Men's Ego

[cottoncoily]

So I know at least 4 guys who have claimed to lost the love of their life and are struggling to get over their ex. In each situation, the guys complained immensely while in the relationship, frequently stated having second thoughts, cheated, etc. But as soon as the girl decided she had enough and left, they were completely heartbroken to the point that they're still claiming to have feelings for their ex years later. Do you think the main reason for this is because their pride/ego were hurt bc they weren't the first to walk away? I've noticed a pattern and want to know if anyone else has too.

 

[okange76]

If that is how they treated the love of their lives, then they deserve all the misery. They are just salty they didn't get to dump her first. They lost total control of the situation. If they had bounced first they would have been reminiscing about a dumb chick they once played. She would have been the one who was so in love with them instead of vice versa.

 

[giigii613]

Heads up this post is long and I am venting a bit but I am dealing with what the OP described. A lot more happened than what is below but I tried to condense the post as must as possible. If you don't want to read the long post I am saying based on my current experience emotionally immature men think they are in love when they are rejected which is directly correlated to their ego.


This is such an interesting topic. I am in grad school and the guy I dated over my first year I feel is trying to do this to me in an effort to guilt trip me into being with him. He and I first connected because we attended College close to one another during the same time period and never met. He pursued me hard. I fell back because we were in school together. The more I fell back the harder he chased me. After about four months of this, I agreed to go out on a date with him.
The day after we went out through conversation I found out that he was living with a woman. I confronted him about it an he admitted that his roommate was a female but they were not together. I continued dating him. After almost three months of us dating he left me alone at his apartment on day, I snooped around went into his bedrooms and saw that he was sharing a room with his so called roommate. I confronted him about it and he admitted that it was a girl he was talking to but it was not his girlfriend. I was hurt because I had developed feelings for him. I cut our relationship completely off.
After a few weeks he comes at me like everything is cool like we still dating. I tell him in no uncertain terms that I will be civil on campus but he should not mistake my kindness at school as a gateway for dating. This happened back in July. Since that time he has continuously/relentlessly pursued me and I have rejected him. In Sept he calls me up and tells me that he loves me. My response was "so". I continued living my life and he continued to pursue me. Before we went on holiday break in November he called himself having a heart to heart with me apologizing for how everything went down earlier in the year and hoping that we could move forward. I told him there were no hard feeling on my side and that I had moved forward. He assumed that meant he and still had a chance to be together.
I explained to him that he has no chance of being with me and the next woman he deals with he should be honest with her and she may return his love but as for me he has lost his chance. He broke down telling me I am the only women he has loved and that it's not fair that we can;t be together. I mean the conversation went left. I told him it was his ego talking because I gave him a chance and he did me dirty. What woman in her right mind would get back into that. We've had several conversations before and after his breakdown and my stance remains the same if you loved me you would have shown nothing but the up most respect and honesty toward me throughout our entire relationship.

 

[quirkydimples]

He showed you who he was, and good for you for believing him the first time...

 

[Kindheart]

Yes definetly an ego thing . They wanted to do what they wanted and discard their ex s when THEY were ready . They took being dumped as a rejection therefore a blow to their ego.

 

[C@ssandr@]

So I know at least 4 guys who have claimed to lost the love of their life and are struggling to get over their ex. In each situation, the guys complained immensely while in the relationship, frequently stated having second thoughts, cheated, etc. But as soon as the girl decided she had enough and left, they were completely heartbroken to the point that they're still claiming to have feelings for their ex years later. Do you think the main reason for this is because their pride/ego were hurt bc they weren't the first to walk away? I've noticed a pattern and want to know if anyone else has too.

Some guys don't realize how much they've effed up until they've matured and are looking back.

Some guys are so emotional that they sprinkle their "love" all over the place. So they feel they love this one, that one, and the one that left them.

 

[lux10023]

slow clap!!! that is how you handle men who treat you bad and show you their true colors, you under no terms allow it, go back to it or accept it!!!!

loved this..you handled him like a G and guess what your heart is solid as a mutha ****** rock!!!!

i am so sick and tired of women going back and forth with a man who has did them dirty..like what else he gonna have to do for you to get it..im so sick of it!! we set the rules!!

Heads up this post is long and I am venting a bit but I am dealing with what the OP described. A lot more happened than what is below but I tried to condense the post as must as possible. If you don't want to read the long post I am saying based on my current experience emotionally immature men think they are in love when they are rejected which is directly correlated to their ego.


