont need them for ur hair b/c they are no help anyway.

 

[Elizabeth26]

I was hesitant to say anything because anytime I do something out of the norm from her , she always have a smart remark. I guess I thought I could share my ideas about hair without being judge. My mom and I always talked hair even before I joined the board. She alwys ask me what I'm doing with my hair. I don't know why she ask because if I tell her about a product it always leave back to hair grease.

 

[HoneyDew]

For me, I notice that as people see my hair improving, they wonder what I am doing.

But, honestly some people just can't put the work into taking care of their hair.

 

[CandiceC]

Sometimes I talk about hair, but I don't give advice.
I know as my hair gets longer some people may ask questions. Not sure how I'll handle that without talking their ears off.

 

[Elizabeth26]

It wasn't like I was giving her advice about her hair. I was trying to explain to her how I was able to stretch my hair for so long. A lot of my friends and family think that it will damage your hair to wash it regularly. My friends and family consider me to have long hair and but my hair is shorter than since they last saw it down. They don't really know about my breakage problem and I was trying explain to her about this, too.

 

[CandiceC]

It wasn't like I was giving her advice about her hair. I was trying to explain to her how I was able to stretch my hair for so long. A lot of my friends and family think that it will damage your hair to wash it regularly. My friends and family consider me to have long hair and but my hair is shorter than since they last saw it down. They don't really know about my breakage problem and I was trying explain to her about this, too.

When they hear what you're doing (which we all here know are good methods) they think it's against what they're doing and what they think is right. I guess it's just better to not talk about what you're doing since they won't accept it anyway.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

cosigning... non- LHCF-ers won't get it. We are a minority. I know it is hard, but bite your tongue and just ignore them. When hair comes up, mums the word. It is their loss not yours. You watch! Your friend is calling u AA now, but when your hair starts getting around arm-pit and bra strap all the sudden u are Indian or mixed or smthg else. People are crazy.

Bottom line... if u wanna talk hair, talk to us. We will support u. You dont need them for ur hair b/c they are no help anyway.

ITA. I definitely believe that we're a minority...that's obvious by looking at all the AA women walking around with broken off hair/damaged hair/hair that stays one length for an eternity. Also, I avoid giving advice of any kind unsolicited advice unless the situation is life-threatning.

The tables definitely turned for me. I started my hair care journey in Feb., and I had made decent progress by the time I went to H-ville in May, but I went back in Nov., and my best friend & my mom were like what have you been doin to your hair? It's so healthy. Tell me what relaxer you use, what products you use, what regimen you use etc. AND, my mother and I went to breakfast the day after T-giving, and she was like, "Look at your edges. They're so smooth. You got that good hair." It was like nails on a chalkboard. I cringed tried my best to explain to her that there's really no such thing and b/c I was a product of her, if I had good hair, she too should have good hair, but she quickly disputed that with skewed logic.

So the other posters were completely right, once your hair starts to show the fruits of your labor, they (and other folks) WILL come asking about what you've done, and they'll be seeking advice & clinging to your words.

Hang in there, mama! Like LL said, you have US, and we're here to listen, support, & advise appropriately.

 

[shawniegee]

Girl don't trip. When I first started on the boards I knew my ole stubborn mother wouldn't listen to me. But when people saw my hair go from being too short to corntow to being able to put in a ponytail to touch my shoulder the questions come. I've helped a lot of people in my family, they'll see just give time mama.

