"Mom, I want a relaxer": your personal stories

[lilsparkle825]

This thread is inspired by a comment I read on here a few days ago, where a member said something to the tune of "my mom wouldn't let me get a relaxer until I learned how to rollerset my own hair". It got me to thinking...gee, if my mom had enforced a rule like that, my hair would either be relaxed and healthy right now or I would never have relaxed my hair.

So let's share...I know a lot of us out there got into relaxers because we asked for it, and this is where we spiraled downward. Not saying relaxers are bad, but I have heard so many people say "I would transition, but a relaxer is all I've ever known" or "I begged my mom for a relaxer, and I went from BSL to SL" or something similar. How were things in your house? Did you ask and have your mom give in? Did she straight refuse and call you crazy? Or did you never get a chance to ask because you got one at a really early age? I just think it's interesting to hear various people's stories and see how they have influenced whether they are relaxed or natural now.

I'll start...I wore ponytails up until middle school, and I decided I wanted a relaxer when I saw these girls with straight hair, not to mention my older cousin had gotten one and I wanted to be like her. I asked my mom and she vehemently said no, and my aunt chimed in: "Why not? It would make her hair so much easier to do." Then my cousins got in on it....then she took me to her regular stylist and she recommended that I start out with something gentle, like Just For Me . My mom reluctantly gave in, and that was that. The day I told her I was transitioning was the happiest day of her life, I think. I don't have kids, but my daughters are not getting relaxers ever. If they get to high school and decide they want one, we will battle that out then with some really lofty goals so they don't ruin MY progress!

Who's next?

 

[locabouthair]

I told my mom I wanted a perm at 4 and of course she looked at me like erplexed (What 4yr thinks about a perm. I've been hair obsessed since I was little I guess. I guess I saw my mom with straight hair and wanted to be like her) So she said ok, I'll give you a perm next year. Next year turned into 7 years. By the time I got a perm at 11 or 12 I wasnt thinking about anymore.

I am happy she didnt perm my hair earlier than that. I dont think a perm should be applied before the pre teen yrs. JMO.

Great progress, OP!

 

[lilsparkle825]

I told my mom I wanted a perm at 4 and of course she looked at me like erplexed (What 4yr thinks about a perm. I've been hair obsessed since I was little I guess. I guess I saw my mom with straight hair and wanted to be like her) So she said ok, I'll give you a perm next year. Next year turned into 7 years. By the time I got a perm at 11 or 12 I wasnt thinking about anymore.

I am happy she didnt perm my hair earlier than that. I dont think a perm should be applied before the pre teen yrs. JMO.

Great progress, OP!

LOL...I like that.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I did not exactly ask for a relaxer. When I was 7, I had a teacher who wore her hair in the mushroom bob. I fell in love with that hairstyle and told my grandmother that's what I wanted. That's what I got.

At least, that's how I remember it going. I could be wrong. That was ages ago in my mind.

I do remember going to get my hair braided at a beauty school every two weeks before that though. I really wish I could have kept that up. They took good care of my hair and only once did I have a girl who braided to tightly.

 

[Southernbella.]

I was relaxed at either around 3 or 4 and don't remember any of it. That's how it was in my family because we all (3 girls) had extremely thick hair. My sister's dd's were also relaxed at 4.

 

[prospurr4]

I was a natural head who pressed every 2 weeks until the age of 20. Then, I was to be in a friend's wedding, and I wanted my hair straighter than I could get it with heat. Plus, I wanted the "straightness" to last longer than my pressed hair did. So, I got my first relaxer at a salon...and never went back. I was used to being a DIYer, so I started self-relaxing at home.

After a few setbacks caused by relaxer and heat abuse, I started texlaxing and stopped using direct heat. Now, I am really happy with my hair.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I was relaxed at either around 3 or 4 and don't remember any of it. That's how it was in my family because we all (3 girls) had extremely thick hair. My sister's dd's were also relaxed at 4.

Goody, this is the kinda stuff I am trying to get to...

...when you first went natural, were you hesitant because you had had a relaxer for so long?

 

[TheQueenBeeMaya]

Growing up all of my black friends had natural hair, I didn't even understand what a relaxer was until high school and by then I had the flat iron technique down to a science which gave me relaxer results. So I guess you could say I never really wanted/asked for a perm. My future dd will never have a relaxer touch her hair either.

ETA: and if i had asked for a relaxer, the answer would have been no. both of my parents were against their child having chemicals in their hair.

 

[Southernbella.]

Goody, this is the kinda stuff I am trying to get to...

...when you first went natural, were you hesitant because you had had a relaxer for so long?

