My divorce is FINAL!

PoeticJustice

PoeticJustice

Active Member
Hi ladies, I just wanted to share my news. I just got the papers in the mail over the weekend that my divorce was final.

It's ironic because my girlfriend wished me congratulations and my sister didn't know what to say. Then I thought about it, and I don't know what I feel right now. The good thing is, I don't have any feelings of regret however I had been with him for almost 13 years so I'm just curious what I may experience because right now I feel [for lack of a better word] nothing :rolleyes:

I'm just curious for those who've been divorced, what were your emotions? Well I do feel like a chapter has been closed and I"m looking forward to a new chapter in my life :yep:
 
i'm not divorced and never have been but its a good start that you are looking forward to moving forward!!:grin: if, god forbid, i got a divorced, i would want to feel good about the decision and it being final! i would want to feel enpowered and happy to be happy about it.
best wishes to you and embrass the single life. ( i do miss it sometimes:sekret:):lachen:
 
honeybadgirl said:
i'm not divorced and never have been but its a good start that you are looking forward to moving forward!!:grin: if, god forbid, i got a divorced, i would want to feel good about the decision and it being final! i would want to feel enpowered and happy to be happy about it.
best wishes to you and embrass the single life. ( i do miss it sometimes:sekret:):lachen:
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Thank you Honeybadgirl, empowered might be the word I was looking for. I should have mentioned we were separated for 1.5 years so if there was any chance of reconcilliation, it would have happened by then. So I think empowered might be word I will go with from this point on :yep:
 
Congrats!

Mine isn't final yet. But I do anticipate feeling a mix of joy, excitement that a new chapter in my life opening up and a tad bit of sadness that the old chapter is closing.
 
sunnydaze said:
Congrats!

Mine isn't final yet. But I do anticipate feeling a mix of joy, excitement that a new chapter in my life opening up and a tad bit of sadness that the old chapter is closing.
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Well you know we're here when it does become final. I think I may have felt a bit of sadness because yesterday I felt compelled to pull out the wedding tape, but I put it back :nono: I don't know what that feeling was, but I still sleep GOOD at night!! lol

Honestly, I"m just working on me and really feeling self-love. I miss dating and sometimes I feel I want to be in a relationship but I'm trying to take this time to reflect on my past mistakes we made (mainly me as a wife) to become a better one, when it's truly time.
 
Justicewifey said:
Hi ladies, I just wanted to share my news. I just got the papers in the mail over the weekend that my divorce was final.

It's ironic because my girlfriend wished me congratulations and my sister didn't know what to say. Then I thought about it, and I don't know what I feel right now. The good thing is, I don't have any feelings of regret however I had been with him for almost 13 years so I'm just curious what I may experience because right now I feel [for lack of a better word] nothing :rolleyes:

I'm just curious for those who've been divorced, what were your emotions? Well I do feel like a chapter has been closed and I"m looking forward to a new chapter in my life :yep:
Click to expand...


I understand COMPLETELY! I actually left my husband after an eight year marriage and I knew it was over when I left....but it still took me 2 years to file for a divorce. Because it really is a turning point in your life and a big decision. Even if you know you and the person cannot work together and even if you feel you don't love them anymore....still, it's a major change.

I was numb too when mine was finally over, but in the days that followed, I was kind of saddened that it had to happen that way. But, I had no choice, really. Over time, I came to appreciate the experience of the marriage for everything that I learned and to just accept that it was beneficial in that way and it was also beneficial to move on.

Hugs to you!! :kiss:
 
CantBeCopied said:
I understand COMPLETELY! I actually left my husband after an eight year marriage and I knew it was over when I left....but it still took me 2 years to file for a divorce. Because it really is a turning point in your life and a big decision. Even if you know you and the person cannot work together and even if you feel you don't love them anymore....still, it's a major change.

I was numb too when mine was finally over, but in the days that followed, I was kind of saddened that it had to happen that way. But, I had no choice, really. Over time, I came to appreciate the experience of the marriage for everything that I learned and to just accept that it was beneficial in that way and it was also beneficial to move on.

Hugs to you!! :kiss:
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Agree with everything you said!:yep:
 
JusticeWifey,

Two questions:

1-Are you gonna change your screen name??

2-Are you gonna do something fun to celebrate your divorce being final? I am planning a big spa trip with my sister.
 