 

[ekomba]

I just got off the phone with one of my good friends and we got on the subject of haircare because she made a comment about her hair. She said that she was washing her hair and that she need a perm (5 weeks post). She was like she can't do nothing with hair and I was like I'm 11 weeks post . She was like what you need so money to get your hair done (trying to be funny). She was like so you did have a fresh relaxer when you came home for Thanksgiving (I was 9 weeks post.). She was like how do you handle your hair that long. I was telling her that washing my hair once a week and doing a cw helps out alot. She was like I know this girl that thought she was "white" and was washing her hair everyday and it messed up her hair. I tried to explain to her that you can wash your hair with proper care. Then she made this remark about "ok ,african american". I was like what you mean african american? She was like you african american right? I was like ok girl. That was the first time that I really talked to anyone besides my mom about taking care of my hair. Well my SO knows but I think he just think I'm obsessive. My mom real old fashion(Hair Grease Worshiper) and she thinks she knows more about hair than anybody else. She be telling me that I don't need to take those vitamins and that I need to use grease on my hair. I try to give her advice about her hair but she won't listen. I thought my friend and I relationship was on a mature level that I could discuss with her about hair without made to feel stupid. Her and my mom both could use some haircare advice. I have been hesitant to discuss with anyone else except my SOabout all the haircare information that I learning. I know to just keep my mouth shut! What's wrong with a sister that wants to take care of her hair?

i dont say sh-t for the same reasons. when they see all these new growth and all your protective styles they be the ones trying to fix you and give you advice . i transitioned last year and a friend mind you her ends are to'ed up, the hair has thinned she colors and she perms the whole thing even though i told her u suppose to only do the roots for retouches and looks at me like i m crazy and she thinks she knows better cause her hair is 2 inch past shoulder length, tells me you have to perm you are 10month transitioning and me trying to transition the girl keep saying you have to perm or the hair will break it needs its perm. I always used to give advice people thought i was hair-obsessed cause i m always researching stuff for my hair on my spare time cause your health is best reflected in your hair. now i dont say nothing and people think i have secrets and wants me to spill the beans because i dont talk and tell me why i dont tell them all the vits i m taking when they first laugh at me and told me i was doing too much and now they see the results. You cannot offer unsolicited advice else people get offended i learn that. if they really thirsty they will come to you. We live in a society that is not faith-based but mostly believes what they see. Trust me when you will expose your healthy mane , then people will rush to take your advice. hey excuse her but dont we only take advice from people with beautiful heads of hair trust me if i had met someone 5 years ago i would have been the first to say girl u need a relaxer boy hahaha i know better now you know we learn and then we have to wait for people to learn too and when they are ready and see the results we can then help them dissolve the myths about hair. They will come running after you with questions because you cannot teach without being yourself an example of what they can achieve. cause who take advice from someone with bad hair? sheesh i even run away if i see the hair stylist hair is messed up

 

[MiWay]

I have tried to have the same discussion with my friends, but most times I get the "oh brother" or "here she goes again" or "how do you know those people know what they're talking about" or "you'll do anything", so I've decided not to waste my time. My husband thinks I'm obsessed, but when my hair is down to my feet, he'll be jocking me, so whatever. But these same friends that don't want to hear it, or think I'm wasting my time on these boards, are the same ones with terribly split ends, damaged hair, hair that won't grow, bald spots, etc, and constantly complaining about it! I'd think that if you found a place that could get you started and lead you in some direction, you'd try it. But maybe not... Oh well! Their loss...

I have noticed great progress since joining this board, and I thank all of the ladies here for the advice and information.

 

[MissB]

If someone asks me a hair related question, I give them a brief response to their question. I do not elaborate because they are not like the members here on the forum. If someone seems sincerely interested, I will help them with their regimen. I think that there are so many myths about AA hair that a lot of women are disillusioned. And because we have a different approach to haircare, then we are acting like Caucasian women.

I have two good friends and we talk hair all the time. The others think that I am obssessed. But, we agree to disagree...

 

[starz]

I agree with everyone else. They'll learn that you know your stuff when they
see your hair results. So keep on growing.
I don't talk about my haircare unless someone asks me. Even then I just tell them something basic. Recently I gave a friend information about moisture and one of the vitamins I take. She's the type of person that will ask questions if she's really interested in something. She didn't ask any questions,so I'm leaving it alone. She's the one suffering from extreme breakage and dry hair, not me.

