"Mr. Wrong" seems so right....

[PanamasOwn]

Have any of you ladies been in this situation....?

I am at a point where the love I have/had for my SO is becoming a mere memory... I feel like I have been cutting myself short of all things to be with him... and I want OUT!!!

Up pops up "mr. high school crush" and he is swooning me.. I mean.. I want to leave everything I know to be with him... its not even a sexual thing... I cant really explain it... I just know that my heart literally aches because I cant be with him.. I haven't been able to sleep for weeks, I havent eaten in a while.. Like it feels like a fantasy... he and I feel so right.. but I know its wrong erplexed

He is willing to do all the things my SO isnt.. he doesnt mind that I want a job overseas and wants to travel.. SO pretty much doesnt care if I get the job of dreams..if he isnt comfortable there, then we are not going ... he is selfless..my SO is pretty selfish (he can be selfless when he wants)... My SO is stable... finishing school and working in his field..this guy trying to work in his field not done with school because of finances.. My SO was pretty much handed everything and lived a good life, this guy worked hard all his life to get everything he wants...

I could go on... BUT you get the point.. Ladies I am not looking for critism or a lecture... My heart is being pulled right now and aching.. and advice is what I need...

TIA

 

[AstroQueen77]

sounds like your not really feeling your so anymore and this guy is an excuse to leave him.

 

[PanamasOwn]

sounds like your not really feeling your so anymore and this guy is an excuse to leave him.

see that is what I thought too.. but I feel like it is more... my SO has done alot of jacked up stuff in our relationship..and I have loved him unconditionally throughout... I just woke up one day and said enuff... I have to disconnect myself from you... I cant keep going through this mental anguish...

ATL (that is what we will call him) was just the icing on the cake.. Has been a goof friend to me and us falling for each other..def. was not planned.. nor was I looking for it.. I dunno

 

[PanamasOwn]

no one else has ever experienced this?

 

[tiara76]

i think your heart is telling you its time to move on.....we experience and grow with others...I wouldn't necessarily say the other guy is your "excuse"....however it could be one of your pushes to move from where you are in order to move to a new phase in life....if we are with somebody and we are not growing together and lifting each other, then we are growing apart and holding each other down......and you know when you are being held down vs being lifted up with who you are with......

this new person might not be your forever soulmate ,but he can easily be somebody who helps you with your growth and self evolution and who you are with now you may have got as far as you are going to get with him

 

[PanamasOwn]

i think your heart is telling you its time to move on.....we experience and grow with others...I wouldn't necessarily say the other guy is your "excuse"....however it could be one of your pushes to move from where you are in order to move to a new phase in life....if we are with somebody and we are not growing together and lifting each other, then we are growing apart and holding each other down......and you know when you are being held down vs being lifted up with who you are with......

this new person might not be your forever soulmate ,but he can easily be somebody who helps you with your growth and self evolution and who you are with now you may have got as far as you are going to get with him

wow...i never thought of it like that...

 

[daydreem2876]

I have definite been there. But I had to be careful to treat them as two separate issues. My relationship with my ex had run its course and it was definitely time for us to part ways. And yes, Mr. Crush had come back into my like and helped me see I was still the same girl I was before and is all those things I need in my partner for life. But I wanted to be careful that I was not using Mr Crush as a replacement or an excuse. So I decided to be single for awhile to take time to heal, renew, and reevaluate myself before I pursue a relationship with Mr Crush, he is very patient and understanding because I feel he is the one and I want our relationship to be based on us opposed to me running from a bad situation

 

[ThickHair]

see that is what I thought too.. but I feel like it is more... my SO has done alot of jacked up stuff in our relationship..and I have loved him unconditionally throughout... I just woke up one day and said enuff... I have to disconnect myself from you... I cant keep going through this mental anguish...

Did you feel this way before or after Mr High School Crush showed up?

 

[weaveologist]

It is my advice that you first deal with the issues with your SO. I don't know how long you all have been together but alot of things that we focus on that are the bad in our men doesn't out weigh the good in him. I have read alot of times on this forum how many married women are comfortable but not in love anymore. Not saying that that is what you should be looking for but the highschool crush may be sweet and charming, etc., but it doesn't sound like he has his life together yet. Your SO may not want to travel with you, but what if this new guy has no problem with you traveling and he along with you but he doesn't have the finances to support that?

From what I read it sounds like you are focusing on the butterflies that this new guy is giving you and the fact that you no longer have these butterflies for SO. The longer you are in a relationship the lesser the butterflies are there 100% of the time.

All I am saying is somethings are worth valuing more in a long term relationship. You can get out here and have a man wine and dine you, give you flowers, and whoo you, but he's broke, with no ambition, and trying to ride off of your dreams.