Actually, that made me want to go natural even more. I had never seen or experienced my natural hair, and I got to a point where I had to see what I was missing.

 

[JayAnn0513]

Got a relaxer at 4, didn't ask for it. My mom decided I was too tender headed to be getting presses and I would scream like a fool when she combed it. All the girls in my faimly were relaxed before 8-10 yrs old. I will not relax my daughter. I'm 28 yrs old and I have never experienced my natural texture besides last year when i attempted to transition and quit after 5 months due to demarcation breakage. I'm texlaxing now and still plan to transition in the future.

 

[lilsparkle825]

I was a natural head who pressed every 2 weeks until the age of 20. Then, I was to be in a friend's wedding, and I wanted my hair straighter than I could get it with heat. Plus, I wanted the "straightness" to last longer than my pressed hair did. So, I got my first relaxer at a salon...and never went back. I was used to being a DIYer, so I started self-relaxing at home.

After a few setbacks caused by relaxer and heat abuse, I started texlaxing and stopped using direct heat. Now, I am really happy with my hair.

How about when you were younger? Who taught you to care for your hair?

 

[lusciousladie07]

My mom permed my hair at age 4 for my aunts wedding.. I was the flower girl and they wanted me to have drop curls...I was permed up until age 7 when my mom took me a horrible stylist who caused the whole middle of my head to fall out from the root..I HAD A BALDIE YA'LL..I had to wear my hair in a bun/ponytail for months till it grew back and I remember being so self-conscience that someone who see my bald spot that I wouldnt play so hard so I wouldn't mess up my hair...And do you know....with bald head (scabs and all) my mom took me back to the same hair dresser to perm the ng from my bald spot....I had to tell her I didn't want a perm anymore when I got to Junior H.S. ....So Im glad I found this forum and am learning of how to take care of my hair because my daughter is never getting a perm until she has a driver's license and job so she can get it done herself...I won't be taking her.

 

[aprils13]

I begged for a relaxer all the time when I was younger. My grandmother was a beautician and used to press my hair every two weeks after I thought I was too grown (11 yrs old) to be wearing cornrolls. I wanted the stacked and frozen hair like my older cousins. WTF was I thinking, my mom wasnt having that anyway. My mom eventually gave in when I was in the 7th grade. I was too excited. I thought I was going to immediately have silky straight hair. Boy was I wrong. My grandmother didnt want my hair to be bone straight.

 

[ceebee3]

I remember in 7th grade begging my mother for a perm. I wanted to fit in with all the "pretty" girls in school. I had long flowing hair for a week before I put it in a ponytail again. I had no idea what to do to my hair. I didn't own a curling iron or any kind of tools. My mom was the youngest of 15 so all of her sisters did her hair and my aunt did mine. No one in my family was familiar with relaxed hair, so I didn't relaxe again until high school. I still never purchased that curling iron or anything else to learn how to style my hair. I would visit the salon a few times but after that I was always back to a ponytail. It's not until now that I've finally stopped wearing my hair in a ponytail and learning how to care for it. Looking back I wish I would have never relaxed, I'm learning how to care for relaxed hair now, but I feel like I'm going to have to start all over when I transition back to my natural hair. I would never put any type of chemical relaxer in my daughter's hair. NEVER!!!!!!!

 

[ThePerfectScore]

my mom permed my hair when I was 8 or maybe I was older? Idk, but I do know the story of why I got the perm. I went camping in a cave with my dad, older brother, and his boy scout troop. We went to the Smoky mountains and we stayed in a cave. So my mom twisted my hair and let me spend the weekend. Apparently my father did nothing to my hair the whole weekend. According to my mom, my hair was so matted, tangled, and nappy that my mother could not comb through it. My mom claims the moisture in the cave and all my activity bascially turned my hair into locs. So she detangled as much as she could and then relaxed it. She says she regrets not just BCing and starting all over. When she wanted to BC I cried because I didn't want to look like a boy and get made fun of. I'm now 20, but my mom says the texture of my new growth has forever changed because of the years of relaxers. But the owner of the salon my mom went to for 17 years said the relaxer did not change my genetics and didnt not change the texture of my hair. I agree with the salon owner because if relaxers changed new growth hair texture you'd never need a retouch. I just think my hair texture got more coarse after I hit puberty. I could be wrong b/c my mom was a faithful every 8 weeks relax, so not until recently have I seen my texture. (4 and 1/2 months post!!!) I thought about transitioning, but quite frankly I don't think I can deal with my 4b nape and hair line. My 3c crown is amazing and I love it, but I'm just going to relax it all, because I do love my relaxed ends.