CantBeCopied said:
I understand COMPLETELY! I actually left my husband after an eight year marriage and I knew it was over when I left....but it still took me 2 years to file for a divorce. Because it really is a turning point in your life and a big decision. Even if you know you and the person cannot work together and even if you feel you don't love them anymore....still, it's a major change.

I was numb too when mine was finally over, but in the days that followed, I was kind of saddened that it had to happen that way. But, I had no choice, really. Over time, I came to appreciate the experience of the marriage for everything that I learned and to just accept that it was beneficial in that way and it was also beneficial to move on.

Hugs to you!! :kiss:
Click to expand...




AAAWWW Thank you so much, CBC! You are always so insightful and I'm so glad that my feelings of numbness are validated. I didn't feel as such the whole weekend and I was trying to wrap my psyche around it all. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time, literally. I do believe it was beneficial overall; not to get too long winded I've come to realize we got married for the wrong reasons and alot of signs I chose to ignore.

But I too look forward to truly appreciating the first marriage be it failed or a mistake. My main concern at this point are the children involved. Thank you so much CBC for the virtual hugs!!! :kiss:
 
sunnydaze said:
JusticeWifey,

Two questions:

1-Are you gonna change your screen name??

2-Are you gonna do something fun to celebrate your divorce being final? I am planning a big spa trip with my sister.
Click to expand...



You know just those 2 questions alone made me smile!!! I will be changing my screen name, which reminds me to change my e-mail at work too I can.

I was thinking all weekend of doing something but I was in some type of funk. I think I"m going out this weekend for sure!! :grin:
 
Justicewifey said:
AAAWWW Thank you so much, CBC! You are always so insightful and I'm so glad that my feelings of numbness are validated. I didn't feel as such the whole weekend and I was trying to wrap my psyche around it all. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time, literally. I do believe it was beneficial overall; not to get too long winded I've come to realize we got married for the wrong reasons and alot of signs I chose to ignore.

But I too look forward to truly appreciating the first marriage be it failed or a mistake. My main concern at this point are the children involved. Thank you so much CBC for the virtual hugs!!! :kiss:
Click to expand...


I got chills reading that. You sound so much like me. Same here. And, it will feel weird, and disorienting, and sad and a lot of different things. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel and acknowledge those things. Have a cry when you need one and have plenty of laughs where you can find them. Also, journaling helped me to forgive and accept him which is VITAL to being parents. I always say, "when you have children with someone, they become "FAMILY" to you!" He's your family still. That is how the relationship is going to function from here on out. Respect his privacy and hopefully he will respect yours. From here on out, it's about what is best for the children at all times. My ex and I get along pretty well (we do still have disagreements) because we HAVE to make things as comfortable for the children as possible and that is our main goal.

And, trust me, JW, this time will pass and you will look back and it will all be of great value to you because you will have learned so much. :yep:
 
CantBeCopied said:
I got chills reading that. You sound so much like me. Same here. And, it will feel weird, and disorienting, and sad and a lot of different things. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel and acknowledge those things. Have a cry when you need one and have plenty of laughs where you can find them. Also, journaling helped me to forgive and accept him which is VITAL to being parents. I always say, "when you have children with someone, they become "FAMILY" to you!" He's your family still. That is how the relationship is going to function from here on out. Respect his privacy and hopefully he will respect yours. From here on out, it's about what is best for the children at all times. My ex and I get along pretty well (we do still have disagreements) because we HAVE to make things as comfortable for the children as possible and that is our main goal.

And, trust me, JW, this time will pass and you will look back and it will all be of great value to you because you will have learned so much. :yep:
Click to expand...

My ex and I have a very young daughter together and I told myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure we get along for our daughter's sake as well. We have been doing pretty good sofar. :)
 
Justicewifey said:
Well you know we're here when it does become final. I think I may have felt a bit of sadness because yesterday I felt compelled to pull out the wedding tape, but I put it back :nono: I don't know what that feeling was, but I still sleep GOOD at night!! lol

Honestly, I"m just working on me and really feeling self-love. I miss dating and sometimes I feel I want to be in a relationship but I'm trying to take this time to reflect on my past mistakes we made (mainly me as a wife) to become a better one, when it's truly time.
Click to expand...