 

[lux10023]

my 2 cents

women know when they are settling or have been settling for bullish treatment--im not saying move on with the new crush but its a new yr--if its time for a change than make it---
if your not happy why remain so?

 

[myeam]

It is my advice that you first deal with the issues with your SO. I don't know how long you all have been together but alot of things that we focus on that are the bad in our men doesn't out weigh the good in him. I have read alot of times on this forum how many married women are comfortable but not in love anymore. Not saying that that is what you should be looking for but the highschool crush may be sweet and charming, etc., but it doesn't sound like he has his life together yet. Your SO may not want to travel with you, but what if this new guy has no problem with you traveling and he along with you but he doesn't have the finances to support that?

From what I read it sounds like you are focusing on the butterflies that this new guy is giving you and the fact that you no longer have these butterflies for SO. The longer you are in a relationship the lesser the butterflies are there 100% of the time.

All I am saying is somethings are worth valuing more in a long term relationship. You can get out here and have a man wine and dine you, give you flowers, and whoo you, but he's broke, with no ambition, and trying to ride off of your dreams.

I'm not saying you should stay with your SO....but I do know that the grass always seems greener...

I know this is hard, but try to listen to your heart without ignoring your mind.

 

[weaveologist]

my 2 cents

women know when they are settling or have been settling for bullish treatment--im not saying move on with the new crush but its a new yr--if its time for a change than make it---
if your not happy why remain so?

Right. OP do what's best for you and your mate before you attempt to jump into anothe relationship. That can get messy and confusing...lol

 

[Vinyl]

I've been in this situation. Things weren't going so well with SO (now ex), and I ended up getting this huge crush on a new friend of mine. Nothing came of it though, and eventually the deep feelings for new guy faded. However, at that point it was long-past time leave SO and I knew it. I broke up with him for reasons that had nothing to do with anyone else though.

I wouldn't advise you either way because only you can make the final decision, but it might be time to evaluate your relationship and decide if you want to work it out or not.

 

[caltron]

I'm not sure from what you've posted whether your SO is a basically good guy or a jerk. I would probably figure that out first. If he has a good job, stable, etc., you definitely should not take that for granted for this new guy, who I can tell is nothing but trouble.

If you've lost that loving feeling, maybe you could think back to the beginning of your relationship and remember the things you used to love about him. In the beginning, we all do fun things with our SO's, but as time goes on and we get busy, we stop doing those little fun things that keep the fires of lust burning. Start going out, holding hands, dressing up for no reason--little things make a difference.

If he's been a jerk and you're just realizing that now, definitely leave, but take some time and be alone for a while. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. This new guy is trouble. At least your SO pays the bills.

 

[PanamasOwn]

I have been feeling this way before mr crush showed up..he is just making it easier to leave my SO

 

[PanamasOwn]

my 2 cents

women know when they are settling or have been settling for bullish treatment--im not saying move on with the new crush but its a new yr--if its time for a change than make it---
if your not happy why remain so?

I feel like he could be better in our relationship but just isnt trying. Maybe I made it too easy for him to be in our relationship..he never had to chase me or really work hard.. i was just always there...

I like feeling wanted and someone acting like I am worth the chase.. Mr. Crush does that for me..

 

[tiara76]

I feel like he could be better in our relationship but just isnt trying. Maybe I made it too easy for him to be in our relationship..he never had to chase me or really work hard.. i was just always there...

I like feeling wanted and someone acting like I am worth the chase.. Mr. Crush does that for me..

If you are not happy in your relationship you need to make changes and if he's not willing to make them too then regardless if another man is in the picture showing you attention or not its time to evaluate where you see yourself....nobody else makes you but you and others in your life either fit in or they don't......this could be a tough decision because there are some women who have checked out of their relationships before they have actually ended....I know from experience that I easily moved on to the next when I was already out of it mentally and emotionally even if he was still around......however I also have also gotten with somebody on a rebound because he catered to me in ways that I wanted, but I didn't necessarily want him, and I do know the times when I need to be by myself....in all situations I learned something about myself regardless that helped me grow and in turn I can tell the difference of what Im feeling and what for....sometimes experiencing something is what makes us grow if we don't get it presently......

whatever you decide to do, follow your heart not your emotions.....your emotions can confuse you, your heart leads you where you need to be at in life.....when you tune into your heart your emotions tend to follow suit so that you really feel deep down whats really right for you and what isn't

 

[lux10023]

i hope all works out for you and you ultimately put your happiness as a first priority going forward...

good luck chica

I feel like he could be better in our relationship but just isnt trying. Maybe I made it too easy for him to be in our relationship..he never had to chase me or really work hard.. i was just always there...

I like feeling wanted and someone acting like I am worth the chase.. Mr. Crush does that for me..