 

[prospurr4]

How about when you were younger? Who taught you to care for your hair?

Well, there was never any talk of relaxers while I was growing up. I have 3 sisters, and my mother took care of our hair (wash and press, every 2 weeks), until we were old enough to do it ourselves. She did the best she could, but my hair was always short. When I took over my haircare, I didn't do much better. Whether natural or relaxed, my hair never grew past shoulder length.

 

[cutiebe2]

Looking back, my mom knew what was best for me and tried to make sure i did not get a relaxer. I begged and begged for one (just because all the other girls had it). I had no idea that my mother had extreme damage from a relaxer (she always wore weaves) and wanted to shield me from it. Our hair is very fine and soft and cannot handle a relaxer.

Well finally she gave in (I was around 8) and my babysitters daughter said she would do a good job (she had long pretty hair so my mom believed her). Looking back she didn't because she put braids in my hair the same dayperplexed

After just one touch up (I think it was my babysitter's first time doing a touch up, I remember her looking at the directionserplexed) my hair started to fall out.

I never got another perm again.

 

[Poranges]

I didn't get a relaxer until age 16, 11th grade. My mom cried her eyes out, but what could she do? I was 16 and she has one too...My hair went from relaxed MBL to SL, I got frustrated and cut it into a halle berry pixie cut, I then decided to grow it back and now I'm here.

 

[Oasis]

I don't remember asking for one. I think my mom just thought my hair was too nappy to handle and slapped it on. I was so young I don't even remember what my natural hair was like.

I don't remember ever not having a relaxer.

 

[Libra08]

I begged and begged my mom for a relaxer. I remember bragging to everyone that I would be getting a relaxer for the 8th grade dance, but I never got it and I was highly pissed . Now I think not giving me a relaxer is the best thing she has done for me. I still can't believe I rock the same twists now that she used do that I hated so much in middle school.

 

[cocoaluv]

My mom and her sisters all had like 3 something or another type hair and looked at me like i was an alien with my 4 A/B hair . They made it seem like such a chore to do my hair so when I turned 8 she decided to give me a relaxer I was overjoyed. She styled my hair so old fashioned and unless she had one of her friends or stylist cornbraid my hair it was a hot mess. I was finally free of my moms lack of hair style. My hair was thick as all hell and I wish I still had it natural now but my mom couldnt deal with it so it had to go.

I am determined to know how to do little girls hair. I practiced on my little cousin when I was younger and am always up in the childrens hair section on this board because I REFUSE to have my future kid walk around busted because I dont know what I'm doing and I WONT put a perm in their hair until they are like in high school and ask for it themselves.

 

[Starian]

I got my first relaxer at 9. My memories of my haircare before 9 consist of my father standing over the sink with a belt because I would thrash and scream, my mother going through 1/2 a bottle of Just For Me detangler every time she combed, and getting my ears damn near burnt off at pressing time.

My hair after the relaxer was fine...I had no major breakage issues, it stayed plaited. It thrived as long as my Mom did it.

I begged to do my own hair at age 12 and it was downhill from there.

My WL hair broke off to my shoulders and never got much past APL until I joined the boards.

My future daughter will remain natural. If she asks for a relaxer, we won't discuss it seriously until she's at least 15 or 16ish. And the stipulation is that she can't get one unless she can show me she can take care of it (Show me how to wash. Show me how to rollerset. How often do you have to DC? How often would you need protien?).

Of course, I'll be so busy bucking her head up about the importance of good haircare and appreciation for her curls or whatever, she may not want a relaxer.

 

[Moniquenuss]

I was 2!blush: I had really thick 4b hair and my mom didnt know how to deal with it. She claims I was crying and such and she got frustrated and slapped REVLON SUPER in my hair!!!! Luckily I dont remember. But I do remember it all falling out and me rocking braids. Then I think around 6 my hair was natural again and a past apl (i guess what would have bee considered bsl if I wore one) and my moms boyfriend's sister relaxed my hair! that time I remember it burning and smelling like crap To this day my mother is still pissed about this! My mother kept up with it for about 2 years then I went to SC with my grandparents for the summer and was in the pool daily and my hair went from MBL to NL! My mother came to pick us up and was PISSED!!!! it eventually grew to sl and fell out again when I got to 7th grade my mother then cut it down to a twa and I wore braid for a year and I was back at SL. Now I maintain my own hair and she if forever making comments on how thick it is. I now feel sorry for my little sis because she is 9 and has MBL hair that is relaxed! She does not need one she is maybe a 3b/c. My mother claims she is too busy to bother with her hair and every time i come home to visit it looks a H.A.M and it feels like straw!