This is how I coped with my divorce, it was somewhat unexpected...he was basically living a double life and I was oblivious to it. It was really hard at first because I was only married 3 years and I moved back to my hometown and people have questions...you know how that is.

I basically just had to realize it doesn't matter what other people think...life goes on. Nobody's life is perfect, and it's how you move on and live your life that makes all the difference. I was soo not ready to date after my divorce, but it just happened. That is my goal, to just learn from my mistakes, and grow. If God sees fit for me to get married again, I am all for it, I think marriage is a wonderful thing.
 
CantBeCopied said:
I got chills reading that. You sound so much like me. Same here. And, it will feel weird, and disorienting, and sad and a lot of different things. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel and acknowledge those things. Have a cry when you need one and have plenty of laughs where you can find them. Also, journaling helped me to forgive and accept him which is VITAL to being parents. I always say, "when you have children with someone, they become "FAMILY" to you!" He's your family still. That is how the relationship is going to function from here on out. Respect his privacy and hopefully he will respect yours. From here on out, it's about what is best for the children at all times. My ex and I get along pretty well (we do still have disagreements) because we HAVE to make things as comfortable for the children as possible and that is our main goal.

And, trust me, JW, this time will pass and you will look back and it will all be of great value to you because you will have learned so much. :yep:
Click to expand...




Thanks again, CBC. Yes you're right, like it or not we're family til the end of time. Like it or not. I focus on the fact our children were made out of love and that I have enough love for him as the father of my children to be the best man/father he can be. Simply because my children deserve that. I'm glad I had almost two years to deal with the betrayal, hurt, anger, hate and loneliness. It was such a hindering state for me. And now I realize I have peace of mind. WHEW, not having peace of mind for almost 2 years... OMG!!

So far, our relationship has been civil. I'm focusing on keeping it that way, or least trying on a daily basis!!
 
Justicewifey said:
Congrats to you as well!! Did you do anything special?
Click to expand...


I took off work that whole day. After I left court I took myself to the movies to see Transformers. Then later on that evening I went over my best friend's house and celebrated with a glass of wine.:grin:
 
STLCoverGirl said:
This is how I coped with my divorce, it was somewhat unexpected...he was basically living a double life and I was oblivious to it. It was really hard at first because I was only married 3 years and I moved back to my hometown and people have questions...you know how that is.

I basically just had to realize it doesn't matter what other people think...life goes on. Nobody's life is perfect, and it's how you move on and live your life that makes all the difference. I was soo not ready to date after my divorce, but it just happened. That is my goal, to just learn from my mistakes, and grow. If God sees fit for me to get married again, I am all for it, I think marriage is a wonderful thing.
Click to expand...



WOW, it's amazing how we as women go through the same type of healing processes. Some different but alot alike in most ways. You know how they say the grass is always greener? Most single people want to be in relationship and most married ppl tend to say "girl, it's not all it's cracked up to be." As a divorcee... it's like ummmm... where do I fit in?? LOL

But the last part of your sentence is exactly what I try and be happy about. Just being happy "in the mean time". Right now it's just me and I'm embracing that. Should my true love come around the second time (which they say is better) hee hee, I'm just going to let it be!!
 
klb120475 said:
I took off work that whole day. After I left court I took myself to the movies to see Transformers. Then later on that evening I went over my best friend's house and celebrated with a glass of wine.:grin:
Click to expand...



Yeah, my girlfriends want to take me out so I might have to take them up on that offer!
 
sunnydaze said:
My ex and I have a very young daughter together and I told myself that I would do everything in my power to ensure we get along for our daughter's sake as well. We have been doing pretty good sofar. :)
Click to expand...



Same here, my mom never talked bad or negative about our dad around us. They maintained the a civil relationship so I'm trying to do the same thing as well!!
 
ITA with CBC!!!

I have been divorced now for 6 years, but my ex-husband and I separated 8 years ago. I've been exactly where you are right now. When the divorce was final I didn't know exactly how to feel. Like you, I felt sort of numb. Then as a couple of days went by, I started to feel mixed emotions. I didn't love my ex-husband anymore and knew the marriage was over long before the divorce. However, I still felt some sadness and in a way I felt like I had failed at marrigage. Way deep down inside was a very strong sadness for my two sons who had been the recipient of my and my ex-husband's choices. But, on the other hand I felt excited about the new life that God had ahead of me and relieved that I could finally move on. I married very young and knew nothing about who I was let alone about being someone's wife. In these 6 years though I have had some trials and test and have learned so much about myself. I've also through the years asked God through prayer to show me where my errors were in my first marriage, heal me from past hurts (not only from those that my husband had inflicted, but also the marinades from childhood that I brought over into my marriage), to show me how to be the best mother I can be and to raise my sons to be the men that he's called them to be and to prepare for the man that he's chosen to be husband for life.