This is such an interesting topic. I am in grad school and the guy I dated over my first year I feel is trying to do this to me in an effort to guilt trip me into being with him. He and I first connected because we attended College close to one another during the same time period and never met. He pursued me hard. I fell back because we were in school together. The more I fell back the harder he chased me. After about four months of this, I agreed to go out on a date with him.
The day after we went out through conversation I found out that he was living with a woman. I confronted him about it an he admitted that his roommate was a female but they were not together. I continued dating him. After almost three months of us dating he left me alone at his apartment on day, I snooped around went into his bedrooms and saw that he was sharing a room with his so called roommate. I confronted him about it and he admitted that it was a girl he was talking to but it was not his girlfriend. I was hurt because I had developed feelings for him. I cut our relationship completely off.
After a few weeks he comes at me like everything is cool like we still dating. I tell him in no uncertain terms that I will be civil on campus but he should not mistake my kindness at school as a gateway for dating. This happened back in July. Since that time he has continuously/relentlessly pursued me and I have rejected him. In Sept he calls me up and tells me that he loves me. My response was "so". I continued living my life and he continued to pursue me. Before we went on holiday break in November he called himself having a heart to heart with me apologizing for how everything went down earlier in the year and hoping that we could move forward. I told him there were no hard feeling on my side and that I had moved forward. He assumed that meant he and still had a chance to be together.
I explained to him that he has no chance of being with me and the next woman he deals with he should be honest with her and she may return his love but as for me he has lost his chance. He broke down telling me I am the only women he has loved and that it's not fair that we can;t be together. I mean the conversation went left. I told him it was his ego talking because I gave him a chance and he did me dirty. What woman in her right mind would get back into that. We've had several conversations before and after his breakdown and my stance remains the same if you loved me you would have shown nothing but the up most respect and honesty toward me throughout our entire relationship.

 

[giigii613]

slow clap!!! that is how you handle men who treat you bad and show you their true colors, you under no terms allow it, go back to it or accept it!!!!

loved this..you handled him like a G and guess what your heart is solid as a mutha ****** rock!!!!

i am so sick and tired of women going back and forth with a man who has did them dirty..like what else he gonna have to do for you to get it..im so sick of it!! we set the rules!!

@lux10023 I appreciate the support. The situation was crazy because he really thought I would be cool with it. When I explained how I felt and told him that he was cut off his initial reaction was "Oh, Since she is not my girlfriend I thought you would get over that and we could still date." I was floored like how sway, how does that work?
And while he never said it out his mouth I think he feels a bit entitled because he is a black man with a life plan. During a group conversation he brought up a point that there are not that many black men who are able to get their college degree much less pursue higher education so black women have fewer options when it comes to dating. I kind of side eyed him for his comments but at the time we were dating so I didn't push the issue.

 

[lux10023]

Dis negro got some nerve...thought you would get over it...? say what now?

I hate when brothas say that, because they have a job and life plan..ding ding ding your suppose to have that lololol thats not a bonus, your not a unicorn because you've opted to set up a plan
and not sure why brothas are feeding the, there are not a lot of men like me, in fact sorry there are and thats the audience I will be moving on to bruh...I am so glad you handled him the way you did because clearly he thought he was the prize and he is misguided on how a woman of your caliber works. ugh he gon learn today.

i am so happy he was begging you lmaooooo funny...pure entertainment... and you hit the nail on the head nothing but pure ego..men like him hate to lose....

@lux10023 I appreciate the support. The situation was crazy because he really thought I would be cool with it. When I explained how I felt and told him that he was cut off his initial reaction was "Oh, Since she is not my girlfriend I thought you would get over that and we could still date." I was floored like how sway, how does that work?
And while he never said it out his mouth I think he feels a bit entitled because he is a black man with a life plan. During a group conversation he brought up a point that there are not that many black men who are able to get their college degree much less pursue higher education so black women have fewer options when it comes to dating. I kind of side eyed him for his comments but at the time we were dating so I didn't push the issue.

 

[julzinha]

@lux10023 I appreciate the support. The situation was crazy because he really thought I would be cool with it. When I explained how I felt and told him that he was cut off his initial reaction was "Oh, Since she is not my girlfriend I thought you would get over that and we could still date." I was floored like how sway, how does that work?
And while he never said it out his mouth I think he feels a bit entitled because he is a black man with a life plan. During a group conversation he brought up a point that there are not that many black men who are able to get their college degree much less pursue higher education so black women have fewer options when it comes to dating. I kind of side eyed him for his comments but at the time we were dating so I didn't push the issue.

I hate this so much!! It's like they want you clap for them for going to college. I saw so many black women put up with trash because of that sentiment

 

[summertimewine]

Yea men do this all the time. They don't want to feel like someone else is in control.
I once cut a dude off cause he was being stingy wit the money. Then he starts sending me flowers weekly, little love notes the whole nine.
I told him about himself and he agreed wanting to make things "right"
I said OK to a date, he sent a car to pick me up, took me to a very nice resturant. We had a nice time.
Then didn't hear from him for a whole week (I'm stubborn so I never text first LOL) He text me with "I just wanted you to know we're done"
Uhhhhh okay I didn't respond.
He then proceeds to hit me up everyday, getting angry that I'm not responding to his rude ass!!
He definitely had a thing for dramatics, he didn't just want to stop talking to me, he wanted me to be heartbroken and damaged over his dumbazz
I don't play wit drama so he stays cut off.
Except one time one of his lil girlfriends called me, talmbout my picture is in his phone (still boy its been 3 months) and she started getting crazy yelling and **** at me. Anyway I ended up flipping the convo back to him, and I convinced her to slice up 3 of his tires on his car.
She sent me a pic afterward
She's cool and we are good friends now, but men and their egos will ruin you if you're susceptible.