 

[chocolatethai]

my sister got a perm when she was 16 and i instantly wanted one, i was 10 at the time so my mom and aunts wouldnt let me, then i got over it and i was afraid to get a perm cuz all i knew was natural hair then when i was 17 i deceided to get one to change my look up it by then it was up to me my sis had tried to get me to perm for a while so when i did she was excited to play with my hairwhen i have a daughter or daughters (God willing) if they want to get a perm i wont let them get one till I believe they can successfully take care of their hair and wont mess up my hard work

 

[Dannibear86]

I asked my mom once or twice when I was younger about possibly getting one. She told me that I couldn't get one until I was 18 and "grown" because it would fully be my responsibility. Well 18 turned in to 22 (my choice) because I was so use to pressing my hair or getting it braided that I didn't really think about it. Even though I was use to doing my hair, that didn't make it any less of a chore and I was using heat almost everyday to style it.

So back in October I started lurking on LHCF and by Dec I decided to texlax my hair. Since its only been 4 months of being relaxed I can't really say if i've had any adverse effects. So far I've been able to cut down on heat from just about everyday to every other week or so. And since I started finding hair care tips on here before I relaxed I've only seen good things so far. Hopefully this pattern will continue for as long as I decide to relax.

 

[Mane Event]

I love my mom to death but you would never believe what she to me...

I think I was around 13 and she gave me a relaxer (this wasn't my first). However, I remember this one for very good reason...Anyway, the relaxer didn't take very well and the moment she blowdried my hair, she applied the relaxer again to get it bone straight...I don't think it gets any worse than that!

I was a bald-head mess but I can laugh about now

 

[claudia05]

My mom relaxed my hair when I was about 4 because I asked for it after becoming obsessed with a Just For Me ad. She didn't know how to deal with kinky hair so it was easier for her, not that I had much to begin with anyway. She's never forgiven me for not having her 3a hair ...

She did the touch ups herself, from root to tip, and didn't rinse it out till my hair got pin straight.The last perm she ever gave me was in the 9th grade when she left the relaxer in so long that all of my hair was glued to my scalp from the burns . Most of my hair fell out after that. Her hair was always done at a salon by a professional by the way.

My mom is competitive about hair so she has always been very secretive about what she does, what she uses, or who does it. While my thin broken off hair hoovered between chin and shoulder throughout my entire life (before lhcf) her's has always been just above apl. She'd sometimes ask "Aren't you jealous of my hair?" or "Don't you wish you had my hair?".

Like Oasis I don't remember ever not having a relaxer. I think that's why I stayed relax so long even though I got burned almost every time a relaxer touched my scalp. It never occurred to me that I could actually stop. I'm transitioning now, almost 10months post...Its been hell, but I'm determined.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

is it legal to put a chemical like that on a 2 year old??!?! I honestly think 14 and up. Those chemicals are seriously dangerous

 

[HoneyA]

My mum relaxed my hair when I was 10 because she said it was too thick. I used to break combs left right and centre and it used to hurt when she combed or washed it so I didn't have to ask for a relaxer. At the time, my stylist gave me a mild relaxer. Yup, I've got the same stylist now. But then, she really took care of my hair so it never broke off or fell out. I'm not even putting a relaxer or perm in my daughter's hair though. Ain't gonna happen...

 

[LivingDoll]

I asked my mother for a relaxer when I was about 10. She went out and got a Pressing Comb in a Jar (PCJ) Kiddie Relaxer and that's what I used until high school. My mom has always been a DIYer so I never experienced any true setbacks or anything. The only thing is that my hair is fine and she would relax it bone straight so it was always so limp. I basically wore ponytails until I got to 8th grade, then I started wearing my hair in wannabe stacks (stacks were hot but my mom wouldn't let me cut my hair in layers). As soon as I turned 17, at the beginning of my senior year, I cut my hair into a short Hallie Berry cut (Strictly Business had just came out). When I got to high school, I was a DIYer...I did my own relaxers and styling (mainly because my mother didn't have the $ to send me to a salon). By the time I started working I was already a DIYer and would only go to the salon for cuts. I would do it myself in between salon visits. It probably helps that I originally planned to be a hair stylist.

My DD is 10 now and just started asking for a relaxer. I take her to the salon for braids because her hair is sooo thick (I mean, it's super thick...barettes and bands break when I try to wrap them around). I always think that if I texlax it I can do it myself at home like I do my own...I'm just not ready to do that yet. Maybe when she goes to high school.