 

[Elizabeth26]

My mom has been asking me "hair" questions before I even joined the board. She asks everybody hair questions but she is the type of person that will use something one time making the assumption that it's damaging her hair. I know she was asking me how regular I wash my hair and she told me it was unhealthly to wash my hair that regular and I should stop. In my family, it's always been a big deal with hair. When I come home they always be comparing my hair to my oldest sister. I know my mom was asking me what oils I use and coconut oil was one of the oils I mention. She was like I thought coconut oil damage your hair but she only used this in hair grease. I know she was telling my sister about the oils I use and my sister was like nothing is better than EVOO. I was like I like EVOO too but I like other oils, too. My friend was even suprise when I came home that I was 9 weeks post and she told my hair looked like a fresh relaxer. I have learned to keep my mouth shut about my hair activities.

 

[Blossssom]

I wouldn't discuss my hair care (or hair) with her ever again... she's obviously not mature to accept that there may be ANOTHER way of doing hair.

And I'm so sick of the "only they wash their hair everyday". Anybody can wet/wash their hair as often as they like. It's only HAIR! Water has never hurt anybody.

Anyway, what always amazes me are people who dispense hair care advice, but they wears someone ELSE's hair. Heehee

 

[so1913]

Sometimes we just have to let our hair speak for itself....

and when they tell us WE'RE wrong....you get smart and say..

"Ooooh, so I should follow your philosophy so I can have hair like yours??????"


LOL, no don't say that...but we know what's best for our hair when we see results. With results, there comes no need to explain ourselves.... you can have that attitude of "call me what you want to, my hair is STILL OFF THE HOOK!!!"

 

[shoelover1972]

My family and close friends know that I have got great advice from this forum and they ask me questions about hair as they have noticed that my hair has taken off since I joined LHCF. The good thing is that they listen to what I have to say without disagreeing or laughing. BUT there is one particular girl (with practically no hair on her head!!!) who I know but is not close to me asked about my hair routine and I told her about this site. She said that I must very sad person with no life to belong to such I site!!!!! But the following week she asked me more questions and told me that she had passed by advice onto one of her friends!! Im thinking ***WTF***.

Lesson learned - don't bother to preach to the unpreachables. Let them follow their own advice and have thin & stringy hair for the rest of their lives!!!!!

 

[shoelover1972]

I wouldn't discuss my hair care (or hair) with her ever again... she's obviously not mature to accept that there may be ANOTHER way of doing hair.

And I'm so sick of the "only they wash their hair everyday". Anybody can wet/wash their hair as often as they like. It's only HAIR! Water has never hurt anybody.

I don't get this myth either - that we must be acting white if you wash your hair often!!! That's just like saying that we should not wash our bodies because our skin can become dry / flaky if we don't moisturised our bodies afterwards.

 

[amy1234]

I know this might sound mean, but I've been through that phase of skepticism from peers when my hair was short. Now that it is much longer, and they try and ask me "how did I do it woooww" I'm not going to tell them my secrets because they didn't want to hear it in the begining. I try not to expalin how I did it but the type of person I am, I might spill a few beans...

 

[CAPlush]

Yeah, I tried to tell my grandmother how I generally don't comb my hair, I just finger through it. Limited combing and no brushing has been key to keep my hair breakage to a minimum. She was really upset, and told me that I should keep that to myself because people were going to think I was un-clean if I didn't comb my hair "to the root" every day. People don't want to hear how you are growing out your hair unless it is a greasy growth potion that doesn't require that you change anything about how you handle your hair or how often you relax.

 

[DragonPearl]

First thing... don't discuss or try to give advice to people who don't know and don't want to know about proper hair care. It just leads in you getting frustrated.

When they see your hair growing and looking good, then they'll come with the questions.

The TRUTH!!!!

You'll have the last laugh. Don't stress it.