I'm sorry for rambling on. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk! Your LHCF family has your!
 
Justicewifey said:
You know just those 2 questions alone made me smile!!! I will be changing my screen name, which reminds me to change my e-mail at work too I can.

I was thinking all weekend of doing something but I was in some type of funk. I think I"m going out this weekend for sure!! :grin:
Click to expand...


Girl, call up your ATL LHCF sisters when you want to get out! We'll hang out with you!!!

Enjoy and look forward to all of the things God has in store for you!
 
CantBeCopied said:
I got chills reading that. You sound so much like me. Same here. And, it will feel weird, and disorienting, and sad and a lot of different things. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel and acknowledge those things. Have a cry when you need one and have plenty of laughs where you can find them. Also, journaling helped me to forgive and accept him which is VITAL to being parents. I always say, "when you have children with someone, they become "FAMILY" to you!" He's your family still. That is how the relationship is going to function from here on out. Respect his privacy and hopefully he will respect yours. From here on out, it's about what is best for the children at all times. My ex and I get along pretty well (we do still have disagreements) because we HAVE to make things as comfortable for the children as possible and that is our main goal.

And, trust me, JW, this time will pass and you will look back and it will all be of great value to you because you will have learned so much. :yep:
Click to expand...

CBC...these are some great words of wisdom! I wish you were around when I got divorce!:yep:

Very important point in the bold that I failed to mention. Forgiveness is key to the healing process.
 
I really believe that even in situations where we WANT the divorce, we still feel a small tinge of failure. I know this was true for me - coming from a long line of 20-40 year marriages. But ITA that its important to take the time following a divorce and assess YOUR mistakes..... I DID NOT do that :wallbash: before marrying again 3 years later BUT thank GOD, the husband I have is truly meant for me. He has loved me trhough a lot of crazy SH@#T and even when he wanted to throw in the towel - God kept him there and our relationship is growing and matrung everyday! :yep:

Congratulations on closing that book in your life. Now you are better equipped with the wisdom you need to turn out a "best-seller"!:yep::grin:
 
divinefavor said:
CBC...these are some great words of wisdom! I wish you were around when I got divorce!:yep:

Very important point in the bold that I failed to mention. Forgiveness is key to the healing process.
Click to expand...

Girl! I feel you! Actually, I drove my silly self crazy with resentment toward him before I realized this. It was in my praying for peace and healing that I discovered that he simply was being who he knew how to be and that he had experienced things in his life that had brought him to a particular way of dealing with the world. I realized he was working with what he had to work with based on his own set of understanding and fears. In knowing that, I knew that he still had value as the children's father...and I realized that I would always love him for giving me two beautiful children.....then, I realized...."hey, I forgive this dude!"....and that's when everything opened up emotionally for me. I wasn't mad anymore. I could finally move forward. :yep:

It really feels good to chat with members who have been through this. Sometimes, I feel like I am one of the few divorced moms on the board. Thanks for starting this thread JW! :rolleyes:
 
CantBeCopied said:
Girl! I feel you! Actually, I drove my silly self crazy with resentment toward him before I realized this. It was in my praying for peace and healing that I discovered that he simply was being who he knew how to be and that he had experienced things in his life that had brought him to a particular way of dealing with the world. I realized he was working with what he had to work with based on his own set of understanding and fears. In knowing that, I knew that he still had value as the children's father...and I realized that I would always love him for giving me two beautiful children.....then, I realized...."hey, I forgive this dude!"....and that's when everything opened up emotionally for me. I wasn't mad anymore. I could finally move forward. :yep:

It really feels good to chat with members who have been through this. Sometimes, I feel like I am one of the few divorced moms on the board. Thanks for starting this thread JW! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

There are quite a few of us here I have learned. So if anyone needs to chat or vent with someone who understands, I'm here!:)
 
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