 

[DragonPearl]

I know this might sound mean, but I've been through that phase of skepticism from peers when my hair was short. Now that it is much longer, and they try and ask me "how did I do it woooww" I'm not going to tell them my secrets because they didn't want to hear it in the begining. I try not to expalin how I did it but the type of person I am, I might spill a few beans...

Oh, you're mean. Serves them right!!!

 

[DragonPearl]

Anyway, what always amazes me are people who dispense hair care advice, but they wears someone ELSE's hair. Heehee

Or their hair is jacked up.

 

[MissYocairis]

....see, this is why I don't tell my friends smit. Only my boyfriend. I am not going to go through growing out my hair and all this painstaking process over a couple years time to have hens cackling in my ear about how it is or isn't working or it is or isn't stupid. I am not welcoming ANY negative energy into my hair-growing sphere....you just never know with your friends....esp when your hair starts showing improvement....folks start getting UPSET. Go figure.

 

[mscounselor]

Luckily for me my friends are receptive to hair care solutions. The majority are natural and love to hear about hair care tips. Shucks my classmate who is white asked me what she should use for her naturally curly 3a hair for a deep conditioner. Its really cool.
That being said, its my family I have to worry about. My mom, aunt, etc. always say stick to what you know (reference to relaxing and all the things I used to do). Now mind you my hair grew and was healthy but that doesn't mean I can't change. The last straw was when I told my stylist down south (yes I know should've known better) that the only thing that works on my hairline for dryness is castor oil. She said "no, that will way down your hair." Hello....were you listening? I said it works...and on my hairline only.
Leave stubborn people alone. After they hit their heads in the same spot for the umteenth time they'll ask you why your head don't hurt.

 

[blazingthru]

I wouldn't discuss my hair care (or hair) with her ever again... she's obviously not mature to accept that there may be ANOTHER way of doing hair.

And I'm so sick of the "only they wash their hair everyday". Anybody can wet/wash their hair as often as they like. It's only HAIR! Water has never hurt anybody.

Anyway, what always amazes me are people who dispense hair care advice, but they wears someone ELSE's hair. Heehee

ITA people kill me with that stuff, You wash your hair so much it just drys out, leave that to the white people nonsense. I have very short hair,so its no point of me telling anyone how to do their hair, but I see these girls with this very, very dry hair and damage ends. I want to say, " hey you need to get some moisturizer up in there and wash the dirt out of your hair" but they are likely to knock me out, all up in their business and their hair is longer then mine but looking terrible. So I only offer advice to those who are willing to listen and if they seem to zone out I just walk away and I say to myself hey I tried. You know as much as people talk about their friends it seems like there is no real friendship on the boards. My girlfriend has very long hair and its thin and it just lays there and she has a very light bald spot on the top and so does her mom and I wanted to advice her about the MTG in fact I did I told her how much it improved my daughters hair and it would her and her mother she was like yeah uh ha. Okay cool, I put it out there I will use it, you keep rocking that spot up there. But I must say my mother and sister did listen and do moisturize their hair more and that is really good. Wait till they see my hair this summer. Its going to be swinging. That is my magic. That is your magic.

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

Yeah, I haven't said anything about hair to my family either. I know that my mom and aunt are goig to flip when we go to england every day and they see that I'm co washing almost every day and taking great care of my hair. The air drying will throw them off, too.

There are so many myths out there it is crazy.

Being unclean because you don't comb your hair to the root every day, that is a white notion if I've ever heard it. Whites need to wash their hair almost every day because of all the oils that they have, and their hair looks nasty if they don't. We are blessed because we can go a couple of days without washing, but then we can wash every day to and still have nice looking hair.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I don't get this myth either - that we must be acting white if you wash your hair often!!! That's just like saying that we should not wash our bodies because our skin can become dry / flaky if we don't moisturised our bodies afterwards.

AMEN!!!! Some folks have some jacked up reasoning for things...